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Messages - rini

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111
hi

 is the money the state receives for collecting child support for every singel dollar each state processes through the disbursement unit and collects the feds give the state an equal amount (incentive programs)

$$$$$$ for $$$$$$$ match

if the state awards 50 /50 custody for cases of all fit parents it would lose millions of dollars a year.

rini

112
Hi

Ill be praying for you guys ..  I hope every thing is ok..

God Bless

rini

113
liza lou

sparc should add this one for its info and case law to the articles section.

if you get a chance email the administration.

thanks for the good read..

rini

114
Father's Issues / RE: another opinion for you..
« on: Jan 24, 2004, 09:50:58 PM »
hello

this is a very difficult topic for many a family. I and totatlly disagree with the other poster.  

personally i think that you should explain to your 6 yr old that daddy is a very special word the same as mommy is and possibly find a nice pet name for SD that will be their special name.  

Whats in a name??????????   well some people as always place more stock or value in titles and names than others and some are more possessive of them.  

i had my five yr old when my other daughter was around the same age and experienced almost the exact same set of circumstances
 i did not allow it to continue although her father was also not quite as involved parent as i would have hoped for when i had the kids.


after all how do you think you would feel if a sm came along down the road and your daughter called her mommy.

now you might not have a problem with it but this childs father who still sees her and is involved somewhat in the childs life has a problem with it.  the experts suggest finding another pet name works better for all parties involved.  

do what is best for the child because dad is not going to stop making an issue of it and it is best made a non issue now to avoid further conflict involving the child the father and the stepfather.  no matter what you say or how you wrap it up inevitably you will end up being blamed for her calling him daddy and it WILL cause problems.

my husbands daughter calls her sd daddy and it hurts him terribly but he has never said a word.  (his problem because i would have had it put in the custody agreement)>>

God Bless

you will figure it out as you go along we all struggle and we all fall down its the getting back up again that counts.l

rini

115
Father's Issues / RE: To Joni should have been his whim but
« on: Jan 24, 2004, 03:20:11 AM »
perhaps if you had bothered to read further down since you had such a hard time reading past my typo you might have gotten to the part only ((((((((  2)))))))))))  little paragraphs later that stated that i had a hard time getting hime to bother at all with visitations.  Missed that part im guessing?????????????  or one of those people that only see what they expect or want to see so they can disparage the poster.

I do sincerely regret having posted on a site that i have been coming to for 3 years and being responded to with the insulting cutting remarks that were not only uncalled for they were absolutely devastating to someone that has been already hurt and going through the second most horrible experience in my life second only to being molested as a child from the age of 6 to 12 .   thanks so much for encouragement and helpful statements.  
 
but unfortunately im tired stressed and recovering from major surgery that none of these idiots is ever going to let me recover from not to mention not having slept for almost 2 weeks due to the pain and stress and loosing my child that i have raised basically on my own for almost 9 years with only financial support from the dad.

and to be honest just about at my last straw with putting up with my ex husband my current husband and my son. so oooooooooooppppppppps i made a freaking big mistake there next time i beg for help with something i will make sure i check my post so i dont get flamed for a minute i thought i was on another board. (where they treat people like that all the time)

If you had bothered to read further down and read the part about trying to get the dad to comply with visitation how could you possibly think that i was the problem and come off like that .........

...

i asked for support you offered nothing but nasty remarks but well i guess i ll just leave it at that.   but thank you so very much for your (2 cents )  if i was suicidal it just might have pushed me over the edge.l


Honestly i do now realize why this board gets such a bad reputation.......


first of all let me say that i realize that you have no idea about my situation like most of the others on this board

i have been here for 3 years and you are fairly new to it

i came here to get help for my current husband to see his 2 kids but i have always been more than fair with my own ex husband even to the point where it is ridiculous.  bending over not only backwards but doing handsprings for him to see the kids.

by WHIM i mean

dad contacts me the day before occasionally a few days before and if the kids dont have plans or activities they go to see him.   Most of the time they come right back home 7 overnights in the past year.  He or his gf have not washed or bought a stitch of clothing for as long as i can remember.  their motto is if it doesnt smell too bad it is ok to wear.  I make the kids bring the clothes home for me to wash because if i dont i will never see them again.  

he has no set visitation never has due to his job that he works 24 hours a day 7 days a week. ( again his choice)

i have allowed this situation to continue only because if i had  insisted on his complying with eo weekend and a set  weekday visits he would cancel every week instead of just canceling 2 out of the 4 days ( that  he picks a month)  he picks them and still cancels once or twice a month........

the kids have never been a priority for him NEVER not when they were little not now not ever. and i have spent almost 9 years trying to reinforce that daddy still cares even when he cancels his visits when only required to call a day or a few days before more consistently than he actually shows up.

i have even offered to allow him time to find a new job that is more flexible and lower child support to reflect the fact that he has chosen to work a job and see his kids. he has refused every time i have offered.
He is a hotel manager and enjoys the freedom it ensures him his current gf never knows if he is working or where he is and that is the way he likes it.


