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Topics - dipper

#1
Custody Issues / Child Support
Dec 16, 2019, 12:31:38 PM
If an employer refuses to garnish an employees wages for child support, would you be able to take the employer to court?  I know years ago with Socrateaser's advice, we took an employer to court for a garnishment they refused to uphold and the employer had to pay the portion they did not withhold.  I am wondering if you can do that for child support.   
#2
Hi,


We have primary custody since January 2018.  BM and her mother shared joint legal with us and had visitation.  Son had supervised visitation with no set times.   Things went on, I filed a show cause.  BM filed for sole custody.  Maternal grandmother was supportive of this and willing to come off of order completely.    During this time, bm was dating, planned on moving in with him, got pregnant on purpose - she had cystic fibrosis and it was not managed well.   She did not do what she needed to do.  Her health deteriated quickly.  Went to court in February- her lawyer told her to drop it.  She had notified everyone that she would be moving in December - into a trailer in the man's parent's yard and it still was not ready in February and no date in site.   Her attorney told our attorney - she will never move and she cannot take care of a child.   


So, an agreement was reached instead.  We dropped show cause.   She dropped sole custody.   We took Wednesdays out of visitation and some was altered to make up for that.   Maternal grandmother was not named in new visitation changes.   ONLY the mother was named for weekend visitation and 4 weeks during summer.    Grandmother signed the document.   I have emails from bm stating that when she moved child would be with her, living with her - nights with her.


BM had the baby three months early in March.   BM died in mid April.   Apparently a bacterial infection set up.  They let us know nothing of how serious her condition was until the night before she died.   It is awful...and we truly feel for everyone.   GD is doing okay....we already had her in therapy.  We work on a memory book.


But the situation now........the maternal grandmother, in our opinion, does not have the same rights she did prior to that amendment in February.   We have filed for a clarification from the court.   We have also filed to have the joint legal decision making taken away as we have never gotten along.  I found case law that cited that it would be stressful on a child to make a situation that requires cooperation and communication where none exists.   Anyway, talked with GAL and she agrees about joint legal.  She was not direct about visitation, but did ask if she could send our proposal of what we would offer to the grandmother - which kind of implies something to us. 


However, grandmother had approached her ex (bm's dad) within days of bm passing away asking him to do something about us having custody.  He said she also approached his family.    She has now made a bedroom for gd and her brother when he gets out of the hospital.   


Our son, who has supervised visitation, has been an issue for us.   He does not want to pay any child support and calls us money greedy.   I have filed through DCSE to let them handle it.    He has never acted so mean before.   We found out Tuesday that he is on Meth.  He called my husband out of his head and paranoid.   We went with him to the ER and found out he had went to the ER on Monday too for same reason.    He says he will get help and attend outpatient treatment.  But, he also says his drug use is all our fault for filing for child support.   


The part with the maternal grandmother - I expect she will file for sole custody.  It is typically their way to wait until the day of court or the day before to file.   


Son - I don't know whether to file to have even the supervised visits stripped until he goes through treatment and tests clean for a certain amount of time.  Or just give these facts to the judge and let her do whatever she does.





#3
Custody Issues / Legal authority
Nov 26, 2018, 06:43:15 AM
Situation:   Grandparents have primary custody for the past 11 months after sharing joint custody for 3 years.   It has been very difficult with joint legal as parties do not agree on anything.   Mother does not respond to important matters, but argues once a decision is made.   Public pre-k, mother argued but did not respond when it was brought up.   Mother had planned on sending child to public pre-k at age 3.


Now:  Child has had trouble adjusting and behavior issues.  We don't know how child would have reacted had mother not told her two days before school began that she and boyfriend were fixing up place for all of them to live in.    Mother filed for sole custody days later.  Child had to visit with GAL, whom she remembers from last year.   


Child study referral was made by speech therapist and I took the opportunity to file a referral for concerns with handwriting and behavior as well.    Mother attended child study and used the time to down us and try to reference everything as in some way our fault.   She fought any suggestions we made.  She threatened to leave the room more than once, but never budged.


Child's behavior worsened.   We emailed mother about possible assessment for ADHD and therapy. Mother did not respond.   The next week, when assessment was done, her only input was asking if teacher asked or if we asked for it.  I had been plain that I had requested and reminded her of email.  She claims she responded but will not forward response.    She is in agreement that therapy is necessary, but wants it closer to her.   I am okay as long as it is not someone she sees.   I want unbiased, local, and available soon, and someone that has been referred.  The place she has mentioned she says she knows nothing about.   The one referral I have had that can see child soon is over an hour away from mother.  Mother says we have to agree.


