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Topics - MixedBag

#1
There are advocates of tossing all of your documentation once your child emancipates....and there are advocates of the need to preserve history because too often history gets re-written by alienators....  Well, I share another reason today NOT to throw it out that caught me by surprise.  I divorced #2 in 1996 and did not ask for my last name to change.  I kept it.  Then 6 months later, I went to the local court to have it changed legally and pressed on with life.  Well, today I find out that the VA doesn't have my current last name in their system correct in ALL of the different departments.  I was active duty military, even retired under my maiden name, but this one flippin' office or department still has my former name.  So I need a state ID AND divorce to show I was allowed to change my name.  I said "But it's not in the divorce, can't you accept my passport, or my retired military ID,or my DDForm214?"  He said NO, it has to be a court order.  THANKFULLY, I'm anal when it comes to documentation -- and I had it handy in my "all about Iris" file...and I could send off a copy and now wait.  But imagine if I had to contact the court -- 12 hours away -- ask for a record to be pulled that's over 20 years ago (which takes 3 - 5 business days) because back then, NOTHING was electronic.....
#2
http://www.farooqihusain.com/oakbrook-terrace-lawyers/child-support-changes-in-illinois

#3
Father's Issues / need to delete
Jul 09, 2015, 05:21:12 AM
both sides have blamed the other for all the visibility on social media and the internet and have asked that everything be taken down.  SO.....I just went in and deleted and modified and HOPE, cross my fingers and toes, chant, and pray that all of them figure something out.

Mom is guilty of alienation.

Dad isn't putting the children first since he hasn't asked for a transfer to keep him from travelling to a foreign country too often (which means he can't handle primary custody).

Children are defying court directions -- which is what landed them in jail.

There was a hearing today -- Friday -- and it was actually streamed live on the internet -- and people are still in an uproar....but IMHO 99% don't understand the entire picture at all and how this will impact future situations.

Wishing they all figure out a better way and get their heads out of their asses....oooops, did I just say that?
#4
Father's Issues / Kitty's husband.....
Feb 09, 2015, 05:44:56 PM
was in a really bad accident last week.  And I know we don't post personal stuff here -- much -- but she could really use some positive vibes, prayers, good karma, or whatever else floats your boat -- right now so that her husband has a speedy recovery.  Not life threatening but he'll need surgeries (notice that's plural).....and she's helped so many here, it's time we do what we can to help her back.
#5
http://m.cowetaamerican.com/mobile/n2coweta/noncustodial-parent-visitation-rights-bill-signed-into-law/article_a0fbfd74-eb7f-11e3-8f0a-001a4bcf887a.html (http://m.cowetaamerican.com/mobile/n2coweta/noncustodial-parent-visitation-rights-bill-signed-into-law/article_a0fbfd74-eb7f-11e3-8f0a-001a4bcf887a.html)
#6
Father's Issues / Regarding Parental Alienation
Nov 02, 2013, 04:45:30 PM
http://www.parentalalienation.org/articles/grief-by-dr-steinberg.html (http://www.parentalalienation.org/articles/grief-by-dr-steinberg.html)

Bingo!
#7
Even though I posted this in the legal section....  I thought this was an awesome find.  Maybe that makes me ummm....strange, weird, crazy -- and I guess I have a few EX's who would agree with you -- but this was a great find and worth bookmarking to many folks who come here.http://www.ncsl.org/research/human-services/2012-child-support-and-family-law-legislative-enac.aspx



#8
Dear Socrateaser / Awesome Find by a Friend...
Oct 21, 2013, 04:56:23 AM
I'm NO LEGAL expert, and reading through this article or site makes me even more humble.  Different states, different laws.....and I find myself asking WHY can't it be ONE way?  They're all children, it's still divorce....blah blah blah....
http://www.ncsl.org/research/human-services/2012-child-support-and-family-law-legislative-enac.aspx (http://www.ncsl.org/research/human-services/2012-child-support-and-family-law-legislative-enac.aspx)
#9
QuoteWell ... my "EX" left a VM at 5:30 am last Sat or Sun.  One of the few communications in 30 years.  One of those last communications from her way back then : "I guarantee you will never see your daughter again if you continue to EXERCISE your court ordered visitation".

