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We rotate every other year, and in our legal paper work it states father get's even years mother odd. Well for 2006, mother decided to claim the deduction and submitted her taxes before we did.

We e-filed and it bounced back, that XXX social was already claimed. So we had to mail it with a copy of the legal plan stating it was our right for the child deduction. A week later we got our full refund.

But now I wonder, what happens to the ex? Do they notify her? She obviously had submitted her papers early to get the deduction before we did. And I'm sure she already got her check and spent it. Do you suppose they will revoke it or make her pay it back? Anyone had this happen to them?

We just didn't want to stir the bee's nest if  you know what I mean.

My DH works, and I work. I make slightly more then he. We have 3 kids of our own together. Right now we share 50/50 of his 10Y old SD from previous, and have no CS support order. We think the BM will file for full custody when she turns 12, and start asking for CS.

Realistically do they calculate my income into the formula?? Because they have asked for my W-forms many times in the past. Plus they look at our taxes which show our incomes combined?

Also, his ex has 2 masters degrees and 2 bachelors degrees, but hasn't worked in over 3 year?. Does that go against him since her average income in none? (Incase you were wondering, her mother has been paying her rent and car, and living expenses, along with help from student loans)

Any know, I have no idea.

My SD is gaining weight quick. She is age 10 and 110 pounds. You can't notice it much, but if not addressed it may develope into a weight problem. My DH addressed the issue with EX, and she said she would "grow into" her weight. But she is at the age of approaching puberty soon, and may get  worse.

She seems to go out to dinner a lot, eat school lunches, and her grand-dad (from ex) takes her to pastry shop after school and she gets 2-3 pastries!!

It seems out of our control since it's a 50/50 plan, and no one recognizes the problem.

If we practice good eating on our time, it gets und-one on mothers time.

Soc,

This is so petty, but I am curious what you have to say about it.

OHIO. We have had the same 50/50 shared parenting plan for over 4 years, two other shared plans previous. Recently the BM tried to dissolve this plan and requested sole, and the case was dropped by GAL. BM intends on taking us back to court, (in hopes for a new GAL) at least as she has stated verbally. (But I don't think she has any valid reasons to do so.) SD is age 12.

We have a split summer schedule and rotate weekend during the summer. We have the first half which ends this week. Typically throughout the plan all the exchanges are done afterschool etc. So there is not too many direct exchanges for Holidays or visitations, but since this is the summer there are some. So far over the past several years, the parent exercising the visit has always done the pick-up and returns for the stipulated times in the plan, but the actual transportation is not spelled out in the plan, it only lists the times of the Holidays & visits.

However, this summer the BM had the 4th of July holiday during our half. She picked up her daughter and after the visit ended the next day she did not return her. My DH had to call and go get her, as the BM had left for work and his daughter was home alone. That night the BM called SD at our house, and asked her if there "Was there any 'grumbling' from your dad over the pick-up?" So obviously she was doing this on purpose. It was not an innocent "i forgot". We believe this is intentional to aggrivate us.

This weekend was another weekend visit from BM, and she again, did not return her this morning for the end of the visit at 7:30, as written. So, DH drove to get her. Again BM not home just SD.

My Q's:

1.) Is there a "standard" assumption (unwritten rule) when a parent exercises a visit that they are responsible to pick-up and return them after the visit at the set time to the CP home?

If so, is she in contempt?

2.) The summer switch is this week and it will become BM's half now, and we get the "visits". We get our first weekend on July 21st to 24th on her half/this coming weekend. Should he do the same thing and only pick her up for his weekend, and not worry about the return? Assume that she is picking her up?

If he does this, does that give her ammo to take him back to court, and try to make him appear as the "uncooperative" parent or something?

3.) What do you suggest is the appropriate action to take to this nonsense? As he does not want to be the one stuck doing "all" the driving, as it is 40 minutes between homes.


Thanks Soc.

Shared parenting order, ohio. 50/50 plan. BM school. Child now 12 -1/2.
3rd shared parenting plan, thick file at court, many rounds of custody.

BM filed for sole custody Feb 05, used a swim club as a way into court, and said father was uncooperative with taking child to swimming club. When in reality the parenting plan states parents must agree on all activities and he did not agree with this one. She already filed contempt prior, and lost, and then 2 months later filed for sole custody to terminate his rights.

BM also stated that it was the childs wishes to live with her and not see the BF anymore.

Requested a GAL be appointed to the case to research it.

Seeing that we have been through court 3 previous times and always resulted in shared parenting, BF did not counterfile, instead maintained position that he wanted to keep the same 50/50 parenting plan with no changes. But he stated that he feels BM wants sole for the purpose of eliminating his rights and that BM desired to move away, since she has a track record of moving every couple years (out of state). The current order states if another move from BM and BF gets custody. So if BM does away with current order, the statement goes away too, and she is free to move.