Okay....went to pediatric appointment and mother instantly went on attack, threatening to end meeting until her lawyer could attend....asking if I knew what HIPPA was.....she was stepping out if I did not stop.  Honestly, the doctor asked about family history and I said dad and mother have ADHD/ADD.   When mother spoke up that she would answer for herself, not me..  I did ask that we focus on child, but said I would let her answer for herself and I would stop.   I repeated this a few times as she continued to threaten the lawyer and HIPPA....


I feel she does these threats to take over the meeting.  Professionals do not want to be involved in legal matters.   They baby her after that to calm her.   She disagreed with everything I said; and made it about discipline style again.  She was rude and so was her mother.


They are not going to pay anything toward counseling.  There is no order for them to pay or to say they do not have to pay.   We have joint legal - if she is not going to pay, would I be within my rights to take child where is local for us and we have heard good things about?

#4
Custody Issues / Custody Battle
Sep 06, 2018, 03:26:07 PM
We have primary custody of gd as of January.  GAL and judge cited multiple issues with bm.  No one thought any change was possible.  Then she got a new boyfriend.  Someone has her under control and giving her the words to say.  She suddenly is not ill, not staying in ERs, not talking gangsta or flipping out. 


She has filed for sole legal and physical custody.  She is taking coparenting courses and now invited us to join her.  That class is court ordered.  I took mine last year and that helped us in court .


Two days before gd began prek, bm told her that she was coming to live with her and bf..  Gd is acting up in school.  Bm blames us saying it's a lack of household rules.


I really don't know how to fight this battle.
#5
Custody Issues / Show cause?
Apr 23, 2018, 02:27:09 PM
My husband and I have custody of our grandchild.  The mother has every other weekend and a few hours each Wednesday visitation.  The GAL put in court order no new boyfriends to be introduced to child until 6 months continuous dating.  The mother began dating a man January 30th, the date I am sure of.


She quickly basically moved in with him and on weekends went back to her mother's home to see child. But she exposed child to video chat with him.  Today I told her we would like to meet him mid July before child does.  She informed me that she will be introducing them next week, claiming to have dated since November.


He is willing to lie with her.  I have told them we will be in court as they are breaking a court order .  I believe I have proof of when they began dating.She refuses to as much as show me a pic of them together in the fall.  I have told her to give me proof and I will let it go.


I know she is lying and this is why it was put into order. She cannot stay away from a man.  She is willing to risk contempt so that she can be with him all the time.


Thing is...we just got an order signed in January after a long battle and wait for judges decision. I don't want to make the judge angry but they are breaking court order.


What do you think?
#6
Custody Issues / Okay to Ask?
Feb 28, 2018, 05:00:12 AM
Have a question:  My grandchild's mom is in the hospital and going to have knee surgery tomorrow on the right leg.  The last time she had knee surgery was on the left leg and she was unable to walk for 4 weeks.  Not sure if this surgery is the exact same, she just said when she had surgery on the left they had told her she would eventually need it on the right as well.   


I am a little concerned that mom will try to drive to exchanges before she is cleared to do so.  Is it okay to request that she show us a letter from doctor or at the very least the section of her discharge papers that state when it is okay to drive again?


(The reason I am concerned is past medical records revealed that there were times she was to be on crutches/wearing knee immobilizer and not driving - but she never came to exchanges on any of that and would be driving during those times.)
#7
Custody Issues / Meaning?
Jan 26, 2018, 07:32:56 AM
We just got a final order.   The mothers attorney signed with a statement that she objected as the points in this case do not merit special factors, there is not a rebuttal of parental presumption, and not in best interest of child.


What does this mean?  Should we expect she is appealing to Supreme court or paving the way to file in J&D?   No need in calling our attorney.  She doesn't reply and agreed to stuff that we were not even informed about.


