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Messages - poohbear

#11
Dear Socrateaser / What to expect?
Jun 22, 2006, 12:11:52 PM
Went before the magistrate for sole custody--or in the alternative, true 50% shared parenting. The ex (mother) didn't have an attorney, and did not submit a parenting plan.

The magistrate, after talking to our son and hearing all testimony, made the decision that it would be detrimental to remove him from the mother completely because of his close bond with her, but to leave him in her sole custody would do him harm as well as the environment in their home isn't safe for him. (Abuse inflicted upon our son by his stepbrothers). He recommended that my parenting plan be ordered.

There are 14 days to object to his decision, in writing to the judge.

The ex is planning to object to the parenting plan. She agrees with the magistrates decision of shared parenting, and with the alternating week time share, but doesn't agree with some stipulations in the parenting plan.

 She was served a copy of the parenting plan along with the motion about 6 weeks before our court date. Now that court is over, and the magistrate has issued his decision, the ex is planning on submitting her own parenting plan to the judge with her line-by-line objections to the one that I submitted/the magistrate approved and ordered.

My attorney told me that with objections to the decisions of the magistrate, 99.99% of the time the judge overrules the objections and goes with the magistrate recommendations.

My questions are...

1) Is it likely that the judge will give thought to the ex's parenting plan this late in the game? My hope is that he will overrule her objection and tell her she should have submitted a parenting plan prior to the hearing, not after the decision was handed out.

2) Is it necessary for me to file a rebuttal to her objection? If so, I plan on asking for attorney's fees in the event that her objection is overruled.


#12
Second Families / My view
Nov 26, 2004, 07:41:42 PM
As a stepmom, I see many, many issues in your post. I realize you don't know me from Adam :) And that's ok. Take it with a grain of salt if you wish.

First, I would not be so involved with the kids' relationship and their mother. The kids are you are involved with aren't little...they're teens.

OSD isn't an issue at all, because she is a legal adult. YSD is an issue to some extent. However, at 13, you should do more to guide the child personally and less confronting mom about where she's wrong.

As for Thanksgiving, I would say that if YSD wanted to stay...it should be ok. She knows what your plans were for Friday, and if she wanted to stay with her mom, then so be it! At that age, I think it's perfectly ok to let the kid have some say-so. I realize that BM called you and not the child, but your dh could have easily spoken with his daughter and let her know it's alright.

Yes, you have to deal with the ex for a while yet....but the way you deal with her is up to you.

I'm not saying this as someone who hasn't been there...believe me I've been there and worse. However, within the last few months, I've come to see things differently. My change in behavior and attitude has done wonders for my SS's relationship with my husband...and with BM's reactions to different situations. Take the high road, put your own pride and control issues aside, and watch what happens :)

Realize that my response is based solely on what you've provided. If there are other issues, I'm unaware.
#13
Custody Issues / RE: please help..
Sep 17, 2008, 10:13:11 PM
Welcome to the world of family law...being in the military makes your quest even more difficult.

Judges rarely want to send children from their jurisdiction--which is why the judge suggested that you move. If I were you, I'd do everything I could to get to California.

But know that there are no guarantees. If your ex gets her act together, does the parenting classes, and your kids do well in school...the judge may not want to change custody to you.

It's a gamble. Anything can happen. But unless something major happens--like she tries to kill the kids, there's probably not much chance of getting custody while you're in another state, and serving in the military.
#14
In Ohio for example, a third party CAN get visitation with children. They have to prove that they have a bond with the child(ren), and that continued contact is in the best interests of the child--not hard to do if you prove you have a bond and you aren't a drug addicted psychopath.

That said, in some states third party visitation by a step-parent can open the door to child support for the step children if their biological parent isn't stepping up to the plate. It HAS happened, and it's a nightmare for those who have gone through it. The legal reasoning is that you are an acting parent, even though not a biological one.

I agree with tigger that you need to give this a lot of thought. The outcome may be more than you bargain for given the mental status of your stbx.

#15
Have your SS talk to his school counselor. I just told another poster to do the same. And get the kid into therapy ASAP. I hope you can get him out of there, but it often helps if the child is talking to someone other than you and dad.

