Messages

eagle...I agree 100%...and I'm a CP!

There was a time I could have relied heavely on CS...but...at that time I didn't get any and now that I do get CS...I don't need it?? hehehe  Well lets just say I don't rely on it.  When/if it comes in...I may take the kids out to do something fun.

I have to laugh because I know DH's X is going to be relying heavely on the "new" CS amount she's going to get from him....but that will end probably June-July next year....then what is she going to do???  I know I will be laughing all the way to the bank!! hehehe

Here's a CS horror story for you that just recently happened to my DH.  We moved from up north down to FL.  DH did the right thing and immediately registered his CS order...blah...blah...blah.

Well a mix up happened and they were taking DOUBLE CS out of him.  Got that fixed and miracle of miracles...he got a refund check back!!  WOW...I know!!

Ok...things are going along seemingly fine until he gets a summons for failure to pay CS....WTF???  So the date comes up, DH armed with all his pay stubs showing the CS deduction....gets in front of the Judge.  The judge looks at the record and gets a puzzled look.  Says "OK...you're here for failure to pay but....you've been paying and you have no arrears....do you have anything to say?"  then immediately says "don't say anything you won...case dismissed".  OK well and fine right...WRONG!  My DH still had to PAY the court costs!!  grrrr

Now CuriousMom...in instances where child neglect is present...then 50/50 is NOT an option.  Right now MOST New CO's have a CP and NCP getting weekend visits.  THis should NOT BE!!!  50/50 should be set up first...then if an issue comes along, it can be revisited.

I too agree that CS should be "accountable".  I have no problem stating where and how much I spend on my DS and DD...because I know every dime and then some of CS I get goes to them.  I typically get $500 a month for 2 kids (I say typically because some months I get less...but never more...sigh).  I think that is sufficient to see that their needs are met. 
Now DH is going to have to shell out about $750 for ONE child??  Just simply because he got an increase in pay?? That to me is just not right!  Especially since we KNOW that the BM does NOT spend that amount on SS!!  SS came to visit this summer and one day I was doing laundry.  I go to fold the clothes and I pull out a pair of boxers that I didn't recognize as being my DS's...so I realized they were SS's.  Now my SS is nearly 17 y/o about 5'10 and weighs about 145-150 lbs.  This pair of boxers were BOYS size 10!!  Not even my DS who is 12 y/o could fit in them!!!  So DH and I took SS shopping for clothes, socks and most of all UNDERWARE!!

It sounds to me that you're making all the right moves and yes, you do have a great atty!  If there is one thing I've learned, the wheels of justice turn very slowly so it's not unusual for you to not hear much and then all of a sudden wham, info galore!

One thing you didn't state in your posting is how your DD is adapting to being with you full time?  Keep a daily journal if need be to show the court that she is adjusting fine, if it doesn't get you full custody (stupid judges), it may be a good argument for no less than 50/50...provided BM moves back to the area.

Remember to keep the focus on what is BEST FOR THE CHILD, maintaining status quo is what's best.  I wouldn't worry what BM was doing or who she hired...keep the focus on the child!  See BM has lost that focus....the BF is most important to her....that's why she moved and thinking just because she the "mom" she'll maintain custody will bite her in the butt!!

KEEP US POSTED!!

One other thing if she does get her panties in a wad and does file in court, you CAN request for HER to pay your attorney's fees.  I happen to know that Judges in MD order Atty fees.

Stick to the CO and if she doesn't like it because SHE moved that's just too darn bad and a Judge WILL tell her that!!

I agree with the others, offer to her if she feels the exchange on Sunday's are too much of a burden on her, that you would be happy to keep him sunday nights and she can pick him up from school!!  Seems to be the most logical solution!

This whole debate just proves that the current CS system is fundementally FLAWED!!

But...how to fix it? 

Some of my thoughts....The whole premis on "maintaining the lifestyle" in which the CS is based needs to be tossed!  I'm sorry, you cannot keep status quo support of 2 households on what was once one household!

All Custody orders should be 50/50...and NO CS Ordered....but for move aways and or other situations....

A CS order should only be "increased" if 1...both parties agree, 2....if a medical situation occurs or 3...the needs of the CHILD warrent the increase.

A CS order should only be "decreased" if 1.  Both parties agree, 2....if the NCP loses their job or has a significant PROVABLE income reduction.

ALL CS order should end at the age of 18....PERIOD

College should NOT be court ordered!

Instead of putting those who don't pay in jail, what about making them do community service?

