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Topics - mango

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My step daughter whom we have had 50/50 shared parenting for 9 years, and prior to that my husband was her sole caregiver, as mom had other things to do with her life. When we got married, the bio-mom came back around to gain legal custody, and being the mom, although previously uninvolved she was able to gain 50/50.

During those years she has been working hard on destroying the relationships with my SD and her entire fathers side. Grandparents, cousins, neighbors, half-siblings. Intense PAS. It's been difficulat on us all.

We have been in court numerous times with mom trying to sue for sole (at least 5 rounds of battles) Everything from attempts to move out of state, to claiming we are neglectful, to SD not being happy. (None of which she was successful) This last battle the courts flat out told her they will never-ever give her sole. Through all this we have not counter filed for sole (except when she moved her out of state, which she had to move back or the court was going to give her to dad), we primarily fought to keep 50/50 in place.

But the PAS has gone to the extreme, SD (who is now turning 13) has told daddy she no longer wants to see us. She had a long-list of reasons. Her mom always fills her mind with dreadful things about us, and she apparently believes it all. We are a normal every-day family of 6, (no drugs, no abuse, no criminal records, just average folks) and she is not "the" only child in our home, so yes, it is different then at moms, where she is the only one. But it's no reason to condemn us. But one of her main reasons was that she just wants the "fighting" to stop. But she doesn't realize all the fighting isinitiated by her mom. We do not start the court battles, her mom does. In fact, we never even speak of her mom in our home. But her mom slams us every chance.

Anyways, now that it is HER stating flat-out how miserable she is, and how she doesn't want to see us or her siblings, etc. my hubby is seriously considering letting it go. This custody stuff has emotionally and financially crippled our entire family for 9 years running.

It has been so much work fighting to have her in our life and to keep her happy. We all walk on egg-shells to make sure she is happy in our home, and nothing seems to work. The PAS is too impactful and even with strong counseling it gets worse each year.

I know it seems like a cop-out to let go, but for our sanity, and from what it seems we are "torturing her" by making her continue to see us. If we stop seeing her maybe all the hatred she deals (daily) with will dissipate and she can live a normal life... Or ...maybe we should fight to get sole and save her from the mental abuse.

I wish I knew the "right thing" to do....

The ball sort of is (legally) is in our court right now. The old GAL we had (last battle), and the appointed counselor stated (confidentally) that we should counter file for sole. And that she should be with dad cause mom was mentally abusive. Still very hard to prove, and it would still be a long and hard to get actual courts to switch to sole, as it would be a school change too.  And if she doesn't want to be with us, what is the point. SD stated she wants the fighting to stop, and going for sole would only make her mom more venomous and make the whole situation hotter.

Any thoughts or advice.....

Custody Issues / Evicted
« on: Oct 11, 2005, 10:59:18 AM »
Does it matter if BM who is Custodial parent has no job and recently evicted from apartment.

SD age, 12.

BM currently filed for sole-custody in an attempt to dissolve the current 50/50 order. Court is set for January 12. She is claiming SD wants "more time" with BM, and she is old enough to decide.

We are Pro se.

We live in separate towns 30-40 mins apart.

BM has not worked in over 6 years, and has been a student getting Master degree after degree, with no job.

She is supported (with her own apartment) by her mother, but recently evicted from there. She did (somehow) manage to get another apartment nearby. Which I would think they would check her history and not wnat to rent to an unemployed, evicted renter.


We would love to file a return motion for sole-custody but it would change her school district. Plus SD is brainwashed, and we have court order for counseling for now...

We feel we are better able to care for her since DH is better off mentally, stable, owns home, has siblings (half sibs), etc.

Would that be foolish? Does anyone know if court looks at eviction as a big deal or not?

Custody Issues / preventing a re-location
« on: Jun 13, 2005, 01:59:51 PM »
Does anyone have any fancy wording to put into a parenting order to prevent a move away by the parents.

Custody Issues / Aussie
« on: May 24, 2005, 03:14:14 PM »
What ever happened to Aussie. I have been out for a while so I wondered if he got custody of his daughter yet.

Custody Issues / Childs wishes
« on: May 17, 2005, 11:43:26 AM »
We have had 50/50 plan with SD, age 11. (Neither parent or family has history of abuse, drugs, neglect, mental illness, or police records.)
BM openly hates BF, and myself.

BM has always wanted sole custody and has been working/programming her daughter for years, and finally getting payoff.

BM court ordered a GAL to listen to childs wishes.

