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Topics - dipper

#211
Custody Issues / Any grounds for EO?
Mar 22, 2006, 10:49:54 AM
On the basis that the BM has flipped out?  In recent months, bm has taken visitation time away from dh, she has started timing phone calls, she is insulting...sent several letters that contain some form of threat or accusation....not physical, but "you better stop complaining or...", or saying she will badger ss about every minute he is in our home, etc.

She blatanly stated that she is not going along with the court order as things may need to be altered.  To fit her of course.  They share joint legal  with no specifications set forth...and she refuses to tell dh of any appts, or school meetings.  The school is having its own problems notifying dh and we have let them know strongly that its against the law.

Every letter she sends is rude and always invariably demands money.

She will not let dh know about any meetings or appts.  He has asked in writing.  She only got worse, she doesnt even tell him afterwards now.  Did not send a copy of his recent interim grades, etc.  

SS is suspended from school.  CO says visitation is not limited to specifics and ss can come when not in school...she refuses to let him come.  WE live 2 hours away and dh was seeing ss today, but she would not let him bring him home - her mother had plans with him.  They live with her mother!!   She has him 5 days a week.  When dh tried to discuss it, she told him that ss is not coming because she said so and hung up!  This is typical behavior for her.  

DH picked ss up today for a deposition hearing concerning ss' burn injurires.  This is a suit dh pursued as bm decided to become best friends with the families involved - after the burns and after she knew dh was looking into a lawsuit.  This was last year.

Now, she was told in word and writing that he would pursue a lawsuit.  She was notified in writing about the deposition and responded, no protests.  Today, she follows them to the lawyer's office and goes off.

She cursed dh in front of the laywer....demanded that if he went in than she was going in.  She is not a party to the suit and had not been summonsed.  The lawyer actually threatened to call police, but she threatened to take ss and leave.  SS chose to speak with lawyer, so she could not block that.  However, dh asked lawyer to speak with ss alone and then with him.

BM had her lawyer there to represent someone else summonsed for the other side!!

DH did say they are in the meeting now...I called...oops, and she is not there.

But, what is going on?  WE have not gotten a signed court order from our defeat in January......we can appeal to circuit court once we have this.  

It appears, bm is flipping out though.  She is becoming extremely irrational.  And volatile.  
#212
Hi all, we are considering if we would even have a chance at an appeal....I dont know what takes place.

DH went to court yesterday - he proved change in circumstances.  The judge stated that and that ss had said he wanted to live with dh.  But, after only being with ss for about five minutes, the judge said that ss manipulates his parents and the court system.  SS' behavior is to the point that criminal charges were filed last fall.  He will probably get probation.  

Court order states there is to be no negative talk in front of ss about the other parent.  BM admitted to cursing dh repeatedly in front of ss.  Then her lawyer asked dh if he does this and he said no...and the lawyer said - is that just because of the court order.  DH said the court order does forbid it and he doesnt do it...doesnt really remember ever cursing her..........But, the lawyer persisted that dh had at some point and this was the pot calling the kettle black (or vice versa)..and the judge found this to be amusing.  

BM wants dh to pay her for bandages that she purchased for ss and never used.....and donated.  She had stopped using them when she bought them.......The judge thought it was wonderful of her to have donated the bandages.  DH isnt responsible for her donations!!!

Well, bm brought up past issues on the stand...things that have been discussed in prior court hearings - which custody orders were issued at those times.  Both lawyers were new and hers may have not known this......She lied and lied - claiming she takes ss to church every weekend he is home (she has went once in ss' lifetime), she never leaves him home alone, Shriner's will only allow the PCP to travel free....  DH's lawyer did not do a good job of catching this though he had the proof in his folder......

IN the end, the judge said that dh had proved his burden of change in circumstances and ss does want to live with us...but he is not going to give him what he wants................He will probably get in trouble if he lived here............and after saying that he believes ss will get into serious trouble as he gets older told dh that he doesnt even know WHY dh would want ss to live here...........

Now, I think because of the fact that she lied and brought up past issues to bias the judge.........I think the burden of dh being the best parent going forward may not have been met.

In an appeal, would we be able to present her perjury and facts that were not presented during the hearing itself?   CAn we fight the fact that she knowingly presented issues already dealt with in past cases?
#213
Custody Issues / Our Ferpa situation...
Sep 12, 2005, 08:08:35 PM
SS' school was very good about sharing information with dh.  Then ss got kicked out and sent to an alternative school.  Well, they seemed obliging at first....until ss was hurt and out for a month.  Then they were working closer with bm involving homebound.  From that time on, they ignored dh's requests.  He wasnt invited to ss' IEP meeting.  DH didnt even know about it until afterward.  

