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Topics - gemini3

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Custody Issues / Need Advice - Suspected Drug Use
« on: Dec 30, 2013, 05:30:06 PM »
It's been a while since I've posted.  BM has been relatively quiet due to airtight custody agreement signed by the judge a couple of years ago, and also she has been distracted by drama with her new BF's wife.  (Yes, her new boyfriend has a wife.  And she's fighting with her.  I'm just glad to be off the radar.)

A couple of things have happened over the last 9 months or so that have been concerning, but we haven't had enough info to do anything about it.  In the first instance, SKids had a sleepover with a friend while at BM's house.  When they got back home they tell us that the girl's parents had called after she went home because some pills (vicodin) fell out of her sleeping bag.  There was some question as to who's pills they were... never could pin down anything, so we let it go and just made notes in our journal.

Then a couple of months ago SKid #2 comes home from BM's house, and tells us that while she was over there she accidentally took some pain medication.  (Haha, real funny.)  Apparently BM was keeping prescription meds in the aspirin bottle, and 13 yo took one.  Again, can't prove it, and no point trying to pin down a compulsive liar, so just noted it in the journal.

So this weekend my husband gets a text from BM asking him to call her at her work number.  She is an RN, and can't talk on her cell at work, so he called her.  Apparently she thought she texted someone else, and thought that's who was calling... and she asked him for drugs before she realized who it was.  Once she did, she promptly hung up.  But he called her back and got it recorded.  Of course, on the recording she is lying through her teeth saying she thought it was something else, etc, but it is clear on the recording that she is lying.  She is VERY nervous and changes her story multiple times.

So my question is - what should we do with this information?  My first thought is that we should take it to her supervisor at work because (1) she used a work phone to call someone for drugs, (2) she's obviously using drugs, probably while at work, and (3) she was in a patient's room when she was making the call.  That's who's phone she called from.

My concern is that going to her work is kind of one of those lines that I think you should never cross.  And I know that if we cross it, she's going to think that kind of thing is fair game and we'll have no end of drama at our workplaces. 

But on the other hand, I feel like I have an obligation to the patients in her care to protect them.  I also know that we would have a hard time getting concrete proof that she's using.  But if we take it to her employer and they do a drug test - that is something we can use.

Any thoughts?

Parenting Issues / Too old to shower together?
« on: Oct 19, 2011, 06:05:53 PM »
It's been a while since I posted - been overwhelmed with my course load at school lately.  But something recently came up with our girls that I thought was really weird, so I wanted to get others opinions.
My stepdaughters were at their mom's for a few hours after school this afternoon.  I dropped them off at school, then they took the bus to their mom's and she brought them here after dinner.  When I asked the youngest (11) to take a shower before bed she said she already had. Of course I argued with her because she hadn't taken one this morning before school, and she said she had taken one this afternoon with her mom.  After a few more questions we found out that the girls both shower with their mom fairly frequently, and that their mom is the one asking them to shower with her.  The girls are 11 and 14.  The oldest said she feels weird about it and hasn't done it lately (about 3 months).  The youngest doesn't know why we seemed bothered by it.
I didn't really know what to say.  I personally would not shower with children that age, even if they were my biological children.  My parents were a bit prudish, and I have never seen them naked, but I know that's not the norm for everyone.  My sister lives in another country where public bath houses are the norm - but I think there's a difference between soaking in a pool sized bath with some other people and showering in a small space where there's no way you can get around touching each other.  Their mother is very large, 300+ lbs, so I know that have to be bumping into her in an apartment sized shower. 
I just can't help but feel weird about it.  Especially since she's seeking it out, especially in the middle of the day when they are visiting her house.  It's totally creeping me out.  SD said that her mom doesn't touch her in the shower, and they wash themselves.  But still...

Custody Issues / School District Change?
« on: Aug 15, 2011, 12:06:34 PM »
My husband and BM have had a 50/50 joint physical custody plan, with dad having 1 extra week during the summer, for the last 15 months.  BM has worked an overnight shift on and off for a little over 2 years (she changes jobs frequently, so far 8 months is the record), and DH has ROFR when she works overnight.
BM and DH live about 15 miles from each other, and children go to school in her district.  They have been in that district since BM and DH seperated.  Since we now have the 50/50 schedule and ROFR, we drive the children back and forth to school 5 days during our weeks, and drive them to school 3 days a week on her weeks.  During our weeks it's 64 miles a day, and 32 on her weeks since we're just driving them to school and not picking them up.  With gas prices being what they are, it's been really expensive.  Not to mention we still pay CS (since he makes more than her).
She's been fighting the ROFR since she now has a live-in boyfriend but, so far, we've successfully won on that issue and she hasn't taken it to court (yet).  Her biggest complaint is that the kids "hate" the drive back and forth.  I don't think we have to worry about ROFR, since I don't think a judge will take the kids from dad to leave them with mom's boyfriend all night.  But I'm wondering how long things would have to go on like this in order for the courts to support a request for a change in school districts.  They go to school from our house 80% of the time, and we'd really like for them to go to school where we live.  As it stands, we're making the trip 13 times in 2 weeks.  She would have to make the trip here 7 times in 2 weeks.

