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Yes, I would try to force the visitation.  But, I might go about it a little differently.

First, send a "Notice of Intent to Exercise Visitation Letter" that is available on this website.  Send it certified mail so that you have proof of receipt.

Next, I would take a witness along with the video camera. . .but don't make it your current wife.  A third party that is less closely involved will make a better witness.  Plus,  if bm thinks step mom is a "pill popping booze hound", that might make  a tough situation worse.  I hate saying that. . .as a step-mom I know how she wants to be there to support you. . .but I think you have to do what makes it easiest.  

If she still refuses, file a contempt of court charge for EVERY violation of the court order.   While in court, ask judge for make-up time, payment of your attorney fees and court costs.  Plus, you might ask the judge for a remedy to make the pick-up and drop-off less emotional.   Ask to pick up the children from school/daycare or to meet at the local police station or other public place.

Good luck.  Others will give you better more specific adivice.  But whatever you do NOT give up on your boys.  As emotional damaging as a tense visitation exchange may feel at the time, it doesn't even come close to the damage that the kids will feel if you give up.  Boys need their dads.  They will feel abandoned if you let her keep you from them.  Be consistent and be there for every available parenting opportunity -- plus as much more as possible.

XXX is frustrating my parenting time with XXXX  by refusing to bring him to XXXXXX to complete a weekend visit as outlined in our Divorce Decree. XXX denied visitation in a letter dated XXX which resulted in the loss of 5 days of parenting time in the summer of 2004. XXX also denied visitation in a letter dated XXXX which caused me to lose another 7 days with XXXXX  from XXX to XXX. In this letter,  XXX also states that XXXX will not be flying for any of his visits even though our Divorce Decree requires XXX to pick up and drop off our (child) at an airport, for his regularly scheduled parenting time. XXX will not tell me the name of xxxx's school because she does not want me communicating with the school. I have a copy of XXXX report card that XXX sent to me with the school name and also the teacher's name blacked out. I have lost a total of twelve days parenting time with XXXX and XXX"s refusal to cooperate is causing serious detriment to the healthy relationship between me and my son.


I think you need to say what you are asking for:  Make-up time, clarification in the order, sanctions on your x?  Be specific to what you want.

for my other suggestions:  I took out all the "MY child".  I suggest that you replace these with his name to calm the tone.

I also suggest that you change your thoughts and wording from visitation to parenting time.  I left visitation in some spots in case your order says "visitation", but children really don't "visit" their parents.

Finally, I changed Their to his.

Good luck

decide how important they are to you.  Is it worth the time, $$, frustration and ill will it will bring?   Your SD is 11 years old and a judge might allow missed visitation time as the child gets older and involved in activities.  The bm might decide to argue that there is a substantial change of circumstances and the order needs to be changed.  You might end up losing more than you can gain.

On the other hand, you don't want the mom to just be able to get away with walking all over you.  You need to protect your parenting time.

I guess I would just make sure that the good that can come from a contempt hearing is worth all the possible negative consequences.

and things will only get better when the agreement is official.  It sounds like he is doing what is reasonable and makes sense for the girls.  

I hope you have a quick recovery.

of the new agreement.  There Mom is.  It is her job as CP to get the children ready for the time with their Dad.  She is not doing this.  She is violating the order.  

I would have dh send a letter of intent to excercise visitation and then file contempts if necessary.

My advice is just to keep doing what you are doing in your own house.  Kids learn to adapt to different rules at different places.  

This probably is not a big enough issue to disrupt relations with you and bm -- afterall, you can't control her and there is no way to talk about it without sounding like you are putting her down.  Choose your battles and let this one go.  

Don't give up on the structure at your house though! The kids need it.

there are other times in the school year besides just Thanksgiving, Christmas and Spring Break when the child could see her mother.

And while I agree the ideal for the child would be for a parent to move closer to the other, I think that both parents should be able to work together and think outside of the box to come up with more opportunites for the girl to see her Mom during the school year.

That might mean that most of the school breaks go to the CP.  And that should be ok.  The girl lives there and they can be flexible as to when they celebrate the actual holiday.

a child needs more regular contact than spring break, and the summer.  While she probably lives two far to justify eow car rides, you can work together to find opportunities for her to be with mom on a regular basis.

I think a judge will end the missing school every other Friday -- that just won't make sense past Kindergarten.  I also think the judge will change the pick-up time to have her home before bed.  It sounds like you have a lot to work to do.  We are NCP that live in a different state -- but only a 4hr round trip drive.  We also have the problem of a late pick-up and drop-off and I don't have a suggestion for that one.  It stinks to rush to be there on time only to sit in a parking lot for an hour.  My biggest suggestion would be to use the school calendar to give Mom the majority of 3 day + weekends.  Usually there is an inservice weekend, holiday or parent teacher conference day that parenting time could be built around.  Maybe you could decrease the parenting time to once a month during the school year -- over the natural 3 or 4 day weekends.  Also, you need to give Mom significant time in the summer.

