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Dear Socrateaser / Motion for therapy?
« on: Mar 07, 2005, 12:20:51 PM »
Dear Soc,

Ohio, SD age 11, joint custody, BM school district.

BM- single, unemployed, lives in apartment supported by parents, and is in school for past 5 years, has 1 masters and 2 bachelors, and currently in school for another Masters.

BF- married, with 3 kids, (half siblings to SD). Stable job, owns home.

We are on our third parenting order, always joint custody. (In the past BM has moved from various states)

We recently went to court over the mother wanting the child to participate in a (year round) swim club that meets daily, and has long weekend swim meets. BF did not agree to the club, and BM took him to court for contempt. (Plus child is already in flute, piano, and school plays, very busy as is)

Final outcome was father not in contempt.

Now BM filed a motion for sole custody stating that father is consistently non-compliant with taking their child to her activities. Says the child has expressed her desire to participate in the activity. (Which she has been highly pressured by her mother). Wants a guardian appointed, and the child to be interviewed in judges chambers.

She says the child wants to live with her, says the going back and forth is "too hard on her", and that she is "miserable" at BF house, Which is so, not true. She is happy, happy, until she has her BM on the phone, and then she reports negative feedback to BM. I think she wants attention from her BM that way.

BF suggested family counseling, and BM rejected the idea.

1.) Since we already went to court over the swim issue, can we have this whole thing tossed as petty or something? Since he does completely cooperate in all her other various activities.

2.) Can (we) BF file a motion for family counseling, for 6 months or so?

3.) If BF wants to keep The parenting agreement as is, and since "no significant changes" have taken place, can't we just request to keep this agreement as is?

4.) Will it be automatically tossed because the BM filed the motion?

Thank you.

Dear Socrateaser / Motion to change when there is no change ?
« on: Dec 02, 2004, 12:47:56 PM »
Dear Soc,

Since age 5, (now 11) we have had 3 rounds of custody with DH & his ex over his daughter. Each resulting in a 50/50 joint parenting order. First two plans had neither parent listed as residential, (listed the school) but this final one lists mother, but states she has to stay put in her town or it goes to father automatically without a hearing. Basically grounding her to one location due to several moves on her part.

Mother gets a 2 year itch, and usually causes a reason for change (her moving). But since she can't move now, she has threatened (and will act on) Filing for modification due to "parenting differences", and "child's wishes".

She is now making the claim that DH is too hard on daughter for grades, and claims general unhappiness of the child. (Which is not true.)

Child does talk negative with BM about us & our home (?), for love and approval from her BM, but in reality is very happy in DH home. (jeckle & hyde thing). My DH says she does it to survive at her BM's.

BM will state "wishes of the child", and put her in front of the judge. (the child will do and say whatever mom asks her to, because she has been manipulated over the years.)

She is now 11.

Our attorney says we SHOULD fight for full custody on the basis that the mother is mentally destroying the child. But PAS is extremely hard to prove, an unlikely to change the order if proven, only extreme cases. (We really don't want to go another round for same results, it's emotionally and financially draining on our family. We have 3 kids together, which are half siblings of SD)

My questions are:

1.) Can BM file for new parenting order when there is not a real change in circumstances?

2.) Can we just state that we like the plan (as is) and do not wish to change it. And have her motion thrown out?

3.) Or will we have to prove she is happy? Is there anything we can do to prepare for the "unhappiness" claim. Like video of her having fun, journals, etc. Do we need to prove that she is happy? Seems silly.

4.) If we did fight on the grounds of PAS, is there even a chance of custody change?

Thanks.  :-)

Dear Socrateaser / Court ordered mediation
« on: Oct 11, 2004, 01:28:46 PM »

BM filed contempt on DH, and date was set last August 5. On that day the magistrate said how she would "likely" rule, but said she would like the two to mediate, and ordered them to mediate. (Her likely rule was that DH was not in contempt of anything)

Joint legal custody, 50/50 plan.

The contempt charge was:
1.) BM's purchase of an $800 flute without discussion with DH and sending him the bill for half, and then saying he was in contempt for not paying for it.

