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Messages - Giggles

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Visitation Issues / Re: First visitation
« on: Nov 12, 2009, 07:50:15 AM »
Goodness...who are  you and why are writing about my life? hehehe J/k.
I could have written your post nearly word for word!  My X walked out when I was 6 months pregnant with our daughter.  I was really close to HIS family so I didn't feel completly cut out.  When my daughter was born, HIS sister was in the delivery room with me, she tried to find him, but he didn't show.  He came to the hospital the next morning, spent about 20 min with her then took off again.  I tried working out a plan with him...nothing.  I filed for CS and it took nearly 3 years to get that going becuase he would evade service.  Finally the CS hearing came about and the judge asked him if he wanted visitation, he said no.  But my daughter was very close to HIS family.  She would spend weekends with Grammy and Pappy, birthday parties with her cousins and spend time with HIS sisters.
Then Pappy died.  My daughter had just turned 6 y/o and I debated taking her to the funeral because I knew HE would be there.  Because my daughter was so close to her Pappy, I knew she needed to go and say goodbye.  We got to the church and sure enough, he was there.  He came over to where we were standing....said "hi" and asked if we could talk afterward.  I said of course.  When he walked away, my daughter asked "Who was that?"...I just said "I'll tell you in a little while".
After the service, he sought us out, I left daughter playing with her cousins and Aunt.  He had his back to me at first and when he turned around he had tears streaming down his face...I thought it was because of the death of his father...turns out he was crying because he realized what a huge mistake he'd made with our daughter.  He said "she is the most beautiful girl he's ever seen".  We talked about him getting to know her and I was relieved!!
So we walked back to the area the kids were playing and my daughter came up to me and again asked "Mommy...who is that?"  I knelt down and said "Honey...this is your father."  Her eyes got huge and she looked up at him...and said "hi".  He then knelt down..said "hi" back....she then launched herself into his arms.  I sat there bawling like a baby....because finally...she had met her father.  Now he had a daughter from a previous relationship that is a few years older than my daughter....I was surprised to find out that HE also had gotten custody of her.  So my daughter also got to meet her 1/2 sister and my daughter was thrilled even more!!! 
We talked about her seeing him more...he would come by for a few hours a couple times a week.  Then he'd take her out for a couple hours and then eventually led to her staying the night at HIS sister's house (a place where daughter was comfortable).  All of that led to her spending weekends with him.
About 3 years after that, I finally met the man of my dreams and got married.  My DH was offered a position that we couldn't turn down and so we ended up moving.  Daughter's father lives in MD and we now live in FL.  I didn't have to go to court because I still maintain SOLE custody...but her father wasn't against my move either.  Now I fly daughter up to him on her school breaks.  She'll be going up next month for 2 weeks, then she'll probably go for spring break and a few weeks in the summer.  They talk on the phone a couple times a week as well.
My daughter was 6 when she met her Father....it took them some time to get to know each other...but if you're supportive, then it will be the BEST thing for your daughter to meet her father...it was for mine!!

Child Support Issues / Re: Out of Norm CS Issue
« on: Nov 09, 2009, 09:03:40 AM »
Momof2 is right FL DOR has got to be the most incompetent of all CSE's!!
My DH has his CS taken directly from his check, has never missed a payment and has NO arrears...yet was hauled into a FL court for "Failure to pay support"..WTF??????
When he got before the judge, the judge read the paper work and with a confused look on his face said "You're here for failure to pay...but I see you have been paying and have no arrears....what do you have to say"....before my husband had a chance to even take a breath the judge said "No...don't say anything, you won".  BUT....My DH still had to pay court costs!!!
FL DOR is a SCAM!!!

Custody Issues / Re: experience needed
« on: Oct 26, 2009, 06:42:24 PM »
Excellent advice NYParent!!

Actually...if she wants to move then let her...just make sure she knows that the kids stay as per the court order!  Unless SHE has a "significant change of circumstances", the court should dismiss any petition to allow a move.  Simply because her mother is selling and moving...that's not enough.  Does she live with her mother?  Why cant she secure her own residence in your area?
Do file immediately to keep the kids in the state!!

This is a good thread on Jurisdiction info...

Father's Issues / Re: Father in VA - Hard Situation - Any Advice??
« on: Oct 22, 2009, 09:07:50 AM »
Wow...congratulations on keeping YOUR family together in such a difficult situation AND accepting the baby into that family.
In this situation, I think I would go with a Lawyer for the custody part at least, just to be sure all the "i's" are dotted and "t's" are crossed.  And I would do that ASAP because if you're able to secure a higher ratio of custody, that would effect the child support.
From what you're saying it sounds like the BM has potential of being a PBFH (psyco bitch from hell) and may make your lives miserable.  It is HIGHLY IMPORTANT to get an extremely DETAILED parenting plan in place. 
Please keep us updated!!!

