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Wow...I go on vacation for a week and come back to a completely new board.  I'm sure the boards will be easy to figure out after awhile, but right now it all seems so foreign!

Spent last week at Disney World.  What a great time!!  Couldn't believe how tired I was when we got home.  Took a couple days just to feel like I wasn't completely exhausted.

and file for a revision to the visitation now.  If you want to include things such as Spring Break, then just add a clause stating that the Spring Break schedule used will be that of the school district in which the children live.

I'm not sure how common it is for 2 weekday overnights in your area, but it's not at all common here.  We have my SD overnight on 1 weeknight.  We also have EOW...Friday after school (she rides the bus to our house) until Monday morning when school starts (rides the bus back to school).  We used to have her on Tues. and Thurs. evenings (not overnight) and went to the one overnight instead.

Make sure to address summer vacation, Christmas Break, Spring Break, all the holidays, and all of the "extra" days off school (i.e., Veteran's Day, M.L. King Day, etc.).

It took time and energy on our part but we now have a much better agreement.  We get half of the summer, half of Christmas Break, every other Spring Break, and half of the "extra" days off school.

Good luck!!

That's not an issue.  The court order already covers those breaks and they are alternated every year.

DH has 6 consecutive weeks with SD each summer. He is required to let PB know the dates for those 6 weeks by April 1 each year. During those 6 weeks, the visitation schedule reverses so that SD is with PB on the days/times that she is with us the rest of the year. Also, during those 6 weeks, DH gets one week where SD does not go to PB's so that we can take a vacation. During the remainder of the summer, the schedule is the same as it is during the school year except for one week when we don't see SD since it is PB's vacation week.

Since my job is only 11 months and I'm home for a month each summer, DH always takes his 6 weeks with SD so that they overlap with my time off. This makes it so that I am home with SD for at least 4 of the weeks she is with us. Also, the kids and I are able to do more since I'm not working. This usually consists of day trips to waterparks, museums, etc. and we like that SD is able to be with us for these trips.

Needless to say, PB has a BIG problem with the fact that SD gets 4 weeks at home with me each summer. It irritates her to no end! In the last couple years, she has started raising the issue that we always take the same weeks each summer (beginning of July through mid-August) and this makes it so she can't take her vacation during that time. She has told DH that she feels she should be able to choose her vacation week whenever she wants and if it is during his 6 weeks then he can either start his weeks one week earlier or add a week onto the end. DH has asked her if there is a trip she wants to take that can only occur during his 6 weeks and her answer was that she isn't planning a trip but would just like to be home with SD. Note: in the 8 years that I've been with DH, PB has only taken SD one place during her vacation week...this was a one night trip to an amusement park. PB's summer vacation week has always consisted of them just staying home. And, now PB feels that she should be able to interrupt our summer weeks so she can sit at home with SD. SD plays summer ball and it is during the first part of the summer. PB has said that she is unable to just sit at home during her vacation week with SD because SD has ball practice and games. SD has missed practices and games in the past due to family plans, so it's not that these can't be missed if PB would choose to take an actual vacation.

SD is starting high school next year and will now have commitments this summer for her school activities. She will have commitments with band in July and August (a full week of band camp in August that will be during our 6 weeks) and she will also have commitments in July for volleyball. The band commitments are mandatory...if she misses band camp then it will count against her when school starts. Same for volleyball...if she misses the practices/etc. this summer then it will effect her playing time this Fall. DH has tried pointing these out to PB but she can't seem to understand it.

PB has threatened to file papers against DH with the court asking that she get to choose her vacation week whenever she wants even if it is during his 6 weeks. We do not agree with this request and will fight it if we have to.

Are we wrong? Is it wrong to believe that it makes more sense for us to have SD with us when one of us is able to be home with her? Why should we let PB take a week when I am home in the summer and then this would mean that we get a different week with SD when she would be at our house by herself? DH gets 6 consecutive weeks with SD each year...PB gets the other 46. Every other week...DH goes a week without seeing SD so, technically, PB could take a vacation at that time too.

PB insists that me being home during those weeks in the summer should not matter because it's "DH's time" and not my time with SD. She feels that since I am only a stepparent then my schedule and availability should not be a factor on the summer weeks that DH chooses.

Any thoughts on what a court would have to say about this? Does PB have a chance in getting her way on this one?

there needs to be "clear and convincing" evidence that the child is not thriving in the current arrangement or that the current arrangement is harmful to the child before the court will even think about changing the status quo.

The fact that the mother lets the child sleep with her is not a reason.  "Babying" the child is not a reason either.  The speech impediment is a concern but not a reason to change custody.  You could perhaps ask that the child be required to have speech therapy to correct this problem, but then be prepared to help pay for the therapy.  Perhaps once the child starts school then she can receive speech help through the school.

What kind of "proof" do you have that the mother is trying to interfere in the relationship between the child and the father?  Once again, unless there is extreme proof, then this won't be a consideration either.

Once a custody arrangement is set-up and occurs for a length of time, then it's nearly impossible to reverse it unless the custodial parent acts in a way to endanger the child.  Honestly, it takes a lot.  And, proving it is a long battle and the custodial parent is usually given opportunities to correct the situation.

If the child is failing school (not just one grading period either), then that is a reason to consider a custody change.

The court is not looking at why there isn't a reason to try a change...they are only interested in any reasons "for" a change.  Going in there and saying that there is no reason not to "try" 50/50 will never work.  The courts won't even hear the motion without clear and convincing evidence as to why the current arrangement is detrimental to the child.  If you try to say that there is no reason not to try 50/50, the immediate response is that the child is thriving in the current arrangement so it is not in the child's best interest to change things and take the chance that the child won't thrive as well.  The burden of proof is on the non-custodial parent to prove that the custodial parent is unfit and it is not in the child's best interest to remain with them.