We won, but I feel like I am walking on egg shells.  I cannot afford an attorney and frankly, do not trust any.
#8
Custody Issues / Custody
Dec 19, 2017, 02:26:29 PM
Ruling today:  we have primary custody effective after New Year's.
#9
Custody Issues / No ruling
Dec 19, 2017, 03:44:24 AM
Nine weeks today.  No ruling still...
#10
Custody Issues / Time in Ruling
Nov 06, 2017, 01:47:42 PM
Has anyone experienced a lengthy delay in a ruling on a custody case?  Our case was heard three weeks ago - it took 12 hours in one day.  Closing arguments were sent in by email three days later.  GAL was in our favor (grandparents).   We crossed the parental presumption hurdle.  I have no idea what can be taking this long - we are only told that the judge is backed up and very careful in her rulings.  I am very stressed at this point. 
#11
Custody Issues / GAL Question
Jun 09, 2017, 07:55:04 AM
I have tried to research the role of the GAL and it appears that it varies from state to state and even court to court.  Some courts have clearly defined rules - others don't.  My question is - can the GAL legally share your concerns with the other side?    This would allow the other side to correct issues prior to court and seems unfair to me....
#12
General Issues / Attorneys
Apr 05, 2017, 11:17:21 AM
I had felt good about our last attorney initially but then beginning in January it was as if he had taken on too many cases.  Never had time to talk, seemed to blow us off.  Once court was postponed in  February due to my husband's health, we only saw him one time prior to court in March.  He really did not give us any solids as to what he would be using in court - though we pushed for it - and he said he would try to get the medical information in that the other side filed to quash.   He told us he would take at least 1/2 day to review all of our material. 


On day of court, he was extremely unprepared.  The only thing he came prepared with was what he had been harking on for months and what we had told him was not enough.  He didn't even hark on that hard enough.  During court, he kept checking his cell phone and rubbing his hands over his eyes as if he was very distraught.  Not a good sign for us.  He did not object to them bringing in material that was not relevant to the case and dated prior the last custody order.  In fact, he only objected once and quickly admitted that he did not have grounds for an objection.


Okay, we have filed an appeal as we were meeting other attorneys to get their input on the case but you have to file within 10 days.   One attorney we met, we have heard excellent stuff about - but he is super expensive and really just a grumpy old man who is mean.   What we found out when we met him made us understand a lot  - this attorney is one of the attorneys representing our last attorney.  Our last attorney was with his wife at Christmas, but they have since split and it is very ugly.   The attorney - M. E.  - told us that our then attorney had been unable to devote the time he should have as he was so deep in his own problems.  Yes - told us this!  He also informed us that our then attorney was being represented by our opponent's law firm!   The opposing side's attorney's firm was co-counsel for our attorney.  They had worked out a deal about medical reports before ever coming into court and we were never informed about it.  Nothing was used.....


We got a bill today from our then-attorney and he charged ( at least he was honest) exactly 1 hour for trial prep.   I would say it was less than that.....but one hour was hugely insufficient.  He charged us for 5 hours court time and I really think we will call him on that.  He was unprepared, was on his cell seemingly upset, and during a break went outside fussing with someone on the phone - probably the soon-to-be-ex. 


I am considering filing a complaint especially now that we have a bill that shows that he did not adequately prepare. 
#13
General Issues / Cell Phone privacy
Mar 22, 2017, 02:00:54 AM
In court yesterday, the other side produced a running text between what appeared to be our oldest son (not the baby daddy) and my husband.  My husband was charged with marijuana possession 44 years ago and that is a felony.  In the text messages, oldest son was attempting to get my husband to take guns to pawn for him.   The implication was that my husband had did this and it was illegal for him to be in possession of the guns.


The text messages were confusing as they involved both my husband and the baby daddy.   There were no phone numbers on the text messages showing who they were between.  At the time I was unclear about origination and thought they had somehow got the texts off of my son (baby daddy) phone...and she had bought him that phone and it was all on her account.  However, I don't know if that gave her the right to invade his privacy....


But....we have been thinking...those conversations were clearly between my husband and oldest son.  They are even discussing our youngest son at times.  We are thinking one of the times she came over here, she was laying around inside while we were outside and went through my husbands phone.....


Isn't that illegal? 
#14
Custody Issues / Please think of us!
Mar 20, 2017, 01:24:21 PM
Tomorrow is the day!!  Going home to spend time with the little one....look over everything after she is in bed tonight.  Plan on getting up in the morning....going to the park to play with her.  Then to court later.


I can feel the anxiety growing....


If you pray - pray for us - especially that our grandchild be protected.  If you don't pray- think positive for us!!! 
#15
Custody Issues / Suggestions for testimony
Mar 14, 2017, 08:16:19 AM
We go to court next Tuesday and this is the first time we will actually be testifying in front of the judge.  I am extremely nervous, though our attorney feels the judge will not allow the mother any time on her own...it will be tied into the grandmother having to be present.


Any tips?  As you all know, I can be wordy and defensive - elaborating to show why I did something or why the other party is wrong.


Is it okay to elaborate or just answer exactly what is asked?


The other parties are moving this Saturday to be surrounded by other family members and I am sure rent free.   Though the mother's lawyer notified our attorney, the grandmother has not notified us of her move.   The order states 30 days in writing.   


