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But our gross income has been hovering right around $10,000/year--and that's including my income!  I guess I wish we made enough to pay $15,000/year..... because then at least we would have a little more for ourselves and our two other children.  And BM would probably still complain about not getting enough--or else her legal battles would grow to include that whole amount as well.

Just counting down the days until my husband is out of law school!!  And by the time that happens, we will be a few years closer to not paying CS at all.

I agree with you.  NCP's are the exception to the rule, it seems, for everything.  Not only do they have to hand over money that they have already been taxed on, they have to do it whether they want to or not, or any number of consequences.  If you want to argue that CP's should not have to account for where CS goes, the exact argument should be used as to whether or not CS should be ordered at all!  It seems that what is "good for the goose" ain't "good for the gander."  Just another problem with the whole issue of child support.

(In our case, my husband is ordered to pay just over $5000/year.  So BM takes most of that amount to haul him into court with false allegations, and manages to keep him from seeing his children for over a year.  But of course, he still has to keep paying CS, so she can keep paying her attorney.)

Some of you may know that how we want to deal with "the situation" changes about every 5 minutes.  We decided to write one more letter to BM and her attorney, to request--again--that joint counseling start as ordered by the court.

We got an immediate response--joint counseling will begin when my husband contacts the counseling center.  First little annoyance, the attorney said that my SDs "availability" has been made know to the counseling center--like it's this huge scary thing to tell my husband straight out when they can be there.  Second little annoyance, the attorney made it sound as if we are required to use this particulart counseling center.  (Not so--the judge suggested that my SDs original intern counselor be used for joint counseling, if she is available.  Well, she left the counseling center in May and they have no record of where she went.  Fine with us, she was clueless!)  Just a little thing, it would be far more hassle than it is worth to find a different counselor and then fight BM about it.  I'm just so annoyed with BM and her attorney making up their own rules and getting away with it.

My husband's judge ordered that visitation would stop temporarily, and that my husband needs to mend the "rift" that HE created in the relationship between him and his daughters.  There was NO rift until BM stopped contact and judge upheald BMs personal decision.  Grrrr.....  

Not exactly related to child support, but definitely the sense of entitlement....  My husband's ex seems to think she has done this great and amazing service to all by raising their daughters "by herself."  She has "stepped up to the plate" and therefore he should bow down to her every demand.  Hello!!  My husband would give anything for just the opportunity to "step up to the plate."

I don't know that I would have not married my husband knowing then what I know now.  I do advise my friends/family who are in similar situations to dump the guy before getting too close.  (But no one seems to listen......)

That is ridiculous, to not do anything for Dad because he didn't have his daughter do something for you.  If you do that, it just becomes a petty little game--and SD will learn nothing.

I agree that it would be a good idea to express your hurt feelings to your husband.  I am sure it is just not something he even considered.

I have also been disappointed when SDs do nothing for birthdays and/or holidays.  But they don't have support of BM.  Since I have known my husband, BM took SDs shopping once for Dad's birthday present.  No phone calls on Father's Day or his birthday, no cards or gifts on Christmas.  Definitely nothing for me.  My husband even encourages his daughters to call their stepfather--whom he cannot stand--on Father's Day.  Very frustrating and hurtful, but just another part of being a blended family.  Unfortunately they spend far more time with BM, and we have far too little time to teach them ways to show respect and love.

Just scanned your proposed parenting plan, and I think you are being more than fair... maybe too much so....

We were unable to see my SDs for just over a year, trying the whole time to contact them and BM to work out issues.  Finally ended up in court.  Because it had been "so long" judge ordered graduated visitation plan: first three months we have them for 9 hours on Saturday; next three months we have them Saturday and Sunday; then we move onto every other weekend (Fri-Sun), 1/2 holidays, and a total of 2 weeks in the summer (previously it was ordered that we would have them 4 weeks.)  Although we were not overjoyed, we take what we can get from this judge--we would have jumped for joy to get a parenting plan like you set out.  I just think that after 6 years absence and some of the other issues, you may want to take things a little slower.  However, you know your children and what will be best for them.

My SDs are a little younger, and have so far only once actually said themselves that they didn't want to come (in 3 1/2 years of interference by BM.)  Interesting to me how BM says SDs are old enough to decide not to come for visits, but when SDs said they want to live with Dad (just for a few months), BM says they are too young to make such decisions.

I totally empathize with your comments about the counselors.  We believe that the past 3 1/2 years could have been completely different if BM had taken SDs to a different counselor.  To read counselors' notes about SDs sessions is infuriating!  Essentially they have taught the now 11-year old SD to talk back to and/or ignore adults (i.e. what to do when adults "disrespect" you.)  13-year old SD has a rapt audience for the little lies she has been telling since age 9 (and which are growing in seriousness.)  SDs' counselors have this "save the world" attitude, without really knowing who needs to be saved from what.

My husband has received just one letter from each of his daughters (both saying not to write to them again) in the past year.  We go to court this month....  Very anxious....

Being a parent is having a say in what activities your child participates in, and encouraging your child in activities he or she enjoys--fishing, boating camping, just as much as soccer.  Not just driving them to those activities.  The judge overstepped his bound by dictating HOW this dad is parenting--a dad who obviously is providing well for his child, not being neglectful or harmful, simply making a different choice than what his ex-wife wants (go figure!!)

Last night on the Olympics, they featured an ice skater from Turkey--they very first one ever to skate in the Olympics.  Her parents gave up successful jobs and moved to another country so that their daughter could pursue the sport.  Great story!  Great parents!  They could have just as easily chosen to stay in Turkey, live much more comfortably, and let their daughter pursue other interests.  I'm sure she would have turned out great.  The point is the PARENTS made the decision, not a JUDGE.

I am dumbfounded that you would actually suggest purposefully leaving a child out of a family activity.  As NCP, I know you can't always have the kids with you--even on the court-ordered weekends!!  But to leave him behind and say "Life's not fair."  That is just cold.  And I would suggest far more damaging than asking him to skip soccer (it may not be a guilt trip--maybe his son just isn't that much into soccer--it does happen....)

BM has not allowed us to see my SDs for nearly a year, nor has she allowed any contact.  (I got through once on the phone, while BM was at work, and the next day our phone number was blocked.)  So we wrote happy little "wish you were here" letters--half expecting them not to make it to SDs--and in return we have recieved one letter from each SD, begging us not to write because it hurts their feelings and makes them so angry.  Now, we can recognize that BM and counselors have been helping SDs see things a little skewed, but can you imagine what the response would be to just leaving them behind on purpose for a trip to the Poconos? (Of course that would be a HUGE trip for us, since we are in Oregon....)