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one point to make though - the not being married and living together may end up being a major thing too.  Sometimes that is considered not to be the ideal situation for the children to be living in. Many divorces have moral's clauses that state this. They could try to make this an issue depending on the outcome and use that as a way for her to retain custody.

Or they could try to say he shouldn't have overnight visitation b/c of the living situation.  

Things to think about. Depends on how much of a big deal they want to make of that and use it for. I'm just stating this b/c they brought it up right away.

I am up North in DuPage County.

not all the areas are there for IL.  So I am assuming this web site is for the Central IL area only?

not all the areas are there for IL.  So I am assuming this web site is for the Central IL area only?

let her know that as long as she is not willing to send SD to house without any necessary books or supplies needed to do homework with, then you will need to purchase stuff for your house as well and will expect her to pay 1/2 for these as well by deduction from the receipt sent.  

I you are paying for the stuff used at her house, then SD should be bringing these things back and forth to complete assignments.  Period.

I would tell her you sent the original $20 for supplies b/c you were trying to help out with school supplies.  However the additional constant receipts are getting out of hand.  Let her know that you will set a precedence right now:

                 You will contribute 1/2 to the school supply list that is provided by the school each year and to whatever books are needed for school.
                 From then on, you will purchase whatever supplies are needed for assignments to be done at your house and she will purchase for her house.  This includes things for any special projects that need to be done when at your house or her house.

You will also expect her to send all school books to your house since you are paying 1/2 of the cost. If she doesn't do this, you will start purchasing your own and not reimbursing her for the ones she purchased.

Plain and simple. And that will be it and stick to it. Also start keeping the receipts for things that you buy for your house that SD needs to use to show that you are also spending money regularly for these things as well.
           

tell your ex wife that as your daughter gets older, you are discovering how much she really needs a Mom more than just every other weekend and maybe a night or so during the week.

Tell her you would like to work something out that she stay with you 1/2 the week and Mom 1/2 the week.  You can alternate weekends or do something like Sunday - Wed morning with Mom and Wed after school to Saturday Night with you.  Then your daughter gets BOTH parents that love her very much and it isn't overwhelming you. You pay what is needed in your house, Mom pays for what is needed in her house etc etc.......No child support is paid by either and you split school and medical stuff down middle.

Do you guys live close enough together that ex wife can get her to or from school easily?  If so this could work out great.  You would have free time then to do what you want with new wife.  That is if you even want to continue being married to her. Can't really tell if her is a marriage left or not. She seems to just want to go out and party.  

How does this sound to you? You aren't totally giving up your daughter this way.

and I know that sometimes it seems that there are many people ganging up on you.  On these boards sometimes it is very hard to get the wording out correctly when trying to give advice. B/c others can't "hear" the tone of our voices as we are writing, words come off as differently than what was intended.

My advise to you on this whole situation is to step back just a little bit.  I know it is very hard to do b/c it took me many many years to be able to do that.  We call it disengaging.  Now you don't have to say you are out of it totally, but you also can't let it succomb your whole life while you are going through court battles etc.   My life the last couple years has been quite peaceful b/c it hasn't been a constant struggle and battle with PB and the SKids.  Now we haven't seen them as much either which is upsetting but the stress level is way way down.  But recently things have been happening that is making it worse again and I can just feel the stress and muscle tightening and my brain working and the being restless and sleepless etc at the mention of her name or what she has done or what she is trying to do now.  It can burn you out really quick and be a relationship killer.  I'm sure neither of you want to go through another divorce so you need to be able to support him in a healthy way without it affecting you, your life and your sleep.  There are some that it affects them so much that they are sick to their stomaches. Don't want that and don't want this to be the only thing that you think about or discuss either.

So I have no idea how this is going to turn out at all.  Except for alienation of the children (which the courts really don't do much about anyways), I don't see alot that shows she is the worse parent if you think about it on the courts side of things.  This is just bad all around. It is no win - both sides will lose something no matter the solution.  