Precious darling dau died Tues am.  She would have been 44 years old today.

Sending Condolences!!!
#10
Father's Issues / Anybody in Kentucky???
Sep 26, 2013, 02:13:14 PM
Fellow-on-line friend got told he can't file for a divorce pro se because there is a child involved in Kentucky.


Of course -- makes no sense to me.


Mom doesn't have to have an attorney.


Mom ran off with child to NY....and yep, dad hasn't see child.


Ideas for information and help?
#11
Father's Issues / UCCJEA Flow Charts...
Mar 09, 2013, 10:45:19 AM
http://www.uccjea.net/resources/uccjea-flowcharts-gen.pdf (http://www.uccjea.net/resources/uccjea-flowcharts-gen.pdf)

Would be a great link to include on this site since folks keep asking the question....
#12
Father's Issues / Documenting Text messages
Feb 15, 2013, 04:57:22 AM
                         This wasn't available when I needed it -- that's for sure, but MD said something to me a few nights ago -- and then BF showed me how it's done on his phone. 

BF has a Pantech Maurader (I think that's the name), and he can take a screen shot of whatever is on his phone, and that turns it into a picture.  He has to hit the off button and I think the down volume at the same time.

then the picture can be e-mailed to yourself and printed.

And then (of course) the hope is that this is acceptable in court as "proof" of what the other parent has said via text message.

MD -- with the help of her friend who is also a step-mother two two babies and two different moms -- was telling me about that not too long ago.  In their situation, the BM has said some wrong stuff via text, to Dad, and MD takes a screen shot, sends the picture via e-mail to herself and prints it out.

I think she has an IPhone 4s.   MD just hits one button -- forgot which one, and poof, it takes a picture of her screen.

I have an old Droid 2 (I think) and I can't figure out how to make that work on my phone -- so for those of you who have PROBLEMS it might be worth keeping this in mind if and when you upgrade your smart phone.
#13
Well....Not me, helping MD's new half... but he's an NCP and being treated just like I was.    Went with him/Dad this morning and took a certified copy of his divorce decree and his daughter's birth certificate to his daughter's doctor's office.  Spoke to the office manaer -- who was SUPER nice and really took Dad's side -- and she said "I can't add him without Mom's permission."  So I said "Will you respect a copy of daughter's birth certificate showing that he is father, and a certified copy of the divorce decree showing JOINT LEGAL custody?" and she said "I think so -- but I have to double check with our attorney."  Then she told us that Mom sent them a letter specifically prohibiting them from sharing any information on the daughter.  So I told Dad that his attorney needs to supbeoena a copy of that letter -- regardless of their answer -- because of court coming up.     Before we got back to town, the office manaer called and said YES, she can add DAD.  so YEAH!!!!! 

There's a line in his decree that says Mom has final decision making authority on all matters. 

But right before it also says they're supposed to talk about stuff.

Mom is taking this line to mean she has SOLE custody and can decide whatever she wants to do is right.   Since something similar was in my decree -- I told Dad....oh no, she has final say in medical TREATMENT, but she can't exclude you from seeing the medical files.    Someone else I know took that line to an extreme and got chastised by a jude.....in WV.

Anyways, Dad did file a motion for some stuff to include not being listed as DAD on any medical records (and dental etc), and not being told etc....  He's having to go through back doors to put information together.
#14
Father's Issues / "raised Catholic"
Jan 07, 2013, 09:28:57 AM
This term is in the original divorce decree.

Oldest child is now turning 7 with one behind that at age 6.

CP wants to enroll in Religious Education etc...

NCP objects because on the NCP's weekend they travel 5 hours back to where they used to live.

CP moved 5 hours away a few years ago, NCP followed and relocated.

NCP has no religion.

CP has not been an active practicing Catholic -- but now since the child has become of age to start Sunday School, here we go.

SO.....Predictions requested:

What's a judge gonna say?

