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Messages - Fueledbyjava

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Father's Issues / RE: Nada.
« on: Aug 18, 2008, 07:49:07 AM »
Thanks. I cover all of my childs daycare/educational expenses and obviously her needs while in my care.

Father's Issues / RE: Nada.
« on: Aug 15, 2008, 11:34:18 AM »
Not even stuff like car insurance, etc? I pay for all our child's school and medical costs and I have her in my care 50% of the time.

Father's Issues / requirements during separation
« on: Aug 15, 2008, 06:24:43 AM »
I was wondering: If there is no court order in place, what are you required to pay for your STBX while awaiting a divorce hearing? Obviously I know you are required to continue to pay for anything related to your child but if the STBX works and lives on their own what are you required to continue to pay for them? Just wondering.

Father's Issues / RE: I am so sorry for you
« on: Aug 12, 2008, 11:09:05 AM »
I agree about your assertion about mental health providers. I saw a psychiatrist right after I caught my wife cheating and she turned out to be a total wack job. I have found alot of comfort in the lord and my minister. I am not a super religious person but talking to my minister and reading in the Bible has helped me more than any therpist ever could have, just my two cents. I feel immense pain every time I have to leave my child with my STBX I cannot imagine not seeing your children for two years. My thougts and prayers are with you. Keep your head up.

Father's Issues / RE: eom
« on: Aug 03, 2008, 12:43:09 PM »
eom? What does that mean? I don't text message so please enlighten me.

You probably don't understand because you have custody at least from what I can tell and haven't been discriminated against. Every situation is different and there are bad "fathers" out there. What state do you live in? I think that has alot to do with it as well. Some states don't even look at why you are getting divorced they just divide things up, hand the kids to mom and hand dad the bill. I don't like the system because basically it is left up to one person who doesn't know you or your children to decide the rest of your childs life, and once that decision is made it is extememly hard to change. I really don't see how you don't see the bias that exists. Fathers are subjected to extreme scrutiny as far as winning custody, mothers simply are not. Unless a father can prove that the mother is totally unfit, and have substantial proof to back it up it is an uphill battle that is already won by the mother before you even start. It is up to you to take custody basically. Put yourself in the position of say you were fighting for custody of your chuildren and your ex had already basicall won. Think about the amount of things you would have to prove to the court to get your kids back. Think of the pain of not kissing your child goodnight every night. Think about your ex conditioning your child to hate you with lies. Think about missing birthdays think about not knowing your child. Think about not legally being able to control any of it. Think about only getting communication from the ex when she wants money. Think about wanting to raise your child and be there every step of the way and not being allowed to by a vindictive ex. Think about your ex's boyfreind getting more time with your child than you. That is why the system is flawed, that is why we must fight to change it.

I wouldn't say I am learned, as I am still going through this process, but I am definitely learning and I am completely disturbed by what I am finding. I agree with you on the social conditioning issue as we are conditioned throughout our lifetime to look upon mothers as the only choice for parenting, which 20 years ago may have been more relevant but todays male is not the same animal that he was back then. There are rising numbers of Stay at Home Dads and women work just as much as men do. So the stereotypical housewife, while still around is finding itself decreasing in numbers. Couple that with the changing social attitude of women today and the playing field for parenting your children is leveled. The courts simply have not caught up, and they still adhere to the status quo established thirty years ago. Also lets not forget the greasy palms of all the organizations private and public attached to the Family/Domestic court system and you have a (I feel like I am wearing out this phrase) flawed and biased system in need of a complete examination and subsequent overhaul.

Father's Issues / RE: Another Father prevails!!!...m
« on: Aug 01, 2008, 05:55:21 AM »
That's the problem I have! It takes completely outrageous behavior by the BM for the father to finally have a chance of gaining custody of his children. If two sane parents walk in to a court room the mother automatically wins even if the father is more responsible and better suited in every aspect of life to care for and raise his children. Like in this case; this woman is obviously competely insane, yet she still thought she had a chance at getting custody, it is a testament to the flaws and bias in the system today.

I am not anti-mom but I am anti bias and the court demonstartes extreme bias in favor of mothers on a daily basis. Disenfranchising hundreds if not thousands of capable and willing fathers from the joy of watching their children grow. It also cheats children from having involved and caring fathers in their lives by giving full reign to custodial mothers to basically do what they want and ask questions later. Fathers are rarely given the same attention a mother is given by CPS, and family courts in respect to Parental Alienation Syndrome, visitation rights and  child support. A father has to go above and beyond what any normal parent would be expected to prove to even stand a chance of getting custody or more than 4 days a month with his child. Mothers are allowed to move away, cut off contact between father and child and they get away with it. The children are the ones who suffer with increased teen pregnancies, drug use, higher drop out rates and runaway rates and incarceration. As long as the check keeps coming every month you are highly unlikely to hear anything from the Family and Domestic Court System, miss a payment and your phone will start ringing.

Father's Issues / RE: Another Father prevails!!!...m
« on: Jul 31, 2008, 09:14:20 AM »
That's great! I am surprised to hear it though with everything that BM's are allowed to get away with these days in court. It is refreshing to hear of a judge with common sense and eyes that aren't blind to individual situations.

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