2.) And also BM enrolled SD into a daily swim club, and expected DH to take her to the daily practices on his parenting time far out of his town. He did not agree to the club, and expressed it verbally to her. Then he did not take her to the practices on his time, and BM said he was in contempt for not taking her and said he was obligated to pay for half the costs of the club.  (...plus she wanted attorney fees)

Mediation occurred 2X. Mediator said she would send something in the mail about what was discussed, (but not a final agreement) and see if it could be worked into a final agreement before next set court date. Nov. 19.

This has been well over 1 month ago, and nothing has come in the mail or heard otherwise.

The discussions were not really all that great for DH, just compromising for the sake of a compromise. He said he would pay for half flute if she would agree to "discuss" purchases with him prior, and he might put SD in a less aggressive club in his own area. But BM pushed it and wanted attorney fees (still) and for him to pay for the past swim club fees. He was not willing to do the last two things.  -It was still a rough discussion.

What should DH do from this point?

1.) Call to find out what ever happened to the mediator mailing out something?  or,

2.) Leave it alone, since he is likely he prevail in court anyways, and not even have to pay the $400 or compromise with the local club, which he isn't all that in favor of either?

Our attorney strongly suggests he not pay for the half of the flute and hold his ground all all issues. That this is a start of larger issues.

Dear Socrateaser / Define Access
« on: Sep 23, 2004, 01:53:49 PM »
Dear Soc,

1) In a joint parenting plan (50/50), does the non-residential school parent have the right to enroll his/her child in school sponsored activities? (It would be for a ski club, and there were some medical release forms, that actually may need both parent signatures)

2.) If the activity only falls upon the non-residential parents parenting time, and does not affect the other parents schedule?

3.) If the residential parent objects, will the school support the residential parents choice over the residential?

4.) What does access mean in the blurb below?

School activities notice:
Excepting as specifically modified or otherwise limited by court order, and subject to ORC section 3319.321(F), the parent who is not the residential parent, is entitled to access, under the same terms and conditions as the residential parent, to  any student activity that is related to the child and to which the residential parent of the child legally is provided access. Any school employee or official who knowingly fails to comply with this order is in contempt of court.

Dear Socrateaser / How many parenting plans ?
« on: Aug 23, 2004, 01:37:57 PM »
Hi Soc,

We have (over a 7 year period) had 3 parenting plans, each lasting no longer then 2 years each. Always resulted in a 50/50 plan.

BM has been the cause for change, whether it be a move, or an attempt to move daughter or something. But not always the one to file. She would move and take daughter and father would file to bring her back. So looks like dad instigates by filing first to prevent the moves...

Child is now nearly 11, and BM is threatening to sue for sole custody. No change in circumstances. She might use "wishes of the child" as I know she has been prepping SD, and planning for this upon her reaching age 12.

Our attorney says we need to file ourselves for full custody, because the BM is out for hate, and is purposefully trying to destroy the father-daughter relationship.

Not wanting to go against our attorney, but we simply want to leave it as is. No more courts, and fights.

1.) Can BM file for change if there is nothing new?

2.) Can she claim "wishes of the child" and drag us through more costly battles?

3.) At what point do courts notice a pattern and just hang the hat on these court loving people?

4.) Can we claim this as an another obvious attempt to interfere in relationship?

5.) Even if we fight for sole and win, wouldn't the child be old enough to reverse anything at age 12 or 14 or so?

Any advice really would help...

Dear Socrateaser / Enrolling in school with add wording?
« on: Aug 04, 2004, 08:01:22 AM »

Mother father never married.

Ohio court. Agreed entry.

50/50 shared parenting plan that designates the Mother as residential parent for school placement only.

Mother had moved over 13 times (country, and statewide moves, France, OH, CN, NY, MO) During which the father had child in Ohio during mothers moving around. No support order. Visits from mother, and 2 years that she lived in Ohio and they shared custody, fathers school district.

Father was stable, in Ohio and the residential parent for 3 years (Ohio, K-2), mother one year in (Missouri, for 3rd grade). Long story. Father allowed "a temporary move" out of state for only one year. (bad move) Had to fight to have her brought back into Ohio.

Resulted in Mother returning from MO however she refused to live in same town as father so child could attend her same school as before, she got an apartment 30 mins away. So father fought for his district, Mother argued for hers, based on that she was unemployed, and had not kids. She claimed since the father worked full-time and had two additional small children that he was "too busy" to deal with school.  She claimed to have more time to devote to their daughter with school work.