SD is now 11, and is saying she wants to live with mom. She said she only wants to see BF and family once every couple months. However she says she "loves" her dad, and her 3 (half) siblings and Bio-grandparents, and myself (step mom) etc, but does not want to visit very often anymore. She doesn't feel "special in our home, and feels like an outsider".

Probably a result of the mother putting in her head that we love the other kids more, etc. etc.

Sometimes as a family we can't always buy everything she can as she does at her BM as an only child. This is used against us.

However, if you see her with us, she has a ball with her siblings and can't wait to be with them. But when she speaks to her BM on the phone, she only tells bad things. Like I'm tired because, the kids woke me up early, etc" Mom of coarse, says poor thing, it must be so hard on you to put up with it over there....

You know the drill.

GAL came over and saw how bonded she is with family and took her out for ice cream and heard first hand her "desire" to live with only mom.

GAL tells us she said it with an emptiness, and thinks she does not understand what she is asking for. Suspects an outside source. She said she will not go to the extreme of changing the parenting order to sole custody, but says she must make some changes (reducing the time with BF) to make the child "feel" as if her wishes have been addressed.

So, that means reducing her time with dad, and siblings etc. Giving the programming parent MORE time to program and destroy the relationships totally.

It seems the GAL's do not have much experience in PAS. Would'nt it be  a HUGE red-flag that the child doesn't want to see her BF & siblings anymore? Would it be an insult to give her info on it?

We feel pretty helpless. We can't go to counseling because BM refuses it.

GAL said she might ask for family counseling before making her decision.

Anyone have any advice for us?


1) In a joint parenting plan (50/50), does the non-residential school parent have the right to enroll his/her child in school sponsored activities? (It would be for a ski club, and there were some medical release forms, that actually may need both parent signatures)

2.) If the activity only falls upon the non-residential parents parenting time, and does not affect the other parents schedule?

3.) If the residential parent objects, will the school back out?

School activities notice:
Excepting as specifically modified or otherwise limited by court order, and subject to ORC section 3319.321(F), the parent who is not the residential parent, is entitled to access, under the same terms and conditions as the residential parent, to  any student activity that is related to the child and to which the residential parent of the child legally is provided access. Any school employee or official who knowingly fails to comply with this order is in contempt of court.

Custody Issues / Enrolling in school sponsored activities
« on: Sep 16, 2004, 11:52:47 AM »
Ohio, Joint 50/50 custody plan. It is written that child shares residences but mother was designated residental parent for school placement purposes only.

My question is this.

Can the father (with supossed equal rights to parent his child) also enroll his daughter in school-sponsored activities despite the fact that the mother is the "main" parent to the school/district? Or is he at the mercy of the BM to enroll?

Also the enrollment papers ask for the childs address, can he list the fathers or is that petty, and confusing? Even tho she lives in both homes equally.

Custody Issues / Dr. Phil
« on: Sep 13, 2004, 06:55:27 AM »
   Custody Battles
We've seen it in the headlines and in our own families: innocent children being caught in the crossfire of bitter custody battles. One mom wants to pack up and take her kids to Alaska, but her husband says he'll fight her to the end. Also, does a parent who gives up a child then deserve to get him back? Dr. Phil steps in to help a 12-year-old boy who's caught between his grandmother who raised him and the mother who's desperate to reclaim him. Plus, model Bridget Marks shares the fight of her life. Before you leave lasting scars on your children, hear what Dr. Phil has to say.

Custody Issues / mediation when unreasonable?
« on: Aug 24, 2004, 12:29:17 PM »
DH and BM were court ordered to mediation for something the BM is trying to force onto DH. DH is not agreeing to it, and the court is trying to stay out of it so they ordered mediation.

However it has been a hot topic for 2 years and neither party is going to budge mediation or not, that is why it went to court in the first place.


What happens if DH is not going to budge and neither is BM? Mediation will offer no benefit to this?

The court expressed their "disappointment" that they couldn't work out the differences.

New court date is set for November.
Will it look bad if nothing got worked out?

Custody Issues / Age 12, decide or not?
« on: May 03, 2004, 02:39:59 PM »
If a child at age 12 says they want to live full-time with one parent or another, how much weight does that carry in court? If the parents have always had a joint custody  plan?

Does a judge listen to a 12 year old? Or will they just make the child continue the custody order?

We expect this will happen because the PAS is getting stronger, and eventually the child will go against us in court. All the warning signs are there.

We are tapped emotionally, and finacially, and have two other kids to fend for.

 Would it be awlful to give up? and let her go...? If that is what she says she wants, shouldn't we give it to her?

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