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Couple of questions first....

Do you have a court order for custody?

Also what does it state about visitation?

Thanks for everyone's thoughts.  Sometimes you just need to hear it.  I think bottom line is I just miss my daughter tremendously when she is gone. 

I understand that completely.  Every summer when my YD and DS get on those planes...I bawl my eyes out...AFTER they are boarded.

The saying I like best for this board is..."Love your kids MORE than you hate your X"

Like bloom said....Kids do NEED both thier parents in thier lives.

I have an OD (she's now 19).  Her father and I divorced when she was very young (2 y/o).  Originally my X started with custody due to the fact that I wasn't sure at the time that I could take care of myself much less a toddler so I put HER needs first.  We eventually went to 50/50 and it worked GREAT.  When she was 5 X got orders and the courts allowed him to maintain custody and move with her.  It would have been an extremely LONG distance so I did what I could to move closer.  After those battles with the courts and spending what would have amounted to her college education we realized that we should be the ones making the decisions for OUR child.  We both started putting her needs first! You will NEED to learn to talk with her Father and be able to "co-parent" very soon.  Her teens are coming and she will try and manipulate the BOTH of you.  My OD tried that but thankfully her father and I would discuss the issues and come to a joint conclusion.  My OD is now a very well rounded, stable young woman.  She grew up knowing that she could rely on BOTH her father and I.

I have to agree with SimplyDad....many of the issues you pointed out the court really wouldn't care about.


Let me ask you...if your daughter didn't want to go to school...would you allow that?  No of course not she doesn't have a say in the matter.  Same applies to visiting Dad...she doesn't have a say in the matter....now you on the other hand know more of the situation....Have you tried talking with Dad about the length of time?

My YD is 11 and I fully understand that age....and wanting to be and do with friends.

Oh and as far as Dad not calling all that often...it is a 2 way street...you should be encouraging DD to call her Dad more often as well.

My YD's father and I don't even have a court order for visitation...and we're long distance.  The way we're able to work it is...I let him know when her school breaks are...and he lets me know when he'd like to have her.  He's allowed to call her at any time and if YD wants to call him...she knows where the phone is and his number.  I also on occasion will ask her if she's talked to her Dad lately.  Which then reminds her that she hasn't so she calls him at that time.

I learned a long time ago...."family court" is no place for families!! LOL

Good luck

Unfortunately....welcome to the Family Court where he with the most $$$ wins...Many of us have learned that "family court" is no place for families and rarely do they ever uphold "the best interest of the child".

Do you have an atty?

It sounds like they want their own evaluator that of course would not be biased in the least bit...right?  Oh please.  I'm no atty but I think your atty (should you have one) should object to this evaluator and request a court appointed one?  If that is even possible?

My DH had to deal with WA CS....basically he was told to bend over and pray that he had some vaseline....THANKFULLY...SS is now 18 and we are able to send him $ directly.

I found a very indepth CS calculator... https://fortress.wa.gov/dshs/csips/ssgen/ (https://fortress.wa.gov/dshs/csips/ssgen/)

These are the guidlines that would allow a modification...

The amount of change must be:

• 
  At least $100 and at least a 25% change up or down, or
  
• 
  An increase in current support of less than $100 would
  allow your family to stop receiving public assistance.

• It's been three years since the order was entered or last reviewed by DCS for modification,
  or
  
• There has been a significant change of circumstances since the order was last modified.

Some examples that may be a significant change in circumstances include:

• You are now in Jail.
  
• You have become permanently disabled or now receive public assistance.
  
• You have new children you must support.
  
• You have lost your job and are unable to find employment at the same wage. (I don't think this would apply since she didn't have a job to begin with...all she lost was her "maintenance")

DH and I were DONE back in Oct...we celebrated :-)  BM took DH back to court to try and have the CS extended...she failed on that but did get a huge increase.  Didn't bother us...cuz we knew it was going to end.  The thing that bothered us was knowing that SS wasn't seeing much of that increase at all!!

Thankfully, SS will be getting away soon as well!!!  May 31st is his freedom day!!

Typically the First FILED gets the most which is probably why your children only get a smidge of what the first CS gets.
The reason I say typically is because if the first order is an older order based on out dated income information, subsequent filings could be more.  That happened in my case.  My X had been orderd to pay CS for his son and we had a daughter.  When we split and I filed for CS, my order was larger due to him making more $$ at the time.

Hope this helps!!

Couple of Questions...did you sign an "Acknowledment of Paternity" when the child was born?  If so, do you have a copy of that...most of the time that will waive the need for a "Paternity Establishment" test.

Like the others have stated, you have a long road ahead.  Right now you need to start documenting EVERYTHING.  Do you have documentation on the mothers "illnesses"...documentation such as hospital reports, police reports, etc.

You may have to fight this in Cali and you'll need a good "Father's Rights" attorney.

Most likely if you get at least "Visitation" there will be an adjustment time where you may have to fly to Cali for the visits.  Then until the child is old enough to fly "unaccompanied" you'll have to fly down, pick up the child then fly her back...can be quite expensive.  Now if you do manage to get full custody (I'll be honest...that's a LONG shot), then you'll certainly want "supervised" visitation due to the mental illness.

Good Luck!!

Most of the time just having the warrent is enough of a catalyst to get the children back.  Thats what happened in my case.  My X took off with our then 10 month old baby boy.  I was able to get a warrent placed on him and within hours, he told me where he was so I could get my son back.

Get the warrent!  This also shows that she is not stable enough to have custody back again!!

I do have an attorney, and the saving grace this time is we are going back to a judge that read her the riot act last time. My concern is she now has others doing her bidding. I hear horror stories how it can be suggested by shrinks that a parent is hurting you, and the next thing I'm in the slammer.

We do have a forensic evaluation on her. She is mentally ill (bi-polar, narcissitc, histrionic, OCD) but got custody; can't figure that one out.

I know there is proven facts where young children can be led to have false memories of abuse planted by shrinks...dig that up.  Also, you need to look into getting the shrink records on the children.

You need to push to get custody.