Father argued that she was unstable and he should be designated school district because he was more stable, had a perminent address and a family support system. Furthermore, he didn't want to risk having his daughter uprooted from school once more, given teh mothers history.

Oddly, the courts "suggested" they work out an order with the mothers district with a shared 50/50 plan, since she had more time to devote then the father.

So father agreed to allow mothers district, with a written clause in the order granting him the school district if she moves once more.

(Also, fearing that if Mother had residential she could potentially move her out of state thereafter, as she had tried to do in previous years. This clause 'supposedly' prevents that to some degree).

So now the agreement/order states:

The parties intend that child shall attend school in the Central Ohio area. To that end, Mother is designated as residential parent for placement purpose for so long as, and only for so long as, she resides in the Upper Arlington School District.

If Mother should move from the Upper Arlington School District, to anywhere for any reason, the Parties agree that Father shall be immediately designated as residential parent for school placement purposes, without need for a hearing before the Court.

This has been in effect for 2 years now. With no moves so far.

My Q:
1.) If mother moves, how does father enroll his daughter in his school district with that wording? Does he need some type of proof that she indeed moved? Our simply a letter from an attorney?

2.) Also, the parenting time is geared towards the mother with more "school-time" and father more "leisure-time". So it would not be conducive to the fathers district, if he were to have her in his school. So would it still need to be heard before a court? To re-work the schedule?

3.) Would the Parenting time simply switch?

Dear Socrateaser / Reverse adoption of Biological daughter ?
« on: Jul 12, 2004, 02:03:44 PM »
I have a question for a co-worker. He said a few years ago he made the mistake he will regret forever. His ex got re-married and his Biological daughter (age 9 or 10 then) wanted to be part of the family of her mothers new husband so bad that she asked her dad if he would let them adopt her so she could "share" the same last name and fit-in better.

The father gave it some thought, and spoke with the mother in depth and they agreed that it would not change the father daughter relationship, it was only a formality for the daughter to feel part of her new family.

The father agreed, and signed adoption papers. Two weeks after the mother refused to allow the daughter and father to visit together, nor speak on the phone. Mother then twisted the story and told bio-daughter the father didn't want her and gave up on her. (PAS)


1- Does the biological father have any rights at all?
2- Can the daughter choose to see him (on her own will) as she grows older?. If so at what age would that be? (she is 13 now.)
3- Can the bio-father reverse his decision for the adoption?
4- Is there anything he can do to see her?

Dear Socrateaser / Motion to clarify order
« on: Jun 17, 2004, 01:10:09 PM »
We have a lot of gray areas in the parenting plan we currently have.  Much of it causes conflict because BM jumps all over those gray areas. But we have been putting up with it, to avoid extra conflict.

1.) If there are lots of problems with a parenting plan, can one party file a motion to clarify parts of the order?

2.) Will that give the other parent free reign to change the whole order.

3.) Is there a way other then filing a motion, to change (or amend) one section of the order but not have the entire thing re-hassed?

4.) Should we leave well enough alone?

Dear Socrateaser / minor thing
« on: May 27, 2004, 07:58:40 AM »
We have a 3 hour visit on the Wednesdays of our "off" week. However lately the BM has been sending homework with SD with strick instructions to have it complete before returning home.

It leaves no visiting time because she is buried in her homework. Last night she pretended to use the bathroom nearly the whole visit, when I checked on her she was calculating her math problems on the pot. :-)

(She was scared to go home without having it done)

We were under the assumption that the non-possessory parent is entitled to vistation time, and possessory parent should be responsible for homework. Afterall she has 2 hours before our visit to complete homework.

Is there any "golden rule" about where homework is to be completed? It's not written in our plan, nor did we ever think ahead on that one.

Dear Socrateaser / Copy of Deposition
« on: May 10, 2004, 09:13:34 AM »
We had a deposition done and asked our attorney for a copy, and he said we had to purchase a copy for a fee. We had spent over $800 for the depositon to be done. (Hourly rate of our attorney's time)

1. Is it typical for attoney's to charge the client extra to see (have a copy) the depositon? Or is our attoney playing us?

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