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but I really doubt that any court would complete eliminate the option of overnight parenting time until the child is 3.  I know that there are standard visitation orders in some Oklahoma districts specifically for children under 3 that have shorter periods with the the NCP than the standard orders for children over 3.  But even those orders allow overnight parenting time.  I think the person you are quoting is taking this idea to the extreme.

What state are you refering to ?

Obviously kids need a parenting relationship with both parents.  The only way to have this is for there to be overnight parenting time.  Kid's learn a routine and adjust to their schedule.  Both parents are capable of caring for a toddler -- although it might take more communication on the parent's part to keep their schedule consistent etc.  

In any case, I don't think anyone would ask a 3 year old to spend the night with a stranger.  They would be spending the night with a parent that hopefully had used all of the time available with the child up to that point.

Wow!  She actually wrote it in a letter for you to have as evidence when you go to court in a week?  It seems pretty crazy to me, because that letter proves her bad intentions.   She might be preparing to argue that it is unsafe for SS to be with you.  Therefore, she isn't even going to allow a visit while you are in the state.  I can't figure out any other reason her lawyer would give that advice.  

I would ask for make-up time, court costs, PAS counselling for BM and immediate visitation while you are there.  I think that unless there is something you aren't saying that the judge will order visitation immediately following court while you are in the state. . . as well as deal with all the contempt issues.

Good luck!  

You should find a good attorney and file to have parenting time spelled out in a court order.  Once you have a specific order, you can hold her to contempt for not following through.    Don't threaten with court, just do it.  It is not in your kid's best interest to be kept from you.

Judges make children leave the state every day, and unless your girlfriend is abusive, she can't control that either.

Before this gets spelled out you should probably go see them -- even if it is on your exes terms -- to re-establish contact and to see if you can help the 7 y.old.  You could do this when you are setting things up with an attorney.  Kids need a dad.  Start focusing your efforts on the kids -- call them regularly, send packages -- keep communicating.  Get a judge to order parenting time.  You can do it.

The only thing I can think of are web cams.  We have used them with some success -- of course we are in the same time zone.  LOL

But with a web cam you can "see" the other person, which is nice.  

Dad sounds crazy.

Is stepmom going to press you for visitation time for the siblings while  he is away?  Do you have a plan for that?

First . . . welcome.  Read everything on this site and learn from others.  A lot of us have been through heart break and you can learn from our mistakes.  There is advice on how to document, how to prepare for hearings, how to build a father / son relationship with your baby etc.  Read, Read, Read!  I would look into a parenting class -- so that you can show the judge that you are prepareing to parent your son.  I would ask to see your son all the time -- even in her house.  Document asking and document the time you spend.

Second. . .the best Oklahoma site I have found is:  http://www.dougloudenback.com/

The website has links by county to "standard visitation" examples.  It has links to a lot of Oklahoma divorce law.

It is a law firm that is out of OKC.  You didn't say where you live or how much money you have for an attorney. . .but I would strongly suggest you get one soon.  Yes, you can do things pro se and there are people on the board that have been successful, BUT it is very, very difficult.  And the decisions that will be made for your son in the next six months will be very hard to reverse.

Are you married to the baby's mother?

Is there any temporary order right now?

No wonder you are confused. . .

Do you have to have 4 WEEKS visitation or can it be broken down into 28 days?

I would say that Friday to Saturday is 1 week and 1 day.

On the other hand if . . .  Friday April 29th - Sunday May 1 is Bolivar's normal weekend then perhaps I would think of it this way. . .

Vacation time:  Friday April 22 - Friday April 29   -- 1 week
Weekend time:  Friday April 29 - Sunday May 1

Has it been your past practice to give make-up time if your vacation overlaps her weekend?  If so, it would seem to take away dates from your court ordered visitation, because you just have to give them back to her as make up time.

You are not out of line in requesting it.  You could either meet at a point that is  half way for both of you, or you could pick up the child to begin parenting time and she could pick up the child at the end of parenting time.

But it might be a fight because temporary orders often become permanent.

Please read the sample parenting plans on this board and get EVERYTHING that you can think of spelled out now to protect you and your children in the future.  You need a specific plan with specific time and places etc.  The more clear cut the better.  Adapt a plan to fit your child's needs now and in the future and propose it.  

Always remember. . . it is "parenting time"  not "visitation".   Good luck.  This board is a great resource.

I have read your situation and I am very sorry. Your current schedule is not working for the little girl at all.  You CAN brainstorm and figure out a way to make it happen.  You have to because you are the CP and it is your job to facillitate (read encourage) the visitation.

You can't put the daughter in the middle.  Even if she says that she doesn't want to visit, you have to give her a hug, smile and tell her that she doesn't have to worry because it has all been worked out with Mommy and Daddy.  She certainly can't be asked her opinion.  That is too much to put on a little child.  You need things spelled out in writing so that there is never a question. A well written court agreement is the backbone of normal relations with the ex -- everyone can refer to it to see what they are suppose to do.

I live 4 1/2 hours from my stepson. His mom moved him away when he was about 1. So, I've done long-distance with a toddler. My ss is now 10. So, he has grown up with it. He has a good relationship with all 4 of his parents, but it took us getting over these humps.

What you have outlined as restrictions and problems does NOT leave enough for a real relationship with Mom.  Once a month, you or your husband might have to adjust your work schedule to facillitate visitation.  That is what you need to do because that is what is best for your daughter. You are going to have to open up your mind and think outside of the box.