They had sent a letter here signed by three officials with false information.  DH requested a correction and they ignored that.  So, after the IEP, dh requested a copy of that, his last report card, and the corrected letter....nothing.

So, dh filed a FERPA complaint and it was delivered certified about three weeks ago and we havent heard anything.

And now, the school ss was at before being kicked out......they held a behavioral intervention meeting and didnt notify dh.  They had notified bm in July...and the meeting was held on August 30....dh didnt know until Sept. 6 when she handed him a copy of it.

The casemanager said he forgot dh.  BM has been talking alot to this teacher through emails this summer after ss was hurt....

Any suggestions anyone?
#214
Custody Issues / Is this allowable evidence?
Jul 28, 2005, 01:48:41 PM
Hi all, my dh is going pro se for his custody battle.  So, of course, if we cannot afford an attorney, we cannot afford a psychologist in court....

Is citing from the National Institute on Mental Health admissable?  This is in reference to the problems a child with ADHD may face.....as in not trying to claim that ss definitely has this...but, asking the bm...
- Are you aware that a child with ADHD is much more at risk for getting injured if not medicated according to the National Institute on Mental Health?

- Are you aware that a child with ADHD is at a higher risk of developing conduct disorder according to NIMH?

-  Has ss been diagnosed with conduct disorder?

- Is ss on medication or in counseling for this disorder?
#215
Custody Issues / Filing subpoenas?
Jun 12, 2005, 01:10:51 PM
DH will be representing self.  One of dh's reason's for going for custody is that ss is allowed to hang with anyone...and everyone that he has hung out with, and that bm encourages, is a bad influence.  Two children he hangs with are troubled children - much as ss is......and they are the two involved in him being burned......dh needs to subpoena school discipline records to hopefully back up the fact that they are agressive children and from what we understand, they were in trouble that week at school for agressive behavior....

Do you just go to court and ask for a subpoena - or is there a certain name for it?


#216
Custody Issues / Representing self?
May 29, 2005, 05:45:56 PM
Hi all, we do not have money for an attorney again.  Still paying from the January court.  However, dh is filing for custody modification due to some very serious matters.

When he went to court last June without a lawyer, he felt the judge did not listen to him and we know bm will have her arrogant lawyer with her again.  DH was totally unprepared for the lies and creative spins they used on the situation.  I got a taste of this in January - i dont know if she lies to the lawyer or he takes what she says and twists it to suit her....he was a very rude, hateful man......  

DH is going to represent himself.  He is not a well-spoken individual.  I think he would do fine if he just had a list of questions for her and went by those.  

If anyone has experience with this....how should we proceed in determining how to do this?  I have heard keeping it short and to the point is key - but then...how do you make all your points that you feel is important?

Can anyone else speak on dh's part - as far as questioning and such even though they are not a lawyer?

#217
Custody Issues / Will it help?
Apr 18, 2005, 09:31:58 AM
Okay..

IN january, ss chose to stay with his mother when we went to court.  She had 20'ish and 30'ish friends staying with him and buying him goodies all the time.  No discipline, no homework.  He has it made.  The three friends - one was arrested for grand larceny, the other was fired for having a felony record, and the other was fired for dealing drugs on the job...all worked at bm's store.....

Since then, ss has gotten kicked out of regular school for fighting so much.  The judge did not back dh's assertion that ss needs counseling, and the teachers had felt he did - we do have a letter from a school official that documents bm refusing to consider counseling. Interestingly, it was after this that ss was banned from any regular school and has to go to a school that has counseling as part of its program.  Most children who attend there have been in jail.

SS is 13 - bm called the police one day because she didnt know where he was.  She went out of town to visit a boyfriend and ss began his new school...his uncle was to pick him up afterward - and ss disappeared again....She also had ss working and getting paid for it busing tables at the restaurant she works at.....

SS told us that his mom does not discipline him at all.  She will say he is grounded - cant go outside, and one hour later, she tells him to go ahead.  SS thinks its all a big joke.    SS told dh that he was accused of breaking into someone's house.  They evidently didnt call the police........However, would he?  Both dh and I know for a fact that ss would do it in a heartbeat......

