...[h2]"WE WILL NOT BE CONFUSED BY REALITY.[/h2]
Well it might as well be part of the oath :(
Well it might as well be part of the oath :(
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#32
Father's Issues / RE: Joke of the day
Feb 06, 2004, 02:51:11 PM
I am afraid to ask how you know about the whole door slamming thing. Just the thought of it sends shivers through me.
#33
Father's Issues / Joke of the day
Feb 06, 2004, 08:46:31 AM
This is tooo funny
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.
The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-
patterand steam. Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks
me in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing...
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.... ....and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. Which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head.
The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the shower pitter-
patterand steam. Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks
me in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you a second." So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly.Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing...
It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances.
No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws.
I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold.
When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor buck naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter.... ....and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about. Which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they only knew!
#34
Father's Issues / I know this has been here before, but...
Feb 06, 2004, 07:21:07 AM
... sometimes women just need reminding.
We Always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are
our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1"!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it
down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving
it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going
to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want it done. Not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during commercials (except during the Superbowl when commercials are part of the show).
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve
is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I AM in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to
sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men
really don't mind that, it's like camping.
We Always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side. These are
our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1"!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it
down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving
it down.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going
to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want it done. Not both. If you already know
best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during commercials (except during the Superbowl when commercials are part of the show).
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color.
Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve
is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I AM in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to
sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men
really don't mind that, it's like camping.
#35
Father's Issues / Typical, just typical
Jan 31, 2004, 07:35:33 AM
Would someone explain to me what part of starving a child is involuntary? Not feeding the child was an intentional act on the part of the mother. The charges should be murder or at the very least manslaughter, but involuntary manslaughter give me a break. Once again they go easy on her because she is a woman. Let me guess they decided to arrest her with the lesser charge of involuntary manslaughter because......why, they felt sorry for her because she just lost her baby? The Menendaz brothers should have tried claiming they were orphans because their parents had been killed.
Tie her tubes and tattoo her forehead as a baby killer so guys will always know to stay away from the psycho B$#%&h.
Tie her tubes and tattoo her forehead as a baby killer so guys will always know to stay away from the psycho B$#%&h.
#36
Father's Issues / I sent a slightly modified version of...
Jan 24, 2004, 05:42:25 PM
...Astro's letter (shown below) to all of the business writers for the our local papers. In worded the subject line as follows: Wal-mart and David & Goliath - a new low for business What do you think?
[em]Today I was browsing Wal-Marts site and came across an item that they are selling that frankly offended me. It is the book they are selling named "Boys are Stupid: Throw Rocks at Them" by the manufacturer David & Goliath.
This piqued my curiosity as to why they would promote violence against children and so I decided to investigate your company "message" and that of David & Goliath's.
Wal-mart espouses Sam Walton's 3 Basic Beliefs: Respect the Individual, Service to the Customer, and Strive for Excellence. How selling a product that tells girls to hate boys will show respect to ANY individual is beyond me--perhaps someone could explain it to me, if this is the Excellence they strive for, then the innovation to push the boundaries has truly been achieved. Wal-mart has certainly exceeded MY boundaries.
I wonder of I were to propose to them hypothetical books and products embracing violence towards girls if would they buy and sell them? Think about it--"Girls are Sissies: Pull Their Hair!", "Girls are Braindead: Ban them from School", "Cook, Clean, Make Babies".
Offensive? You bet it is. But absolutely no different than the David & Goliath's product line--only it is aimed at boys. This humor at an adult level is one thing, but this humor aimed at children is quite another. For them to have now become a part of this thinking is indefensible, and they have now lost my patronage.
I have literally spent thousands of dollars in their stores--but I will continue no longer. My friends and colleagues (almost all mothers and fathers) will certainly hear of these new core beliefs--and if but a few heed me they too will think twice.
Please consider investigating this story yourself and writing an article about these two companies. They are making money by advocating violence against children.
[/em]
[em]Today I was browsing Wal-Marts site and came across an item that they are selling that frankly offended me. It is the book they are selling named "Boys are Stupid: Throw Rocks at Them" by the manufacturer David & Goliath.
This piqued my curiosity as to why they would promote violence against children and so I decided to investigate your company "message" and that of David & Goliath's.