#16
Custody Issues / RE: A father looking for help
Mar 23, 2008, 07:07:46 PM
Your kids need to talk to their school counselor. In addition, if you don't already have them in therapy, start now. You can do this on your time, and it will do wonders for them regardless of the court outcome. Your kids another ear...someone who will listen and can help them.

DCS doesn't usually take accusations seriously when they come from one parent about another parent. Many parents use the system to get back at the other parent, so DCS just doesn't pay any attention until it's too late.

#17
Custody Issues / RE: HELP!!!
Mar 23, 2008, 07:00:21 PM
If all that you have said is true, then you should have sole physical custody, offering him joint legal so he can be involved in decision making if he chooses.

However, visitation for a newborn is usually best set up with the father coming to your home to visit a couple times a week for an hour or two. As the child gets older, the visitation increases and the father takes the child on his own.

Depending on what state you are in, there may already be minimum guidelines already set up for this. If you'd post your state and county, I will try to find out for you.
#18
Father's Issues / I agree
Apr 29, 2008, 05:12:27 PM
Many parents run for meds. It's sad. I hate that Jessica is on meds, and likely will be for the rest of her life. But, if she forgets to take one pill (She takes Adderall in the morning for ADHD, and Abilify at night) we can tell by her behavior.

She can't function without Adderall. Can't get dressed, can't do the simplest of tasks. Without Abilify, she is full of rage--scary rage.

I do wish the documentary had done more to show history...what we all went through. We've had a LOT of counseling. We even volunteered for a program when she was four to have a social worker from CPS and a therapist come into our home several hours a week. We did everything we could for her, learned everything we could, implemented any parenting technique that was suggested. I could teach several parenting classes. lol

We even tried to change her diet and add supplements. When a 4-5 year old child wants to kill you, it's not fun. The video taken at Dr. Axelson's office when she was 5 is but a small snippet. We had to put all our knives and any medications in the house into a box with a keyed padlock. (She often said she would put pills in our soda bottle, or stab us in our sleep).

She went weeks with little to no sleep, then weeks of nothing but sleep. She would scream for hours--8+. Never cried herself to sleep. And holding her, talking to her, soothing music, nothing consoled her.

Everything about her was so over the top. We have another daughter who is 2 years younger. She has no issues, and no meds.

I have a SS who is in the middle...his mother had him on medication for ADHD for years, and threw a fit when DH got primary responsibility for medical and had him taken off all meds. The kid has been med free for over a year, and doing fine! PB just didn't want to parent him...and still doesn't.

I have seen all sides, and I absolutely hate when parents just want a pill to fix things. Jessica isn't "fixed" because she takes meds. She has to be actively parented every minute of every day. Just now--I told her to brush her teeth and lay out her clothes for tomorrow...her response? A scream because she doesn't want to. It's my job to teach her that response isn't appropriate. At 13 she still has horrible tantrums. But she sleeps regularly,  does well in school, and doesn't want to kill all of us. Meds don't make life perfect by any means.
#19
Father's Issues / And...IMO
Apr 29, 2008, 04:39:33 AM
John Breeding is a quack. I've seen his little video...if you notice, he can't stay on topic. Rambles frequently, and is easily distracted. He appears, to me, to have classic ADD himself.
#20
Father's Issues / Childhood bipolar Disorder
Apr 29, 2008, 04:36:57 AM
Hi :) My daughter is "Jessica" in the Frontline program, and was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder at age 5. A few years later, she was also diagnosed with ADHD. She is medicated for both.

I highly recommend contacting a teaching hospital in your area to find a pediatric psychiatrist who is highly educated on pediatric bipolar disorder for a second opinion.

There are many children who are misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder. Unfortunately, my daughter is not one of them. It's becoming the new "in" thing, and that seriously concerns me. The medications used to treat the symptoms of bipolar disorder are nothing to mess with, and once diagnosed...the diagnosis will stay with your child into adulthood. College entrance applications, job applications, life insurance...it can be devastating.