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and his mom blamed the parenting time as well.

I think he needs to tell mom that he isn't going to be bullied out of his parenting time and that they need to work together to make it easier on the little girl.   He needs to not give up.  It is a stage and she will move through it.

Some things that they can do:

1.  Mom can write down a typical daily schedule for the girl, favorite foods etc.  This way he can not alter her routine that much.

2.  He can duplicate some things in the little girls bedroom at both house ie bedding, stuffed animals, favorite toys.  This will help her feel more secure.

3.  He needs to figure out a way to have contact in between visits.  Make a picture book of them doing things together for her to have at Mom's.  Read her bed time stories on a tape and have mom play it.  Call and talk just for a moment on the phone.  Send packages and cards in the mail.    We would send random little goodies -- free and cheap.  But the act of getting mail helped.

4.  Mom should be more encouraging with the parenting time.  Even if she doesn't like it she needs to help her daughter adjust because he is not going to give up his parenting time.  Both parents need to suck it up and interact positively during exchanges.

5.  After he picks up his daughter,  have him stop and have a coke and ger reacquainted.  Start some routines and things they always say or do.  These routines will help her adjust.

And be thankful that you have it written in an email to prove that he is purposely trying to withhold time from you.

Please email me.  I have wording of a petition in KS to file a "Motion for Specific Visitation" that I would be happy to email you.  To me it seems like your first problem is the "reasonable visitation" that you have been awarded that doesn't spell out any details and leaves it to a controlling x.

I am sorry.  I know it must be heartbreaking.

My email is [email protected]

would work best for him.

I hear you saying that the visits are not consistent now, and I am afraid if you are 10 hours away that Dad won't make the effort to maintain the relationship. . . so do whatever you can to give up some of the control to Dad.

I would suggest that you work up to son visiting for 5 or 6 days every month during the school year, and then reverse the schedule in the summer (son with Dad for most of the time and visiting you 5 to 6 days a month.)  There is usually a long weekend or a break on most school calendars.  Of course, at 3 1/2 you don't have to worry about the school calendar yet.   Moving away will mean that you will have to be very generous with Spring Break, Thanksgiving, Easter etc.  Because the time away from school will be time that your son needs to be with Dad.

I would just be open to the alternatives that Dad has first.   Good luck.

How far away are you moving?  Will it be driving distance or flying distance?

Can your son's father take care of him for long stretches at a time?

Yes, I do.  My ss rides in a car for four hours on Friday and four hours on Sunday e.o.w.  

It is long, but it is worth it.  

Listen to them.  Start following the court order and sending out the "Intent to Exercise Visitation Letters"  Give your daugter lots of extra hugs and explain to her that where she spends her time is not something she has to worry about -- the adults will work it out.  

Read up on PAS.  You might consider finding a counselor in your area that is familiar with PAS to take your daughter to.

Please don't get mad at your daughter -- she is just following the path of least resistance.  Put up some resistance and defend your time.

Hang in there.

You seem very reasonable.  

As a NCP, I do understand why he would want to see his baby frequently.   I know you need time with your family, but 12 days is a really long time in between seeing Dad for the baby (and is what would happen with you having a weekend. )  I think if I were you, I would agree to him having every weekend (or maybe every Saturday, and 3 Sundays a month)-- and you spending time with him duing the week.  I know that is hard, but it is probably best for your son.   I would be VERY surprised if he wanted to come back 3 hours EVERY weekend once he got into the swing of college.  

Also, eventually when your son is sleeping through the night without nursing and Dad has a place for baby set up, you will want to work up to overnight parenting time for dad.  Not right away, but it is something to be thinking about.  Dad needs the freedom to parent in his own way.  As long as the baby is safe, different is ok.


I think your plan also needs to spell out extra time on holidays, breaks and summer vacation -- how will these be rotated.  You probably want to word that as specifically as you can to avoid having to go back to court each time.

Because there is no enforcement to "reasonable visitation" or "as parties agree"  you need a court order that specifically spells out when the kids live with you.

I would suggest the book "Mom's House, Dad's House"  It is old, but it has great ideas on how to set up a parenting plan and how to establish a workable business relationship with your ex spouse.

We have currently filed a motion for a specific parenting plan as well -- but not in KY.   Our CP wants to avoid court  and has been willing to agree to put our normal practices in writing.  If you can somehow reach agreement. . . that would be your best avenue.

Check this website for "sample parenting plans" and what to include in parenting plans.

nm

most of it is adapted from a standard letter that is passed aroud.  Probably from this site somewhere.  :)