I know it's frustrating but there's very little that can be done.  The biggest mistake was agreeing to the temporary custody and letting it occur for so long.

Work to get an agreement that is very specific about the time your fiance gets with his child.  Specify every weekend, holiday, summers, Christmas Break, Spring Break, days off school, etc.  Be more specific than you think you need to be.  Have exact times. List who provide the transportation.  If you're worried that the mother won't follow the agreement, get a clause in there addressing what happens if any time is missed.

but if the ex has had physical custody for the past three years, then chances are that she'll keep it.  You would have to show that it would be in the child's best interest to change the arrangement.  Is the child not thriving?  Even though the orders were only considered "temporary", the fact that it's been three years will work against you.  Courts are reluctant to change the status quo of the child without a VERY good reason.

Modify an order?  Extremely difficult!

The judge is not required to quote any law when he/she makes their ruling.  And, at this point, since the child has been living with the ex for such a long time, then the judge won't change that unless there are extreme circumstances to show why a change is necessary.

I don't want to sound like you should give up, but you should consider trying to get the best possible visitation schedule at this point.  Start from the point of wanting 50/50 and try to get as close as you can.  

My ex had threatened for years that if I ever tried to review CS, he would file for custody. I had never messed with CS but it's gotten to a point where our son's expenses are quite a bit more so a review was necessary...it has been 9 years.

Well, my ex is obviously keeping his "promise" and is now pressuring our son to move. Our son came home from spending the weekend with his dad and was so upset. He was up half the night with an upset stomach. I talked with him and asked if he was happy with how things are. He said that he is, but that he just kept telling his dad that all these questions are confusing him. It tears me apart to see my son in this position. I was so upset last night that I could have sworn I was having an anxiety attack.

So, if my ex is able to brainwash our son, how much weight does the voice of an 11 year old carry? Everything...I mean everything...in our son's life is great. Great grades, lots of activities, friends, everything! Also to note, I have sole legal and physical custody...my ex only has visitation.  We are in IL.

DH already gets an overnight every week so that wouldn't be something to try to bargain with.  DH has felt that if she chooses to involve the attorneys, then he would offer for her to have her choice of a week for her vacation in exchange for SD spending the entire summer with him.

DH has 6 consecutive weeks with SD each summer. He is required to let PB know the dates for those 6 weeks by April 1 each year. During those 6 weeks, the visitation schedule reverses so that SD is with PB on the days/times that she is with us the rest of the year. Also, during those 6 weeks, DH gets one week where SD does not go to PB's so that we can take a vacation. During the remainder of the summer, the schedule is the same as it is during the school year except for one week when we don't see SD since it is PB's vacation week.

Since my job is only 11 months and I'm home for a month each summer, DH always takes his 6 weeks with SD so that they overlap with my time off. This makes it so that I am home with SD for at least 4 of the weeks she is with us. Also, the kids and I are able to do more since I'm not working. This usually consists of day trips to waterparks, museums, etc. and we like that SD is able to be with us for these trips.

Needless to say, PB has a BIG problem with the fact that SD gets 4 weeks at home with me each summer. It irritates her to no end! In the last couple years, she has started raising the issue that we always take the same weeks each summer (beginning of July through mid-August) and this makes it so she can't take her vacation during that time. She has told DH that she feels she should be able to choose her vacation week whenever she wants and if it is during his 6 weeks then he can either start his weeks one week earlier or add a week onto the end. DH has asked her if there is a trip she wants to take that can only occur during his 6 weeks and her answer was that she isn't planning a trip but would just like to be home with SD. Note: in the 8 years that I've been with DH, PB has only taken SD one place during her vacation week...this was a one night trip to an amusement park. PB's summer vacation week has always consisted of them just staying home. And, now PB feels that she should be able to interrupt our summer weeks so she can sit at home with SD. SD plays summer ball and it is during the first part of the summer. PB has said that she is unable to just sit at home during her vacation week with SD because SD has ball practice and games. SD has missed practices and games in the past due to family plans, so it's not that these can't be missed if PB would choose to take an actual vacation.

SD is starting high school next year and will now have commitments this summer for her school activities. She will have commitments with band in July and August (a full week of band camp in August that will be during our 6 weeks) and she will also have commitments in July for volleyball. The band commitments are mandatory...if she misses band camp then it will count against her when school starts. Same for volleyball...if she misses the practices/etc. this summer then it will effect her playing time this Fall. DH has tried pointing these out to PB but she can't seem to understand it.

PB has threatened to file papers against DH with the court asking that she get to choose her vacation week whenever she wants even if it is during his 6 weeks. We do not agree with this request and will fight it if we have to.

Are we wrong? Is it wrong to believe that it makes more sense for us to have SD with us when one of us is able to be home with her? Why should we let PB take a week when I am home in the summer and then this would mean that we get a different week with SD when she would be at our house by herself? DH gets 6 consecutive weeks with SD each year...PB gets the other 46. Every other week...DH goes a week without seeing SD so, technically, PB could take a vacation at that time too.

PB insists that me being home during those weeks in the summer should not matter because it's "DH's time" and not my time with SD. She feels that since I am only a stepparent then my schedule and availability should not be a factor on the summer weeks that DH chooses.

Any thoughts on what a court would have to say about this? Does PB have a chance in getting her way on this one?