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I would try and tape the phone calls...ask your lawyer tomorrow (after you tell them about what the kids said). The kids probably are asking a lot of questions about moving, away from daddy and she is not handling it in the best way. Your DH should just tell the kids "don't worry about that stuff, the grown-ups will take care of it and I love you very much..." and then change the subject.
Glad she called ! At least you know they are there....

We all have been there....
Just think of it as a vacation for them. I know you miss them and want to be with them but she is probably busy with the wedding stuff. Just let her have this week and you will see them soon! I am sure her laywer told her she must come back so try not to worry so much about that!
Go enjoy the nice weather!!!

Here is part of it that I saved:

In order to successfully disengage, you have to accept some realities. They are:

1. Your SKs are not your children.
2. You are not responsible for overcoming their previous "raising."
3. You are not responsible for what kind of people they are.
4. You are not responsible for what kind of people they become.
5. You are not obligated to become an abused member of the household just because you married their dad.
6. You are not responsible for raising your SKs.
7. All the responsibility belongs to your DH.
8. Your DH is not a mother.
9. Your DH is not going to raise his children the way you want him to.
10. Your SKs are not going to turn out the way they would if DH supported you.

Only the bio-parents are allowed in the conferences and in the court room. You may be called in as a witness. I remember once that our BM asked to have her new husband in and they said he was not one the parties to this case so no.
I am sorry to say but things will not get better with his ex. Either way this turns out she will always play her games. Have you ever read the disengage essay? I do not have it saved on this computer but maybe someone else can post it for you? It kept my sanity in the early years. You were a lot like me. Wanting to do the right thing and keeping your DH on track but really it made me nuts! LOL You should still make joint decisions on big things but when it comes to talking to BM, let him take care of that.
I am hoping that NY courts will do the right thing!
Keep us updated!

How did it go today??

Hi,
I am in NY too...
Child support will be set at the 17%. You could try to prove hardship with your loans, depends if the court will accept it. IF you both agree to a number (less than the 17% you can go in and tell them the agreed number) Daycare and healthcare are added to child support.

You can go down to your local court house and tell them you want to file for visitation/custody and child support. You can do these papers on your own. You will need to serve her the papers (by someone older than 18) and then you will go before a judge (here if you do not have lawyers, you will go to mediation first to see if you can agree).

It is very difficult to change custody and visitation once it is written down the first time in court. Think ahead with what you want, what happens at school-age, holiday's, birthdays, summer vacations.....There are visitation plans on this website you can go by too.

Try to sit down with her and see if you can come up with a plan together. Tell her that you want to work it out with her so a judge does not decide because then both of you will not be happy. Once it is written down you can both sign it in front of a notery and enter it with the courts.

If you live that close and plan to stay, you can try for shared custody with one week on and then one week off. If you are both working same hours, you can use the same daycare. Research and documnet when you have had child so you can use it in court. (you should do this for the next 18 years, just in case....).

If you do not agree, this will be a long drawn-put process and expensive. See what you can agree with and then if you have to go to court you can mediate the rest....
Good luck!!!!

What time is court today? Are they going on a honeymoon? Where will the kids be staying? Why is she getting married there and not here with her family? I think she is getting married so fast so it she can say "husbands" job moved.....instead of boyfriend....
GOOD LUCK!!!

If they all signed it and dad has custody then I would say dad and mom have to work out a plan (not the best way to do it...) Hopefully they are gettting along and can work out a solution themselves.

Did she file for child support already? If she did, you can counter-sue for visitation. If she did not, you can start a case. You "can" do it yourself at your local court house BUT the first set of papers you get are usually VERY hard to change so if you can get a lawyer you should.
Child support usually gets taken from your paycheck and sent to your state. The state then sends it to the mother. There is a formula you can do to see about how much it will be. Each state is different but there are child support calculators on-line for most states. Daycare and health are added to child support.
Visitation is a bit more complicated. You should fight to get HALF the time if you can manage it. Many pepple have the every other weekend and one day during the week. Holidays/birthdays should be included and summers. Remember what will happen when child hits school age. There are MANY examples on this site or you can ask some of us what you are thinking. She can not withold visitation due to money BUT you will probably go to court over it. Once you get orders, if she does not follow them, then you can bring her back to court on contempt charges....
How old is child and what state?
Good luck!

I would think if you "win" (and she moves) then you will have to have new orders written. OR if you "lose" and she moves with the kids, new visitation orders would be written. OR you win (and she stays) orders would remain the same?----but she will need a new place to live. I would have each senerio on it's own sheet and then put what you would want if each one came true. That way, when the decision is made, your lawyer can have a plan ready. If you are lucky, the judge may say. okay enter it!
EX: You win, BM says I am moving anyway, your lawyer says we need to get a new visitation plan in place and this is what we propose...."
Your lawyer may need to go for custody/modification depending on the outcome so you may not be able to do it that day BUT I would have it ready now because you have the time and can think straighter than right after court. You could also have a couple of days to say...let's add this or that.
Good luck!!