BF requested counseling stated BM is brainwashing his daughter. Got court order for it because BM refused to cooperate. Counselor revealed privately to us that child is PAS'd, and BF should have sole custody because the mental health of the child is at stake. (This would mean a school district change) But because BM will not sign patient doctor release, counselor can not testify in court.

Now, a year and a half later, the BF has been taking daughter to swim club during pending trial, to show "cooperation", but still not in favor of it (various reasons).

The GAL sees that the BM is the one that is completely uncooperative, and mentally manipulating the child, and likely has mental issues. The BM's case is looking grim. BM refused to pay the GAL her fees. GAL put her in contempt, or a dismissal was in order.

BM stated she wants a new GAL on case. GAL told us it's very hard to get a new GAL. However, if BM gets case dismissed she can re-file with the court and they will get her a new GAL. - Smart.

Case is now in the process of getting dismissed, as fees were not paid by BM.

GAL suggested to our attorney BF should file NOW for sole custody before she is forced to withdraw from the case. If quick she will still be permitted to stay on case, and she will support BF motion for sole. But we are looking at needing psych evals done. Those are costly and usually weak. (been there, done that)

We do not know what the best thing to do is, and do not have the money to keep this going for 5-1/2 more years. But if we go for sole maybe we can end this constant court stuff. But even then BM can keep filing.....

My Q?

1.) If BM files again, can she file on same grounds, even though it was dismissed? Or will she need new grounds?
2.) Can we still request the same GAL if BM refiles? Even if she refuses her?
3.) Can we file a civil lawsuit against the BM for financial burden to our family? Is there such a thing?
4.) I know you don't read tea leaves, but if the GAL in BF's favor for sole, realistically, what chance is there that the court will actually agree with GAL? It's still up to the legal system and a major "change in circumstances" which really there is none other then they can't seem to co-parent and it's obvious to us now that BM is mental. But the court may not see that as a big enough deal to change custody and her school.
5.) Is there a way to shut down all the motions, and leave it alone?

Dear Soc,

Background:
Franklin County, Ohio. Minor child is age 12. Currently shared 50/50 plan. BM school district. No CS.

We BF & I, (I'm SM) are in the middle of a custody dispute with BM. Brought on by the BM in an effort to terminate the 50/50 CO and obtain sole-custody. BM says SD doesn't want to visit with us anymore. BF suggested family counseling or just for SD, but BM naturally rejected the idea. BF knows mother is brainwashing/PAS. With court approval BF was able to get counseling for SD. During court BM's attorney (in hallway) asked for BF signature on passport. BF reluctantly signed as he didn't want to seem uncooperative.

Little history on BM.:
BM has strong history of state-wide move aways/even France (her desire is to return to France and live), unemployment and perpetually a student. She is age 40 and on her 4th degree, this one is a Masters in French. Current order states if BM moves once more BF gets automatic custody without hearing before a court. She is almost done with her degree in French, no ties to Ohio except by way of her child and courts. We strongly suspect she plans on moving to France and wants "sole-custody" so she can have ability to move her daughter with her.  Currently, she has her own apartment in rich area of town, financially supported by her mother or other family, still unemployed. Not sure how she always has lots of money with no job.

OK, Now in counseling, counselor said to BF daughter is PAS'd, and afraid of her BM. She also advised BF to rescind his signature on passport as she felt BM is a flight risk.

Recently SD mentioned that her and BM were going to France with SD's school French Club, and they were going to stay longer after the trip was over (likely using this extended time as a job search). Nothing was ever mentioned to BF about this trip whatsoever by BM.

I e-mailed the French teacher and asked about the trip. She said the trip is in the summer and her and her mom were already signed up for it. (without consent of BF?)

The dates of the trip were clearly during BF half of the summer break, and BM did not discuss this trip abroad with BF. They have a joint parenting plan and joint decision making. BM continues to make unilateral decisions and "informs" BF. If he objects he is perceived as uncooperative.

He is not in favor of her going out of the country to France for various reasons, nor do we have money to (likely) have to pay for half of the trip. (Not sure how she has it either)

He just doesn't know the best way to handle this? As of right now the BM has not mentioned the trip to BF, and does not even know that BF is aware of the trip taking place. She is likely planning on dumping it on him later.

Ok, finally my Questions:

1.) Is he obligated to consent to this trip?
2.) If not, how can he prevent it? Should he write the school a letter stating that he does consent to the trip, and he has joint legal decision making. Then the school will inform mum that they can't allow trip without his consent? Rescind his signature on passport?  
3.) Since this is school-related is he stuck having to allow this trip, and pay for half, based on the activities portion of the plan? (see below).
4.) Write letter to BM stating her lack of consultation with BF is a continuous problem, etc. Trip is not convenient or affordable at this time, thanks.

