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Messages - knoot7

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11
General Issues / RE: Father's Rights Concert!!!
« on: Oct 19, 2007, 08:32:21 AM »
I think the celeb to go after for help - Bruce Willis. He has found a way to co-parent and even deal with the new man in his childrens life!

First find a promoter who would be willing to take this on. A good promoter will have the connections necessary.... The promoters are usually wihtin the local of where you want to concert held. The promoters will get all the stuff necessary to do the show. Best place to start to look for a promoter is a local events paper/article/periodicals... or a local venue who frequently book bands/shows...

Local Arena's are usually booked by local promoters....

12
Second Families / RE: Question about Mom's
« on: Dec 05, 2007, 08:12:55 AM »
I say you are doing the right thing!  You are in a no win situation. The win will be how your Skids treat you. You need to provide education, roof over their heads, food, clothing.... and emotional support. If you don't provide those items you are being neglectful. Bring in the definition of child neglect to your next counseling session.

My personal opinion.... she should be very happy that her kids do not deal with a stepmonster. No Cinderella here. She should be happy that her children are well taken care of and are happy in BOTH homes. I would bring those items up.

My SS has for the last 5 years told me he loves me over the phone while at BM's house. It HAS to be a hard thing to swallow. So do not forget that she does have the right to her feelings and most bio-moms have a feeling in their heart for their kids which is irreplacable and  VERY STRONG. BM's feelings should not disappear however, be set aside for the sake of the kids happiness.

I would somehow suggest that she work though her feelings to come to an understanding that this will not be changing and she should be very happy the children have good food and good experiences with their father and in their father's home. Just because you are involved does not negate the blood relation or the kids love with BM. Just because they like SM doesn't mean that you are "trying to take BM's spot". What you are trying to do is provide for the kids as a responsible adult and parent while in your home. Additionally - the more people who love the children - the better it is for them! No child can have too many people loving them too much! No child should have limits to who they have a right to love and care for. Family is family - step or not. You do not have to be blood to be family. Despite the lack of blood relation you are a part of their family on their fathers side. Are your parents involved as grandparents? Are your parents trying to take the spot of BM's or DH's parents? NO! - (hopefully) they are welcoming in the children to the family and providing another set of gransparents who will love, adore and support them.

When we went in to counseling with BM... I said those items and she actually came to a better understanding. She still has some gripes...but who won't? She started to see it in the light of what is best for her kid and to put her feelings aside. It has actually made it better between us. She understanding I am only being a responsible adult who happens to be taking responsibility of a child who is not mine during my husbands time with his son.  After counseling has been over, BM has actually thanked me for being there, for taking care of him, and for the fact that we spend time together and we have a good relationship. She has thanked me for providing him a good home.

It worked out for us by bringing those items to light. Yet DH and I's relationship with BM is for the most part pretty decent and amicable.

I hope this helps!

13
Second Families / RE: Dang it girl!!!
« on: Sep 13, 2007, 11:53:04 AM »
being a mom is completely wonderful.

Yes it changes your life but actions of things you can/can't do anymore isn't what the major change is... the major change is how you look at life! The major change with becoming a parent are the worries, the challenges of being a new mom/dad and lack of sleep, the joys of seeing your child look into your eyes, the joys of getting that first mama/dada, the joys of the first smile, the first step, the first tooth (ok it is a bit painful in the sleep arena but worth it), the joys of the first stand/crawl/step/ words and watching a child grow from nothing into something is SO WORTH the ""change" everyone looms over! It is NOT a miserable experience one bit!!!!

It is the coolest experience you could ever have! I always say I can't believe being a mom is this cool!  This will be your and DH's flesh and blood a product of your lovee for each other! The issues of PAS and what occurred with SM and SD will not occur... this was situations outside of  your control. Your kid will be in your control (until they hit teenager!hehehe) I so understandn your fears... anny new bio mom that was a SM first knows exactly where you are coming from...and I can say I have never been so happy I changed my mind and didn't stick to not hvaing any bio kids!!!!

14
Second Families / RE: What to do when the clock starts ticking...
« on: Sep 12, 2007, 12:43:28 PM »
The experience is never the same exact experience.....

Love/pain/heartache/laughter/happiness/sorrow/ all will be different .

Just remember you do not go through the same thing twice...

Just some insight....I can say I have been with my DH for 10 years. I didn't want kids, I had his son and that was perfectly acceptable for me.....My DH said he would do what I wanted to do, have kids or not, my choice.

I said well I have one kid to put through college. I didn't want my pregnancy to be compared to DH and his Ex's pregnancy (yes a bit nieve but I have a right to feel how I felt).

I finally felt like I did want a child for myself. I wanted to have an experience which I couldn't get being the mom of my husband's child...I wanted to have my own experience.

Two years ago I had a son. I didn't think being a parent would be so cool...more like a chore, but it reallly is a great experience! I thought it would change things and my optimism wasn't there... it did change things! However it was all for the better! My heart feels something it never did for SS. No matter how much I love SS, no matter how hard I fight for his wellbeing, no matter how many nights I have taken care of him.... it is truly a different experience with DS than it was with SS.

If you choose to or not to have , of course this is totally up to both of you! BUT the love you have between your DH and you....can be the biggest difference in the entire experinece!

Hope you find your way! I did and I do not regret it one bit.

15
Second Families / RE: Stepmother's Bill of Rights
« on: Aug 07, 2007, 08:49:35 PM »
I read this and found myself laughing and nodding my head in agreement at the same time!

I have some additions which I will definitey post with Glenn. I think that it has alot to do with respect in every area...Ex-significant others, children - Bio and step = same thing, In laws on both sides.

The world has changed. "Normal" Family life...what is normal...normal is what one person knows and has experienced...doens't make them not normal - it makes them themselves.