Chit Chat / Karma
« on: Jun 09, 2011, 01:18:52 PM »
My husband's ex recently left husband #2 and promptly had an affair with a married man.  One of his kids just happened to be SD1's best friend.  How convenient.  He walked out on his family and moved in with psycho.  Thinks he's the luckiest man in the world... oh, he has no idea what he's gotten himself into.  His kids are 14 and 18.  Neither one will have anything to do with him, which is no surprise given the circumstances. 
His wife is beyond pissed off (also no surprise there) and is doing every thing she can to make his life a living hell.  I'd be surprised if he owned a shirt after she got done with him - and he made it easy for her too.  He walked out on her and their 2 children and moved directly in with another woman.  His wife is wheelchair bound, btw.  So their kids are now caring for her.  Can you imagine what a judge is going to think of that??
So, the ex has been complaining about her on facebook, going on about how awful she is and accusing her of all kinds of nastiness.  Her post today said "She'll get what's coming to her.  Karma's a bitch."
I had to laugh when I saw that one.  Doesn't she realize that she's getting the karma back from all the things she did to us?? 
Oh, the irony.

Custody Issues / Make-up Time for FROR?
« on: May 08, 2011, 01:48:29 PM »
Quick background:

My husbands ex works a 12-hour overnight shift 3 days a week, and they have 50/50 custody on alternating weeks.  She was married, but in July she seperated from husband #2.  Her mother (who was apparently homeless prior) moved in with them when H2 moved out.  Grandma watched the children while BM was at work.  Then BM had an affair with SD1's best friends dad, and he moved in with them in November.  Grandma was sent packing a week later.  The new boyfriend has a questionable background - history of drug and alcohol addiction, abandoned his handicapped wife and 2 kids to move in with BM.  His stbx has also been making some alarming accusations, but we are fully aware that these accusations could very likely be false, given the nastiness of the divorce and custody battle.   

When Grandma moved out my huband asked for FROR on her work nights and BM agreed.  This was agreed to in co-parenting counseling, but is not a court order.  Since then everything has been going pretty smoothly since BM is wrapped up in all the drama between her new boyfriend and his stbx.  She is also trying to maintain the appearance of being the complete opposite of his stbx, which means all of the BS she usually aimed at us stopped dead as soon as they moved in together.   

Recently, BM has started asking for "make-up time" for the nights that we have the kids while she is working.  Her argument in counseling last time was that she's losing time with the kids, and she wants it to be "more even".  Her work schedule is 7P-730A, and she drops the kids off at 6:30P, and we bring them to school the next morning.  If there is no school she picks them up at 8A.  What she wants is to be able to get extra days during our weeks to make up for the days that we have them for FROR.   

So my question is, do we have to give make-up time for FROR? 

Parenting Issues / What to do
« on: Mar 03, 2011, 07:24:13 AM »
Quick background:   

BM had an affair with my husband's best friend.  He and the "friend" were both military.  When my husband found out about the affair they decided to work on things - but they continued to see each other anyway.  They moved in together while my husband was deployed, after taking out a large loan in his name to finance the move.  When my husband returned from deployment, they refused to tell him where the kids were because the friend was also military and had previously been issued a no-contact order telling him to have no contact with BM.  Since then, the "friend" had been a major factor in the custodial interference and alienation that we have dealt with.  When he moved it was greatly alleviated.

He and BM split in Nov and he moved out.  He did not speak with the kids at all since he moved, and he moved when they were at our house without even saying goodbye to them.  SD1 was really angry, but said "good riddance".  SD2 was just hurt, because she's known him since she was 2 years old.  Recently he has been coming around their mom's again, supposedly because he wants to get back together with her.  He brought the kids some expensive presents, and asked if he could spend some time with them.  Supposedly, BM is not going to get back together with him - but who knows with her.

So, last night SD1 is sitting on the couch texting away, and my husband asks who she's texting.  She replieds "(the friend)".  Apparently they've been texting each other back and forth.  My husband really lost it.  He was so upset.  He feels like that man has created nothing but hurt and hardship in his life, and it has been such a relief since he's been gone.  The last thing he wants is for this guy to have any influence over his daughters.  Plus we are wary of his motives - since he hasn't wanted anything to do with them since he left, until he wanted to get back together with BM.

Just wanted to get other people's thoughts on what to do.   

Chit Chat / Father and Daughter Reunited after 11 years via Twitter
« on: Feb 26, 2011, 01:43:35 PM »
I read several news articles about it, and aparently they were separated in 2000 when she went to live with her mother, from whom Morales was estranged. They moved away to California, and he moved to Puerto Rico.  He apparently lost touch with them, and didn't even have a picture of her since she was 16 (when she went to live with her mother).
She said:  "I've been trying for years to find my father," Rivera said. "I'm so happy I have my dad. It's been rough not having my father."

