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Messages - mango

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Two months ago I sent an e-mail to Dr. Phil regarding the disputes, I think he got a few more from some others on this site.

Perhaps it will bring awareness to this.

I am so happy to see that he IS DOING IT.

Father's Issues / RE: Ex left with my daughter a year ago
« on: Aug 04, 2004, 08:20:38 AM »
I have read many parents on this site that have parenting plans that evolve as children get older.

Perhaps you can agree to a plan that evolves from daytime visits now, to when Chloe reaches age 4 or 5 you increase your parenting time and get solid weekends, and later extend to months during the summer etc. etc. (get it in writing and enter into the court)

Obviously the mother is a bit protective. Show her you are aware of her concerns, and understanding that she feels teh child is not ready for a sleepover, and open to working around it.

This can somewhat guarantee you an "in" later with your daughter.

If she refuses such a plan, then she is feeding you crap. I would then pursue the legal, costly route. But if you can avoid it, I would. It can get really ugly. Trust me, 7 years so far. Courts can create monsters.

I am in Ohio, and the local news reported no charges, as teh dad was not sure he was going to pursue custody, as he wants to weigh the best interest of the child first.

Here is a guy that is worried about how the child will react to this MESS her mother created, and his concern is the childs feelings. He seems like a compassionate guy.

Unfortunately its' the childs life that becomes a mess for the outcome–whatever it may be.

Two sagas here:

My Dh 's ex is "dark" and we feel unfit for a mother. However it IS my SD mother and half of herself. Children need to know both parents whether good or bad. They can learn from bad parents too, How NOT to be.

As much as we dislike the BM and feel she cares very little of her own daughters true best interests. But we understand that the chidl loves her very much, and that is what matters most.

We base all our decisons on how the child feels, not what the mother wants. etc etc. It's hard to do, trust me.

Saga 2:
My mother and father divorced and my mother spoke bad of my dad daily. I am 39 today, and rensent my mother for her constant badmouthing. I see now it only made me feel inferior. It didn't win her a prise for being a better parent, just a bitter one.

I now have NO relationship with my dad, and have ried. Perhpas what she said was true I don't know, but for some reason we as a species need to know our parents, good or bad as they may be.

Yes my mom may have been correct in her complaints, but I'd rather of discovered it for myself.

What ought to do is keep things out of court, and don't make him pay child support (if you can afford to) Maybe ask him to help out in other ways if he is willing, like chip in on daycare or stuff. Have a workable visting plan and allow a relationship of visits together. (Keep track of it somewhere) As long as you can keep things civil you might be OK.

If you piss him off you are likely faced with a road of debt and bitterness, and hardball. Sounds like he can play some hard-ball if it came to that.

I have a few friends who are unwed mothers that preferred to stay out of court and it's been much better for them. The father's have a relationship and don't feel attacked by court stuff. Had they gone to court it would have gotten UGLY.

Trust me, what you loose to lawyers, court, mediation, GAL's, and phych evals = childsupport you could get, or hatred out of it, is not worth it. You could go 20,000 or more into debt, and still be fighting evey year.

Good luck.

Father's Issues / RE: removal of child from state
« on: Jun 17, 2004, 12:23:50 PM »
My husband had same situation. Mother tried to remove child. He filed an emergency restraining order and prevented her from moving.

To this day the mother is unable to move the child away from teh father. We had it written inteh plan that if the mother moves for any reason the father automatically gets custody. It's binding now!

Father's Issues / RE: wrote to Dr. Phil
« on: May 26, 2004, 12:52:06 PM »
Wrote Dr. Phil about the PAS and how destructive it is for the children to be used as a pawn for revenge, and how the courts don't seem to have much ability to do anything about it. They seldom remove the child from (mental) abusive situations, if ever.

We shall see if he has a show about it.

Father's Issues / RE:Dr Phil
« on: May 21, 2004, 11:46:31 AM »
Maybe we can get Dr. Phil or Opera to have a show about PAS, and how badly it hurts the children, and the target parent. How the court system doesnt' do anything about either.

They need to put some serious consequences on parents programming their kids.

Father's Issues / RE: DIET DEBACLE
« on: May 07, 2004, 10:41:55 AM »
I would consult your peditrician about this.

Children can loose weight so easily by simply eliminating pop, or replacing a cookie for a snack for carrots instead. Drinking a glass of water before meals.

But in now way should a child be on atkins. She needs all her essential nutrients, that Adkins does not offer.

Father's Issues / RE: Telling the kids about PAS
« on: May 03, 2004, 08:31:04 AM »
She is 10 now and we are fully aware that the BM has intentions of "working" on her for the next two years, and WHAM when she turns 12 we will be served the court papers saying she prefers to be with BM full-time.

My DH and I have two kids of our own and one on the way, we can't afford to keep fighting this thing in court. Let alone the constant stress it puts the family through. It's sad to say but if she (SD) at age 12 decides she wants to go with BM, we think we might let her go. If we fight it would it be futile, since they can decide at that point, and her mom is hard-core and high-pressure?

Father's Issues / RE: advice please
« on: May 03, 2004, 08:23:52 AM »
Document the times she was late (on moms) time. It counts. Document that they catch up on homework on your time. I'd say it all helps.

I'd start doing all teh documenting and getting ready, before you start any court stuff, since she (BM<) might straighten her act once court is started.

I'd get drug tests on her, and even have her followed. See how much time she spends with the kids. Bet she leaves them home.

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