Messages

Because I see this in the future.  Not that a child living with the other parent is bad- NOT ALL ALL!  I take issue with the manipulation and hurt and damage that it will cause/is causing DS.  DS has had divided loyalties from a young age, despite me doing everything I can to encourage DS to love and respect BOTH of his parents.  

XH views DS' love as a contest or as an exclusive prize, and so he says and does things in the hopes that one day DS will turn to XH and exclude me.

We had 57%/43% placement until XH had legal problems and had to move in w/ family 3.5 hours away.  Now it's just EOweekend

"He also likes to bowl, as I mentioned, but my ex- refused to take him on HER weekends because it wasn't convienient. I think whats good for the gander is good for the goose. My ex and I don't get along, and I believe she has done this on spite. "

So because XW is a witch re: DS' bowling, that gives you carte blanche to be vindictive in the same way?  Don't you see that DS is caught in the middle here?

With this attitude that you both have, do you think DS can feel free to tell you that he WANTS to go to all the games, or do you think he has some internal pressure to tell you what you want to hear?

Another thing to consider- DS is getting to the age where he should honor commitments- voluntary or involuntary.  I realize that you did not sign him up for these particular commitments, BUT you've since been ordered to go and support them.  You can do it resentfully, which will just make you more angry OR you can enjoy the silver lining and support DS in his activities.  What do you want DS to remember of his childhood- you being PO'd for having to go to his games, or you actively cheering on the sidelines for him and his team with lots of genuine enthusiam.

You have a reason to be irritated that your time truly isn't your time anymore, but PLEASE try to make lemonade out of the lemons you've been given for DS' sake!!!!!!!!!!!!

If he's coming home and saying this stuff, get him to a child psychologist.  Frankly, if it is a very contentious divorce, your child likely could use a "safe" outlet anyway.  The psychologist can confirm if this is indeed happening and help your child deal with the fallout.  

He/she will likely want to involved STB XH, but keep in mind, this is for DS's benefit.  The psychologist can make a determination, after meeting you, XH and most of all, getting to know DS, if supervised visits are warented.  If they are, the court and/or GAL should place a great deal of weight on that as it is not a XH said/you said matter any more.

You need to go beyond "I want supervised" and look at "how do I help DS deal with this situation", which may include supervised placement.

You can allow visits and protect your child.  I'm in the midst of doing that now (my XH had a DUI while DS was in the car with him).

First you have to deal with the re-integration issue.  I know there are books out there that address this in part- one I liked (but didn't read/use this part of the book) was "Mom's House, Dad's House".   Look for it at your library or Amazon. Setting up supervised visitation at this point is very reasonable.  Also, if this goes through the courts, there will likely be a custody evaluation which should bring out serious AODA and mental health issues, esp if he's had trouble with the law.  

Was the request a court motion or was it from him or from his attorney requesting time?  

too personal for me to leave up!

Gidget

nm

Because the parent moved, that parent usually bears the full cost of the additional expenses/time related to that move.

Heartily agree on the book and the clothing issue.

If you are within driving distance, you should be able to attend her games.

If you are not- never mind!

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