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Messages - mango

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31
Dear Socrateaser / GAL question
« on: Sep 26, 2005, 01:28:46 PM »
We are in the midst of a custody dispute, and a GAL has been assigned to the case.  

DH is self-representing. Ohio court, childs is 11, mother is residential, and the parents have shared custody 50/50.

Mother is seeking sole-custody, and want sto terminate fathers rights to make decisions because he will not agree to (1) activity. He has agreed in 6-8 (all other) things mother has wanted, but is not in favor of this one thing. The childs grades are starting to go from honor roll student to C-'s. The father thinks she is overscheduled, the mother and now the GAL disagree.

They all appeared in front of the magestrate for a review of findings and the magestrate said she will likely not change the parenting order from what it was. But had no time to hear the case. Continuance.

Meanwhile, the GAL is trying to force DH to do things without court by telling him he has to do them. She made him give up his Wednesday visits only because at the findings review he mentioned he would be willing to give them up if necessary (as a compromise) But nothing ws determined that day or written. But then she made him hold his words the next time he went to pick her up, he was refused his daughter and the GAL supported this witholding. Now, she is trying to force him to participate in the activity that he is in disagreement with (which he has gone to court previoulsy last year, and was found in NOT in contempt of this matter.) DH thinks it's fishy or that she is bullying him because he is self-representing. He thinks she is trying to pull something over because the magestrate stated that she will unlikely change orders.

1.) Does the GAL have the right to terminate orders and force parents to do things without a hearing? I thought they could only make recomendations to the court, not make binding rulings.

2.) Did she have a right to get rid of his Wednesdays without it being in writing? He was trying to negotiate to settle....but it is not settled because there still seems to be a trial scheduled.



32
Dear Socrateaser / RE: counseling
« on: Jun 16, 2005, 12:01:11 PM »
Well I looked up our Ohio Revised code, and it states a substantial change in circumstances/or the childs needs are not being met.

The GAL seems to think the driving between the two homes is not suitable for a 50/50 plan because it's 35 minutes. So she wants to eliminate the dads weekdays.

However (last go around when mother was mobile, the school district was up for grabs) she purposely chose an apartment far away from the father. We argued for teh father to have the school district because of the distance between the homes, and the BM should have chose an apartment closer.  We brought it up in court and they didn't seem to concerned with the distance at that time. We then agreed to her school district. Only for it to bite us now, because she is using the distance between the homes to rid the father's time, claiming it to be a hardship. The GAL is all for it.

We are pro-se, and do not know if we can go to court and state that no substantial change has occured. Especially when the GAL is hot and heavy on decreasing the time for dad.

We also want to see her get counseling because she is turning against her siblings, friends etc. on fathers side. Decreasing time will only sever the ties more.

We have tape (phone) recordings of the manipulation but dared not give that to that GAL for fear of her disapproval of infringing on their privacy. We would like to bring these forward in counseling to capture the bahavior of the BM first hand.

1.) Wouldn't objective evidence be that she doesn't want to see us anymore? Also that she is stating that she hates her siblings, and once loved them? What is onjective evidence exactly?

2.) Won't the courts jsut do what the GAL recomends anyway?

33
Dear Socrateaser / counseling
« on: Jun 15, 2005, 01:47:32 PM »
We (father) are going pro-se. Ohio court, 50/50 plan. Child is 11.

BM wants sole custody based on child's wishes. (which is influenced by the mother)
Child has been interviewed by GAL and she has stated that she only wants to see father 12 DAYS per year. (no clue where that number came from) GAL states she MUST address the wishes of the child, she will not reduce his time to 12 days but will reduce it considerably based on childs wishes. The child states she feels like an outsider. This has been instilled by her mother constantly telling her she should not be with us, and we "don't care" about her etc.

This is our 4th time in court with BM trying to get sole custody, and court has always recomended shared parenting because there is no drugs, abuse, or neglectful parenting.

We told the GAL there is heavy programming/manipulation, and she said it was somewhat "obvious" but she still needs to address what she "says" she wants.

She recommended some family counseling. But the mother is strongly against it. We feel it's needed, but the parenting order states "both parents need to jointly consult in medical etc etc)

1.) Can the father request a motion by the court that the GAL's recommendations be put on hold until the child has some counseling. Then have to GAL re-asses the child's wishes later?