(Oh yea.....not me anymore.....k!!!)
#15
Father's Issues / You Tube....video
Jul 23, 2012, 06:37:03 AM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T54WO5AR69Q&feature=youtu.be (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T54WO5AR69Q&feature=youtu.be)

"Abusive EX Leverages Children"
#16
Father's Issues / Dr. Warshak and YouTube....
Jul 17, 2012, 04:57:17 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Puy0hjtedU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Puy0hjtedU)

#17
Child Support Issues / Utah.....and newer laws...
Feb 03, 2012, 10:19:59 AM
Gotta a friend, in Utah, said that newer laws say that CS can be recalculated and paid according to the new income information -- and not needing a new order.

That just makes no sense to me.....

Anyone have a clue?

I just don't have time to start digging...
#18
Father's Issues / On-line Blog ordered SHUT DOWN
Jun 08, 2011, 07:35:30 AM
http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/free-speech-blogging-and-family-court/ (http://www.thepsychoexwife.com/free-speech-blogging-and-family-court/)

He's actually got good advice on how to deal with a "high conflict" EX...

and now the family court ordered it to be shut down.

You know.....he should print it all off and turn it into a book.
#19
General Issues / Pigs DO Fly!
Mar 14, 2011, 09:17:19 AM
and that's all I'm saying here.....

so keep at it as long as your goal is on the up and up.
#20
popping in this morning to see how it went -- or am I remembering wrong?
#21
Just wanna pop on and give some parents hope.

I can share two success stories -- and yes, I had a hand in making them happen.

The first is a dad with a young baby girl.  He and Mom share everything right down the middle and particularly TIME.
Their daughter is with dad every WED/THU, and Mom every MON/TUE, and then then alternate Fri/Sat/Sun.

The second is a mom and dad with two young kids (a boy and girl) both under 5.  Their schedules for work are so screwed up and changes all the time, that setting a schedule makes no real sense.  But they did and it's 50/50 as well, BUT they don't follow it hardly at all -- and that seems to be working.  Each gives the other right of first refusal whenever they go to work and THEN use a babysitter if at all necessary.  They are actually working fairly opposite schedules (Morning and afternoon shifts), so the kids might see both parents every day.  Mom made the comment to me that they're getting along better NOW than when they were married.  I'm thinking "Whew!"

Both sets of parents put those young kids FIRST and neither exchanges Child Support.

Took a bit of coaching to get them to stop and figure out what's most important, and so far so good.

So there IS hope!
#22
Custody Issues / Grandparents and Custody
Dec 31, 2008, 03:07:40 PM
Mom and Dad got married and had a son in the first year.  They lived with Dad's parents off and on (more on than off) during their short marriage.  Son's terminal illness kicked into high gear after son was born and passed away.

So we have Grandparents, Mom and grandson under one roof.  Mom left in October and gave grandparents a written note stating that they should take care of son.  (Basically mom has been totally irresponsible, no job, partying hard, you name it and grandparents have been unable to put their foot down because she is daughter-in-law, vs. daughter and they themselves are still mourning the loss of their son).

Anyways, back to October.  Not sure how much time goes by, but Grandma calls Mom and starts asking questions about "Where is grandson's shot record?   So I can put him in daycare?"  Mom gets pissy and says Grandma is being nosy.   Grandma I think also asked about grandson's social security check and some money to pay for everything -- and low and behold, Mom says "I'm coming home (after 3 weeks)" took son back and now Grandparents get to see him about every two weeks for an afternoon.

I think Grandma blew it big time and that the Grandparents missed an opportunity to do it right by their grandson.

If mom stayed gone for say 6 months, wouldn't that have swung the pendulum so much more in their favor to truly gain legal custody of their grandson???

And no....this isn't me and my situation, but someone I know well.

Opinions?
#23
Chit Chat / Question about Family Court
May 24, 2008, 08:20:49 AM
Is family court getting friendlier towards pro-se litigants or the diy'ers by providing the forms to fill out?

WV does it.

AL doesn't.

How about your state?
#24
Take a look at the post below about the dad's child support situation...

I know there are others out there who experience the SAME problem.

Monthly child support payments line up nicely when you're paid monthly and your employer therefore pays monthly for you.