Oh and MOST OF ALL...make it EQUAL!!

My DH just received paperwork stating BM is going for an UPWARD mod of CS.  WHY??  Because she's divorcing her current husband and needs all the $$ she can get her hands on...no problem.  Since SS is 17, she'll get 1 years worth and then DONE!  What's going to happen to her once the CS ends??  Not my problem!

Call the sheriff and see if they will come to the next pick-up. Have your child stay with someone else so they don't see it.

I would actually wait until "drop-off" that way they can nab him on his way out of town and the child is none the wiser and there are less questions as to why Daddy isn't there that weekend???

I also disagree with Mom42 the circumstances are quite relevant.  I'm of the opinion that I would rather try and figure out a way of dealing with the issues (non-payment) and try to get SOME $$ versus throwing the guy in jail thereby guaranteeing NO MONEY!!

As opposed to him being out of jail and not paying?
Sorry that argument doesn't hold water.  For the simple reason that if he was paying his child support, he wouldn't have ended up in jail. 

It isn't up to the original poster to figure out his issues.  If he has a problem with the amount or lost a job, the onus is on HIM to file for a modification.  Not her. 

Which, according the original poster, this guy is choosing not to do. 

BTW, there are ncp's who only pay some of their child support but not all of the court ordered child support.  This guy isn't paying anything.  At all.  His circumstances are irrelevant, his actions are.  And one of them is not filing for a modification.

You are quite correct that the onus is on HIM...and I know quite well there are NCP's who only pay part of their Court Ordered CS...I have one of those!!  I could have had my DD's father thrown in jail for not paying...he was up to nearly $20K in arrears, they suspended his DL and had a warrent out for his arrest as well.  I told him flat out, if you don't start paying SOMETHING they WILL throw you in jail.  He realized that was true and now I do get a bit here and a bit there, sometimes the whole amount but most times about 1/2 of what he should be paying.  My consolation is that CS arrears never go away...so eventually it will get paid.  I've gotten a few surprises where the state seized some of his assets...I once received a check for $7600!!

Call the sheriff and see if they will come to the next pick-up. Have your child stay with someone else so they don't see it.

I would actually wait until "drop-off" that way they can nab him on his way out of town and the child is none the wiser and there are less questions as to why Daddy isn't there that weekend???

I also disagree with Mom42 the circumstances are quite relevant.  I'm of the opinion that I would rather try and figure out a way of dealing with the issues (non-payment) and try to get SOME $$ versus throwing the guy in jail thereby guaranteeing NO MONEY!!

NO...NO...NO!!!  Visitation and Child Support are SEPERATE!!!!

You withhold visistation and he can get YOU on contempt of court for VIOLATING the visitation agreement.

Now on the other hand, YOU CAN get him on contempt of court for failure to pay support....some questions:

1.  Is the order through Child Support Enforcement?

2.  If not...WHY?

3.  Do you know the circumstances behind the failure to pay?  There was a time where my DD's father couldn't pay because he had lost his job.   Is there a pending downward modification for this kind of circumstance?  Was his wages garnished?  Has he had a cut in pay?  Is the support amount TOO much? 

4.  How far in arrears is he?  My DD's father is almost $12K in arrears and I know of other's who's arrears are much larger sums (in the $50-100K range...ouch).

My best advice is to leave him be until the divorce is final and custody/visitation is in place.  Also, consider long and hard about getting involved with someone who is going to face this kind of opposition for the next 17 and 1/2 years....that's a LOOONG time.

I'm a "step-Mom" of a nearly 17 y/o SS.  He's a great kid and I love him with all my heart.  It kills me to see the torture my DH goes through on a daily basis because of a VINDICTIVE BM who uses her son as a tool to "get back at" my DH for going on with his life.

BUT....if you must "help" then my best advice is for him to get a really good Father's Rights attorney.  Make sure to get a detailed and specific Parenting plan (preferably 50/50) that spells out everything from now until the baby graduates from HS.  Make sure it addresses "Move Aways", Transportation, Right to first refusal, Telephone calls, etc.  Just remember that if it isn't specific it isn't enforceable.

Good luck!

The CS Agreement states that he gets 183 days...that's it?  A court cannot enforce that because it's not specific.

Your best bet is to do mediation and get a HIGHLY SPECIFIC court order in place.  That is the only way to reallly get a court order enforced.  If she won't do mediation, then take it to court to get the "verbal" agreement as a court order based on "Status Quo".

Good luck!