Messages

Giggles -

We were court ordered to take the co-parenting class, I think my area is starting to mandate it from the way my attorney spoke.  They actually asked when you registered the opposite parents name and if you were ever convicted of a crime/domestic violence/abuse - they made a point to seperate parents into different classes so they would feel comfortable sharing and contributing to the class.  I thought the instructor was great and kept my list of "I words" handy...still do :-)

I'm glad to hear this!!  My X and I actually took it at different times.  He was reluctant at first...but afterwards we compared notes.  We agreed that is what helped us become better parents for our daughters sake!  Of course now my daughter at times gets miffed because her father and I are on the same page where she is concerned...hehehe

Every case?  Even ones that involve violence?  Sorry, but I think that the status quo should remain.  If one parent has been primary, to change that abruptly on top of the parents splitting will only add more problems.  Obviously, the older the child the less likely this is.  If the parents want to try 50/50 physical, it would be better to work up to it rather than thrust a child into it.  Especially if the child(ren) are really young. 

I know that for my kids, had that happened, they would not have done well at all.  Even now, they would have a problem with it.  Not to the extent that they would have 4 years ago, but they would still have issues with it.  It would work well for me as it would give me more time to concentrate on rebuilding my career. 

In my kids case, if they were thrust into a week on week off situation, they would be the losers. 

Not every case involves violence.  So you would rather cut one parent down to a "visitor" in children's lives rather than them be a parent?  If you've never been in a 50/50 situation how would you know how it works?  How the children would react?  My daughter was 18 months old and did GREAT!!  Now she's nearly an adult...and is far more adjusted than many adults out there.  She has had both her parents in her life...not a primary and a visitor...she had PARENTS!!!

It seems to me from reading your posts...that you would've been the reason for your children not doing well.  Children do better with equal access to their parents....you don't think that should be and that is sad.,...I feel sorry for your children!!

Kitty & Gemini I couldn't agree more!!  My X and I did 50/50 (week on/off) and our daughter was the ultimate winner.  We divorced when she was 18 months old and now she's 17.  She's an honor roll student, takes all AP classes and will be going off to college next year knowing she has always had the love and support of BOTH her parents.  My X and I made sure we put HER needs before our own.

Prior to our divorce, the court made us take a class regarding children of Divorced parents.  It taught us how to get along for the benefit of the chilren and I think it should be mandatory for all divorcing parents.

We can all agree that 50/50 may not work for everybody, but it should be the starting point in every case!!

I was wondering the same thing.

No Problem, I was able to read it.

As for the address issue, you proably could still push the point that you didn't have her address and if she moved (or even has a permanent address) then the onus was on HER to provide it to you!!

Seems to me she is cutting off her nose to spite her face.  Since she is "homeless" then I would push for supervised visits (no overnights) until she is more stable.  I also would stop paying for hotel rooms...it's sad that you're trying to do the right thing and she is taking advantage.  Push the CS issue.  How many men would be able to get away not paying support?

Good Luck!!

Giggles,
What I don't understand is how someone could WIN a custody case just to get child support. It's that I don't understand how a judge doesn't see through that. I don't understand how someone's only interest in a child is the support that comes with it.
I know it happens. It's just makes me sick.

Well...not only are there sucky BM's (out for just the money) There are still judges out there that think only the mothers should get custody so they turn a blind eye on anything that suggests otherwise.  My X-BF PROVED to the judge that the BM had been doing drugs, got in an accident while on a drug run with the child in the car, no car seat...but still SHE got custody???  Makes you wonder huh???

There is not enough information to get much of a response.

From what is given, I would say you'd have to move back to the states as a start.

What are the terms of the custody agreement?

How would you provide the other parent access to your daughter?

Most 13 y/o girls are all about drama, Have you spoken to your X about her claims?

I don't understand how someone got custody just to get child support.

Are you serious??  I would say about half if not more BM's fight for custody just to get the support money.  I had one X-bf who's BM said it flat out...he was trying for 50/50 and she said "But then I wouldn't get full child support"....

Does BM have a permanent address?  If not, then I would also use that.  How can you send her a written notice with no address??

I really wouldn't worry too much over this, in fact I think I would offer BM makeup time and if you could afford it, maybe swing for a cheap motel room??

With her being homeless...there is no chance of a custody overturn.

The ones who are paying their child support typically don't have to worry about facing the consequences of contempt of court.

This is NOT always the case.  My DH faced a Contempt of Court charge even though he WAS paying and had NO arrears.  So why did he get a contempt of court charge? 

There are CP's out there that do whatever they can to make the NCP's lives as miserable as possible.  It seems to me that the OP is willing to do just that to punish the NCP for not paying and therefore punishes the child as well.

Instead of throwing them in jail, what about making them do community service at the "minimum wage" level and then taking the CS out of that?  I know of many NCP's who have lost their jobs, tried for downward mods and been told no...get a job.  In this economy that is hard to do.