2.) can he file a motion to force counseling?

3.) If so, ...can you help us word it?

34
Dear Socrateaser / RE: power thing
« on: Mar 16, 2005, 06:05:57 AM »
The BM doesn't actually take her to these events herself on her parenting time, in fact she rarely spends her parenting time with her daughter, the child is usually taken care of by the grandmother. I

t's very odd that she fights so hard, but doesn't even give her child the time of day, except to bash the BF and us.

I know we can't ever prove that tho, it's all hearsay.

This seems hopeless, we might just have to give her sold custody and contact her again when she is 18.

Thanks for responses. :-)

35
Dear Socrateaser / RE: knew it was coming, 1 more Q?
« on: Mar 16, 2005, 05:54:03 AM »
The reason teh fatehr is opposed to it is because, she is already in weekly piano lessons, weekly flute lessons, school plays, and has homework, the child needs "some" time with family. She laredy has very little as it is.

Ths swim club overlaps her current activities as it is.

We offerd private lessons, or something that doesnt meet 6x per week, and has swim events each weekend.

It's just too much for a child.

Perhaps we should have let her "hate it" on her own. But it's too late now.

36
Dear Socrateaser / RE: knew it was coming, 1 more Q?
« on: Mar 15, 2005, 02:37:06 PM »
Yes, we know she says she want's to live with her mom, but her actions at our home are of complete happiness, and she loves her siblings. She is like two different people. A happy one with us, but with her mom, she says she is unhappy with us.

They are in mediation, and the mediator said to bring the child to the next mediation so the father can witness the child saying she is "unhappy" at his home.

I think this is extremely damaging to a child, and a bad move on fathers part.

last question.

-I read that courts rule based on needs. But would a desire to be in a swim club hold more "needs" then the father-daughter and sibling relationships? It would be a pretty sorry court sytem if the put an activity before family.

37
Dear Socrateaser / RE: one more Q
« on: Mar 15, 2005, 12:26:10 PM »
1.) If we hold our ground to keep the parenting agreement as is, will it be up to the court to "terminate" the plan?

2.) If we counterfile for sole custody does it then change the dynamics of the case, and void the agreement, because now both parties wish to terminate it? I guess my thinking is we might be better off holding ground, because thenif  the court would have to terminate the plan they would be hard pressed to do so without a real purpose.

I don't  think an 11 year old mad a dad because she be in a swim club is good enough.

38
Dear Socrateaser / RE: Motion for therapy?
« on: Mar 15, 2005, 12:20:34 PM »

3 motions total:

Motion of defendant for reallocation of parental rights and responsibilities.

Now comes Defendant XX and moves the court for an Order reallocating parental rights and responsibilities for the minor child of the parties, and specifically for an Order terminating Shared Parenting and granting sole custody to Ms. X for reasons set forth below:

Memorandum
It is no longer in the best interest of the child for the parties to exercise Shared Parenting. The defendant (father) consistently failed to cooperate with Plaintiff concerning extracurricular activities in which the child wishes to participate. Contrary to the best interests of the child as well as the child's expressed desire, Defendant continuously refuses to allow her to participate in extracurricular activities during his parenting time.
Further evidence will be adduced at hearing.

also:
Motion for defendant to interview the minor child in chambers.
Now comes Defendant and requests pursuant to R.C. 3109.04)(B)(1) that the court interview the minor child, XX, in the chambers regarding her wishes and concerns with respect to the allocation of parental rights and responsibilities.

Memorandum:
In determining the child's best interest for purposes of Defendants Motion for Reallocation of Parental Rights and Responsibilities, it is necessary for the court to interview the child in chambers regarding her wishes with respect to such. XXX is a mature eleven year old girl and has sufficient reasoning ability to express her wishes and concerns.


also:
Then there is a motion for a Guardian ad litem:
Memorandum
The needs of the minor child are not being met due to ongoing conflict between the parents. It is necessary that a Guardian ad litem be appointed immediately to safeguard the best interests of the minor child. Further, Defendant has requested that the court interview the child in the chambers. Therefore persuant to R.C. 3109.04)(B)(2)(a), the court must appoint a Guardian ad litem for the child.
>>>

My new questions are.
1.) Since her primary complaint is the activities, and we already went to court over this as a "contempt hearing" and it was dismissed, can't we simply state that this has already been ruled on??