Relevant to this is 2 parts of the plan:

PARENTAL RIGHTS AND OBLIGATIONS:

Each Parent shall have the following rights and obligations:

A. To participate and consult in all major decisions affecting the welfare of the minor child, including matters affecting the health, social development, morals, welfare, education and economic environment of said child. This right shall include but not limited to consultation with any treating physician, dentist, psychologist, health care provider, teacher, counselor, tutor, coach, or any other persons who significantly impact the minor child.

Each Party hereby assigns the other Parent the authority to consent to any necessary emergency medical, surgical, hospital, dental, institutional, psychological or psychiatric treatment for the minor child. Further, the Mother and the Father shall each be entitled to obtain a second opinion from a competent professional at their own cost with respect to any and all medical related issues pertaining to the minor child. If there is any disagreement after any second opinions are obtained, the Mother's choice shall control.

EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES:

The parties will cooperate in facilitating extracurricular activities. During the time each parent has said child, each parent will be responsible for taking the child to her extracurricular activities.

The cost of school-related or school sponsored said extracurricular activities will be equally divided between the parents, each paying 50% of the same. However, should either parent enroll the child in a non-school related extracurricular activity without the agreement of the other parent who did not agree for the child to participate in said extracurricular activity shall have no obligation to pay any of the costs of said extracurricular activity and shall be relieved of any obligation to transport the child to said extracurricular activity. The purpose of this clause is to ensure that neither parent enrolls the child in an extracurricular activity without the express agreement of the other parent.

However, either parent may indicate that while they do not agree with the enrollment into the extracurricular activity, they may agree by written notice to the parent who is enrolling the child in said extracurricular activity, that they will not agree to pay for said activity, but will transport the child to said activity and in that manner, the parent who is enrolling the child shall not be in violation, that an entire agreement must be entered into prior to enrolling the child in any extracurricular activity.

Dumb question - easy one for you.

Background info:
Franklin county, OH court.
We are Defendant (BF) pro se.
BM suing for sole custody based on childs wishes. She just reached 12. Case open since Feb 2005. Currently 50/50 joint plan, BM school district, no child support order. Plaintiff asked for finacials and Discovery etc. (probably for support order)

So far he has only been defending his position to stay in the current plan.

1.) Can he request financials/Discovery and Interrogatories from the otherside even if he is not counter filing for custody? Reason being, we would like to be able to argue back her inability to support herself over the past years, and she is in no position to have sole custody. Plus would like to request her school schedules as she takes night classes and leaves child home alone repeatedly. Which we feel is valid in court.

2.) To request Discovery does he need to file it through court, or can he just request it through her attorney? Is this considered a motion?

Hi Soc,

SD is 11. Shared parenting plan 50/50. BM residential.

BM has been proven unstable over the years, but BF allowed BM school district at last custody battle to avoid lengthy court battle.

BM is now filing for sole custody for reasons of "childs wishes" etc.

We are pro se. Did not counter file for custody, because we just want to keep what we have. 50/50.

So far the court ordered counseling with suspicions of PAS towards BF.

BM is unemployed, and financially supported by her mother, she is a perpetual student to keep her student loans in deferrment. She is 40.

She is now a Graduate Teaching Associate as part of her Masters degree which earns her very little money, but some. (not enought ot live on) It's called a stipened, of a max $1000 per month. Her rent was $775 alone.

BM has not had a good track record to staying in one location, lot's of moves, states, and countries. etc...

We just saw an eviction notice on her old apartment door, and we found out she was evicted from the apartment for not paying rent. But she did find another one. (no clue who would rent to her without a job, and being evicted...but...)

Meanwhile, BF very stable, works, owns home, etc. (has provided health insurance for child entire time)

My questions:
1.) Is any of this relevant to the court that BM has no ability to provide? Over 10 years in school, lot's of degrees, but no work experience.

2.) Would we have a valid case to go for primary custody based on her unemployment record, and support by her mother, and eviction from her apartment? I mean "someone" is providing a roof, but it's not her....

We are in the midst of a custody dispute, and a GAL has been assigned to the case.  

DH is self-representing. Ohio court, childs is 11, mother is residential, and the parents have shared custody 50/50.

Mother is seeking sole-custody, and want sto terminate fathers rights to make decisions because he will not agree to (1) activity. He has agreed in 6-8 (all other) things mother has wanted, but is not in favor of this one thing. The childs grades are starting to go from honor roll student to C-'s. The father thinks she is overscheduled, the mother and now the GAL disagree.

They all appeared in front of the magestrate for a review of findings and the magestrate said she will likely not change the parenting order from what it was. But had no time to hear the case. Continuance.

