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Excellent advice NYParent!!

Actually...if she wants to move then let her...just make sure she knows that the kids stay as per the court order!  Unless SHE has a "significant change of circumstances", the court should dismiss any petition to allow a move.  Simply because her mother is selling and moving...that's not enough.  Does she live with her mother?  Why cant she secure her own residence in your area?

Do file immediately to keep the kids in the state!!

This is a good thread on Jurisdiction info...

http://www.deltabravo.net/forum/index.php/topic,37430.0.html (http://www.deltabravo.net/forum/index.php/topic,37430.0.html)

Wow...congratulations on keeping YOUR family together in such a difficult situation AND accepting the baby into that family.

In this situation, I think I would go with a Lawyer for the custody part at least, just to be sure all the "i's" are dotted and "t's" are crossed.  And I would do that ASAP because if you're able to secure a higher ratio of custody, that would effect the child support.

From what you're saying it sounds like the BM has potential of being a PBFH (psyco bitch from hell) and may make your lives miserable.  It is HIGHLY IMPORTANT to get an extremely DETAILED parenting plan in place. 

Please keep us updated!!!

I agree with the others...it IS ok to support the Father!!  Actually, we had a situation simular to this happen in my Family.  I was 14 y/o when my niece was born....my older sister was 16 when she gave birth.  My Dad insisted on my sister and the father marrying and they did.  That lasted maybe a whole 6 months??  My Sister and her DH moved, then seperated and my Sis brought my niece back to my parents and basically dumped her off and split.

A year or so goes by, not a word from my Sis but a constant stream of letters, cards, gifts, phone calls etc from the Father.  He didn't visit because we lived in Germany at the time and the father was in the States. 

The father then asks my parents if he could have custody and they agreed.  He had just gotten married (again), had a house and was settled down.  Still nothing from my Sister.  So when we came back to the states for my other sister's wedding, we met up with the Father and my parents turned over my then 3 y/o niece with the stipulation that he keep in contact, send letters, pictures, etc.

Now please don't let this part scare you...I'm just telling you what happened in my family....

A month went by...didn't hear from him, 2 months....6 months...NOTHING! My parents were frantic!  It's like he dissapeared off the face of the earth.  Later that year, we moved back to the States and my parent hired a private investigator to find their Granddaughter.  It didn't take him long at all...in fact she lived just around the corner from him....She was in a FOSTER HOME....grrrr!!!

My parents were LIVID!!  Come to find out...the Father's new wife didn't take kindly to raising another woman's child.  There was an issue with abuse and the state stepped in and took my neice away from them.  My parents petitioned the State and was granted Custody and then later was granted athority to adopt my niece...so then she became my baby sister!

In all of this....my parents were still right in granting the father custody.

If you've had the kids for the past 4 years full time, it isn't likely that she'll get custody.

Do you have a court order now?  Has she been paying child support?

Your best bet is to focus on the children make sure you have copies of their school records, and what not.  Show that you're the stable force in their lives.

If you have mediation coming up, go in there prepared.  Have a parenting plan with you that DETAILS everything!  I do believe there are some samples on this site? The main thing is to make sure you've covered all your bases, that you are to have primary custody and outline in detail visitation to include pick-up/drop-off times and locations.  Address holiday's and school breaks.  Make sure there is a "right to first refusal" clause in there.  I would even go so far to start off with supervised visitation?  You just want to keep the focus on the kids. 
In mediation the key is to know exactly what you are willing to settle for.  Do not settle for anything less than primary custody!  If she doesn't want to negotiate then take it to court. 

Do you have an attorney?  If it does go to court, try not to "bash" the BM again, keep your focus on the kids and the need to keep the "status quo".

Did you keep a record of the times she did visit?  Do you have copies of her arrest (just in case) and any convictions?

Technically, the only way to have his support end is if he terminated his parental rights.  Now most courts especially NJ will NOT terminate rights unless there is another individual willing to adopt the children.

He has a legal obligation to support his children whether the BM wants the money or not.  My suggestion is for him to try a downward modification but even that is iffy.  If they are taking 50% then he must have some sort of arrearage?  The only other suggestion is for him and BM to come to some sort of agreement on the amount of CS and see if that will fly in court.  NJ is tough and will suck him dry as long as they can....oh and most states do not care if you have an additional child...and I do believe that NJ is one of them.  Be prepared to pay CS until his first children are well into their 20's!!

Momfortwo...do not feel sorry for my children, unlike your children, mine are emotionally stable because I do not reflect my insecurities onto them.

When I worked at a child development center, we had a name for Mother's like you...we called them "clingers" because they would cling to their children if the child would show the least bit of resistance to being dropped off.  The teachers would call up with a "clinger" and I would go back and most times had to literally pull the parent away from the child.  We had an observation room where the "Clinger" parent could view their child after they departed the room.  99% of the time the child calmed down and was interacting with the other children within minutes after the "clinger" parent had left.

Most of what we are saying is for you to be mindfull of the "advice" you give here.  You tend to come across as arrogant and totally defeat the purpose of this site which is to promote access for BOTH parents to their children.  If you feel that your ex isn't worthy of being a full time parent that is your opinion, but remember on here you are only giving YOUR OPINION and although you are entitled to that, be prepared to be told that you are wrong in your thinking.

I would highly suggest getting counseling for DS!!  I think I would also ask for a Psyc eval on BM.  A GAL would be great if you can get a non-biased one!!

I think you should do both.  You may want to also read up on PAS.  Keep consistant.

What do your temp orders say about visitation?  You may want to look into supervised until a permanent order is set??