2.) You wrote "she has the burden of show a substantial change in circumstances affecting the child's best interests. That means "clear and convincing" evidence that the current custody arrangement is not in the child's best interests. "

-my question is, do we still need to go through all the legal stuff, evals, guadians, in order for her to evidence this? Or will she have that Burden to prove the day of her request for her motion.

3.) Can we file "vexatious litigant" against her for just being a sore loser (so to speak).

39
Dear Socrateaser / Motion for therapy?
« on: Mar 07, 2005, 12:20:51 PM »
Dear Soc,

Ohio, SD age 11, joint custody, BM school district.

BM- single, unemployed, lives in apartment supported by parents, and is in school for past 5 years, has 1 masters and 2 bachelors, and currently in school for another Masters.

BF- married, with 3 kids, (half siblings to SD). Stable job, owns home.

We are on our third parenting order, always joint custody. (In the past BM has moved from various states)

We recently went to court over the mother wanting the child to participate in a (year round) swim club that meets daily, and has long weekend swim meets. BF did not agree to the club, and BM took him to court for contempt. (Plus child is already in flute, piano, and school plays, very busy as is)

Final outcome was father not in contempt.

Now BM filed a motion for sole custody stating that father is consistently non-compliant with taking their child to her activities. Says the child has expressed her desire to participate in the activity. (Which she has been highly pressured by her mother). Wants a guardian appointed, and the child to be interviewed in judges chambers.

She says the child wants to live with her, says the going back and forth is "too hard on her", and that she is "miserable" at BF house, Which is so, not true. She is happy, happy, until she has her BM on the phone, and then she reports negative feedback to BM. I think she wants attention from her BM that way.

BF suggested family counseling, and BM rejected the idea.

Q:
1.) Since we already went to court over the swim issue, can we have this whole thing tossed as petty or something? Since he does completely cooperate in all her other various activities.

2.) Can (we) BF file a motion for family counseling, for 6 months or so?

3.) If BF wants to keep The parenting agreement as is, and since "no significant changes" have taken place, can't we just request to keep this agreement as is?

4.) Will it be automatically tossed because the BM filed the motion?

Thank you.

40
Dear Socrateaser / Motion to change when there is no change ?
« on: Dec 02, 2004, 12:47:56 PM »
Dear Soc,

Since age 5, (now 11) we have had 3 rounds of custody with DH & his ex over his daughter. Each resulting in a 50/50 joint parenting order. First two plans had neither parent listed as residential, (listed the school) but this final one lists mother, but states she has to stay put in her town or it goes to father automatically without a hearing. Basically grounding her to one location due to several moves on her part.

Mother gets a 2 year itch, and usually causes a reason for change (her moving). But since she can't move now, she has threatened (and will act on) Filing for modification due to "parenting differences", and "child's wishes".

She is now making the claim that DH is too hard on daughter for grades, and claims general unhappiness of the child. (Which is not true.)

Child does talk negative with BM about us & our home (?), for love and approval from her BM, but in reality is very happy in DH home. (jeckle & hyde thing). My DH says she does it to survive at her BM's.

BM will state "wishes of the child", and put her in front of the judge. (the child will do and say whatever mom asks her to, because she has been manipulated over the years.)

She is now 11.

Our attorney says we SHOULD fight for full custody on the basis that the mother is mentally destroying the child. But PAS is extremely hard to prove, an unlikely to change the order if proven, only extreme cases. (We really don't want to go another round for same results, it's emotionally and financially draining on our family. We have 3 kids together, which are half siblings of SD)

My questions are:

1.) Can BM file for new parenting order when there is not a real change in circumstances?

2.) Can we just state that we like the plan (as is) and do not wish to change it. And have her motion thrown out?

3.) Or will we have to prove she is happy? Is there anything we can do to prepare for the "unhappiness" claim. Like video of her having fun, journals, etc. Do we need to prove that she is happy? Seems silly.

4.) If we did fight on the grounds of PAS, is there even a chance of custody change?

Thanks.  :-)



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