Messages

"It's not giving it to my ex; it's giving it to my child."

This is a pretty naive statement when you consider the legal aspects of CS.  There are no laws that require CS to be spent on the child, or even to account for how the CS is spent.  In reality CS becomes the sole property of the CP and can be spent on whatever the CP wants to spend it on.  The child doesn't even have a legal claim or interest in the CS.  In reality CS is merely a redistribution of wealth between one parent and the other.

You seem to be confusing the legal aspects related to divorce with your own set of moral and ethical beliefs.

Legally CS will be calculated based on the state's guidelines.  Legally that is all that the NCP is required to pay in support of their child.  If the divorce agreement doesn't provide that the NCP contribute towards college or "extras" then he legally doesn't had to pay for them.  There are a hand full of states that can order college support, but I don't know if you reside in one of them.  Bottom line is the NCP is only legally required to pay what the CO requires him to pay.  So long as the NCP is paying what he is court ordered to pay then legally all is as it should be, and the NCP is not a deadbeat.  You may personally feel that the NCP should be paying more, but that gets back to your moral and ethical belief system which has absolutely no relevance here.

My advice to you is to make every effort possible to effectively co-parent with your Ex.  Allow him to be an active and participating part of the decision making process related to the parenting of your child.  Allow your Ex to be active in your child's life.  Doing this will create an environment where your Ex will want to help pay for extras.


Now on to the moral and ethical issues.  Every person has their own individual moral and ethical belief systems of how to raise a child and be a good parent.  One person's belief system is no better or worse than another person's belief system.  They are just different.  

The CS guidelines is merely a suggestion of how much should be spent in raising a child.  In reality some parents will spend more than this suggested amount and other parents will spend less than this suggested amount.  The amount actually spent will be determined by each parent's moral and ethical belief systems.  

Your parenting belief system seems to lean towards spending more than the guidelines suggest, and there is nothing wrong with this.  However, your decision to do this does not legally or morally and ethically obligate your Ex to contribute more than what he is required to pay per the CO.  Again, the NCP is not a deadbeat for refusing to pay more than what is court ordered, since according to his moral and ethical belief systems he is parenting his child properly.  Your belief system is no better or worse then his belief system.  They are just different and each should be respected.  

Any good financial planner will tell you, if you can't do both, to fund your retirement rather than fund your child's college education.  This way your child won't be financially burdened with elderly parents who can't support themselves.

If you still want to help your kids maybe start an IRA for them instead of paying for college.

Given the unique nature of the temporary deployment I would try and negotiate an automatic reduction in CS once the deployment ends as part of the negotiations to increase CS.  That way you would avoid having to go back to court to have CS reduced.  

Does the LLC agreement contain provisions on how the profits and losses will be distributed to each member of the LLC?

and have the same feelings.  I would very much like to make a career change where I will have less stress and probably earn less money.  Unfortunately I can't do that right now due to my CS obligation.  I view it as a prison term, and I am up for parole in two years.

"knowing how much daughter costs NOW will help us to plan for and/or be better prepared for the future."

The only thing you really need to plan for is paying the CS in full and on time.  Clothing, school supplies, etc. is what CS is supposed to be used for.  However, you can certainly give BM a gift of extra money if you want to.  Personally, I learned long ago not to give my Ex extra cash.  In stead I would buy my kid's things that they needed.  However, I was always conscious to just suppliment what was needed rather than supply all of what was needed.  This way it sort of forced my Ex to use CS on our kids.  

I know that you stated that it is not your fiance's intention to control BM, but what does he intend to do if he doesn't like how BM is spending CS?  Will her try and get her to spend it differently?  

"Instead of giving extra money to the BM, fiance just wants to be able to spend it on his duaghter himself. Why shouldn't he be able to take her clothes shopping, school supply shopping, birthday-gift-for-friend shopping?"

I strongly suggest that he start doing this.  By the way, was isn't he doing it this way now?  Is he affraid of how BM will react?

Yup Giggles...you are absolutely correct that in a perfect world we wouldn't need CS.

To be honest I think that we are in some what different places on this issue based upon magnitude.  From what you have posted you would have no problem showing that your children directly benefited from how you spend the CS you receive and you probably wouldn't even have to consider rent/mortgage in doing so.

In my situation CS is the largest expense that I have each month.  To put it in perspective, what I pay in CS is 1/3 larger than my mortgage payment which includes insurance and tax escrows.  It would probably be difficult or even impossible for my Ex to show that our children receive a direct benefit from all the CS that I pay.  I have never asked, but it is probably safe to say that my Ex would refuse to give me any type of an accounting.  Besides, in her mind I am a deadbeat, good-time Dad and she is supporting our children all by herself, so there's no need for an accounting.  

"The childs portion should be the difference between the cost of a 1 bdrm and a 2 bedroom."

My personal opinion is that CS shouldn't be used to pay mortgage or rent since the NCP has to provide living space for the child during parenting time.  The NCP has to pay for the extra space even when the child isn't with them.  Also, I don't feel that CS should be used to purchase the CP a home.  

Both parents need to provide a home for their child so I feel any extra expense to do so should be a wash.  Therefore, no CS should be spent on rent or mortgage.

Why does you SO what to know how CS is spent?

What does he hope to gain or change from having such knowledge?



Typically a CP is under no legal obligation to either account for how CS is spent, or to spend CS on the children.  Given the lack of legal support I suggest that you let the issue go and accept that your fiance has absolutely no say in how CS is spent.  

As far as what CPs would say if they were asked to give an accountling goes, I think it is safe to say that the CPs who receive small amounts of CS would have no problem giving an accounting, and those that receive large amounts of CS are likely to refuse.