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Topics - mango

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Father's Issues / Home alone
« on: Jul 07, 2006, 02:14:13 PM »
My SD is withus for part of the summer and the BM the other part. The BM has been unemployed for 5 years and never had to work because her parents supported her living expenses.

Anyway, she now has a job, and the SD is 12 years old and will be left home alone at BM's house during hte entire day while she is at work. My DH works out of the home and is home with her and her half siblings (our) kids during the day.

I am inclined to feel that she is old enough to be home alone but also old enough to get into trouble with "friends" through nothing better to do.

Would we be out of line to request that we have her during the day for some of the days, just to avoid mischief?

I know the BM would oppose such and idea, as she would rather she is alone then "bonding" with us.

Any thoughts on this?

Father's Issues / Very Petty but a pain....
« on: Oct 06, 2004, 12:49:49 PM »

We have joint 50/50, no child support order (agreed to by choice). BM has school district.

No place does it specify who pays for school fees, and school supplies.

DH sent a courtesy check for $20 to help pay for school supplies the first year. Ever since then BM has been sending us a detailed list of the costs.

This year it was nearly $200 in school fees and misc school supplies. (seemed excessive to me, but...)

Last year not one pencil, or sheet of lined paper, school handout, nor school text book came to DH's house and we had to figure out assignments without books, and purchase school supplies ourselves in order for her to work on homework etc. No biggie, only a few bucks here and there.

This year we decided to purchase a book from the school during open house, so SD had a copy at our house as well, since the teacher recommended it.

DH deducted it from BM's total bill, and wrote a note that he deducted the book but not his "costs" of school supplies that he had purchased.

He does not have a problem contributing to his daughters school stuff, but this is getting silly.

She mailed the check back, and said nothing we purchase counts, "she" is the only one that can make these decisions and make purchases and DH simply need to oblige her. Ordered him to re-write a check for the amount she originally sent for.

It's not a matter over the actual cost, it's principal. Sure we can send the $$ for the difference of the darn book, and be done with it, but this can go on all year long, every little project she buys a posterboard for she send a receipt, but if we buy stuff we can't?

Should we just suck it up, be happy there is no support order and send her money whenever she demands it?

It's really more annoying then anything else. I'd rather just send her a lump flat amount every year, and let her work within the means of the amount. I hate to bicker over peanuts back and forth.

Father's Issues / Telling the kids about PAS
« on: Apr 30, 2004, 06:52:15 AM »
I have kept my mouth shut, in regards to the BM and her attempts to alienate my SD against me and DH. We never bash her, or go that route.

But at what point is it a good idea that the child see things for what they are? Can they be told about PAS and the tactics being used on them? I just wonder so many times if my SD sees it for what it is.

She told my neighbor that she tells her BM that she has a bad time at dads house because she is not allowed to tell her any good stuff because she gets mad.

This was a neighbor, she would never admit to us that she does that. So she seems to understand what is going on in some odd way.

Just thoughts.

Father's Issues / Access to school records
« on: Apr 16, 2004, 07:52:28 AM »
Does this include graded homework and teacher letters for parents?

We have 50/50 custody of my step-daughter and the mother has the school district. We do have an obligation to school-work as well as the mother. However the mother purposfully obstructs teh fathers ability to keep informed of school projects, events, and assignments by removing stuff from the childs school-bag.

A Friday Folder is sent home every Friday with parent information, graded homework, and school handouts. The father has 3 Friday's per month and should be seeing 3 of these folders per month. However he is scheduled to begin his parenting time one hour after school is out he picks up the child at the mothers home.  The mother removes the Friday Folder, and the daily planner which tells what homework assignments are due for the week.

The child will play dumb with homework if she can, and we have no idea what is due, or even how it is to be done. Usually the handouts explain what the kids are working on, and what is expected.

We have sent an envelope back with the book bag requesting that she put copies of school info it it. (Forwarding stuff between parents.) But she says it's up to us to get the info from the school ourselves by making arrangements with her teachers.

We tried that and the teacher sent duplicates of stuff home it teh Friday Folder, and we still never got it.

The teachers do not have time to duplicate every handout and provide separate "folders" for "mom" and "dad". It's quite embarassing, to say the least.

I think she just wants the father to miss assignments that are due, so she can set him up for being incompetent, or miss a school play and say, "see daddy doesn't care about you".

What can we do?

Can she be in contempt of anything?

Father's Issues / cost of extracurricular activites
« on: Apr 15, 2004, 11:03:59 AM »
We share 50/50 custody of my step-daughter and have no support order. In the order it states parents agree to pay for one-half of costs of the the childs school-related activities. She decided to take up flute, (5th grade) and the mother went out and bought a $800 flute with no discussion to the father. Then she sends the receipt to the father and expects payments. He has 2 other kids and needs to live a little more frugile then one with one child would. He had access to 2 second-hand flutes and offered them instead, since she is a beginner it should have sufficed. She refused, and said the child has been using the new one and prefers it. Does he have an obligation to pay on demand whatever she chooses to purchase without discussion? She filed contempt for not paying for 1/2 of the activities.

Father's Issues / Right of First refusal
« on: Apr 15, 2004, 10:33:14 AM »
We share 50/50 custody. It's very conflictive to say the least. Last year the mother decided to leave the country for 8 weeks (for school) and simply have someone else (her mother) do the exchanges. She figured no-one would ever know she was gone. She also tried to make the child keep quiet about the whole facade. However it was a little more obvious then that. My question is wouldn't the father have the right to have full-parenting time if the mother is away (especially if out of teh country) for that long? Could she be held in contempt of court for not telling the father she was out of the country? No way to contact her in emergency. Does the grandparent (third party) have the right to parent on mothers parenting time over the father?? We think she will do this more often since she got away with it. Her big claim in court was that she was more "available" to devote time to her child then the father was, so they granted her residental school placement (only, no extra parenting time), yet she is hardly ever parenting the child on her parenting time, and typically leaves her with the grandparent. (her mother)


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