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Messages - Genie

#31
and it is 20% of net income that the figure is based on. I have been dealing with CS in IL for a long time and will be more in the future. They have NEVER looked at BM's income when doing the CS figure. She may have had to fill out financial statements just as BD did, but her income wasn't used in any calcuation!!!
#32
I don't owe him the $20K until Aug 25, 2010.  So I wasn't supposed to pay him the money as of right now.  

So in light was that, can she come after that $20K right now as part of his estate or b/c he doesn't have the life insurance policy for her?

Thank you for your information.

Is there anything I need to do to protect myself against her?
#33
My X collapsed and went into a coma on 7/7.  There seems to not be much hope of him coming out of it anytime soon.  The Drs don't seem hopeful that he ever will.  I have remained close to him and his family so non of the problems are with us.  We are all devastated and stressed.

Now the questions:

1.  I'm not sure exactly how soc security death benefits work and/or SS disability benefits. We have 2 minor children (5 & 1 yrs) and he has 2 children with 1st wife (19 & 15 yrs).  I assume dependent benefits would be split 3 equal ways then?

2.  Obviously he would be unable to pay CS. Even if he comes out of the coma the Drs says he will have permanent brain damage.  Should I have his CS stopped?  He has never paid me any in the 11 mons we have been divorced.  

3.  Per the divorce I owe him $20K minus any CS unpaid and medical bills unpaid. So I was basically not going to owe him anything at that time since he didn't think he needed to pay.  It would've been offset and he still would've owed me money.  What happens with this money now? Is it considered to be part of his estate that his X can try to come after?

4.  He is supposed to have $50K life insurance policy for 1st wife and $100K for me.  Of course he doesn't have any of these.  Can she try to come after that $20K minus what he owes me now for that?

I know I am not responsible for any of his bills or debt since we are no longer married.  However, he was always only a bank to his first wife so I can see her trying to get whatever she can.  There is no estate as he has nothing.  Any advise on how to handle her is appreciated. She is already asking questions and digging for info which non of us is giving her any.  

I live in IL.
#34
Because my STBX hasn't responded to the divorce petition or showed up in court (hasn't even made effort to find out when court dates are), the judge defaulted him last Monday.  So now my attorney is writing up the Settlement agreement which will basically give me everything I ask for and the judge will sign off on it on 8/23.

Questions:

1.  Is this all there is too it?  It just seems so easy to me.

2.  She was going to leave visitation out until she petitions for it. I stated I would rather have something in there (Reasonable visitation or something like that) and spelling out that it is to be supervised b/c of his extreme alcoholism (we have a 5 yr old and 6 wk old baby).  I am afraid he could get visitation in future if petitioned if the drinking is addressed now and supervision stated.  What do you think is the best way to go?

3.  Should I get specific with dependent deductions, 401K/petition etc etc or just leave it out. I was told anything not in settlement goes to me anyways since I have custody (i.e tax deductions) or can't be addressed in future if not addressed now.  Is that true? What do you think is the best way to go?  

I am in IL.

Thank you in advance.
#35
I am in Northern IL (DuPage County) and my marriage has gone from bad to worse to horrible and I don't think I can repair it.

My husband is an alcoholic and his drinking has gotten alot worse in the past several years. He doesn't feel he needs to work and basically drinks from the moment he wakes up till he goes to bed. He finds money to drink from his loser friends or doing odd jobs for others.

I opened my own checking account several years ago so he can't access my money. I filed a Quit Claim Deed on our house b/c of him owing CS for his 2 older children. He spent over 90 days in work release over the Summer and quit his job he got the next day after getting out. It looks like he will be going back next month's court date.

He is very emotionally abusive berating me daily telling me I am stupid and don't do anything etc etc even though I pay all the bills and do everything needed for our 4 yr old. He has threatened me several times telling me he will get me or I won't make it to the court house or plain coming out saying he will make sure I die etc. He tells our daughter I am a b**** and a c***.

Questions

1. I am worried about visitation for my 4 yr old with down syndrome and the baby I am pregnant with right now (big oops). I will ask for supervised visitation at either his parents or court supervisor. How hard is this to get with this situation?

How would visitation be for a baby in this situation if given unsupervised?

2. How about the house? I don't want to lose it since I have been paying for it and all the bills by myself for the last almost 5 years. Quit Claim filed but bought after marriage. Owned since 2/98. Quit Claim not filed with mortgage company but am planning on refinancing in my name only.

Could I keep the house with no profit to him since I have paid for it myself for this time?

3. Can you get custody of children and not file for divorce or separation?

4. He hasn't seen his older children for visitation for 2 1/2 years for RO by his ex for threat he made to her. It is now expired and still doesn't keep in contact with them.  Can I terminate his rights if he decides not to be part of our children's lives? Or do you have to have step parent to adopt before can happen?