Now, if she is told she can't move the kids, what do you think she will do? Will she give you custody?  Will she not move at all? Do you think her husband would then move here?

And what is Will's plan on visitation and transportation if she is allowed to move? Also have to think about phone contact with them and it would be a good idea to request counciling for the children to adjust to the move.

If you ever want to vent off board, let me know and I can give you may email address.

And maybe I missed this somewhere in another post on this or a response.

When BM asked Will to sign the paper stating she is willing to let him switch and is being cooperative, did Will just refuse to sign it all together or did he state he will sign it if it is specific to this instance only?

I think what we are all arguing about here may be chalked up to lack of communication too.  And believe me this is sooooo hard to deal with and get to a point to even be able to communicate in a healthy way between ex's.

If Will just refused to sign the paperwork no matter what, my suggestion in the future is for him to say something like "BM, I am more than willing to sign this, however only if it is specific to the dates we are discussing today.  I think that this is a good idea and will eleviate any confusion in the future between us."

If this works, then he should also state that she will need to print off 2 copies to be signed b/c you will need a copy.  If she refuses, I would come with my own letter for her to sign.  And of course document (like  journal with dates, times etc) the whole conversation.

Sometimes if an alternate is proposed instead of just flat out refusing, things get done better.  No granted, the other person will not always go for the alternate either and in those cases it just shows they are trying to be difficult on purpose and it is their way or no way.  Oh, have I dealth with that so many times in the past.

And also, since your attorney told you not to sign anything, it may also be that BM's attorney told her to not do any more switching without getting it in writing.  Attorneys usually give alot of the same advice.  Their main goal is to get as much documented as possible to prove their side of it all.

these battles are not the GF's or SW's battles to wage. These are the DH's children and they ultimately are the ones that need to do what is needed when it comes to the children.

If I were to do it all over again, I wouldn't have taken as big of role in the battles with our PB. It was alot easier for me to deal with than DH b/c PB and I could talk alot better than he could with her. I love my SKs and have always tried to make things as best as possible for them but the crap I have been put through and the ringer I have been through by both PB and the SKs is something I would never do again. I would've rather than that fun person they hang with when over than the person trying to get all this crap done that will never happen.

And also being cooperative and compromising is a 2 way street. And both parties always think they are bending over backwards to accomodate the other and getting no cooperation in return.

I guess you don't want to hear anything unless we are 100% agreeing with you, huh?

You are not the only one going through stuff like this.  My DH has been doing this for the 12 years and you have no idea what he has gone through and endured through that time. It would make your head roll just hearing the long story about my DH's ex.  She has done everything in her power to keep DH out of their lives or least so they don't actually think of them as Dad.  We have been through basically everything you can get thrown at you.

I was just pointing out that she doesn't have to be accomodating and switch around vistation whenever he asks.  And guess what, the courts don't think she will need to either. Vistitation is a set schedule. They view that as stability in for the children. Changing the schedule makes thing harder. Since you commented on how uncooperative she has been with the scheduling, it seems that this type of thing happens more than often.  

Has your BF thought about what type of visitation schedule if she is given permission to move? Hopefully he will be asking for all breaks and all or most of Summer and that she either pay all of or a good portion of travel costs.

Oh, and my DH's ex put the children in the middle of every little thing happening.  The divorce states they are supposed to foster good will to each other for the children and believe me, she never did that at all.  I can you tell you it was never considered abuse when brought up in court. The most she ever got was told not to do it but that was it and she kept going on her marry way telling the kids everything.  In fact, I don't think I know of anyone whose BM has ever been admonished and gotten on trouble except dearsirena on SW's board and that is b/c her PB is on another planet in itself when it comes to these things.  Just letting you know this b/c it will probably just get worse if she is allowed to move. PAS is very hard to prove and isn't even really acknowledged in a lot of states.