But child support payments where the NCP is paid "bi-weekly" always seem to be a bit goofed up at one point or another throughout the year.

What do you do to "fix it"?


Do you just give up and roll with the punches -- because you know over time it works itself out?
#25
From "Joint Custody with a Jerk" written by Judy Corcoran, page 182 starts a section "Don't Be Pressured into Acting Too Quickly"  

"Pressuring someone to act quickly is a highly manipulative technique.  It's an old sales trick to get you to buy before you change your mind, before you have time to comparison shop, to try other brands, or to reflect on whether you even need the item.  An ex who pressures you with deadlines is much like a sales person this way.

Don't be bullied into thinking you have to give an answer or make a decision NOW.  .......

It's rarely to your advantage to act quickly, and it's usually to your advantage to wait. ......"

EX wrote me a letter on March 8th and I got it today on March 11th.  He says "If I do not hear back from you prior to 3:00 PM on MOnday 3-14-05, I will take it that you are agreeable to (our son) attending Boy Scout Camp and the three National BMX races and will register him for these events."  Even if I put an answer in the mail today -- it wouldn't get there by Monday the 14th.  How convenient.

Oh yes, he's asked me to change my dates in previous letters.....and today he got an answer for the weekend in April.  Once again, I gave in.  The rest doesn't need to be decided now and it's his turn to give.

Hmmm....  Any racer can walk up to a National Race and register HOURS before the race starts -- it doesn't have to be done 30 days or any time in advance.  The races are mid-April, and the first two weeks in July ....  What's the hurry???

Scouts ....  Last year the deadline for camp was April 1st.  For the last three summers, I have agreed to split our 6 weeks together so that our son can attend camp (even though he didn't go at the last minute the second summer -- I STILL split the next summer), and I paid for the additional travel costs that were incurred.  He paid and shared NONE of the burden.....

#26
I just finshed reading this book tonight...."Journeys of Women Without Custody" by Annette Pagano, Psy D.

And it's a "must have" in my opinion for all NCMs....

And it's a highly recommended book for CP/Dads and step-moms to read as well.

Talk about a wonderful insight to understanding what goes on in the mind of a NCM and why. CP/Dads should read to gain some understanding of the otherside WITHOUT going through their own situation with their children's mom. Step-moms should digest it too so they can step-in their roles in their lives instead of stepping ON another person's toes.


Honestly, I feel like I've become a better CP to my girls because I'm an NCP to my son -- I have a real good clue as to what the girls' dad FEELS and goes through and their relationship with him is better for it. That's what this book will accomplish for CP/Dads and step-moms too......take a few hours and walk in an NCM's head, and maybe life will improve for the children who suffer the most.

Although my situation is still a bit different than the women who were interviewed in the book, there were still a lot of things that I read where I thought "Yep, that explains it" or "Geez, no wonder"......


#27
Moms Without Custody / KSmom....
Jan 21, 2005, 01:47:03 PM
you have an urgent e-mail at yahoo.
#28
Moms Without Custody / Well Meighan, how'd it go?
Aug 24, 2004, 03:04:09 PM
are you back south or still in Oklahoma?
#29
Are you getting the time you're supposed to?

Been a while since you posted....            
#30
I was following one of olanna's posts....and have to admit, I'm confused.
(not the first time and won't be the last)

So really to all of you?

What's your background?  I suggest changing your "signature block" to include a brief version of this information because it usually helps understand where you're coming from when "we" forget your details.

For me a short bio:

Marriage/Divorce #1 1981-1990, divorced in England, CP to two daughters (19 and 16 now)

Marriage/Divorce #2 1990-1996, divorced in WV, NCP to one son (11 now)

Marriage#3 to DH now since 1999

DH's first marriage lasted 14+(?) years -- filed in 1997.  Three children.  OSD move back with dad in 2001, MSD in 2002 --- hence CP-Step-mom.  Both are emancipated now.  That leaves his son(11) and I'm the NCP-step-mom to him.

1 granddaughter, and 1 step-grandson from OSD.

4 dogs.....all pound puppies.