Dad is never there for the kids and never has been he picks them up and takes them to a movie every other week that is all he ever has time for. I have been responsible for all of the care EVERYTHING for almost 9 years. I was asked by his gf for help because my children were being rude to her about 6 years ago and i read them the riot act they have never treated her or HIM for that matter with any disrespect .  ( my son only treats us badly i suspect because he is acting out because of his dads neglect and apathy..


but then again daddy only takes them for a fun time occaisionally and has none of the responsibility that goes along with it.  He ignores any punishments that the children have and has NO RULES whatsoever... for them.



i have never raised the child support not once in almost 9 years. i dont ask for anything extra not medical not day care when they were younger and i have done everything humanly possible to ensure a fair relationship even though daddy left me for his current gf. and refused any type of counseling or any attempt to save the family.

by the way our support is based on the pa guidelines and i have never increased it even when the guideline amount went up .. in other words dad does not realize it yet but an adjustment from 3 kids to 2 kids will probably raise his support payments..

My 15 yr old will stay in a filthy house and his dad will still never be there for him not to mention having to transfer to the worst school district in the state.


usually when people ask for help they want help not a response with bitterness and nasty comments but im guessing you were in a bad mood.

not all of us are pbfh as bio moms.........

i am just not willing to jump through any more hoops for my x and if the custody arrrangement gets changed it will all be changed and i guess he will just have to live with seeing the other 2 kids when he can arrange his schedule around the court order like normal nc fathers do.

rini







116
I posted to you below also

but i guess i was just so totally blown away by your total lack of common decency.........

the only inconsistency in my household is the dad that only shows up when he feels like it.  Other kids are all fine and happy here.  


But of course because i put on my custodial mother hat today instead of the ncp step mom hat I would have to be totally at fault.

You did not have to read between the lines on my initial post you had to just actually read all of it........   I guess you missed the part about us contacting the dad for months and begging for help with the 15 yr old also.

If you reread my initial post you will also notice that it has never been modified and all of the information that you chose to ignore because of a simple typo was already there and that you just chose to act like a total %$#@$!  because i posted as a mom.

I assumed wrongly that for the most part people only got flamed here when they made statements that deliberately asked to be flamed.


my 15 yr old hates his step father and the other kids are doing fine so me thinks some of the problems might have to do with the kid having misplaced anger problems toward the wrong people.

i am home all the time and MY God I leave to go to the freaking hospital and all of a sudden i am disrespectful and oh what else did you call me????? irresponsible.......  because my teenage son beats up his little sister and my husband smacks him after yelling at the kids for almost 4 hours to do something....and then the kid gets confrontationaL  ...... get my act together  what about the dad that son sooooooooo looks up to  .........      

I have prepared picnics for the ex and his gf (THE ONE HE LEFT ME FOR!!!!  by the way so i dont think im the problem...

perhaps part time dad needs to reinforce the respect that we should be recieving instead of allowing boy to get his own way AND REWARDING HIM WITH TREATS AND MOVIES WHEN HE DOES DECIDE TO SEE HIS KIDS WHEN HE CAN FIT IT IN.... but thats a part time parent for you...........  he is a part time parent by choice actually

thank you so very much for your wonderful post.  if i had not already been racking my brain and already blaming myself for coming home from the hospital 2 days early and sobbing 24 hours a day and blaming myself for leaving my kids for a few days to get treatment well i will sure make sure that i take time out and cry some more and blame myself now after your very enlightening spiteful spatter.



a really totally disgusted rini

117
hi

but unfortunately im tired stressed and recovering from major surgery that none of these idiots is ever going to let me recover from not to mention not having slept for almost 2 weeks due to the pain and stress and loosing my child that i have raised basically on my own for almost 9 years with only financial support from the dad.

and to be honest just about at my last straw with putting up with my ex husband my current husband and my son.  so oooooooooooppppppppps i made a freaking big mistake there next time i beg for help with something  i will make sure i check my post so i dont get flamed for a minute i thought i was on another board.  (where they treat people like that all the time)  

so what if i did have sole and let the guy see the kid at my whim it still would behoove you not to answer if all you have to say is BS any way.

if you had read the post a little further down it offers a little more to the explanation to the visitation saying that i cant even get him to come and excercise the visitation he has..//  BUT I GUESS YOU MISSED THAT  all bio moms are bad bad bad.................

i asked for support you offered nothing but  well i guess i ll just leave it at that.  

first of all let me say that i realize that you have no idea about my situation like most of the others on this board

i have been here for 3 years and you are fairly new to it

i came here to get help for my current husband to see his 2 kids but i have always been more than fair with my own ex husband even to the point where it is ridiculous.

