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that is why my 2nd post stated they can take it into consideration for college expenses.

Have you actually ever heard of anyone that had spouse's figured for a minor's CS figure?  Has this happened to you?

I always have said that if they try to take my income for CS, I will file for Separation and be done with that!!! It isn't my job to support DH's kids - it is his job to do that.  

I'm not very familiar with the whole college/continued CS issue b/c I haven't lived it yet. I hope you get this figured out soon. How old is the child in your case and how long has he been going to college? How much longer do you think he will be going for?

As for the ex, well the thought of her losing that money and her having to actually get a better paying job or another to support herself is just horrible. I mean that is $1100 she will be losing. That is alot of money. She wouldn't be able to pay her bills on $20K. Poor poor victim ex wife.  

Believe me I know what you are talking about here. And totally agree that $500 is more than enough to spend on a child per month. I don't even spend that much on my daughter including day care.  But day care is usually considered separate issue.

Hope this ends for you soon.  Hopefully she won't be having him drag out his degree just so she can keep that money.

I believe I know what you are talking about with this one.

The spouses income isn't used with CS calculations but when figuring out who pays what percentage or amount for college, they do look at the parent's and spouse's incomes on both sides.  Unfortunately with the big difference in income on your side compared to ex's, I'm sure you guys are basically footing the bill.  

b/c compared to other states it is much fairer.  Of course if you make more you pay more.  And unfortunately there is no accountability to how the money is used. Believe me, we have gone through that. Had to buy clothes and shoes for SKs many times b/c she wasn't using the money for them but to support herself and boyfriend who didn't work regularly.  But how do you actually account for it?  When we were in court one time both DH and ex had to do a financial statement.  She basically stated she spends X amount on clothes and school and stuff a month when we knew that wasn't true. But she made it look like the CS was being used for the kids for the judge.  How do you prove otherwise? I do know there is one state (can't remember which one) that does have some sort of accountability law but I don't know if it actually is used and works well.

As for college I totally believe the child should have to maintain a certain GPA (at least a C) to continue getting school paid for etc.  But I'm not all that familiar with college b/c my SD opted not to go and my SS probably won't go unless he gets his act together before he starts HS in the Fall.

As for CS, my DH has been in court in the last several months for CS reasons and never once has my income been asked about or taken into consideration.  In fact I was recently reading through divorce and CS law in IL and didn't see anything in it on spouses income added.  Where did you see this or read this?  Can you give me some links to look at b/c CSE sure hasn't asked about me.

I know every case is different. I believe $1100 for 1 child is too much too but how do they cap it?  Should states say you get XX amount for 1 child, X amount for 2 children etc etc?  The logic is supposed to be that the child living the same standard as if they were still married. Unfortunately it is the ex that thinks she should be living the same standard instead and takes from the child to get what they want.  Wish I had the answers on how to make better. I don't think any state with all the different ways to calculate CS that is out there has figured this out yet.

my DH's divorce stated CS ends at 18 or graduate HS, whichever comes last.  College will be paid by both parents pro rated on income levels.  College must of 4 consecutive years (sure would pay if it took longer b/c you can't really do it in 4 yrs anymore) immediately following college unless join the military first.

IL is not as bad as what it is being made out to be here.  But it does hold the first family first. And guess what, we should all know that going into another marriage with more kids.  I am the SM and I  have a 4 year old with a disability. I would never ask that DH's CS be dropped b/c of this. I think he is supposed to pay a fair amount. Why should his other children suffer b/c I decided to have another child. And I have another on the way.  That is my decision to make. I knew this going into the marriage.  

I don't know the story of the McHenry man (I live about an hour from there) but do know that there are many places he could've gotten help with those medical bills.  My daughter had a valve still open in her heart after birth. I was set up with an organization that basically covered her cardiology bills that insurance didn't pay.  I'm not saying this man was at fault or anything but if the children from his first marriage lived with him, he would still do what he needed for them to make sure they had what they needed.

I know I am going to be flamed for this but I think you need to do what is needed for all of your children.  I think IL is fair in their CS calculations. It is a percentage of NCP's net income. Other states calculate at much higher amounts and even take new spouse's income into account. DH's ex's attorney tried to get my income heard in court before. DH dodged the question stating he didn't know what I made (he didn't honestly) and it was never ordered to be shown.

My DH has gone through periods of not paying and it was his fault. You don't do that to your kids. His kids suffered ALOT b/c of it and he would deserve it to be thrown in jail for it too.

What area are you in? If you are by me I can recommend an attorney that really fought for my DH and really knows the law etc. She is prompt, calls you back and is upfront with you. I loved her. Let me know and I can give you her name and number if you are close enough.

on one hand I agree that this is exploitation...

and the other hand, this is a woman who is adopted and wants to find her Father.  The show I'm sure did all the research and leg work to find him for her and obviously he wants to know her too.  She agreed to do this knowing exactly is how the show will be.  In the end, she will have her Father which will be priceless to her.