Meanwhile, the GAL is trying to force DH to do things without court by telling him he has to do them. She made him give up his Wednesday visits only because at the findings review he mentioned he would be willing to give them up if necessary (as a compromise) But nothing ws determined that day or written. But then she made him hold his words the next time he went to pick her up, he was refused his daughter and the GAL supported this witholding. Now, she is trying to force him to participate in the activity that he is in disagreement with (which he has gone to court previoulsy last year, and was found in NOT in contempt of this matter.) DH thinks it's fishy or that she is bullying him because he is self-representing. He thinks she is trying to pull something over because the magestrate stated that she will unlikely change orders.

1.) Does the GAL have the right to terminate orders and force parents to do things without a hearing? I thought they could only make recomendations to the court, not make binding rulings.

2.) Did she have a right to get rid of his Wednesdays without it being in writing? He was trying to negotiate to settle....but it is not settled because there still seems to be a trial scheduled.

We (father) are going pro-se. Ohio court, 50/50 plan. Child is 11.

BM wants sole custody based on child's wishes. (which is influenced by the mother)
Child has been interviewed by GAL and she has stated that she only wants to see father 12 DAYS per year. (no clue where that number came from) GAL states she MUST address the wishes of the child, she will not reduce his time to 12 days but will reduce it considerably based on childs wishes. The child states she feels like an outsider. This has been instilled by her mother constantly telling her she should not be with us, and we "don't care" about her etc.

This is our 4th time in court with BM trying to get sole custody, and court has always recomended shared parenting because there is no drugs, abuse, or neglectful parenting.

We told the GAL there is heavy programming/manipulation, and she said it was somewhat "obvious" but she still needs to address what she "says" she wants.

She recommended some family counseling. But the mother is strongly against it. We feel it's needed, but the parenting order states "both parents need to jointly consult in medical etc etc)

1.) Can the father request a motion by the court that the GAL's recommendations be put on hold until the child has some counseling. Then have to GAL re-asses the child's wishes later?

2.) can he file a motion to force counseling?

3.) If so, ...can you help us word it?

Dear Soc,

Ohio, SD age 11, joint custody, BM school district.

BM- single, unemployed, lives in apartment supported by parents, and is in school for past 5 years, has 1 masters and 2 bachelors, and currently in school for another Masters.

BF- married, with 3 kids, (half siblings to SD). Stable job, owns home.

We are on our third parenting order, always joint custody. (In the past BM has moved from various states)

We recently went to court over the mother wanting the child to participate in a (year round) swim club that meets daily, and has long weekend swim meets. BF did not agree to the club, and BM took him to court for contempt. (Plus child is already in flute, piano, and school plays, very busy as is)

Final outcome was father not in contempt.

Now BM filed a motion for sole custody stating that father is consistently non-compliant with taking their child to her activities. Says the child has expressed her desire to participate in the activity. (Which she has been highly pressured by her mother). Wants a guardian appointed, and the child to be interviewed in judges chambers.

She says the child wants to live with her, says the going back and forth is "too hard on her", and that she is "miserable" at BF house, Which is so, not true. She is happy, happy, until she has her BM on the phone, and then she reports negative feedback to BM. I think she wants attention from her BM that way.

BF suggested family counseling, and BM rejected the idea.

Q:
1.) Since we already went to court over the swim issue, can we have this whole thing tossed as petty or something? Since he does completely cooperate in all her other various activities.

2.) Can (we) BF file a motion for family counseling, for 6 months or so?

3.) If BF wants to keep The parenting agreement as is, and since "no significant changes" have taken place, can't we just request to keep this agreement as is?

4.) Will it be automatically tossed because the BM filed the motion?

Thank you.

Dear Soc,

Since age 5, (now 11) we have had 3 rounds of custody with DH & his ex over his daughter. Each resulting in a 50/50 joint parenting order. First two plans had neither parent listed as residential, (listed the school) but this final one lists mother, but states she has to stay put in her town or it goes to father automatically without a hearing. Basically grounding her to one location due to several moves on her part.

Mother gets a 2 year itch, and usually causes a reason for change (her moving). But since she can't move now, she has threatened (and will act on) Filing for modification due to "parenting differences", and "child's wishes".

She is now making the claim that DH is too hard on daughter for grades, and claims general unhappiness of the child. (Which is not true.)

Child does talk negative with BM about us & our home (?), for love and approval from her BM, but in reality is very happy in DH home. (jeckle & hyde thing). My DH says she does it to survive at her BM's.

BM will state "wishes of the child", and put her in front of the judge. (the child will do and say whatever mom asks her to, because she has been manipulated over the years.)

She is now 11.

Our attorney says we SHOULD fight for full custody on the basis that the mother is mentally destroying the child. But PAS is extremely hard to prove, an unlikely to change the order if proven, only extreme cases. (We really don't want to go another round for same results, it's emotionally and financially draining on our family. We have 3 kids together, which are half siblings of SD)

My questions are:

1.) Can BM file for new parenting order when there is not a real change in circumstances?