The only thing keeping me from filing right now is to make sure my kids are safe. He passes out, leaves whenever he wants, I don't let him watch daughter alone at all and she goes to day care when I am working b/c he is always drinking, his lisence is suspended for hit & run fine he has paid (he was drunk but they don't know that). I need to make sure they aren't put in danger. He would have no problem driving them around if he had a vehicle and he has no problem driving drunk and even has drank beer while driving.

Thank you. Sorry a little long.
#36
General Issues / Many times with Joint Legal...
Jul 22, 2007, 11:21:16 AM
if they can't agree, one parent (usually the one with primary placement), has the right to make the decision. Geting both parent's "imput" really means nothing because the one with ultimate decision making authority will still go on what they think.

You can't run into court everytime you disagree. I don't know if this would be considered a major medical decision b/c vaccines are standard practice and many states are requiring or thinking of requiring this one for school.

I don't agree with the vaccine only b/c I feel that it gives girls more lisence to have sex.  Now they won't have to "worry" about getting HPV even though it doesn't cover all the strains.  Below Sanchez kept saying it needed "30 years of research" to be considered effective.  Well, even 30 years doesn't mean it will work or last how it should.  The measles/mumps shots I got as a kid should be redone b/c they think they don't last forever.  Never got them redone but should.

I never agreed with the chicken pox shot being mandatory.  If you don't get it as a child I do think you should have it as an adolesent b/c it is so much worse.  But I didn't think it should be mandatory for school.  But my girls have both gotten it.  And they haven't done that many years research and don't even know now if it is permanent. It may need to be redone at some point.
#37
General Issues / Hey - by the way...
Jul 14, 2007, 04:29:02 PM
what part of IL are you in?  I am in IL too.  Dupage county in Northern IL.  I definitely know what you mean about the hot days.  Those 90's last weekend were a killer!!!

I went without air conditioner for many years too or didn't use it b/c I couldn't afford the high electric bills at the time. Fans were my best friend but didn't do quite the job.  And when the SKs were over and it was hot, all they did was complain.  Totally understand you going to your parent's house for some relief.

Hope you guys are having a good Summer despite BM's actions.
#38
I have more facts so I can post better.  Sorry about anything I said.

If there are times that she is supposed to call, then no matter what, SD should be available.  If you aren't home then, SD should call her BM at that time.  I think this would alleviate some of her hard feelings about the whole thing.

I would be very interested in hearing the outcome of all of this. Please keep us posted on what happens.

Question - when SD is at BM's house, is the court order reversed and DH has specified times he can call?  Is SD available to talk when he calls? Can he call her on her cell?  Does SD call back if the call is missed? Does BM "make" SD call DH back?

Answers to those questions could forsee the outcome of all this. If SD is the same with BF as with BM then that shows that it is not your doing, it is a 14 yr old being a teenager.  
#39
and this may be the root of it all here...

She can't use the cell phone if she is home but she can use it if she goes out.  So how does BM know if she is home or not?  Try calling landline, get machine then call cell phone?  That is inconvenient.

You stated when at your parents, SD can use their phone to call BM if wants.  Again, why can't she use the cell phone?  

What I woudl feel like in this instance is that I am damned if I do and damed if I don't.  I would never know what phone to call her on because I would never know if she was home or not or at your parent's house or not.  It would be quite frustrating.

Rules are good and necessary when you have children and SKs that come to visit.  It is the only way to keep everyone on the same page and in order.  However, I wouldn't want to be subjected to those rules as a parent.  If I want to call my children at a decent hour (I would go by times that were too late and early to call unless emergency. That is not unreasonable), I shouldn't have to make several calls just to figure out how to get ahold of her.  

I know that many NCPs complain that they can't get ahold of children or don't get calls back when at the CP's house and how it isn't right and the CP should make the children available to talk and call back the NCP.  Isn't this the same thing but in reverse?
#40
General Issues / I agree....
Jul 12, 2007, 06:16:35 PM
I know that if my D's were gone for 8 weeks, I would be talking to them more than 1 - 2 times a week.  In fact, it would be every day to every other day tops.  It is not b/c I would want to make X's life miserable - it would be b/c I would miss the girls and want to here about their days.  No be nosy, just talk about what they have been doing.  Shoot 8 weeks is a long time to be away when you are used to being with them almost every day.

As for phone calls, I agree it doesn't matter what phone she talks on.  Hey if she uses the cell then she is using their minutes and BM is paying for the call, not you. Don't know if it is a long distance call or not.

As for staying at your parent's house, I would insist I could contact on her cell phone when she is there.  I would also want to know the address.  Not being nosy but just b/c I have a right to know.  Just as X would have a right to know my parent's address if I was staying there.

It goes both ways.  I'm sure there is more to it than just this but sometimes the battle just isn't worth it.  Let her use her cell and give her your parent's address.