Messages

Retirement and 401K for sure. However, you are also entitled to 1/2 of his as well.  So many times, an agreement is made that you keep yours and he keeps his and all is happy.

What I have read about inheritance is that it is not a marital asset AS LONG AS it is not mingled into a joint bank account if it is money.  So this is something you definitely need to talk to your attorney about and see what it said.

it will get better I promise.  And you are doing what you need to do to work in that direction.  My Gosh you have been through alot and most people wouldn't be able to back easily either. Don't beat yourself up about it.

Right now I think you are doing a good job. You aren't denying talking or visiting and are trying to facilitate a relationship between the kids and their Father.  That is all you are expected to do.  Congrats for being the better person and not bitter as many in your situation would do.  You are doing just fine.

Now for the extra time.  Is he asking for it?  It is occasional for special things or a constant request.  If occasional and you think it is something the kids should be there for or would enjoy, then I say let them go.  If it is constant, I would probably have to put my foot down for your own sanity.  Constantly having to deal with issues can wear a person down and you don't need that.

And wow he moved on fast.  Since it sounds like this was a couple month courtship, the likelihood of it lasting is slim.  You need to protect the children from being hurt if they do break up.  They will lose another family in the process.  

what site do you use.  How much does it cost for how long and how many lookups?  Does it give you information for cell phones and unlisted numbers?

I always need reverse lookup for cell phone numbers etc but don't know if I can trust any of the sites.  Wouldn't have a problem paying the money if I know it works.

Thanks.

for using some foul language when doing something. Believe me we never talked that way again.  My Mom made sure it was in between the teeth then we had to sit there for 1/2 hour before we could brush our teeth.

As you can tell I don't think it is abuse.  Now for a 4 yr old that is a little extreme.  Realistically, the toddler used it for the first time b/c she heard someone else (her Mom or Step Dad?) use it and is just repeating it. Toddlers do that when they are learning to talk. You know that.  I think this kind of discipline should be reserved for older children who know better than to say that.  At 4 yrs old the child should be given a time out or something and explained to that this is not a word that he/she will be using in the future.

As for her disciplining in agreed upon manners.  That won't happen.  You know by now that she doesn't care what he wants done or not.

Has DH stopped moping around yet and filed any papers?  Sorry I am harsh hear but you guys had kinda split before b/c of his moping and anger management issues.  Has things gotten better. And you are calling him DH now not BF.  Any news we should know about?

and that you and BF have reconnected at least on some level.  

Time has passed since he went in so I think you guys should take things slow. I wouldn't move out there with him immediately.  I am glad he has a job now that will hopefully be permanent and he is back in his children's lives regularly and is there for them on every level.  I think that will go a long way to him turning things around. Sometimes the NCP just gives up on every level when he/she doesn't see the children for whateve reason.

I hope whatever happens it is what is best for you.  At the very least, you can have some closure on this relationship and maybe even be able to form it into a lasting relationship.  Good Luck.  Keep us updated.

And I hope I am not one of the people you stated were not kind to you. I didn't mean to be that way if it came across in a bad way.

that does Pro Bono work.  

He can get a free consultation also from alot of attorneys but I don't know who much they would delve into his paperwork without some sort of payment. Maybe they could make out payment arrangement. Certain amount every month?

I know it is hard. I have been through it with my DH and am just about done caring now.  Mafiamom knows the reality of many different situations b/c she has lived them.  Somtimes she may sound harsh but she is just trying to get others to see the reality of the situation they are in. Sometimes an outside perspective is what a person needs.

Only time will tell with you guys. You stated below he gets out in a couple of months. You haven't had contact with him for quite sometime so you may find that he won't be contacting you when he gets out either.  No matter what, you can't fix the situation for him. Believe me I have tried many times and unless he wants to change it he can't.  

Also what are his plans for when his ex does die. Will he bringing his daughter to be with him?  He will find out the reality of paying for all the treatments she needs then. It may help get him in gear.

I know it is hard at times to find a job but there are ones out there. He just needs to be willing to swallow his pride and take something that is lesser till he can get something better in the future. Hopefully he will have learned that he doesn't want to go back to jail for not paying once again when he gets out.

judges usually don't throw someone in jail unless they owe CS, it continues to rack up and they have given the person every opportunity to get a job and/or pay CS & amount towards arrears each month.

So why hasn't BF been paying? Difficulties with BM and not seeing child is not valid excuse. Stinks but that is how it is.

Has BF been given work release so he can work or get job and pay CS etc while in jail?  

My DH was in work release for this last year. He is the idiot who doesn't think he needs to work & pay CS so in my opinion he got what he deserved.  But my situation is probably different than yours.

More details would help us give you sounder advice and support.

has been made yet.  You have as much right to take her to the doctor and make medical decisions right now as she does. No judge is going to tell you you were wrong b/c you got her immunized.  "Well, I carry the insurance and she is out of state now so it was easier for me to do it b/c I know it will be covered here...." etc etc

There is no order telling you you can't make medical decisions. You have visitation at your house on several evenings.  Make appts during that time.  Plain and simple.

What has your attorney stated about this issue?

nm