2.) Can we just state that we like the plan (as is) and do not wish to change it. And have her motion thrown out?

3.) Or will we have to prove she is happy? Is there anything we can do to prepare for the "unhappiness" claim. Like video of her having fun, journals, etc. Do we need to prove that she is happy? Seems silly.

4.) If we did fight on the grounds of PAS, is there even a chance of custody change?

Thanks.  :-)

Soc,

BM filed contempt on DH, and date was set last August 5. On that day the magistrate said how she would "likely" rule, but said she would like the two to mediate, and ordered them to mediate. (Her likely rule was that DH was not in contempt of anything)

Joint legal custody, 50/50 plan.

The contempt charge was:
1.) BM's purchase of an $800 flute without discussion with DH and sending him the bill for half, and then saying he was in contempt for not paying for it.

2.) And also BM enrolled SD into a daily swim club, and expected DH to take her to the daily practices on his parenting time far out of his town. He did not agree to the club, and expressed it verbally to her. Then he did not take her to the practices on his time, and BM said he was in contempt for not taking her and said he was obligated to pay for half the costs of the club.  (...plus she wanted attorney fees)

Mediation occurred 2X. Mediator said she would send something in the mail about what was discussed, (but not a final agreement) and see if it could be worked into a final agreement before next set court date. Nov. 19.

This has been well over 1 month ago, and nothing has come in the mail or heard otherwise.

The discussions were not really all that great for DH, just compromising for the sake of a compromise. He said he would pay for half flute if she would agree to "discuss" purchases with him prior, and he might put SD in a less aggressive club in his own area. But BM pushed it and wanted attorney fees (still) and for him to pay for the past swim club fees. He was not willing to do the last two things.  -It was still a rough discussion.


What should DH do from this point?

1.) Call to find out what ever happened to the mediator mailing out something?  or,

2.) Leave it alone, since he is likely he prevail in court anyways, and not even have to pay the $400 or compromise with the local club, which he isn't all that in favor of either?

Our attorney strongly suggests he not pay for the half of the flute and hold his ground all all issues. That this is a start of larger issues.

Dear Soc,

1) In a joint parenting plan (50/50), does the non-residential school parent have the right to enroll his/her child in school sponsored activities? (It would be for a ski club, and there were some medical release forms, that actually may need both parent signatures)

2.) If the activity only falls upon the non-residential parents parenting time, and does not affect the other parents schedule?

3.) If the residential parent objects, will the school support the residential parents choice over the residential?

4.) What does access mean in the blurb below?

School activities notice:
Excepting as specifically modified or otherwise limited by court order, and subject to ORC section 3319.321(F), the parent who is not the residential parent, is entitled to access, under the same terms and conditions as the residential parent, to  any student activity that is related to the child and to which the residential parent of the child legally is provided access. Any school employee or official who knowingly fails to comply with this order is in contempt of court.

Hi Soc,

We have (over a 7 year period) had 3 parenting plans, each lasting no longer then 2 years each. Always resulted in a 50/50 plan.

BM has been the cause for change, whether it be a move, or an attempt to move daughter or something. But not always the one to file. She would move and take daughter and father would file to bring her back. So looks like dad instigates by filing first to prevent the moves...

Child is now nearly 11, and BM is threatening to sue for sole custody. No change in circumstances. She might use "wishes of the child" as I know she has been prepping SD, and planning for this upon her reaching age 12.

Our attorney says we need to file ourselves for full custody, because the BM is out for hate, and is purposefully trying to destroy the father-daughter relationship.

Not wanting to go against our attorney, but we simply want to leave it as is. No more courts, and fights.

1.) Can BM file for change if there is nothing new?

2.) Can she claim "wishes of the child" and drag us through more costly battles?

3.) At what point do courts notice a pattern and just hang the hat on these court loving people?

4.) Can we claim this as an another obvious attempt to interfere in relationship?

5.) Even if we fight for sole and win, wouldn't the child be old enough to reverse anything at age 12 or 14 or so?

Any advice really would help...

Soc,

Mother father never married.

Ohio court. Agreed entry.

50/50 shared parenting plan that designates the Mother as residential parent for school placement only.

Mother had moved over 13 times (country, and statewide moves, France, OH, CN, NY, MO) During which the father had child in Ohio during mothers moving around. No support order. Visits from mother, and 2 years that she lived in Ohio and they shared custody, fathers school district.

Father was stable, in Ohio and the residential parent for 3 years (Ohio, K-2), mother one year in (Missouri, for 3rd grade). Long story. Father allowed "a temporary move" out of state for only one year. (bad move) Had to fight to have her brought back into Ohio.