The address provided to us, I believe is not correct.  It is for the house at the front of the road, but not the specific 911 address of where child will be when in their care.  I don't know if grandma will live with them or if she and her husband will live in another trailer on the same property.
#16
Custody Issues / Motion to Quash
Feb 04, 2017, 11:49:50 AM
We go to court on February 14th.  We have subpoenada lot of medical information about the mother.  Her therapist sent a letter saying she is not a patient.  Now we are receiving letters that her attorney is filing motions to quash all of it.  This information is important to show that she is physically and mentally incapable of taking care of child.  One pharmacy will not even send it to the court, as is the law, and wants an order from the court first.  She is wanting to hide all the pain medication she has been on.  Does anyone have experience with this?
#17
Custody Issues / Custody Hearing
Dec 29, 2016, 10:20:58 AM
Brief background:  parents never married; custody is shared by father/his parents and mother/her mother.  Biological parents reunited in July - asked us to take care of child.  As we feared, the mother left son again in November and now child is gone from our home excepts for visitation.  Many factors in play here - uncontrolled physical illness as well as mental illness; drug use, hostility.


The mother stated that the court order we have is fine and she doesn't want to take our time.   But, once she got our filing, she now wants full custody.  She had gave her dad my phone number before to call and fuss at me - I have never met him and had not said anything about him.   Yesterday, she gave a friend me and my husband's names to contact on facebook over a profile picture.  The mother had texted me two different times yesterday being what I considered mean..the second time to say the three year old should not be sticking her tongue out and we need to stop allowing it.  When I said we don't allow it, it just went downhill.  I finally did a screenshot of her and her friend together with their tongues hanging out and said - what you do in your house is your choice, but if you don't want child doing it, maybe you should not.   


At 1:46/1:47 last night this friend of her's sent my husband and I fb messages fussing at us and just being ugly.  Said she would bring her Sheriff uncle down here because I was committing stalking (by taking her profile picture).   I did reply to her and I did speak my mind up to a point.   Then I blocked her.


I did text the mother as I knew she was still up and told her to not be giving out my information to anyone.  She of course fussed and said it was my fault for talking about people....


This morning at 6:09 we were woke up to the friend calling from a private number.  We figured it was one of her friends since it was blocked....the person left a super hateful message calling me a fat *itch over and over....talked about my daughter....told me to back off of the mother..and said I would never get my hands on her f*ing niece.


Then she messaged my husband two more times on facebook over a 20 minute period.  He never replied....


The police say there is nothing we can do because she did not threaten physical or sexual harm...and even the mother can not get in trouble for giving out our contact information.  The attorney acts like these actions do not matter as the child was not involved.  I think it goes to character. 


We go to court on July 10th and he thinks our main thing is that child was with us for four months and did well....I think the friendships and giving our contact information out for others to call/message us is harassment and goes to her mental illness being unmanaged.


Any thoughts on it? 
#18
Custody Issues / Moving Forward
Nov 10, 2016, 08:01:21 AM
It's been awhile since I posted. Quick background - father and mother of grandchild never married.  They split up when child turned one.  My husband and I are on the joint custody order with son - her mother is on order with her.  After a year and half of fighting/court and finalized order, the parents got back together.  Son's house is a pig sty and mother chose to move in with him and asked my husband and I to care for child until they could clean it up.  That was on July 23rd.   We still have child.


We consulted an attorney one month in who recommended asking them to sign off on us having primary custody since this is the role we play.  She would never do that.....son would.   My husband talked to him and he would...however, I have been reluctant to pursue anything as my  mother is very ill with cancer and my husband recently found out that in addition to cirrhosis, he has liver cancer.  He needs a transplant.  He still gets around, takes care of grandchild, etc...But, there is a lot on my plate.  My husband feels we should pursue custody for the very reason that he is ill.  We would have to stay out of state when a transplant is performed.  We need everything legally squared away for child.



The other grandmother, who is on the order, has seen child around 15 days since July.   Mother of child has spent 9 days/nights with her - all at the grandmother's house (8 in August, one in October).  My son has spent NO nights with his child since being back with the mother.  They see her on outings with us but that is it.  We do not get any financial support from any of them.


We have had child around 107 days out of like 122.   Their house is still disgusting - I am talking literal trash just thrown around, numerous trash bags in every room, plates setting around in throughout the house with food on them, and dog feces everywhere..dried on the floor, smeared on the walls.   CPS will not investigate unless child is in the home...which we never want to happen.   They suggested calling a building inspector.


