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Consider the fact that perhaps this ADAM knows that for a father to try to fight for custody is a loosing scenario. A ton of peopl etold me that I would not win custody when I fought for it back in 1997 but I did not listen I was under the assumption that the courts were fair that they really had the best interests of our child at heart. Certainly they would not give our child to an adulterer, especially one that 3 affairs in teh last year of our 3 year marriage.

Fact of the matter is that the court system is biased. They are biased because the state makes money off the federal government for collecting child support. The MORE child support they collect the more money the get. Therefore since typically men make more then women, they award women custody and make men pay child support. Only in extreme cases will ajudge grant a father custody. Usually that is if the mother is a proven druf userm, abuser, or alcholic or has abandoned the child in any way.

I will not be very popular here with what I am about to tell you  but this is the absolute best advice I can give you at this point. Focus more on getting a shared parenting arrangement ( JOINT PHYSICAL AND LEGAL ) custody as opposed to trying to take the custodial parents role. You would have a much greater chance at winning something like that then becoming the custodial parent. Also in the long run, regardless of your opinions of your ex, it is better for the mental health and well being of your kids to share parenting...there are numerous studies online which support my claims as well.

I do not envy the road before you, but I have faith that in the end thigns will work themselves out one way or another. Get yourself a good lawyer that will really fight for you. Most lawyers are more interested in the money they will make off you, so be aware.

Best wishes

Hello all, it is I the Parents Rights ribbon guy again. I am writing to let you all know that I am still alive and safe here in Colorado and that I am loving it being able to be so clsoe to my daughter.  Since my move my ex wife and I have been VERY cooperative with each other to the point hat it's scary and the person benefiting most from all of this is our 10 year old daughter.

I have had a few minor set backs since getting here. My car wreck being the most significant, but I have been very lucky. Last Saturday I found a cheap, well maintained car for under $1000. Having transportation again I am able to continue the job hunt. Hopefull within the next week or so I will be working somewhere.

Also I am writing to inform you that I have changed ione of my websites. Initially I had a website entitles help-a-dad which told my story and was asking for assistance, later I set up the Parents Rights Ribbons website at: http://ncpribbon.blogspot.com/ for people to order parents rights ribbons. I have since changed the help-a-dad website to "Colorado Dad" at: http://colorado-dad.blogspot.com/  as a site to tell my ongoing story of being a divorced father. To update people on current parents rights news, and to act as inspiration to thousands of parents and children who have gone through or are going through situations like my own.

At the moment I do not have much up on the website but I hope to soon have more postings. I hope that I can give back to all of thsoe who have helped me.

" We too have bought clothes, but BM has ingrained in his head that our "clothes" are bad and "not what he likes" therefore we are "useless"."

Personally I wouldn't give the child a choice. It is either wear what is provided or go naked. Kids sometimes play these games especially in divorced households to gain attention or what they want.

I'd also start sending the child home naked if the mother can't provide clothing. Obviously the mother has to she him in something. I would make the child change into your clothes when you get htem ion weekend and send him back in the clothes that she sent him in when you return him. If you make him change the moment you get him then the clothes will still be clean enough to send him back in.

Bottom line if mommy doesn't like it she can be more reasonable. Don't let her ignorance and pettiness bring you down.

I had BIG problems with this. Seemed like mommy only sent our daughter in dirty play clothes, but when i returned her in good clothes they got put in mommys closet. When i would ask fo rthem back we ended up in an arguement because she would say the clothes were hers not mine. I solved the problem by asking mommy to send clothes with our daughter and I would send her back with the all of the clothes she sent. Making sure they were washed upon being returned....much like what you are doing.

It's really sad that these people resort to tricks like this to squeeze us for a few more bucks here or there.

The doctor and chiroprator sound nice, but according to Colorado this accident was my fault. I have liability insurance only so all of this is out of my pocket.  Because I rear ended him they dconsider it that I was following too close. I was well within the 4 second rule though. You do not expect a car to suddenly stop dead right in front of you on the expressway especially when there is no reason to. the Codot closed a lane of traffic down without any warning. The thing that made me mad was that there was NO reason for that lane to be closed.

To top it all off they gave me a ticket for followign too close 9 even though I was not)  and I have to go to court on 9/16. the whole thing jsut makes me sick. I worked so hard toget out here and now this. I am jsut so tired an exhausted from all of the drama and fighting jsut to survive.

I can't afford to fix it, or to replace it...I just don't know what I am going to do.