Resulted in Mother returning from MO however she refused to live in same town as father so child could attend her same school as before, she got an apartment 30 mins away. So father fought for his district, Mother argued for hers, based on that she was unemployed, and had not kids. She claimed since the father worked full-time and had two additional small children that he was "too busy" to deal with school.  She claimed to have more time to devote to their daughter with school work.

Father argued that she was unstable and he should be designated school district because he was more stable, had a perminent address and a family support system. Furthermore, he didn't want to risk having his daughter uprooted from school once more, given teh mothers history.

Oddly, the courts "suggested" they work out an order with the mothers district with a shared 50/50 plan, since she had more time to devote then the father.

So father agreed to allow mothers district, with a written clause in the order granting him the school district if she moves once more.

(Also, fearing that if Mother had residential she could potentially move her out of state thereafter, as she had tried to do in previous years. This clause 'supposedly' prevents that to some degree).

So now the agreement/order states:

SCHOOL PLACEMENT:
The parties intend that child shall attend school in the Central Ohio area. To that end, Mother is designated as residential parent for placement purpose for so long as, and only for so long as, she resides in the Upper Arlington School District.

If Mother should move from the Upper Arlington School District, to anywhere for any reason, the Parties agree that Father shall be immediately designated as residential parent for school placement purposes, without need for a hearing before the Court.

This has been in effect for 2 years now. With no moves so far.

My Q:
1.) If mother moves, how does father enroll his daughter in his school district with that wording? Does he need some type of proof that she indeed moved? Our simply a letter from an attorney?

2.) Also, the parenting time is geared towards the mother with more "school-time" and father more "leisure-time". So it would not be conducive to the fathers district, if he were to have her in his school. So would it still need to be heard before a court? To re-work the schedule?

3.) Would the Parenting time simply switch?

I have a question for a co-worker. He said a few years ago he made the mistake he will regret forever. His ex got re-married and his Biological daughter (age 9 or 10 then) wanted to be part of the family of her mothers new husband so bad that she asked her dad if he would let them adopt her so she could "share" the same last name and fit-in better.

The father gave it some thought, and spoke with the mother in depth and they agreed that it would not change the father daughter relationship, it was only a formality for the daughter to feel part of her new family.

The father agreed, and signed adoption papers. Two weeks after the mother refused to allow the daughter and father to visit together, nor speak on the phone. Mother then twisted the story and told bio-daughter the father didn't want her and gave up on her. (PAS)

Questions?

1- Does the biological father have any rights at all?
2- Can the daughter choose to see him (on her own will) as she grows older?. If so at what age would that be? (she is 13 now.)
3- Can the bio-father reverse his decision for the adoption?
4- Is there anything he can do to see her?

We have a lot of gray areas in the parenting plan we currently have.  Much of it causes conflict because BM jumps all over those gray areas. But we have been putting up with it, to avoid extra conflict.

1.) If there are lots of problems with a parenting plan, can one party file a motion to clarify parts of the order?

2.) Will that give the other parent free reign to change the whole order.

3.) Is there a way other then filing a motion, to change (or amend) one section of the order but not have the entire thing re-hassed?

4.) Should we leave well enough alone?

We have a 3 hour visit on the Wednesdays of our "off" week. However lately the BM has been sending homework with SD with strick instructions to have it complete before returning home.

It leaves no visiting time because she is buried in her homework. Last night she pretended to use the bathroom nearly the whole visit, when I checked on her she was calculating her math problems on the pot. :-)

(She was scared to go home without having it done)

We were under the assumption that the non-possessory parent is entitled to vistation time, and possessory parent should be responsible for homework. Afterall she has 2 hours before our visit to complete homework.

Is there any "golden rule" about where homework is to be completed? It's not written in our plan, nor did we ever think ahead on that one.

We had a deposition done and asked our attorney for a copy, and he said we had to purchase a copy for a fee. We had spent over $800 for the depositon to be done. (Hourly rate of our attorney's time)


1. Is it typical for attoney's to charge the client extra to see (have a copy) the depositon? Or is our attoney playing us?

Dumb questions.

We have no attorney. DH ex (BM) has threatened to file contempt on DH, by sending a letter via her attorney stating intent to file. We did not respond, as we do not feel we are in contempt and did not want to get bullied by her attorney. We have received nothing regarding this issue since the threat letter.

BM has been saying that it was mandated in court and we are now in violation of court order. We contacted the court house to see if anything had been filed or heard, and they had no record of anything since 1999.

1.) How would we potentially know if something was filed if we have no attorney to present us with the info?

2.) Is it the courts obligation to notify us of a hearing or her attoney?

3.) Could a court date (hearing) have come and gone without us know about it?

Soc,

We share 50/50 custody of my 10-year-old step-daughter in Ohio. The father has mostly weekends (3 per month) and one full week every month.

In the order it states parents are obligated to transport child to "school-related activities" on their parenting time. There is no obligations for "optional activities", unless parents expressly agree upon activity prior to enrollment of said activity.

