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Until you have time to get the order modified.  You might try to send a letter Return Receipt requested demanding time with your daughters.  Then if he denies you the time, you have proof that you have tried and need specifics in a court order.



Return Receipt Article (number)

To: (your ex's name)
From: (your name)
Date:(today's date)

Re: Notice of intent to exercise visitation.


As per our custody & visitation orders, I am writing you to notify you that it is my intention to exercise parenting time on the following dates and times.

Pick up: (Date, time, place, and person picking children up)
Return: (date, time, place, and person returning children)
Contact information: (Number where she can contact YOU and child during your period of possession).

As you are aware, our parenting time order says that we have "liberal visitation as agreed up by both parties in the best interest of the children."  It is in the best interest of our daughters to not go 23 days without contact.  Because the girls will be visiting my father during my regularly schedule weekend, I have made plans to exercise my parenting time when they return.  "Reasonable" visitation entitles a parent to see the child at reasonable times under reasonable conditions, after adequate notice.   I am sure that you will agree that my offer is more than reasonable.

Should these dates and times present a problem for you, respond via U.S. Mail by (date) with alternate dates and/or times so that I may have sufficient time to adjust my schedule accordingly to the alternate dates and/or times. If I receive no response to the contrary, I will assume these dates and times to be acceptable to you.

I look forward to seeing (girls' names).

Thank you, (Sincerely, etc. etc.)

(Your name, address and telephone number)

I don't think what you have found is a state law.  I think that Kansas courts vary by district and don't really have a "standard".  What you have found might be a guideline, but unfortunately is probably not more than that.

Your problem is that, "liberal visitation as agreed up by both parties in the best interest of the children." is never going to work.  The parties will never agree.  You will always disagree on what is best for the child.

You need to modify your order.  I think it is called a "Motion for Specific Visitation."

You should get much more than weekends during the summer.  You should have an order that divides the time during the school year, specifies holidays and establishes summer parenting time.  Once you have specifics down in an order that is made for your two girls, then you can make sure that he follows it.

Right now, he is being a pain, but he isn't in contempt of any order so you need to have the order done first.

Get an order done to protect yourself.  The girls deserve time with you.  

Where do you live in KS?  I live in south central KS.

Good luck

Apply for a modification of the order to have the "moral clause" removed.  It shouldn't be that difficult since you are in a committed relationship.

OR

Go visit the justice of the peace and get married -- You can still have the big wedding if you want to later to celebrate

OR

Don't have your fiance move in to the house until after the wedding.  Or have her visit a friend or family the nights that your daughter is in your home.

OR

Just ignore the order and see what your ex will do.  She can file contempt charges, but I doubt anything would come of it.

If your ex is wanting to make a stink over this, be ready for it to get much worse before it gets better.  

Hang in there.

I hear you saying that the mom is awful and that you would be the better parent for a number of legitimate reasons.  So I have to ask, how could you move across the country and leave your son with someone that horrible.  Your son needs you.  Look at it from his point of view.  If you leave, I think you are abandoning him and Mom gets what she wants.  

I don't think you get a break if you move.  It will get more expensive.  She will keep taking you back to court for more child support in a state where you no longer live.  You will be ordered to pay all visitation costs.   You don't end up saving any money.

There has to be a better solution.  Please consider what this will do to your stepson.  It really sounds like he needs you guys.

If you are the live in girlfriend, please think long and hard about continuing the relationship until Dad gets his life in order.  The road of a stepmom is a hard one, even in the best of situations.  This isn't good.  

I am glad that he is going to begin enforcing parenting time with his children.  Good luck!

First my questions:
 does he not have summer parenting time?  Will that affect the weekday visits?

Does he have eow regular time with the kids.  I might add a line that says, "in addition to my Friday to Sunday time with the children"  somewhere in the letter.

Does bedtime matter in the summer while the children are not in school?  Maybe now it would be best to stick to the letter of the order and have them from 5:30-9:00 one night a week.  Then when school starts you could discuss options that would be better for the kids.

Another option, can you make the weeknight visit an overnight visit and drop them off at school the next morning.  Then they could go to bed when they needed to at your house.