Wal-mart espouses Sam Walton's 3 Basic Beliefs: Respect the Individual, Service to the Customer, and Strive for Excellence. How selling a product that tells girls to hate boys will show respect to ANY individual is beyond me--perhaps someone could explain it to me, if this is the Excellence they strive for, then the innovation to push the boundaries has truly been achieved. Wal-mart has certainly exceeded MY boundaries.
I wonder of I were to propose to them hypothetical books and products embracing violence towards girls if would they buy and sell them? Think about it--"Girls are Sissies: Pull Their Hair!", "Girls are Braindead: Ban them from School", "Cook, Clean, Make Babies".
Offensive? You bet it is. But absolutely no different than the David & Goliath's product line--only it is aimed at boys. This humor at an adult level is one thing, but this humor aimed at children is quite another. For them to have now become a part of this thinking is indefensible, and they have now lost my patronage.
I have literally spent thousands of dollars in their stores--but I will continue no longer. My friends and colleagues (almost all mothers and fathers) will certainly hear of these new core beliefs--and if but a few heed me they too will think twice.
Please consider investigating this story yourself and writing an article about these two companies. They are making money by advocating violence against children.
[/em]
#37
Father's Issues / Excellent ...
Jan 24, 2004, 04:59:44 PM
... and if it wasn't that I stopped shopping there long long ago I would surely stop after having read your letter to Wal-mart.
#38
Father's Issues / RE: In State Limbo and
Jan 20, 2004, 07:30:31 PM
Go ahead and file a contempt motion or a motion to enforce now in the state of New Jersey...Texas cannot take jurisdiction while a motion is pending in another state. As part of your motion ask the court to specify consequences for her failure to comply.
#39
Father's Issues / A response from Claire's
Jan 16, 2004, 11:43:38 AM
Below is the email I received from Claire's with regard to my email concerning the "Boys Are Stupid" merchandise. It appears to be a form letter response, but it was especially written as a response to complaints about the "Boys Are Stupid" merchandise. So although I did not get a personallized response, they must be receiving enough emails to make it worth their while to create a form letter and probably an auto-responder for the email. Personally, I take this as a good sign. :)
Keep bombarding them with those emails
Customer Service - Claire's/Icing by Claire's
Phone:1-800-CLAIRES (1-800-252-4737)
E-mail:[email protected]
Hello!
Thank you for contacting us regarding the "Boys are Stupid..." merchandise
we carry. Let me assure you your comments will be given every
consideration.
We have notified our executive staff and merchandising team responsible for
buying this product, making them aware of your sentiments. I sincerely
apologize for any anxiety caused by this product, as is not our intention
to offend or make you feel uncomfortable with any product we carry.
At Claire's we pride ourselves on the quality of our merchandise and
customer service excellence. We want you to enjoy every Claire's shopping
experience and hope to deserve your business once more.
Again, thank you for bringing this matter to our attention.
Best Regards,
Nicole
Customer Service Representative
Keep bombarding them with those emails
Customer Service - Claire's/Icing by Claire's
Phone:1-800-CLAIRES (1-800-252-4737)
E-mail:[email protected]
Hello!
Thank you for contacting us regarding the "Boys are Stupid..." merchandise
we carry. Let me assure you your comments will be given every
consideration.
We have notified our executive staff and merchandising team responsible for
buying this product, making them aware of your sentiments. I sincerely
apologize for any anxiety caused by this product, as is not our intention
to offend or make you feel uncomfortable with any product we carry.
At Claire's we pride ourselves on the quality of our merchandise and
customer service excellence. We want you to enjoy every Claire's shopping
experience and hope to deserve your business once more.
Again, thank you for bringing this matter to our attention.
Best Regards,
Nicole
Customer Service Representative
#40
Father's Issues / Here's a suggestion
Jan 15, 2004, 07:00:02 AM
Your paragraph four states [em]"I would never allow my daughter to wear a hat that suggested they assault another human being because of their gender...."[/em]
Please consider replacing it with this modifed version St.PaulieGirls line>
My family does not condone violence towards anyone and I would never allow my daughter to wear a hat that suggested they assault another human, especially based on their gender....
Please consider replacing it with this modifed version St.PaulieGirls line>
My family does not condone violence towards anyone and I would never allow my daughter to wear a hat that suggested they assault another human, especially based on their gender....