by whim i mean

dad contacts me the day before and if the kids dont have plans or activities they go to see him.  

he has no set visitation never has due to his job that he works 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

i have allowed this situation to continue only because if i had eo weekend and weekday visits he would cancel every week instead of just canceling 2 out of the 4 days he picks a month.

the kids have never been a priority for him NEVER not when they were little not now not ever.  and i have spent almost 9 years trying to reinforce that daddy still cares even when he cancels his visits when only required to call a day or a few days before more consistently than he actually shows up.

i have even offered to allow him time to find a new job that is more flexible and lower child support to reflect the fact that he has chosen to work a job and see his kids.  he has refused every time i have offered.
He is a hotel manager and enjoys the freedom it ensures him his current gf never knows if he is working or where he is and that is the way he likes it.  


Dad is never there for the kids and never has been he picks them up and takes them to a movie every other week that is all he ever has time for.  I have been responsible for all of the care EVERYTHING for almost 9 years.  I was asked by his gf for help because  my children were being rude to her about 6 years ago and i read them the riot act they have never treated her or HIM for that matter with any disrespect

but then again daddy  only takes them for a fun time occaisionally and has none of the responsibility that goes along with it.



i have never raised the child support not once in almost 9 years.  i dont ask for anything extra not medical not day care when they were younger and i have done everything humanly possible to ensure a fair relationship even though daddy left me for his current gf. and refused any type of counseling or any attempt to save the family.

by the way our support is based on the pa guidelines and i have never increased it even when the guideline amount went up ..  in other words dad does not realize it yet but an adjustment from 3 kids to 2 kids will probably raise his support payments..

My 15 yr old will stay in a filthy house and his dad will still never be there for him not to mention having to transfer to the worst school district in the state.


usually when people ask for help they want help not a response with bitterness and nasty comments but im guessing you were in a bad mood.

not all of us are pbfh as bio moms.........

i am just not willing to jump through any more hoops for my x and if the custody arrrangement gets changed it will all be changed and i guess he will just have to live with seeing the other 2 kids when he can arrange his schedule around the court order like normal nc fathers do.

rini

118
Father's Issues / Son wants to stay with dad after argument....
« on: Jan 23, 2004, 03:28:45 AM »
hello everyone

i really need some imput here on this one.  after spending years on my current husbands custody case now it looks like i get to spend the next few months on my own case.

I have had quite a few medical problems and after much postponement i finally agreed to a much needed hysterectomy performed with a large degree of reconstructive surgery on my nether regions due to carrying 6 children.  

This is my 3rd major surgery in 2 1/2 years and i have been a sahm for the last almost 3 years since i got hurt very badly when i was almost 7n months pregnant.  

I made arrangements and had my current husband and my oldest son supervising the 12, 14 and almost 15 yr old while i spent 4 days in the hospital. The younger ones were with my mom and brother..   well while i was in my current husband and my 15 yr old got into a screaming match and dh did smack child in the face.  Right before this happened 12 yr old daughter was found on floor with almost 16 yr old boy over top of her and her clutching a bloody nose (neither of them were in their own perspective rooms where they were told to be cleaning.  i have been begging bio dad to step in with 15 yr old for quite some time now with no results or even any sort of help at all.  15 yr old does nothing he is asked and is generally totally disrespectful to sd not to mention me.

Now i do realize that my husband should not have hit him expecially hard enough to leave a red mark and a small bruise on his cheek bone.
this is however the first and only time that he has allowed himself to act his anger out on the step kids.  Even though my second oldest son basically treats him like dog dooty and always has.  for some reason he blames tom for breaking my ex and i up mean while ex lives with gf he has been with for over 10 yrs (his words to his kids ) we have only been seperated for over 8 LOL.

well son wants to stay with dad and sm now and refuses to come home.

i have full legal custody his dad partial custody with visitation as per my whim..  

SD has agreed to go to counseling  blah blah blah which is more than my ex would ever do to keep the family together.  

my son is milking this and playing it to the hilt.  now he has his dad in his pocket this is the same dad that i cant get to excercise his visitation on any sort of regular basis.

this has been going on for 2 weeks now and cys had an interview with all of  us last week and told us we would hear more in 30 to 60 days.

i have known that my son does not like his sd for quite some time now but i never though that he would make me choose.  that is now what he is asking me to do is basically throw my husband out.

this is not the first time his sd has disciplined him but it is the first time he has done any thing other than a quick tug of the hair or a little
motivational screaming or
taking away all privledges.  sd can be scarry when he screams though..

i dont know what to do or if i should just let it continue.

i am not really concerned for his safety i would like them to do a home visit there and make the bd and sm clean the place though it is disgusting by any ones standards.

his dad works all the time so basically he is just sitting in the house playing video games while the sm lays on the couch and watches tv

things are much quieter and also cleaner here.  one less person but i cant bring myself to just let him go ..

help please???

God Bless
rini

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