Mother offered up an aggressive year-round "swim club" which practice 4-5 times during the week and have out-of-town swim meets on weekends. Father would be required to travel to the meets, and afford hotel stays. This club dominates the fathers parenting time and will disrupt his entire families weekends. Holding the whole family hostage to swimming every weekned except once per month.

He immediately told her he would not agree to the swim club on his parenting time. Mother enrolled her regardless, and took her on her one weekend per month.

She then filed contempt of court for "refusal to take child to school-related activities, and paying for 1/2 of said activity." Says it's related because it prepares children for the swim team offered in high school.

The club is community driven and not sponsored, offered, or supported by the school system.

Also, the agreement does state "The parties shall agree on any major decisions regarding the child's health and welfare."


Q?

1-  What defines "school-related" activity? Doesn't it mean "sponsored, supported or offered", by the school?

2-  Is father in contempt since he did not agree to the club in the first place?

3- Can father claim this to be "interference in fathers parenting time" since in dominates his time and not hers. That family relationships are more important then an activity?

Thanks, :-0

Dear Soc,

We share 50/50 joint custody (Ohio) of my step-daughter and have no support order. In the plan it states "parents agree to pay for one-half of the costs of the the childs school-related activities." Step-daughter is in 5th grade, and decided to take flute lessons in school, and the mother went out and bought an $800 flute. Then she mails the receipt to the father requesting money, with no discussion over flute options.

He had access to 2 second-hand (already paid for) flutes and offered them instead, since she is a beginner it should have sufficed. The mother refused, and said the child has been using the new one and prefers it.  Now she filed contempt, for not paying for activities.

She also enrolled her in private flute lessons (outside of the school lesson) and father is helping pay 1/2 for those at $80.00 per month. (this was done with no prior discussion as well.)

Q's

1- Does he have an obligation to pay on demand whatever she chooses to purchase without a discussion?

2- Isn't the more expensive flute an arbitrary personal choice?

Thank you,

We share 50/50 joint custody in Ohio, child of age 10. Last year the mother decided to leave the country for over 8 weeks (for school in France) and have someone else (her mother) do the exchanges. She figured no-one would ever know she was gone, and asked the child keep quiet about her travels. The child stayed with the grandparents while she was gone. Mother is residental parent for school only, and grandparents do not live in the district.

1 - My question is wouldn't the father have the right to have full-parenting time if the mother is away (especially if out of the country) for that long a period?

2- Could she be held in contempt of court for not telling the father she was out of the country?

3- Does the grandparent (third party) have the right to parent on mothers parenting time over the father??

4- If she plans to do this again, is there a way we can have the full-parenting time.

We have a 50/50 shared parenting plan, and SD is 12.

Highly conflictive, no decent communication between parents. BM feels she has a right to make ALL decisions as if BF is only a visitor. She signs up SD for activities / events and sends us the last minute schedule and costs after she enrolls. Expects us to comply, and have no opinions on the costs, or the daily schedules of the activities. Nor (it seems) do we have any rights to make our own family plans with SD.

We have a family of 6 (including her), and our schedule is anything but available 24/7 for her to blindly make plans on it.

Well she took us to court when we objected to one of the activities and she lost. Court told her she needed to "consult with father prior to signing up". Parenting plan says "prior consultation for activities", but she still does it, over and over again. Then says BF doesn't care about her best interests, only his own, yadda-yadda.

The one that gets hurt is my SD, if we happen to have made previous family plans that we are unwilling to change. (Also my own family suffers with having to break our plans, and they are disappointed)

OK.
Now, we just found out that she signed her up for a booth at an art festival on our weekend in 2 months. Funny too cause we do not see her for the second half of the summer, and then she scheduled our first weekend we get her back. Anyway, we happen to find out about this through another source, not her, so technically we are still unaware. (SD is strictly not allowed to discuss anything that her and her mom do either.-PAS)

The game: She will wait until the very last minute, to give us information knowing by then, we will have made other family plans together, and then we are the "bad guys" if we say "sorry we already made family plans". Or we can "break" our plans to accommodate this rude behavior. Unfortunately, the SD is always the victim to this game, and not by our hand. It's win-win for BM, she either ruins our family plans together or we are the bad-guys for not allowing her to attend because of our plans. (which are never important enough – according to her)

The thing is we would never dream of planning something that was on her time.

This may seem so petty, but some o fthe stuff she has planned for her were as large as a group trip abroad, during our summer. She paid for it, and all without asking us first.  Then BF refused to sign the passport, and the trip got cancelled and teh people were all mad at BF, for being a bad-guy. But why should we loose our summer with her. She never offered us a trade in time either. She just assumes if she gets a bunch of people involed that our back is against the wall, and we "have to say yes, no matter what."