Chit Chat / How would you handle it?
« on: Feb 19, 2011, 11:13:16 AM »
I have several friends who are divorced women with children.  Most of them are really good about working with their ex regarding the kids, but a few of them are not, and two of them are very vocal about what a loser they think their ex is - especially on facebook.  Recently one of my friends, who I have known since childhood, but I don't see regularly anymore because we lives states away from each other, posted the following:  "
Dear ex husband.... never call me to tell me how sorry you are and that you miss MY children everyday as you are full of s**t."
Then one of her friends posted this:  "Just remember Dawn he was just the sperm donor and you got the best parts of him! I need to remind my ex from time to time about that."
and another one said this:  "
you are all so much better off without him you are doing a great job with the kids"
I don't think I need to explain why that thread would get my blood pressure up.
Just wondering how you all handle it when someone you know is alienating their children from the other parent, or when you see alienating behavior.  Do you call them out?  Do you call them out, but do it anonymously?  Do you try to give them material?  Or do you just stop dealing with them?

I have lost more than one friend over this stuff.  I think a lot of women feel that, by virtue of my gender, I should be on "their" side.  I try to explain that I am on the side of the children, and that they suffer when they don't have the benefit of a healthy relationship with both of their parents.  But, of course, that falls on deaf ears.  Once someone has decided they are right and the other one is wrong, and that they kids "belong" to them, there is little one person can do to change their mind.   

Parenting Issues / Dilemma
« on: Feb 11, 2011, 03:02:10 PM »
SD1 will be celebrating a birthday shortly.  We alternate weeks, and she will be at her mom's house on the day of her birthday.  I recently asked her what she was going to be doing for her birthday, and she said she didn't know because her mom hasn't said anything to her about it.  Normally, their mother doesn't throw them any kind of party.  She usually takes them to the store to pick out a present and then takes them to eat at the chinese buffet. 
I asked her if she wanted to have a party, to which she answered yes.  So I told her to check with her mom first, and we'd plan something for the following weekend.  She said to go ahead and plan it because her mom hadn't mentioned anything to her, and I had, so it was her mom's problem if she waited until the last minute.  So I bought some things at the party store and started working on invitations.  When I picked her up from school on Thurs I asked her how her day was, and she proceeded to tell me that she had invited a bunch of her friends to her birthday party.  I asked her what day and time she told them to come, since we hadn't figured that out yet, and she said "No, to my mom's house."
So, basically, after we decided to have a party at our house, she spoke to her mom over the phone and her mom said she could have a sleep-over with as many friends as she wanted, so she invited all of her friends to her mom's.  I was upset because I know her friends parents aren't going to bring them to two different parties on consecutive weekends.  (We've been through that whole thing before, and had parties where one kid showed up because their mom had a party the weekend before ours.  So we stopped having parties for them on the years they're with their mom on their birthday. and then their mom stopped having parties for them.)
I felt slighted that she made plans to have a party at our house and then, as soon as her mom says she wants to do something - even though she waited until two days in advance - I get dropped like a hot potatoe.  But, whatever, I kind of expect that kind of thing since I'm the step-mom, and no matter how good I am to them I always play second fiddle.  I know it, so I just sucked it up.

So, last night she has a meltdown at bedtime because none of her friends said whether or not the could come (because she invited them last minute, at school, no invitation, etc), and she was worried that no one was going to come to the sleepover at her mom's, and then she would end up having no party at all.  My husband, of course, now wants me to have a party for her next weekend.
I don't think I should because I feel like she's using me and playing the two houses.  So, I'm just wondering if anyone else has a take on it.  Am I being too hard one her?  Or should I stick to my guns and let her learn that she can't play people that way?

Visitation Issues / Interpretation Question (Yay.)
« on: Dec 02, 2009, 07:01:49 PM »
Ok, so wording of CO states:

"Visitation for the father is hereby ordered as follows..."

In the paragraph about holidays it says "The parties shall alternate holidays, with the father having the children in odd years on _________ (lists all the holidays for odd years), and in even years on ________."  For Thanksgiving it says "which shall commence at 6:00 p.m the Wednesday before Thanksgiving, and conclude at 6:00 p.m. the Sunday following Thanksgiving...."

It also states that father has children the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th weekends of the month.

This year is the "off" year for Thanksgiving with Dad because he had them last year on Thanksgiving.  But, he still gets the 4th weekend, right?

BM is saying that he doesn't get the 4th weekend because she gets Thanksgiving this year, so she keeps them until Sunday.  The way we read the CO it lists the dates and times that the father has visitation, not the mother, since she has custody and has them all the time anyway.

She refused to let him have the kids for the 4th weekend.  I know we have to file for contempt.  Does anyone see any ambiguity?

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