Here is the issue I am battling with - should we sit down with both parents and request they relinquish full custody to us (which I believe the mother will bolt and we will be back to old order at that time) or do we go straight to the attorney and have him file for us?   


Either way I feel it will be messy.....I just don't want to have to give up child as we have been her only stability basically all of her life and in the past several months for sure.
#19
Custody Issues / Seeing an Attorney
Aug 12, 2016, 08:56:14 AM
Our grandchild has been with us for a month straight now.   The parents never did get the house livable where she could move in.   The dad, our son, is on drugs - the hard stuff.   The mother has chosen to live with him knowing he is back on drugs; she may or may not know the extent of what he is taking.   She has been sick since moving in and finally was hospitalized this week. 


We will be seeing an attorney next week to discuss options.   We have joint custody, but it worries me that it is teamed with our son and he is not fit to have child.   Even with joint, we worry that if they should decide to take child on their time,  we could do nothing even though the place is filthy and all they do is lay around in bed, sleeping and watching TV.   Very toxic couple....
#20
Custody Issues / Already began
Jul 27, 2016, 09:54:16 AM
What we suspected has already began.   Sunday evening son's gf asked us to watch child so she could help him clean.   A couple of hours later she called and she was moving in.  Supposedly, her mother had called her and was mad because child was with us and kicked her out.  Essentially, that kicks child out too.  Son moved her in - it was either a scam by her and her mother or son and the gf.   She is all loving with her mother....so I find it very hard to believe she was kicked out.


The gf asked for us to keep child until they could get air conditioning and clean.   We have had her since Sunday night.  We brought the gf over Monday to visit and went over there yesterday.  My father had two ac's he gave them.   


Today, she has already asked about her mother having part of our time in two weeks.   It's only been three days since she moved in and she already wants us to ignore the order for the person who kicked her and child out.   I only responded that they have child on August 12th and we have her the other two days requested.  She replied that her mother has that weekend off and wants her.   I am so disgusted.
#21
Custody Issues / More drama - drugs
Jul 11, 2016, 10:47:34 AM
We have not been happy with how rushed our son's relationship with his ex/now gf has been going.  He went over there last Wednesday night to stay with her and her mother.   Not a good idea - he was warned.   Thursday we saw him on video chat a few seconds and seemed okay.  Friday, we called to speak with the child at 4:00 p.m. and they were in bed.  Child was outside - I hope the grandmother was home.  Child came in shortly after we called.  Our son set up in bed and made some really odd, out of the blue comment and when we asked what - he repeated it again.  She shushed him and laughed it off.   So, we saw and heard from him less than a minute but we became extremely concerned.  First thought - drugs!  He has been on her meds before - pain pills and had a problem.   


Saturday, her mother brought child to exchange to meet us.  We did not hear from son or his gf.  My husband and his brother called him later and were very bothered by how out-of-it he seemed.  He didn't know child was gone, didn't know how long he had been there or what day it was.  He argued with them....I told husband we could call the police for a well-check-up but we were just really mad that he went over there and within a couple of days he was this messed up.  He has not been on drugs in a while.   


Saturday night they went to a fireworks show.  His friends saw them out and were very concerned at his behavior and look.   He was falling asleep standing up...very confused, eyes dilated and rolling....once he ran around hunting for child frantically who was still with us.  They called our oldest son about it later.  She, the gf, was happy go lucky and laughing and having her friend take pics of them together.  I have the pics, asked for them and she sent them to me. 


Sunday my husband kept trying to call him and no answer.  Oldest son tried.  We tried to video chat..nothing.  Tried the gf and she said she was busy and he was asleep. I told her to wake him up..no reply.   Later, I was ready to call the police and have them conduct a well-care check-up as something was extremely wrong.  Drugged or medical crisis, we had to know since this was day 3 and no information.  Obviously they had to tell he was very messed up.  As soon as we had decided to do that, gf called saying they were at ER and he had a UTI.   
I told her that he had been out of it for three days and we wanted him home that day and would come after him.  She brought him home - too late to get his prescription filled.  He has no memory of this past weekend....still didn't know what day it was or how long he had been over there.  We did a home drug kit on him and it was positive for a family of drugs used to treat anxiety, depression, muscle relaxers, etc.....So, husband and oldest son took him to the hospital and they confirmed it.   She is on these types of meds - specifically xanax.  Severe side effects for that include confusion, sleepiness, breathing issues....




