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One more thing.

I used to take a sharpie pen and make a tiny smiley face on the inseem of all her clothes. A subliminal thing that showed it was from dads house.

The BM hates any reminders of DH anyway, and won't let SD wear (or play with toys from our home) anyway. The grocery-bag thing only worked for a few weeks and then she stopped sending clothes back from dads home. They usually got discarded instead of returned, so we have been sending her home in her moms stuff. Because it simply is not practical to keep buying the clothes over and over again.

But in our case we are dealing with a PAS psycho. I only mentioned the bag thing cause it could work for other people. :-)

This is the ONLY thing my DH and his ex agreed to early on.

We take the clothes SD wears and put all of it in a grocery bag, and send it back to moms house and vise versa. More often then not we just send her back with the clothes she wore over.

This just makes sense because that parent took the time to shop and select the clothes for thier child. Perhaps they match other clothing in thier home or were a special outfit from a grandparent. Chances are the clothes dad picked will never even be worn at moms house, because of differing tastes etc etc...So why not return them. Children understand moms house dads house.  

It's just being practical.

Now, as my SD gets older she will develop her own taste in clothing and have favorite clothes that she may have picked out herself. At this time I think it would be fair to assume that she can be mature enough to be in charge of what she wants to wear from moms house during her dads week and mom's week form dads house.

Just my opinion.

This article is PERFECT. It hits all the things we have been saying to our GAL. We are currently undergoing a custody litigation where the BM wants to rid the 50/50 plan and give DH weekends only.

Currently my SD is making good grades and doing well. I think the plan should stay as is. But the GAL is prepared to urge the judge to reduce the parenting time because teh child has stated that she wishes to have her time reduced. She has been PAS'd.

Thank you thank you for posting this!

Until you get into court.

My DH had to go through the whole process. Show that he was active and very involved inhis daughters life.

We now have a 50/50 plan. We are in Cols, Ohio.

http://www.lascinti.org/unmarried%20mothers%20have%20legal%20custody.html

An unmarried female who gives birth to a child is the sole residential parent and legal custodian of the child until a court of competent jurisdiction issues an order designating another person as the residential parent and legal custodian. A court designating the residential parent and legal custodian of a child described in this section shall treat the mother and father as standing upon equality when making the designation. (Ohio Revised Code Section 3109.042).

I stand divided on both issues brought up,

1.) that she will take us back to court and we will likely be in for greater problems. She will state that he is unwilling to support his daughter yadda yadda. To avoid, just appease her, and send check.

2.) But then yes, are we settingup a precident to future larger issues. We need to set boundaries.

I really like the letter idea of rotating the expenses.

But somehow she will just dictate to us what needs to be spent on our year, and cut back on her year, because she says "she" is the only one allowed to make decisions on these issues. She put it in writing and said it in mediation a while back.

It's not true but she think's it is and hold her ground. She told my DH that (in fornt of mediator) that he can't make those decisons because she is residential parent and therefore deemed teh decison maker for all school matters. Which i don't think is how it works.

She was only designated residential parent because of the school district, nothin more.

Thanks I will figure out a letter to send with HER check.

We have joint 50/50, no child support order (agreed to by choice). BM has school district.

No place does it specify who pays for school fees, and school supplies.

DH sent a courtesy check for $20 to help pay for school supplies the first year. Ever since then BM has been sending us a detailed list of the costs.

This year it was nearly $200 in school fees and misc school supplies. (seemed excessive to me, but...)

Last year not one pencil, or sheet of lined paper, school handout, nor school text book came to DH's house and we had to figure out assignments without books, and purchase school supplies ourselves in order for her to work on homework etc. No biggie, only a few bucks here and there.

This year we decided to purchase a book from the school during open house, so SD had a copy at our house as well, since the teacher recommended it.

DH deducted it from BM's total bill, and wrote a note that he deducted the book but not his "costs" of school supplies that he had purchased.

He does not have a problem contributing to his daughters school stuff, but this is getting silly.

She mailed the check back, and said nothing we purchase counts, "she" is the only one that can make these decisions and make purchases and DH simply need to oblige her. Ordered him to re-write a check for the amount she originally sent for.

It's not a matter over the actual cost, it's principal. Sure we can send the $$ for the difference of the darn book, and be done with it, but this can go on all year long, every little project she buys a posterboard for she send a receipt, but if we buy stuff we can't?

Should we just suck it up, be happy there is no support order and send her money whenever she demands it?

It's really more annoying then anything else. I'd rather just send her a lump flat amount every year, and let her work within the means of the amount. I hate to bicker over peanuts back and forth.

It would great to have each divorcing parent to be legally obligated to read the "How To" book, and commit to putting hte children first.

Even take a pop quiz, after.....

Not just have it written in the order and ignored.

I think she has seen it before. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Go back for another session, if there is one, and show that you are willing to work towards being cooperative, and understanding etc etc.

I think a counselor is great for everyone. It might be a good mediator for the kids and all.

Wish we had the ability to get our SD in a counselor.

Two months ago I sent an e-mail to Dr. Phil regarding the disputes, I think he got a few more from some others on this site.

Perhaps it will bring awareness to this.

I am so happy to see that he IS DOING IT.

I have read many parents on this site that have parenting plans that evolve as children get older.

Perhaps you can agree to a plan that evolves from daytime visits now, to when Chloe reaches age 4 or 5 you increase your parenting time and get solid weekends, and later extend to months during the summer etc. etc. (get it in writing and enter into the court)

Obviously the mother is a bit protective. Show her you are aware of her concerns, and understanding that she feels teh child is not ready for a sleepover, and open to working around it.

This can somewhat guarantee you an "in" later with your daughter.

If she refuses such a plan, then she is feeding you crap. I would then pursue the legal, costly route. But if you can avoid it, I would. It can get really ugly. Trust me, 7 years so far. Courts can create monsters.