I have just a few suggested changes on the letter -- mostly to take emotion out.  Plus, I changed "visitation" to "parenting time"


As per the Indiana Parenting Guidelines I am writing you to notify you that it is my intention to exercise court ordered parenting time, as outlined in the Guidelines, Chapter 3, Section 2, Sub-Section B, Page 17.
"One (1) evening per week, preferably in mid-week, for a period of up to four hours but the child shall be returned no later than 9:00 p.m."

Because YSD, SSa and SSb's routine bedtime is before 8 PM and because I would be unable to pick up the children until after 5 PM, I would not be able to excercise a full 4 hour period without keeping them  past their routine bedtime.

To avoid disrupting their lives, I propose the following alternative schedule:
The 4 hour period will be seperated into two nights. The schedule would then be: Tuesdays and Thursdays, 5:30 PM – 7:30 PM

Should these dates and times present a problem for you, respond via U.S. Mail by May 29, 2004 with alternate dates and/or times so that I may have sufficient time to adjust my schedule accordingly to the alternate dates and/or times or offer another alternative. If I receive no response to the contrary, I will assume these dates and times to be acceptable to you and will begin exercising this parenting time on Tuesday, June 8, 2004.

I look forward to seeing (kids).

Does your dh still need a supervisor?

I wouldn't try to get yourself named as a supervisor, but rather the court order modified to reflect unsupervised visitation.

That being said, I always error on trying to work things out anyway you possibly can without going to court.

So meet again. . . with a witness if at all possible and try to steer the meeting towards dh taking over his own parenting time.

Is there anything in your divorce decree stating if you can take your son out of state. . .or if he needs to reside in the county?

I don't know California law. . .others can give you better advice.  But I think your ex is blowing smoke.  I think as long as you take him during the "agreed upon time" and he is returned when agreed upon you are ok.

DH -- is Dear Hubby

PBFH -- is Psycho B---- From Hell

TRO -- is Temporary Restraining Order

You asked, "I always thought that the parent that the child is not living with has to get permission from the other (there is an IRS form I print out every year to mail to her) in order to claim the child. Did that change this year?"

No.  This hasn't changed.  There is still this form.  As an alternative to this form, I have been told that you can mail a copy of the Divorce Order first page and the page relevant to who gets to claim  the child.  We (as NCP -- Non Custodial Parents) have always had the ex sign the form.  The IRS doesn't want to get involved in divorce matters so this covers everyone.  And by her signing it, she acknowledges that she isn't going to claim him.  

If you file a tax return claiming the child before she does, she will get a letter stating that the SSN# has already been claimed and to provide proof that she should claim (in which case you would get a letter) or file an amended return.

Filing first does have its advantages.

On the other issue -- search this site on Move-Aways.  You can stop her from taking the child.  But there are motions you have to file ASAP.  Also, if you can't stop the move, then you can get a revised parenting plan that spells out when the visits are and who pays for them.  You could also use this opportunity to clarify the tax issue.

Good luck and keep posting.  We are here to help.

I understand your need not to involve the courts.  But, until you push it there really is no way to change the situation.  An 11 year old is old enough to spend time away from Mom.  She is separated from Mom every day while at school and I am sure she visits friends homes etc.



Some ideas. . .

Keep increasing the communication you have with your daughter.  Buy each home a web cam so that you can converse and "see" each other over the computer.  Find out what she is involved in and try to be involved in anyway you can -- ask Mom to video tape, send flowers before a performance etc.  My dh is reading the Harry Potter books on tape and sending them to his son.  Be creative and work on the relationship in any way you can.

Keep talking to the Mom -- asking for what you need.  Start out small -- short visits away from home during the day with you and your family.  Move to weekends at grandmas and then approach the subject of time with you and your family in your home.

Could stepdad help any on your behalf?

Don't put the child in the middle by asking what she wants.  You and Mom are the adults and can figure out what is best for her and then act on it.

If she still won't budge. . . ask her to work out a parenting plan with a non-biased mediator.  It might be less threatening than court and a 3rd party might help you bridge the gap.