Messages

Well, this weekend coming up is Mother's Day....so scratch that one too.

When you get a text like that -- see if child will agree to you coming there and simply doing lunch. 

In your texts to mom, you have to be consistent and say I disagree that this is a good choice, period.

See if you can line up a mid-week dinner....it's a lot of driving, but this is your child.  Gas is not that expensive, time flies and they are emancipated....time to make some adjustments to see if you can turn this around.

Very good point.  Teens are all about themselves....and when you get them to talk then the walls come down.

Exact thing I did with our son after he quit talking to me and we went to court and then the next weekend after that with him, I thought he became a brick wall.

We went to lunch....he didn't want to eat.

We went to Walmart and walked around....and I started asking "What can I do for Christmas?"....and that got him talking.

By the end of the day....guard was back down.....and life went on.  But I had to make the conversation about him FIRST.  Sucked....but it worked.

So totally agree with you on that on Tigger!

This is where you pick and choose your battles and what you wanna fight.

Different approaches work for different families.

My son's time with me was long distance....so when we missed a weekend or a summer -- that was huge and I filed.  It took a few rounds, but in the end, the judge saw Dad's true colors and the orders were in my favor.

90 miles to me is a different situation -- with a different history.....  Once I picked  up our son on a weekend, we had a 5 hour drive to get to my brother's home to stay.  That was a really sweet time for just "US" -- cause what else is there to do except talk, listen to the raido, or maybe talk again.  with all the technology gadgets out there now....that is another option.  But you only have 90 miles -- think "90 miles of her undivided attention" potentially....

See if daughter is willing to make swaps....like "let's do dinner" in her town or lunch....and that's that.  Heck at 16 she might wanna get a job and throw that into the mix.  You might need to "adjust" your expectations more towards "emancipation" in your case early....but still insist on "We need some us time, please"   Once my custodial girls turned 16....and had a job....even our time coming and going at home was reduced big time -- practically to all of us getting ready for the day in the morning.  Life happens....and we all need to adjust.

Kinda follow her lead as long as it doesn't result in "NO" time with dad....and enjoy the fact that your child is growing up and starting to sprout her own wings......a bit sooner than you'd like because we never want them to grow up on many days and on other days its "hasn't kindergarden started yet?"  or "isn't the summer school vacation over yet?"....

Some of this is on Mom -- ABSOLUTELY.....but some of this is simply 15 years old....

Oh that threat....that issue of Child Support....YES, it can happen at any time.

Get yourself a copy of Divorce Poison -- I feel like such a broken record and his biggest advertiser advocate, but boy did that book help my family.  It was the best $10 ever spent.

15.....stinky sucky age even for an intact family. 

So what would I do?  Even though school is almost over, .... if she's involved in stuff in school, I would make time to go see her in action.  For a few more years, and those years will be over before you know it, take time, drive 90 miles in her direction, maybe even to just have dinner, and then go back.  Accept shorter times with your child and find a balance.

I had to figure stuff out that my son likes -- and dad will say I bribed him to come south and spend time with me -- and sorta he's right.  Long term result is that we have a relationship and overcame the hurdle of those years.  We also did some "crazy" things -- like I flew our son into Atlanta and I drove to Atlanta....we had about a 3 hour lunch where we sat and talked and then he flew back that night and I drove home.  That's a 2 1/2 hour drive for me....one way.  But our son remembers that.....

The "thought we had a good weekend" and find out later you didn't -- yea, that's covered in Divorce Poison.  Many times in order to emotionally survive in their main home, the child has to say something negative about their time with the other parent whether it's true or not.  You can nip this in the butt -- if you give your child an out during your time....acknowledge that this is tough on her too and you don't want her caught in the middle....etc...talk to her.  But not in a sit down hour long session, those words to build her confidence has to be a tad bit here and a tad bit there....

The other thing I would recommend you finding and figuring out is what does your state's law say about moving away.

In Alabama -- that was covered in "the code" for example.  It's been a long time ago for me but even though a divorce didn't say anything about it -- the Law did. 

In my case for a similar situation, our divorce said one thing.  Over time, the law got more defined.  But dad didn't follow the law as it was updated.  So I complained (filed for contempt), and the judge said he was not in contempt.  then at the end the judge said "Do you have any questions?"  And I said "your honor, what am I supposed to do when our decree is 1996, and the law over time gets more specific because that's what happened?"  Judge said "Well, I should have found him in contempt, BUT I don't think you will have any more problems on this subject, will she dad?"  And dad said "No".....

I tend to agree with Ocean on this....because you said the "document says the town he used to live in"...

But I'd also like to know the specific wording in the order.

I agree -- tricky age -- how far apart do you two live?

With my son, I pushed the issue -- we live long distance -- dad did not support a relationship with me from Day one of our split.  After the first years, we were in court a lot over parenting time because I pushed to enforce and stuff.  We lived 12 hours apart (my service took me away)....and once I retired, I made the extra effort to go see our son even when it wasn't my weekend when I knew there was a public opportunity.  Not often...but it happened.

SO...the first question becomes, how far apart do you two live?

What kind of relationship do you have with your daughter?  Fairly good?  up until now?

Welcome, Kyle!  Old thread

reason sorta divulged in Child Support thread IMHO