He has brought cigarettes to our home - lied about where he got them and what he had them for.  He has brought goodies here and lied about where he got those - we never did find out the truth.  He has stolen many times in the past.

BM is not providing the rigid boundaries he needs, in our opinion.  Raising him is being left to the school system.  

BM has violated the court order several times in the past few months.

I will soon begin a job with the school system - at the middle school ss would attend if here, and with resource classes - which he is in.    I will be on the same schedule as the children, but I am not his mother.

Thing is - we can provide constant supervision.  I dont think ss will want to give up what he has.  OSS doesnt get anything at all from his bm because he chose not to live with her. He is 19 and she still tries to get him to move there and will not help him because he wont.  SS knows this would happen to him if he chose to live here.  Dh does for both..but she will only do for them if they are with her.....

Would there be any hope of getting custody reversed?

#218
Custody Issues / What are the chances?
Dec 10, 2004, 08:57:38 PM
BM moved two hours away in June.  Until then, ss was split 50/50.  now, dh only sees ss six days a month.  SS (then 12) wanted to stay with dh, but bm had lawyer and dh didnt.  SS is now 13.  He has made some friends and seems okay.  But, he still says he wants to live here.  He is doing okay in school, but he is in all special ed classes as opposed to a mixture when he lived in this county.  however, he makes A's in classwork, but doesnt do any homework.  BM doesnt let him bring books on weekends.  One time she allowed dh to pick him up from school, so he did homework that weekend while here.  BM does not make him do homework.  I know he is 13, but who is the parent?  And, if she tries and he doesnt, he should be punished.  She has never made him do homework.  She doesnt take time to help him, even though he needs it.

As stated in prior post, counselor thinks bm is great and as much as said her opinion is that he should stay where he is.  (She thinks he wants to stay there.)

SS has always had behavior problems, but never been suspended twice in this short of a time period.  

People are reluctant to get involved in this type of thing, so we have no 'dirt' on bm.  We have alot to show that she cuts dh out of ss' life as far as decisions....she does let him see ss on his scheduled visitations, but she controls every minute as their are no times listed on order.....

Is there any chance of a judge allowing this 13 year old to live with his dad - thus, moving the child in the middle of the school year even if the child is doing okay at present school?
#219
Custody Issues / Can you refuse?
Dec 10, 2004, 08:48:37 PM
Tough situation here.  A few months ago, we felt my ss needed counseling.  His mother did not like the idea, but dh was firm this time.  She was told ahead of time and she did not refuse - and she was informed in writing when we found a counselor.  She has primary physical custody/joint legal.  Once dh had it arranged, she completely took over.  While she fussed about it, she gave the counselor the opposite impression - that she is totally devoted to the idea of the child getting counseling.  Things have happened that should have clued the counselor in:
1 - bm said she would get the medical work-up done instead of allowing dh.............she took ss, but didnt mention anything to the doctor about counseling/behavior problems?  Now, how could the doctor do anything if he didnt have the right information.  He called the counselor after receiving dh's letter and talking with me on the phone.
2 - bm promised to call counselor if anything should happen between sessions - ss was suspended this week and bm didnt call.

Yet, the counselor insists that bm is very concerned and helps in anyway possible.  She also makes excuses for bm.  SS is in all special ed classes and has c averages.  But, he gets A's in class - just doesnt do any homework.  Bm doesnt set time aside or make him set down to do it........counselor says he is a 13 year old boy so he cant be made to do his homework.  

SS steals.  Yet, he tells the counselor he is behaving - and she says he is being truthful.  

SS wants to live with dh - told this in court in June, and has told counselor.  Counselor ignores this and says he is really happy where he is and wants to stay there.  

We feel that as ss' behavior is worse than before after two months of treatment and as the counselor does not realize who is the parent and who is the child - and thus who should be in control, she is of no use.  

DH just hired a lawyer who was hoping to have the counselor talk at trial in January, but now we know there is no use.  In fact, she will only hurt matters as she thinks bm is great and she thinks that ss wants to stay where he is even though he says otherwise.

Is there any way dh can get out of his responsibility to the counselor since she is not helping matters at all?  This is the second time in two months ss has been suspended - and the counselor's response is that some children get in more trouble, so that isnt so bad!!!  

If dh puts in writing his objections and his desire to terminate counseling, will it hurt at trial?

Any suggestions?  

By the way, dh was fully intent on taking ss to all appointments. But, bm will not let him.  Even on his days - she wont let him pick up ss until afterward.  