Our son swears he never took anything.  Either he took it or they were mixing it in something....and there is no proof of that.   I am hoping he stays away from her and we have not told her we know about the drugs.  She had told us that she knew for a fact he was not taking her drugs, she never gave him any and he could not get to them.   However, he had no money when he left to go there last week and was fine...UTI can make you confused, usually in older people but not out of the question in the young...but, we were right in our thinking that he had drugs in him.


I don't know what he will do...I feel if he continues the relationship that is a sure sign that he willingly took those pills.   I would not go back to someone that drugged me....
#22
Custody Issues / Update on situation
Jul 07, 2016, 05:50:58 AM
Just quick recap - Son and his gf were never married.  We had an agreement in place when she moved out, then within days she and her mother began fighting the agreement.  It took over a year in court to get things finalized and essentially...same custody time as the agreement began with.   It was all very ugly.  Child's mother reached out in May to heal relationships and we were gullible and let her stay a couple of nights when she had a huge fight with her mother - over her talking to us.   


Son began seeing her and we asked both of them to please take it slow and spend time with child - see if there was anything there.  She had tried several times in past 19 months and son had always shut her down saying he never wanted to be with her again.   Well, they did not do as we requested...instead they saw each other outside of child during our custody time.  Their first real date, SHE took him out to lunch and got his hair cut.   She has made comments to me about people not believing she does not get child support and allows him to see the child with his past.   The only legal problems he has had are driving without a license and underage drinking.   One driving without a license in the past three years.   Now, our son is very - well, he was diagnosed with conduct disorder as a teen and you still have to be kind of careful how you present stuff as he will do stuff to be spiteful.  I did go out on a limb a couple of weeks ago - I told him, date if you want...that is your business but please be cautious.  I don't see where she has changed and I am really worried that she and her mother are after full custody and child support.  He told me that he really doesn't see any change either...and that within just a few dates she told him that she wants to void the court order.   He said she is being very pushy about moving fast and he does not want that and keeps telling her to slow down.


The very next day, he had her pick him up after work for a movie....The next week she was over several times and then put him on her phone plan, getting him the newest smart phone and big expensive case for it.   He is all up their butts now.   Literally - he has stayed two nights in their house - with her mom who has always hated him.   It is a two bedroom home...so it is him, gf, child in one bedroom and the mom and her boyfriend in another.   The gf had always lied to us saying it was 3 bedroom and the mom's bf never stayed when child was there.   This past weekend, when it was his/our custody time, she brought child to exchange.  He stayed at her house with her mother.   He did go back to his own house that evening..but in the three days he/we had custody, he saw child 2 hours.   Now that it is the gf's custody time, he is over there staying.   


I really believe they are only after custody and child support.   GF is even talking about having another child.  She also is pushing marriage.   She cancelled their wedding the first go around saying she would lose her health insurance.   


I do not see any change in either of them.   The reasons they needed so much support still exist.   However, I am concerned that if they live with her mom, they can say they have the built-in support needed and child can stay in home she shares with both biological parents at all times.   That's if it goes to court.....which I am concerned will happen.     I know she is not our child, but we have been the ones to take care of her.   Neither of them have good parenting skills and have various other issues as well.   I have no faith that they will stay together.  A few months to a couple of years at the very most.  For one, she cannot get along with anyone more than a year and a half...history absolutely proves that.   And he - I don't think he has the focus to stay with one person long term.  He is all about himself and what he can get from someone.   That is his interest in them.   As an example, she was sick Sunday and Monday and he was out with his brother at a strip bar.  She begged him to come over on Tuesday and he would not.   Then yesterday she begs and poof!  He goes....I feel grandchild is going to get used to this and then it will be fighting and apart again.   She has been very confused with daddy being there and even fusses when they hug/kiss.   She has no memory of their being a time when they were together. 


Mostly venting....I just needed to get all of that out. 
#23
Custody Issues / Would Order Be Voided?
Jun 07, 2016, 10:09:20 PM
Recap:   my grandchild is 2 1/2 years old.  Her parents separated on her first birthday - never married.   Due to her mother's medical condition and her father's (our son's) work schedule, we took care of child at least 75% of the time prior to their split.  We have a court order that shares legal and physical custody between 5 of us.  It's her and her mother / us and our son.   


Well, a month ago the mother of grandchild wanted to meet with us and we did - and she apologized and professed her love for our son.  Next day she and her mother had huge fight and she was begging to come here to stay saying she had nowhere else to go.  Not wanting our grandchild to be in this situation, we allowed her to stay here for two days.   Looking back, yes I regret it.   She kept telling us how she loved our son and how we were her true family, etc...