I think that the summer is an excellent time for your daughter to have extended time with her mother and make up for the lack of day to day contact over the school year.  You can break it down into 1 and 2 week periods.  Father could give permission for a doctor visit if there was a need and you could send lots of bug spray.  A six year old can put it on.  As far as not working with her academically, you should be commended for making up for lost time between 3 and 6.   I don't think that several weeks in the summer with mom will set her back.  Even if it sets her back a little academically, it is more important emotionally for her to have a chance to relate to her mom in a real parenting type environment.

I spent so much time on this post because I believe your daughter needs time with both parents.  Please try to put yourself in her shoes.  Yes, you need to fix the problems, but you can create time as well.

Here are thoughts on a parenting plan -- some of it could be adapted to work for you:

A. xxx shall spend a minimum of one weekend a month while school is in session with her Mother from the day school is out at 7 PM until the day before school resumes at 4 PM.   These weekends will be set around xxx's school breaks and in-service days so that parenting time occurs over 3 day weekends whenever possible.  Father will send mother a school calendar as soon as it becomes available, but no later than August 1,  with the parenting time for the school year marked.

B. xxxx shall spend 7 weeks of the summer with her Mother.  The parties will meet at noon during the summer to make the exchanges.

Unless it is mutually agreed upon in writing by both parties by May 10th,

a) xxx will spend two weeks with her Mother beginning the Saturday following Memorial Day.

b) xxx will spend one weeks with her Mother beginning the fourth Saturday in June.

c) xxx will spend two weeks with her Mother beginning the 2nd Saturday in July.

d) xxx will spend two weeks with her Mother beginning the 5th Saturday in July (or the 1st Saturday in August if there is no 5th Saturday in July).

C. Unless otherwise agreed, the Parents will meet at the xxxxx _____ to begin and end parenting time.

D. It is understood the times each Parent shall be with xxx can be modified by mutual agreement of the Parents. Such modifications are to be made in writing. It is understood that partial or reduced parenting time is more beneficial to xxx than no parenting time. Should valid reason occur, such that one Parent is not able to exercise his/her entire parenting/vacation time or custodial period with xxx, make up time shall be allowed and agreed upon in writing. Both parents shall cooperate in supplying xxx with the full advantage of time with the other Parent.

E. The parents agree to the following Holiday and Vacation schedule. Holidays, vacations, and special days will have priority over the regular schedule.

a) All school holidays that fall on Friday or Monday, not otherwise specified will be spent with the Parent having xxxx on that weekend.

b) xxxx will spend each Labor Day weekend with her Mother beginning on the last day of school and continuing until the evening before school resumes at 4 PM.

c) xxxx will spend each Fall Break weekend with her Mother beginning on the last day of school and continuing until the evening before school resumes at 4 PM.

d) Thanksgiving vacation: xxx will alternate Thanksgiving weekend between the parents beginning on the last day of school and continuing until the evening before school resumes at 4 PM.   Her  Father will have xxxx during the even numbered years. Her Mother will have xxxx during the odd numbered years.

e) Winter vacation: xxx will alternate the holiday time of the Christmas period between the parents.  xxxx will spend the Christmas period from December 23 at 4 PM to December 30 at 4 PM with her Mother during even years, and with her Father during odd years.

f) xxxx will alternate the non-holiday time of her Christmas break between the parents.  xxxx will spend the Non-holiday time  beginning on the last day of school and continuing until December 23 AND beginning on December 30 and continuing until the evening before school resumes at 4 PM with her Mother during odd years, and with her father during even years.

g) Spring Break vacation: xxxx will spend 7 days of her Spring Break vacation with her Mother.   The parents will meet on the Saturdays of Spring Break at noon.

h) Easter vacation: xxx will alternate Easter weekend between the parents beginning on the last day of school and continuing until the evening before school resumes at 4 PM. Her Father will have xxxx during the even numbered years. Her Mother will have xxxx during the odd numbered years.

i) xxx will spend each Mother's Day weekend with her Mother.

j) xxx will spend each Father's Day weekend with her Father.

k) xxx will spend each Memorial Day weekend with her Father.

l) xxx will spend each 4th of July weekend with her Father.


The way this would look for your daughter under our school calendar:

September 04 -- 3 day Labor Day weekend with Mom
October 04 -- 4 day Fall Break weekend with Mom
November 04 --  3 day weekend when kids are off on Friday for pt conf.
December 04 -- 7 days for Christmas, December 23-30
January 05 -- 3 day weekend over MLK holiday
February 05 -- 3 day weekend over President's day holiday
March 05 -- 7 days for Spring Break week  AND because Easter is early
                  3 days over Easter weekend
April 05 -- 3 day weekend over teacher inservice
May 05 -- 2 day weekend over Mother's Day

Summer 05 time with Mom would look like

Saturday June 4 - June 18   -- 14 days
Saturday June 25  - July 2   -- 7 days
Saturday July 9 - July 23   -- 14 days
Saturday July 30 - Aug 13   -- 14 days

Most judges won't allow the moral clause to go into the parenting plan.   Even if it is allowed into the plan, it is impossible to enforce.

It sounds like your stbxh already knows how you feel.  I don't think writing a letter will effect it one way or the other.

I would suggest you let this one go.  There are so many other more important issues to deal with.  

I am sure you have enoughlove to spread through all 3 children.  I don't see it really cutting your love by 1/3.  There may come a time when your sd doesn't want to come as much.  But if she has an established relationship with you now, I think that cutting her out of your life would be too cruel.  Kids need to know that the people that love them are constant no matter what is going on in the adult world.

That said, do get a parenting plan that outlines the time you want with your kids so that mom can't play games if things don't go like she wants.