Here is a sample parenting plan to consider.  Look how Christmas is set up.  It keeps the child off the road on the actual holidays.  This schedule doesn't rotate holidays that much, but you could easily do an odd / even year thing.:

 
A.   CHILD shall spend a minimum of one weekend a month while school is in session with her Mother  from the day school is out at 7 PM until the day before school resumes at 4 PM.  These weekends will be placed around long school holidays when possible, and will be set as soon as the school calendar becomes available.


B.   CHILD shall spend 7 weeks of the summer with her Mother.  

Unless it is mutually agreed upon in writing by both parties by May 10th   if CHILD gets out of school with at least a week before Memorial Day weekend, CHILD's summer schedule will be:

a)   CHILD will spend one week with her Mother beginning the last day of school.

b)   CHILD will spend one week with her Mother beginning the Friday following Memorial Day.

c)   CHILD will spend two weeks with her Mother beginning the Friday before Father's Day.  (You will have to adjust this one -- written for a NCP dad)

d)   CHILD will spend two weeks with her Mother beginning the 2nd Friday in July.

e)   CHILD will spend one week with her Mother beginning the 5th Friday in July (or the 1st Friday in August if there is no 5th Friday in July).


Unless it is mutually agreed upon in writing by both parties by May 10th   if CHILD gets out of school with less than a week before Memorial Day weekend, child's summer schedule will be:

a)   CHILD will spend one week with her Mother beginning the Friday following Memorial Day.

b)   CHILD will spend two weeks with her Mother beginning the Friday before Father's Day.  (You will have to adjust this one -- written for a NCP dad)

c)   CHILD will spend two weeks with her Mother beginning the 2nd Friday in July.

d)   CHILD will spend two weeks with her Mother beginning the 5th Friday in July (or the 1st Friday in August if there is no 5th Friday in July).

C.   Unless otherwise agreed, the Parents will meet at the ______ begin and end parenting time.

D.   It is understood the times each Parent shall be with CHILD can be modified by mutual agreement of the Parents. Such modifications are to be made in writing.     It is understood that partial or reduced parenting time is more beneficial to the child than no parenting time. Should valid reason occur, such that one Parent is not able to exercise his/her entire parenting/vacation time or custodial period with CHILD, make up time shall be allowed and agreed upon in writing.  Both parents shall cooperate in supplying CHILD with the full advantage of time with the other Parent.  

E.   The parents agree to the following Holiday and Vacation schedule.  Holidays, vacations, and special days will have priority over the regular schedule.    

a)   All school holidays that fall on Friday or Monday, not otherwise specified will be spent with the Parent having CHILD on that weekend.

b)   CHILD will spend each Labor Day weekend with her Mother beginning on the last day of school and continuing until the evening before school resumes at 4 PM.

c)   CHILD will spend each Fall Break weekend with her Mother beginning on the last day of school and continuing until the evening before school resumes at 4 PM.

d)   CHILD will spend each Thanksgiving Break with her Mother beginning on the last day of school and continuing until the evening before school resumes at 4 PM.

e)   CHILD will spend the Christmas period from December 23 at 4 PM to December 30 at 4 PM with her Father.

f)   CHILD will spend the non-holiday time of his Christmas break with her Mother thebeginning on the last day of school and continuing until December 23 and beginning on December 30 and continuing until the evening before school resumes at 4 PM.

g)   Spring Break vacation:  CHILD will spend 7 days of her Spring Break vacation with  her Mother.

h)   Easter vacation: CHILD will alternate Easter weekend between the parents beginning on the last day of school and continuing until the evening before school resumes at 4 PM.  Her Father will have CHILD during the even numbered years.  Her Mother will have CHILD during the odd numbered years.

i)   CHILD will spend each Mother's Day weekend with her Mother.

j)   CHILD will spend each Father's Day weekend with her Father.

k)   CHILD will spend each Memorial Day weekend with her Father.

l)   CHILD will spend each 4th of July weekend with her Father.

Your husband just died for crying out loud!  Her daughters have LOST their father and she is ranting to you on the phone??????????

Again, my deepest sympathies.

Try this website:

http://www.ssa.gov/survivorplan/index.htm

Links off of it explain the different benefits that are available and what paperwork is necessary to apply and the process that you need to through.  Good luck has you wade through this.