Now my question is this - What happens if she picks the wrong man as her Father?  Will she just lose out on money (if it is going to be awarded) or will she not be told who is her Father?

that she doesn't want to move anything that isn't "necessary" and she figured he would like to have them for when they visit him. I know a bunch of crap but you can come up with anything to explain something like this away. Hopefully the judge wouldn't believe it.

Now, I Will is going to have to get out of his slump and decide if he wants to fight or give up.  He can do this.   He can get a lot more than just 5 weeks but he has to fight for his rights. And he has to keep fighting for as long as necessary.  Believe me I know how it is and it is hard on a relationship but as long as you guys stay on the same page you can do this!!! Don't put up with her crap. Keep in contact. Call, email, send letters and cards.  And everytime she refuses a call or cancels and email account or sends the letters back that is just one more thing against her. Use the laws to keep access to school information and send the stamped envelops if need be. Yes it can be expensive but that is what you do to stay in your children's lives.

Scrimp and save to afford those plane tickets. If you don't try to get them when you are supposed to then he won't have a leg to stand on in court. Money won't be an excuse.

I feel for Will and you. This is going to be very long and tough but it can be done. Don't give up.

you need to work out the other details:

visitation for Dad - holidays, days off, Summer - He should get all or most of this. Also that Dad has option of going to Alaska to visit them and she must make them available with a certain amount of notice.

Who will pay transportation costs - she is moving so she should foot the bill but most likely he will pay to get and she will pay to get them back.

Phone contact - how often he should be able to call without interference from her.

I know this is hard but you will get through it. You will miss them alot but just make sure you keep in contact with them constantly.  Make sure you contact their schools and have them send you copies of everything Mom gets etc.  

Another to think about is how will Dad's insurance (if he covers them) cover Alaska.  Will they be out of network etc. If so then maybe it should be set up that Mom has to cover them. I mean she is the one moving so she should bear some responsibility.

Also, I would look into Alaska CS guidelines b/c I can see her trying to move CS or the whole entire case to Alaska. You may want to have it written that this state retains jurisdiction over everything pertaining to the case so you don't have to go to Alaska to go to court.

I just hope she doesn't use this as an opportunity to try to start denying his time totally. I mean the distance would make the games very easy.  Keep strong and firm. Don't give up on them. They may be far away but they aren't totally gone.

it was always their way or no way.  We offered so many compromises and all of them were shot down b/c the true goal was not coming over at all.  Wouldn't want to miss hanging out with the friends for even one second.  No way.

Even after court things still stayed the same.  So I don't really have any advice for you on this at all.  I say keep any relationship you have with her there. Talk to her on the phone all the time. Send you thinking of her cards or congratulations cards if she does well in school or something.

I feel the one thing I would do different is not let all the lies and stories stand and not say a word to counter them. We thought we were doing the right thing by not making a big deal about all of PB's lies and stories but then SD just believed her more and more.  If it were now and SD said PB said something about the divorce and what DH was not doing right, I would've whipped out the divorce and showed her exactly what it said and that yes he is doing this all the time.  PB always had SD read the court papers then would "interpret" them to her. And most of the time her interpretation was so wrong.

she gets older.  Oh, did we go through this with SD.

You see her social life is SOOOOO much more important and BM feeds into that.  She is down there simpathicizing with SD that she has to miss out on this party and those things with her friends.  How horrible that DH doesn't realize this and understand that she wants to have a social life too.  I mean, she is entitled to one and DH is enfringing on this.  And it goes on and on and on.

Our BM actually went as far as telling SD that in IL there is a law that states at 13 or whatever age BM decided fit her agenda, the children could make up their minds if they want to come over or not.  SD's social life was more important than seeing Dad, who is only good for CS anyways and is just a horrible person and doesn't care about them.  They only live @2hrs from us and it was a constant battle.  So we took it to court and despite BM"s attorney, our attorney, the mediator, the evaluator and the judge telling her no such law exists, she still continued on her merry way of lies and PAS.  DH even agreed that SD only had to come over 1 time a month and holidays and that still was not good enough.  SD couldn't miss ANYTHING in her social life.

So there is no easy solution to this. As she gets older and has boyfriends and wants to go out socially etc etc she will fight this more and more.

Oh and we used to hear the "they were crying the way here" or "they have been crying for the last 2 hours and don't want to go with you" crap too.  And you know what, they were crying b/c BM was sitting there the whole time ranting and raving about DH and whatever was going on at the time and had the kids all upset and feeling bad about coming over b/c BM didn't want them to go b/c they may have a great time at our house.

So I am so negative but I have so been there and done that and nothing we did was ever good enough or made a difference at all.  There was no convincing SD otherwise and anything we tried to say to convince her she was wrong or her information was wrong resulted in her screaming that we were accusing her Mom of lying.  Well, guess what she was!!!! But then that was contrued as talking bad about BM to the children and that was just horrible even though she was constantly talking bad about DH to the children.  But that didn't matter.

hopefully somewhat good.  Please let us know.