We did encourage our son to spend time with child and her as we felt it would be good for the child to have memories of parents getting along other than just parents meeting at exchange.   That did not happen, instead they are dating and not spending time at all with the child with them.   


I have some very real concerns about where this may end up and her true motives.   I honestly 'feel' this is a way for her to regain control over custody - as thinking this would void the order if she got back with son for a little while.   They were not a good couple together and it was a bad situation for the child.   My husband and I and our home are the only stability child has had.   


If this relationship does progress, would they need to take us to court to void the order?   I cannot see our son doing that, but honestly who knows?  Whether I had a chance or not, I would fight it.   The judge already stated back in February when we went on show cause summons that obviously we had a unique situation in which both parents needed support to parent the child.   So, though we never fought over custody in open court, he does acknowledge that there have to be some issues that require additional support.   
#24
Custody Issues / Completely Overwhelmed
May 04, 2016, 12:29:47 PM
We recently had a disagreement, but the mother of my son's daughter asked us to meet with her last night for a meal and we did.  It was fine...she was very apologetic but a bit pushy at wanting to spend more time together.   She says she still loves my son (he was not there) and wants to put their family back together.   She even suggested we spend Mother's Day together.   


Well, today, I texted to check on the child as her leg was hurting last night.  The mother asked for me to call her - and it's a huge mess.  Her mother is furious that she even spoke with us.  Her mother and a friend went on FB posting really ugly stuff and it all got very out of hand.   The mother of child asked about us possibly picking up child.  Of course we would...but, then she started saying she doesn't want to be separated from child and asking about her coming to our home too.   Now, she used to stay with us often before she left - a year and a half ago......I told her that would make matters much worse with her mom and friend.  Just let us pick up child and she and her mother could work things out and we would bring child back.  She changed her mind then and said she will keep child, but she knows what things will be like when her mom gets home from work.....my husband is going over to speak with her (mother of child that is).   


I am torn because I don't want my grandchild over there and I do have a soft heart - I don't like anyone to feel they have no place to go.   But, we have had so much anger and pain - all of us - and if she comes where does she go tomorrow or the next day?  She cannot live with us or stay beyond two days....I am hoping my husband can talk her into trying to talk with her mother today.  I told him to be gone before her mother comes home though.   


The mother of child says she has nowhere to go...but, I feel she probably could stay with some other friends.
#25
General Issues / Sharing my phone number
Apr 22, 2016, 10:04:42 AM
Hi everyone - brief reminder, there are five of us sharing joint custody of my granddaughter.   Yesterday, I texted the mother about something and mentioned that my granddaughter had been talking of beer the past three times she has came back to us.   I did state that we do not drink any alcohol.   That is all I said though - in no way blaming but just putting out there that this has happened.   She is only 2.   


The mother responded that there are no dranks at their house.  Okay..I let it go at that.   Nothing to argue about...but, then she waits an hour and 40 minutes and texts back asking if my son is drinking in front of her because she knows he and his brother like to drink and no one drinks at her house.     I did respond to that...not blaming anyone, but did state that in fact I do know she drinks, her mom drinks, her dad's family drinks, certain friends drink....and her ex that we summonsed to court last year was a drunk.  Again..never said child was exposed.  Just pointing out that my sons are not the only ones that drink. 

I know for 100% certainty that my granddaughter is never exposed to them buying or drinking.  She is with us at all times.   Then the grandmother started texting saying I was harrassing, that I lie, and that they dont drink.  Says she wants to know why when granddaughter comes back from our house, she stands to pee.  Which..we had wondered why when she comes from them the same thing....figured she has seen a little boy do it as her mother's friends have boys....


The grandmother then tells me to leave her alone though she TEXTED ME!  Then last night after 9:00 p.m., an unfamiliar number is calling - and I would not answer - texted to see who it was.  It was the mother's father!!  He was trying to talk to me, texted threatening that if I did not talk, then our attorneys would talk.   Okay-  either the mother or grandmother gave him my phone number.   I have never met or talked to him.  Come to find out, the mother had lied to him saying that I said HE was a drunk...not her ex boyfriend from last year.   The father did backdown and apologize.   


I did send mother and grandmother text that they are not to be sharing my phone number or that of my family with anyone as this was harassment - to give out my number so that I could be badgered.   The mother did not respond but the grandmother responded that she has told me not to bother her anymore.