16
Second Families / RE: Calling all step-moms.....
« on: Mar 14, 2007, 08:21:42 PM »
>I'm looking for a website just for step-moms where I can talk
>and vent without being judged or "scolded" for how I feel.
>
>Any suggestions?
>
>
>
>
http://www.istepfamily.com -

after a while it feels like home. Good not only for Step-moms but also great for step-dads, bio dads, bio moms, etc....

there is no scolding or telling how it should work, only real life experiences from real life people.

17
Visitation Issues / RE: NCP summertime parenting time
« on: Jun 26, 2008, 06:56:32 AM »
I have had trouble with certified letters...they do not get delivered/picked up as it depends on EX being at the residence at that time or the ex's abilities/desire to get to the post office. If it is a PO Box - certified would work effectively. Try FedEx or UPS to get the situation completed more quickly...

Just my experience it took 8 weeks and EX never got the letters as she never went to the PO to pick them up, when the post person couldn't deliver directly to ex.

Keep all emotion out of the entire letter...keep it to the facts and stright forward wording...

Good Luck!

18
Visitation Issues / RE: Certified Letter Question
« on: Oct 19, 2007, 08:23:30 AM »
my only suggestion is not using certified letter but using Fedex with the required signature. I say this as BM may or may not decided to go to the post office and pick up the letter if she isn't home at the time of delivery.  fedEx will continue to try to deliver several times over.

I suggest this since it took us more than 30 days to recieve the returned letter #1  and #2 and receipt of trying to get BM the letter. We tried 2 times...and both times BM was not at home for signature. If not home just a notice is left and it is up to BM to go to the post office. And takes almost a month to get your "proof" back. Fedex is online accessible signature and all.

19
Visitation Issues / RE: Motion of contempt
« on: Aug 22, 2007, 10:36:09 AM »
We are also going through the same thing. We came to get SS, was denied. Brought cops and witness. Local enforcement says can only write up a report can't press any charges, that had to be done through family court. Next day filed contempt of court and Custodial Interference. Our Attorney asked for us to "drop" the court date as the judge would just slap her hand since this was the first offense. We did as we were advised. If this happens multiple times, you continue to get police reports and file. Any times afterwards, get a police report and keep filing for custodial interference, this will add up and result in something from the judge stating for the parent to relinquish custody.

DH and BM have had 50/50 arragement for more than 10 years. DH had asked in a letter if he could have son for school week due to high absenteeism on BM's scheduled time. BM held son hostage. Custody papers and court orders help with proof of time, but in NYS the local law enforcement can only write a report and is not able to get completely get involved to allow for child to go with the other parent. My DH brought a witness who in turn video taped the incident and refusal as proof of refusal and avoid any he said she said claims.


20
Custody Issues / RE: I'm done................
« on: Jun 04, 2008, 07:36:14 AM »
"Our daughter would be on a plane today if I thought she was ready, but as I have stated she is not."

I think that all kids given the chance will thrive in any situation BUT they have to be given the chance. Kids are VERY versitile and will adjust to any situation. Of course it always takes time, but the time will have to given 100% hole heartedly without reservations. The opportunity would have to be presented. If the opportunity is not presented one will never know the true outcome of the situation. Children can not thrive if there is strife and concern spewing through emotions and words. Be it you may not say something to her...however actions speak louder than words. Kids pick up on feelings and emotions even if one feels they are in complete check.

'To get something you never had, you have to do something you never did' . Be it the something wasn't never had by your daughter...she DID have a father. So the father was done with you ...not your daughters fault or even Fathers fault or yoru fault, so he found soemthing new. Obviously this is what was meant to happened...but you shouldn't fault your ex for wanting to be happy...it was the way it was meant to be. A chilold can not be happy completely if either one of their parents aren't happy.  You do not know what one is capable of unless you try. As I watch my DS ride a bike...was he "old enough" or ready for that?...well he is only 2.5 years old...I don't think he is ready for that but I wll not prevent him from trying.

There will always be a transition but if it is encouraged and brought to her as an opportunity for her to know daddy...then it can go off just fine. If it is brought as "I have to leave you my poor baby" or the same idea "I can't let you go 2000 miles away", "You can't be away from me for more than a week as you never have before"..then the child will not want to go. The transition will not take long. Even leaving a chlid at day care...if mom feels awful about it...baby will. If mom is confident and says you will have fun try it out, etc...baby will be more accepting of trying it out and doing something new. Baby may cry but once mom is gone ...baby will be completely fine!

Children will feed off of their parents fears/emotions. Do you think all kids hate going to the doctor...no it is the way it is presented and the fears of the parents they are getting their feelings from. Mom scared of needles...baby will be scared of needles. Mom presents it as a good for you and a good thing...the child will take it that way. If mom gets upset over the shots and what is happening...baby will do the same. Mom gets upset over thunderstorms...baby will do the same. If mom says cool look at the sky, look at the lightening...then baby will enjoy them instead of being scared. Get the idea?

EVERY CHILD is ready to have a father, no matter what is required to have that father in their lives. EVERY child NEEDS a father and if it is the mother "in charge" then it is the mothers obligation to do what is best for that child...which is to have a father!!! EVERY CHILD NEEDS BOTH PARENTS! and this should be accomplished in any way possible. EVEN if "she isn't ready". Sounds to me like you are not ready.

Me - I am not ready to leave my son without my husband or myself around over nights or at a weekend at a friends house...but I will stilll be doing just this to ensure my sons growth is encouraged and he is presented with the opprotunities to grow, learn and experience life. I personally am not ready to do that, but doens't mean I will stump my sons growth by remaining at arms length "until he is ready". He is ready when I am...actually he is ready now and I have to get over my own reservations and be the adult to ensure my son is healthy.  

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