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my ex refuses to communicate at all.  i've tried since our divorce to get him to co-parent with me but he won't.  when our son went through a rough patch in school once, my ex refused to even take my calls to discuss it.

shared custody is a nice idea, but both parents have to be willing to communicate or it will never work.  this is the problem that we have...he refuses to communicate.  honestly, i think it's more to do with his wife because she doesn't want him communicating with me.  the only "communication" that we have is via e-mail and it's her e-mail address.  so, i'm sure she's the one controlling it completely.

My ex had threatened for years that if I ever tried to review CS, he would file for custody. I had never messed with CS but it's gotten to a point where our son's expenses are quite a bit more so a review was necessary...it has been 9 years.

Well, my ex is obviously keeping his "promise" and is now pressuring our son to move. Our son came home from spending the weekend with his dad and was so upset. He was up half the night with an upset stomach. I talked with him and asked if he was happy with how things are. He said that he is, but that he just kept telling his dad that all these questions are confusing him. It tears me apart to see my son in this position. I was so upset last night that I could have sworn I was having an anxiety attack.

So, if my ex is able to brainwash our son, how much weight does the voice of an 11 year old carry? Everything...I mean everything...in our son's life is great. Great grades, lots of activities, friends, everything! Also to note, I have sole legal and physical custody...my ex only has visitation. We are in IL.

Not sure if you remember my case.  SD is 15 and wants to move in with us.  Lots of issues at her mother's house including underage drinking, abusive boyfriend (her mom's), and sexual activity.  Our attorney filed a motion to modify custody and set a court date to request a guardian ad litem.  That court date was last week.  BM's attorney showed up and first argued that he only received 13 days notice of the court date instead of the required 14.  The judge gave him a really interesting look that said "are you kidding me?"  Our attorney responded that the "rule" is that the notice be mailed no later than 14 days prior and that had been done.

BM's attorney then said that he planned to file a motion to dimiss.  The judge asked if he would like to present it to the court now.  The attorney said it was back in his office.  So, the judge set a date for this week to hear the motion to dismiss.

The judge did ask about mediation and our attorney explained that the parties have tried to work this out but have been unsuccessful.  Our attorney stressed the urgency of the matter and noted that mediation would just delay things.  She noted the sensitivity when custody is being discussed and the desire to have something settled before school starts in a little over a month.  The judge noted that perhaps after the motion to dismiss it heard and if the case proceeds, then we may want to consider an emergency temporary custody hearing.

So, what are the chances that the case will be dismissed?  Does this happen often?

We really had just hoped to get the GAL assigned and let them start talking with everyone.

There are problems in the relationship between the CP and the child which seem to be getting worse over time.  NCP has encouraged the child to try to work through these problems with the CP.  Child has been talking to the NCP about wanting to move for several months.

Will it make a difference because the child is unhappy with the current arrangement?

NCP's hope is that the relationship between CP and the child would improve with the new living arrangements.

Case is in IL, father is NCP, mother is CP, daughter is 15

Child lives with CP but sees NCP often...one overnight each week, every other weekend (Fri. after school-Mon. when school starts), half of days off school, alternate holidays, six weeks in summer.

If the child has started to express the she wants to live with NCP, what would need to happen?

How much weight does a 15 year old's voice have?

If CP does not agree, how would this proceed?

Would child need to testify in court?  If so, what kind of questions can be expected?

Also, what "reasons" are considered legit for the child wanting to move?

I think that perhaps this post caused some confusion.  My understanding is that the mother cancelled the appointment that he had scheduled and has rescheduled for a day earlier with a completely different dentist.  And, won't tell him who the new dentist is.

I also think that perhaps the Sat. appt. was scheduled when he would have his child with him and he was taking her to the appt.

It seems to me that there is a horrible case of control going on here.  A sad game that so many of us have participated in especially early in the divorce process.  It's a difficult thing to do, but the best advice I can ever offer anyone is to take the high road and not argue over such things.  I know...easier said than done when you just want to feel like an involved part of your child's life.  If you are shut out of your child's life at every step, then you have a case.  But, you can't go to court over a dentist appointment.  However, I do know how this poster feels because I've been down that path and reacted in ways that I'm ashamed to admit now.

Note...these are only my thoughts and opinion and should in no way be understood as legal advice.

in some of Soc's replies?  Sure...but as a person who had dealt with these divorce issues for way too long, those sarcastic comments always bring a smile to my face and smack me back into reality.  Honestly, this is such a long, difficult road dealing with the never-ending issues that a person sometimes loses any sense of reality.  I think Soc's comment help many of us realize that what we're saying is so completely off line.

Give me a hundred sarcastic comments from Soc instead of one from the judge anyday!!

your advice and help gives people a realistic view of what to expect.  From what I've seen, your advice is correct the majority of the time.

Sarcasm?  I don't see any sarcasm from you.  Perhaps you throw in a light-hearted word or two, but in the intense world of a custody battle or child-related court case, then those light-hearted words can help so much.

I'm not sure how this post went downhill so quickly.  I've read each post and felt that your advice was honest and helpful.  In the last post from the poster, it seems like something must have happened to upset him and it seems that it might not be just what you said.  Perhaps something that happened in real life?

Regardless, I would hate to see this board go away.  It's been a help to so many and will be in the future.

This is not legal advice but is merely my own personal experience when dealing with a similar situation in IL.

One of my husband's past employers did this same thing where the CS was withheld but then not sent to the state in a timely manner.  We pulled a copy of the withholding order (which is what the employer had on file too) and it clearly stated the State's guidelines which the employer MUST follow.  IL has a guideline that requires the employer to send the CS to the state disbursement unit within 7 business days of the pay date that the amount was withheld from the employee's check.  If an employer chooses not to follow these guidelines, then they are subject to fees from the State.

You should check into your State's guidelines to see if there is anything that would help you.  If the State has guidelines and your employer is not following them, then the State will be the ones to address this issue with the employer.

This is not legal advice but is merely my own personal experience when dealing with a similar situation in IL.

One of my husband's past employers did this same thing where the CS was withheld but then not sent to the state in a timely manner.  We pulled a copy of the withholding order (which is what the employer had on file too) and it clearly stated the State's guidelines which the employer MUST follow.  IL has a guideline that requires the employer to send the CS to the state disbursement unit within 7 business days of the pay date that the amount was withheld from the employee's check.  If an employer chooses not to follow these guidelines, then they are subject to fees from the State.

You should check into your State's guidelines to see if there is anything that would help you.  If the State has guidelines and your employer is not following them, then the State will be the ones to address this issue with the employer.