I am hoping this will blow over...but I have a feeling she and her mother will try to keep this going - as in court.   
#26
General Issues / Access
Apr 10, 2016, 06:32:01 PM
Do the well-child check-ups at the WIC office where a child's finger is pricked, teeth checked, etc count as medical?  There is a reason I would like access to the health records and knowledge of visits.   The mother likes to blame us of any potential health issue.   I offered to purchase food for child since they need assistance, but the mother said they don't need the assistance and child has everything. 
#27
General Issues / Update on court
Feb 28, 2016, 05:59:36 PM
I had asked for some assistance on a show cause and I appreciated your responses.  As you all may remember, I had felt our custody attorney was a whimp.  What I discovered last week was the man was smarter than I had thought - I wish he had explained things to us from the beginning, but he did know what he was doing by pushing the agreement.  Judges just simply do not want to hear it all - they have already heard it all a thousand times before.


I had copies of pictures, texts, medical documents in triplicate - in separate folders for each issue.   I had audio and video recordings.  I got to show one paper document - that was it.  I felt the judge was rude and it really got me flustered.   Overall, his ruling was fair.   I think he can see through BS a mile away.   The one thing I did not like most of all was that when I presented what I had brought as show cause, he stopped me and gave her chances to question us.   When she presented - she yammered on and on and even gave her mother the floor to speak and her mother even talked about her feelings - how she felt less respected as a grandmother than I am as a stepgrandmother.  I was never given one opportunity to question anything and I had sat there and lined up documents to prove their inaccuracies about conversations.   


But...having said that I did get to speak up about them saying I did not bring the child to an exchange when the mother was released from the hospital.   Other than that....he got after all of us for being there so soon after signing our agreement.  He told me that if I take child to the doctor, to make sure the mother was put down on forms - but he looked at none of my papers because he said, "I am not saying you did anything wrong, I just want to make sure you do so."   For the mother - he told her that if there was one thing he did know for certain, she did violate the order not bring the child to exchanges.  If she could have friends pick child up, she needed someone to bring child back and if she could not do so, then she is to forfeit her visitation time from now on.   (she has transportation now).  He told them to be on time and to be at the exchanges.  As for DMV Clearance -she does have it, and she had stated it was her personal information - he told her that DMV states she has to continuously get clearances and she is to show us the clearance each time....and if she does not get it, her mother is to transport child.   He also told her as far as pictures of her friend driving with her and child in the car while posting to snapchat, screenshots, and then to FB - that is not to happen again, and that her friend's boobs hanging out in the picture with the child in the backseat were completely inappropriate.


As for the mother starting tense conversations at exchanges and during our calls - nothing he can do because it is not noted in the order.  My custody attorney had told me that it was not necessary as that was standard - you don't do it.  However, standard or not, you can also do nothing about it.


Anyway, was a very eye-opening experience.  And I have to say - while I was very frustrated with the process, I also found it freeing.   Now I know I don't have to obsess trying to collect evidence.  It doesn't matter....don't sweat the small stuff.....
#28
General Issues / Preparing for court
Feb 04, 2016, 06:54:42 PM
I am set to go to court on February 23rd on a show cause I filed against the other party and their return filing against me.   


Do I need to turn in any of my evidence to court before the hearing?  Also, do I need to have copies for the other side as well?   Will I need to question the other side, or simply present my filing and the evidence I have to the judge?


I am thinking I need to be as concise as possible in presenting my points.   I do have recordings - Virginia is a one party consent state.   I will have those loaded on a laptop, but I have made transcripts with the minutes noted of when certain statements were made.  I do not feel a judge is going to want to hear recording after recording. 


If anyone has appeared before a judge pro se on a a show cause, I would like to hear from you on how it worked...
#29
Visitation Issues / Weather Related Question
Jan 18, 2016, 10:48:13 AM
I just wanted to ask what is standard for bad weather.  We *might* get snow/freezing rain on Friday through Saturday morning.  We have the child for the entire week until 10 a.m. Saturday morning.   What would be considered appropriate should there be a risk of travelling during that time?


a. offer to exchange child on Friday at 10:00 a.m. and receive child back at an earlier time than noted in order (as trade off)
b. Just stick with the Saturday exchange and if travel cannot be made at that time, exchange as soon as conditions are safe.


I am talking about if there is an actual travel warning, not just us saying we do not want to go out.  In a situation where the ability to exchange child at noted time cannot be conducted, is it normal to make-up time (if both sides are agreeable) or does the party to receive child just lose part of their time during that one visitation round?


Thank you!
#30
Visitation Issues / Clerk of court
Jan 06, 2016, 01:13:47 PM
Hi - just wondered....from my experience in the past with the clerks of the court, you have to fill out all information on your form yourself. 


The summons I got today - there were no case numbers on it by the plaintiff and they did not even fill out our address.   That just does not seem right to me...