Well, according to everyone I have talked to so far  I am pretty lucky to be here. Earlier today I got into a pretty bad accident in my car (only 2 mos old to me).  Some elderly guy and his family from Ohio decided to stop DEAD on I-225 in a construction zone and even though I was far behind them, their sudden stop didn't give me enough time to react and I rearended them. I had been going about 60 but managed to skid and slow down to maybe 45. I can only afford liability insurance on the car, and it is damaged enough that it is undriveable. I still can't find a job here and now I have no way to get around.  

you can see pictures of the carnage at the links below:

http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-2/954074/img00011.jpg
http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-2/954074/img00012.jpg
http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2005-2/954074/img00013.jpg

As for me, everyones been telling me I am lucky to be alive. My car being older had no air bags or nothing so I got rocked pretty hard witht he crash. My neck is pretty sore and I plan to goto the hospital either today or tomorrow to be sure it's ok.

So to top it off I am jobless, and carless. I don't know what I did to the
universe to make it want to screw me over so bad. I just want it all to be over. I  am tired of fighting. I just want to get myself settled and get on with my life.  

Although you are trying very hard to make this work, and I commend you for your efforts I just get sick to my stomach when people start talking about custodial parents moving away from non-custodial parents...especially when the ncp IS trying to be a part of the childs life. Like I said I was on teh recieving end of that and to me it was the same as if a strange and come and kidnapped my daughter and held her for ransom. The only difference being that in the kidnapping if I paid the ransom I would get my kid back.  

I know you are trying to provide for your kids, but although I can tell you have made yup your mind I DO urge you to consider the rights of the NCP too. In the end it took BOTH of you to create these children, and in the end like it or not you both should agree.

Being a non-custodial father who was forced to watch as his child was moved away by the mother I can tellyou first hand that taking the children away from a parent...even if this parent is not as responsible as you are, will only hurt your children. There is a very good reason why the magnetic awareness ribbons sell say "KIDS NEED BOTH PARENTS"

Even if you move then try to work out good visitation with the mother, it is impossible for a parentto be a parent to their kids when they live so far away. It has also been my understanding that the sacrifice I have made by moving halfway across the country to be with my duaghter is a rare thing. I doubt that your ex would do that and in the end it is going to be the kids that suffer. Granted perhaps the mother is not a "fit" mother, but that is something you have to let your kids figure out on their own.

I admit that i must agree with Kent. It is not fair that one parent can be allowed to take children wherever they want. If a non-ciustodial parent did that it'd be considered kid napping. ..."custodial parents who want to move away should give up custody, unless the NCP has been deemed unfit.
" and I would ad also OR if the NCP grants permission.

That sounds like you are on the right track then. I learned the hard way myself. Had I recorded the conversations my ex and I had and documented from the start I would probably have custody of our daughter.  

I too hired the biggest and best lawyer in the area to fight for me in court, but in the end the ignorance of the judge won out. I know that not ALL judges and states are like that, however after hearing all of the stories I have from people all over the country I have become VERY wary of the family law system. You have to question ANY system that claims to be in teh best interests of the children, yet does not regularly and consistently order shared parenting, which in study after study has been proven to truly be in the best interests of the children.

Ok I am ranting now..forgive me..haha. Good luck with your battle. I hope your daughter is safe and happy.

In order for a man to get custody anymore it seems that you have to PROVE that the mother is an unfit mother. This means if she uses drugs, is abusive, abandons the child, or sexual molests the child and you can shwo the courts PROOF without question THEN you can get custody of your child. I want to point out that this is not always true, but it wasa been told to me by BOTH attorneys I have had, and has been my experience.

I would suggest asking your lawyer about getting her to submit either willingly or otherwise to a drug test. Not the urine test, but a hair test. The hair tests although more expensive, can show drugs in your system for up to 3 years. it was also show how much of the stuff she was taking...so if her perscription was for 20mg and the test shows she was using say 50mg then she has a lot of explaining to do to the court.  Might be worth looking into.

ALSO it has been my experience that MOST states have stipulations in theior laws regarding the procedures that must be followed when moving witha minor child. In Indiana certain papers must be filed with the courts, then sent to the non-custodial parent at which time the parent can allow the move, or fight it in court. If they do not follow these procedures they can be forced to move back or surrender the children.

Finally I will add...DOCUMENT EVERYTHING! Get proof of everything you are claiming is going on. If that means following her and video taping, hiring a private Investigater, recording phone calls and conversations ( where permitted by law), writing it down ina notebook and noting date and time. Do anything and everything you can to build a case for why she is an irresponsible parent ( fromthe sound sof it she is BIG TIME) and you may have a chance to beat this thing......the time for being nice has passed. Do whatever you must for the wellfare of your child.

I wish you the best.