How can we handle this the right way?

We have considered "contempt" on her for "not consulting/uncooperative", as this is a constant occurrence, and she seems to not learn. But she says it's "Us" that are not cooperative, because "we don't allow her to do things she likes to do".

Should we involve the SD and explain to her the rules and make her accountable for some of this?

Any smart ideas?

DH's ex accuses him and I of "grilling" SD. We never do, nor do we ever talk about the BM. It's her that does the constant grilling and badmouthing. But child thinks mother has a right to know every detail of our lives, because the mother is "protecting her". Whatever....

Problem is every thing we do or every conversation we have is directly relayed (an not always the way it was happened, it gets twisted) back to the BM. But "nothing" ever comes to DH's/our home. We are not allowed any information about SD life there.

We have a right to have normal conversations don't we? It's as if she is a stranger in our home, or an informant.

It's to the point that we are afraid to have any conversations with the child because the mother informs the child that we have no business knowing what goes on over in their home.

While that is somewhat true, why can't we ask what she is into these days, or if she has friends, or if she attended the school class movie with her friends etc.

We get lies like  "I can't remember" I don't know" for answers. She is getting really clever at lying to get out of conversations. Real good.

It seems touchy, if we discipline her for the lies the mother accuses us of being cruel to the child. If we address the fact that we think she is lying about "not remembering seeing a movie with her school" she gets uncomfortable, and we hate to accuse her, but we know when she is lying.

Anyone have this one? Or ideas on what to do?

We shae joint custody of my 10 year old SD. She loves to be in our home, as she also has two (half) siblings that she loves to play with. Her mother has been in and out of her life, and we have always been there. But for some reason the courts gave the mother once last chance to be stable, and gave her the school district too.

The mother has been programming the child and teh relationships are growing apart as the she gets older. The mothers programming has been working in her favor. The child had her name changed last year to carry the mothers (hypenated) instead of just the fathers name. Now she is trying to reduce our parenting time by filling or time with activities on our parenting time. It's obvious to everyone but teh courts.

We tend to walk on eggshells when it comes to parenting, because we know she will go home with complaints, and it further convinces her mom she is "so misearble" in our home.

My question is how do you parent properly when you fear the outcome or that she will go the easy route and leave us?

We share 50/50 custody of my step-daughter and have no support order. In the order it states parents agree to pay for one-half of the childs school-related activites. The child decided to take up flute, (5th grade) and the mother went out and bought a $800 flute with no discussion to the father. Then she sends the receipt to the father and expects payments. He has 2 other kids and needs to live a little more frugile then one with one child would. He had access to 2 second-hand flutes and offered them instead, sicne she is a beginner. She refused, and said the child has been using the new one and prefers it. Does he have an obligation to pay on demand whatever she chooses to purchase without discussion?

We have a shared parenting plan, and split summes. Bio Father gets 1st half BM second. (Parents live 30-40 minutes apart)

In our situation the BM has been attempting to disenfranchise SD from her BF and our whole family/half siblings etc. Legally, psychologically, and physically attempted to relocate on many occasions. Obsessed alienator (PAS) Long story short, we finally were able to get permission by the court for counseling. Although BM naturally refuses to participate....

Being that our summers are split we go a long period with no contact during the BM's half of summer. During our half BM called every night to talk with SD. However in turn, typically during BM's half of summer, when we call SD, she did not return our calls. We wrote letters, and she said claims she did not get them. You know the drill....

The summer switch just occured last week, / now with her BM.

This year BM got a job and SD is expected to be home alone. We brought this concern up with the counselor along with the inability to contact her during her half of summer. She suggested that during her half, that we go over and visit her. Being that she is 12 now and home alone anyway, it should not interfere with her mom and her time together since her mom was at work.

Well today BF called to see if she was there and said he would like to visit, with her 3 half-siblings. Apparently after he called she called her mom and reported to her that dad was coming over. BM called BF and said he was not allowed to visit during her time.

He respected her wishes and did not visit.

Anyone have an insight on this?

Could he get into legal trouble for visiting during her parenting time?

At least the good news is that we can at least call her now, since mom is not home to intercept the calls now...Guess we should be happy about that part....

Anyone have any suggestions. We have 3 weeks left until we see her again.

We have been in court every 3 to 6 months by the BM doing. Just found out through a friend of mines daughter (who is friends with SD) that apparently the BM has been telling my SD that WE are the ones taking HER mom to court over and over again. But it's the BM taking us to court.

The SD said to her friend "my daddy keeps taking my mommy to court for all sorts of things."

Which is untrue!

Do we address this, or pretend we knew nothing about this lie?

Problem is we can't possible cover all the lies, all the time. How do we protect ourself against  these lies that BM comes up with? (who knows what else is being said), we almost have to leave it alone and let fate take its' run....

Is that foolish?