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Messages - Stirling

#41
Dear Socrateaser / RE: Pardon moi, but...
Apr 11, 2005, 09:53:08 AM
I apologize if I violated some kind of board policy that is not contained within the Mandatory Form Guidelines.  I also didn't realize that my post met the definition of rendering "legal advice".  My intent was merely to help the original poster.  
#42
Post contents deleted by moderator.
#43
Dear Socrateaser / RE: Pardon moi, but...
Apr 11, 2005, 09:53:08 AM
I apologize if I violated some kind of board policy that is not contained within the Mandatory Form Guidelines.  I also didn't realize that my post met the definition of rendering "legal advice".  My intent was merely to help the original poster.  
#44
Post contents deleted by moderator.
#45
Dear Socrateaser / Question....
Apr 08, 2005, 11:49:04 AM
If your health issues are so severe that they keep you from working, how is it that you will be able to care for your children full time if custody is changed?
#46
"the SOP ought to be to suck it up, maybe get a separate room or apartment somewhere so people can get away from each other, and otherwise just have quietly separate lives until the kids are launched."

The problem with this is that this is the only marriage relationship that the kid's will know, and they will think that it is normal and healthy.  They will model their own relationships on this model since it is the only on they know.  


"I should leave remarriage alone until after my daughter is grown and on her way"

This is pretty much my plan.  1.5 years to go!  Actually I plan to reinvent/transform my life experience in many ways once my youngest is emancipated.  Remarriage may or maynot be part of that.
#47
Visitation Issues / The answer is simple....
Jun 24, 2008, 07:49:00 AM
The BM hates her ex more than she loves her children.
#48
Visitation Issues / RE: Need feedback
Oct 30, 2006, 12:13:21 PM
Hi Amy,

I'm glad to see you around, I have missed you and think of you often.  I hope all is well with you and Z.

Don't listen to what your Ex says.  It sounds like he doesn't want to take responsibility for the natural consequences of his choices and is looking for someone else to blame.  Not only have you bent over backwards to help your Ex facilitate a relationship with Z, but you have been doing cart-wheels!  I would keep doing what you have been doing.  Also, CS and his parenting are two separate issues and should be treated as such.  The truth is he is the only one that can create and maintain a relationship with Z.  You cannot do this for him.  If you could he would already have a close relationship with Z.  Again he is looking to blame others for his poor choices.

It sounds like he is using his lack of relationship as a (stupid) reason to try and get you to reduce CS yet again.  Given his track record he probably wouldn't increase his involvement with Z even if he got a reduction.  
#49
"He's got more than he can handle, and Z is the dispensable one."

I really don't think that this is a reflection of Z.  It is most likely that R considers you to be the most understanding and easiest to deal with of all his Exs.  
#50
Amy, it's so nice to see you here.  I have missed you.  I was thinking about you the other day, wondering what you've been up to.

I know I have said this in the past, I think your Ex is only going to be the type of dad that is is comfortable with.  I don't think that he will ever be the dad to Z that you would like him to be or that Z deserves.  

I really don't think that you can force your ex to step up to the plate and take his time with Z.  If your Ex is no longer comfortable with the amount of parenting time he is exercising then he will find a way to reduce it to where he is comfortable.  If your counselor thinks that it is best for Z to spend time with his dad then all I can say is some time together is better than no time together.  

If it is decided that your Ex truly steps out of Z's life then I do think that it is up to your Ex to explain it to Z.  If Z asks you why maybe respond that you really don't know why and perhaps you should ask your dad that question.  It's really a difficult situation.  You don't want to say anything to Z that will make his dad look bad, yet your ex has placed you in a situation where it is almost impossible not to do so.