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My step daughter whom we have had 50/50 shared parenting for 9 years, and prior to that my husband was her sole caregiver, as mom had other things to do with her life. When we got married, the bio-mom came back around to gain legal custody, and being the mom, although previously uninvolved she was able to gain 50/50.

During those years she has been working hard on destroying the relationships with my SD and her entire fathers side. Grandparents, cousins, neighbors, half-siblings. Intense PAS. It's been difficulat on us all.

We have been in court numerous times with mom trying to sue for sole (at least 5 rounds of battles) Everything from attempts to move out of state, to claiming we are neglectful, to SD not being happy. (None of which she was successful) This last battle the courts flat out told her they will never-ever give her sole. Through all this we have not counter filed for sole (except when she moved her out of state, which she had to move back or the court was going to give her to dad), we primarily fought to keep 50/50 in place.

But the PAS has gone to the extreme, SD (who is now turning 13) has told daddy she no longer wants to see us. She had a long-list of reasons. Her mom always fills her mind with dreadful things about us, and she apparently believes it all. We are a normal every-day family of 6, (no drugs, no abuse, no criminal records, just average folks) and she is not "the" only child in our home, so yes, it is different then at moms, where she is the only one. But it's no reason to condemn us. But one of her main reasons was that she just wants the "fighting" to stop. But she doesn't realize all the fighting isinitiated by her mom. We do not start the court battles, her mom does. In fact, we never even speak of her mom in our home. But her mom slams us every chance.

Anyways, now that it is HER stating flat-out how miserable she is, and how she doesn't want to see us or her siblings, etc. my hubby is seriously considering letting it go. This custody stuff has emotionally and financially crippled our entire family for 9 years running.

It has been so much work fighting to have her in our life and to keep her happy. We all walk on egg-shells to make sure she is happy in our home, and nothing seems to work. The PAS is too impactful and even with strong counseling it gets worse each year.

I know it seems like a cop-out to let go, but for our sanity, and from what it seems we are "torturing her" by making her continue to see us. If we stop seeing her maybe all the hatred she deals (daily) with will dissipate and she can live a normal life... Or ...maybe we should fight to get sole and save her from the mental abuse.

I wish I knew the "right thing" to do....

The ball sort of is (legally) is in our court right now. The old GAL we had (last battle), and the appointed counselor stated (confidentally) that we should counter file for sole. And that she should be with dad cause mom was mentally abusive. Still very hard to prove, and it would still be a long and hard to get actual courts to switch to sole, as it would be a school change too.  And if she doesn't want to be with us, what is the point. SD stated she wants the fighting to stop, and going for sole would only make her mom more venomous and make the whole situation hotter.

Any thoughts or advice.....

In Ohio, they pretty much make it a court order if one of the parents requests it. But the clencher is, the person requesting usually foots the bill.

Now, if the GAL requests it, then the chances are it will be court ordered to split costs of eval. They can run costly too.

more...

The statement of "full involvement" in teh flickenger reading to me implys more then Wednesday and weekend visits. You may not get 50-50, but you certainly can be more involved then "weekends & wednesday".

Type up a plan and submit it.

I have full reading if you want to post your e-mail, I will forward it.

No, I posted "shared parenting" not equal time. Which means you have equal rights to make decisions. Time is variable situation to situation. If neither parent is found to be unfit, the court must rule on "joint or shared parenting"

Davis vs Flickenger states:
"This court fully recognizes the contributions made
by the mother as well as the father. But the best
interest of a child encompasses not only the home
environment, but also the involvement of both
parents. In today's society that fully admits the
need for parenting by both parents, each parent
should have full involvement in a child's life, where
possible and desired by the parent. When one
parent begins to cut out another parent, especially
one that has been fully involved in that child's life,
the best interest of the child is materially affected."


See some case precidents:
Davis v. Flickinger (1997), 77 Ohio St. 3d 415, 419. Cordon v. Gordon (October 19, 1987), Athens App. No. 1334
Beekman v. Beekman (1994), 96 Ohio App. 3d 783
Holm v. Smilowitz (1992), 83 Ohio App. 3d 757, at 777.
Klamforth v. Klamforth (April 9, 1996), Franklin App. No. 95 APF 10-1396
Stevens v. Stevens (February 10, 1997), Preble App. No. CA96-07-010
Grant v. Grant (July 21, 1989), Wood App. No. WD-88-29
Barton v. Dean (February 20, 1990), Madison App. No. CA89-08-013

It is your constitutional right to get equal rights for parenting time as the mother.
 
Remind the court of your equal rights.

Unless you are found unfit, the court can't take your right away to parent your kids, and they MUST grant shared parenting.

In Ohio, the court does not deny one parent the right over another, and they typically make the parents duke it out themself. Which for some takes years to finalize their own plan. But some folks settle on what you described, for the sake of settling. (The Weekend/Wednesday plan.)

I would suggest you type out a parenting plan that you find suitable, and "submit" to court, before the BM does. Every other week, or Wed after school- Monday a.m., every other week. That is way fair enough. Plus, HALF the summer, and rotate holidays and school breaks.

Kids need their dads, and moms often forget that.

Does it matter if BM who is Custodial parent has no job and recently evicted from apartment.

SD age, 12.

BM currently filed for sole-custody in an attempt to dissolve the current 50/50 order. Court is set for January 12. She is claiming SD wants "more time" with BM, and she is old enough to decide.

We are Pro se.

We live in separate towns 30-40 mins apart.

BM has not worked in over 6 years, and has been a student getting Master degree after degree, with no job.

She is supported (with her own apartment) by her mother, but recently evicted from there. She did (somehow) manage to get another apartment nearby. Which I would think they would check her history and not wnat to rent to an unemployed, evicted renter.

Anyway,

We would love to file a return motion for sole-custody but it would change her school district. Plus SD is brainwashed, and we have court order for counseling for now...

We feel we are better able to care for her since DH is better off mentally, stable, owns home, has siblings (half sibs), etc.

Would that be foolish? Does anyone know if court looks at eviction as a big deal or not?

Can't you just do Week to week.

Seems to me kids always want to change custody when they turn into the teens.

Seems like a can of worms, and a big waste of money.

Six months later he may want to go back to moms afterall....

I have heard a ton of custody kids turn age 13 they state they want to live with "other" parent. I think it's them trying to be in control of their life.

My brothers SD did this too, and the mom let her go with the dad.... Now she says "why didn't you fight for me mom? you don't love me..."

It's like she just wanted proof that she would fight to have her...

I don't have an answer, but would like to know if there is one, my Sd will be 12 this year, and ready to rebel.

For us, seven years 3 parenting plans (always end up 50/50) and still in court. Hate to think how much $$ wasted for the same outcome each time.

Here we are again, she is now 11 so mom says she wants to live with her 100%. Back in court....

It never ends. Mother never seems to get a clue either that it will always be a sharend parenting order in Ohio. she is still fighting for sole custody. She has a horrible track record of unemployment, moving, and instability, the psyche evaluation came out that the father was stellar, a good stable parent and mother had many issues that take a toll on her ability to function in society. Pages and pages of her dysfunctionability, and then the evaluator suggests a shared parenting order and the mothers school district. We were shocked!!  

She has kept school papers from us (homework info), and messed with things so bad. She was trying to make it so it looked like dad was slacking in the school department, when she was sabataging his effort to receive homework information. Yet the GAL doesn't even blink about that.

Completely uncooperative as a residentail parent.

But courts do slant towards mommy dearest.

Good luck to you. Read the custody laws of your state, do your homework, and use that as your strategy.

Does anyone have any fancy wording to put into a parenting order to prevent a move away by the parents.