General Issues / Re: My dd is turning into a pbfh! (Venting mostly)
« on: Oct 19, 2009, 12:27:03 PM »
I agree with the others...it IS ok to support the Father!!  Actually, we had a situation simular to this happen in my Family.  I was 14 y/o when my niece was born....my older sister was 16 when she gave birth.  My Dad insisted on my sister and the father marrying and they did.  That lasted maybe a whole 6 months??  My Sister and her DH moved, then seperated and my Sis brought my niece back to my parents and basically dumped her off and split.
A year or so goes by, not a word from my Sis but a constant stream of letters, cards, gifts, phone calls etc from the Father.  He didn't visit because we lived in Germany at the time and the father was in the States. 
The father then asks my parents if he could have custody and they agreed.  He had just gotten married (again), had a house and was settled down.  Still nothing from my Sister.  So when we came back to the states for my other sister's wedding, we met up with the Father and my parents turned over my then 3 y/o niece with the stipulation that he keep in contact, send letters, pictures, etc.
Now please don't let this part scare you...I'm just telling you what happened in my family....
A month went by...didn't hear from him, 2 months....6 months...NOTHING! My parents were frantic!  It's like he dissapeared off the face of the earth.  Later that year, we moved back to the States and my parent hired a private investigator to find their Granddaughter.  It didn't take him long at all...in fact she lived just around the corner from him....She was in a FOSTER HOME....grrrr!!!
My parents were LIVID!!  Come to find out...the Father's new wife didn't take kindly to raising another woman's child.  There was an issue with abuse and the state stepped in and took my neice away from them.  My parents petitioned the State and was granted Custody and then later was granted athority to adopt my niece...so then she became my baby sister!
In all of this....my parents were still right in granting the father custody.

Custody Issues / Re: "Best interest of the children"
« on: Oct 15, 2009, 01:04:11 PM »
If you've had the kids for the past 4 years full time, it isn't likely that she'll get custody.
Do you have a court order now?  Has she been paying child support?
Your best bet is to focus on the children make sure you have copies of their school records, and what not.  Show that you're the stable force in their lives.
If you have mediation coming up, go in there prepared.  Have a parenting plan with you that DETAILS everything!  I do believe there are some samples on this site? The main thing is to make sure you've covered all your bases, that you are to have primary custody and outline in detail visitation to include pick-up/drop-off times and locations.  Address holiday's and school breaks.  Make sure there is a "right to first refusal" clause in there.  I would even go so far to start off with supervised visitation?  You just want to keep the focus on the kids. 
In mediation the key is to know exactly what you are willing to settle for.  Do not settle for anything less than primary custody!  If she doesn't want to negotiate then take it to court. 

Do you have an attorney?  If it does go to court, try not to "bash" the BM again, keep your focus on the kids and the need to keep the "status quo".
Did you keep a record of the times she did visit?  Do you have copies of her arrest (just in case) and any convictions?

Technically, the only way to have his support end is if he terminated his parental rights.  Now most courts especially NJ will NOT terminate rights unless there is another individual willing to adopt the children.
He has a legal obligation to support his children whether the BM wants the money or not.  My suggestion is for him to try a downward modification but even that is iffy.  If they are taking 50% then he must have some sort of arrearage?  The only other suggestion is for him and BM to come to some sort of agreement on the amount of CS and see if that will fly in court.  NJ is tough and will suck him dry as long as they can....oh and most states do not care if you have an additional child...and I do believe that NJ is one of them.  Be prepared to pay CS until his first children are well into their 20's!!

Custody Issues / Re: Introduction
« on: Oct 13, 2009, 07:32:31 AM »
Momfortwo...do not feel sorry for my children, unlike your children, mine are emotionally stable because I do not reflect my insecurities onto them.
When I worked at a child development center, we had a name for Mother's like you...we called them "clingers" because they would cling to their children if the child would show the least bit of resistance to being dropped off.  The teachers would call up with a "clinger" and I would go back and most times had to literally pull the parent away from the child.  We had an observation room where the "Clinger" parent could view their child after they departed the room.  99% of the time the child calmed down and was interacting with the other children within minutes after the "clinger" parent had left.
Most of what we are saying is for you to be mindfull of the "advice" you give here.  You tend to come across as arrogant and totally defeat the purpose of this site which is to promote access for BOTH parents to their children.  If you feel that your ex isn't worthy of being a full time parent that is your opinion, but remember on here you are only giving YOUR OPINION and although you are entitled to that, be prepared to be told that you are wrong in your thinking.

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