We are just frustrated and disgusted.  Dh did not have money for a lawyer in June - and this will probably be the only time we can afford one for awhile.
#220
Custody Issues / Document or write a letter?
Nov 14, 2004, 09:50:47 PM
My husband has joint legal custody of his son, with the mother being primary physical custodian.  He was seeing his son 50% of the time until she moved this past summer.  He did go to court, but as he didnt have a lawyer and she did - things did not go well.  Also, he was under the impression that she was supposed to keep him informed of things -and of course she hadnt and that went against him. Since that time we have gotten married and I have been helping him find out exactly what his rights are.

The child just turned 13.  No matter what my husband requests, his ex is going to change it in some way.  She simply tells him when he can see his child - everything has to be on 'her' terms.  The custody order speaks of mutual consent - but my husband has no input at all.  The most recent - she signed up the child for basketball tryouts that would cut into my husband's time without ever talking it over with him.  My husband pointed this out and stated advantages and disadvantages without saying what he would have chosen.  Her reply - that this the son's life and that my husband should not be putting him down.   This was the son's choice.  However, the son chooses to live here and she pays no mind to that at all.

Okay - that is just 1/100th of the mess that is constant.  Everything she recently wrote was misleading to downright lies again.....should this be pointed out or just leave it alone until court - which they go back in January because the custody order is temporary at this time.  

My husband has been to the school and notified in writing.  He is also in contact by email with teachers.  He has contacted the doctor.  He really is trying so hard to be informed without relying on her for anything.  Yet, what he does have to deal with her about is a constant struggle of her control.  

Help!
#221
Custody Issues / What does it mean?
Nov 12, 2004, 08:04:56 PM
My hubby shares joint legal custody in virginia.  On their custody order the judge has checked,

"Neither parent shall expose the child to any immoral or illegal situations or influences."

What exactly does this statement mean?  Drugs - Alcohol - Anything against one parent's Christian values?  What?

#222
Father's Issues / Deposition and discipline
May 26, 2007, 09:51:46 PM
My brother and his STBX have been separated for a year.  He called yesterday to ask what a deposition is, saying that her lawyer had filed for the final divorce and that a deposition was being held at lawyer's office this coming week.  He wanted to know what that was about - but says it has to do with divorce.  he said he and lawyer have received copy of final decree and were agreeable, so he is not going to deposition.

Is it normal to hold a deposition for this?  They have not been to court for anything - just worked out between lawyers.

Also, STBX has been dating guy since she filed a legal separation.  Guy is disciplining brother's daughter, which he does not like.  He tried to discuss with guy, but STBX created a big scene and called police on brother.  Officer told my brother he believes he didnt do anything...but, it could look bad because he was the one to pull over when he saw them.  This is the third time she has called police on brother.  They were married for 19 years and she has never claimed any fear of him until now...

I told brother to never approach them, that to notify her in writing of any issues he has regarding daughter....

Now, I am all for adults disciplining children..but, when parent is there, it should be the parent...especially as dates may come in and out of some people's lives..and it seems unfair to expose child to everyone else's discipline methods....

#223
Hi everyone.  My brother is going through an unwanted divorce.  There has been plenty of nastiness during this process.  I love my SIL dearly and she is good to the family, but really vindictive to my brother.

About three months ago, she handed my brother separation papers in front of her coworker and told him he needed to sign them...they detailed financial aspects and matters of their child.  They argued and she was very insulting as was my brother.  later, she called him and apologized and said to take his time.

The very next morning, around 8:30 a.m., she called and demanded he sign the papers by 3:00 that day.  He was threatened that if he did not sign the papers she would have her attorney file papers that day to take him to court - going after more of his money (retirement), spousal support,  and suing for attorney fees.  My brother could not even afford his own attorney and was very scared of her threats.  He signed the papers.

Now, he is realizing that he didnt understand what he was signing.....they were drawn up by a lawyer and my brother, while wise in life, has always struggled with reading.  He knows nothing about court matters and could not even tell me if this paper has joint legal or joint physical.....

His STBX is very book smart and does her research.....

My brother is now willing to do what it takes to hire a good attorney.  But, he has to pay a nice sized retainer down before this attorney will talk to him as he has did a consult and phone consults with my brother previously......My brother doesnt want to shell out all this money if he is simply stuck with the papers he signed anyway.

As he was emotionally distressed by her threats to take him to court and threats of financial distress, does he have any chance of fighting this legal standing?


Also, this week his STBX got mad at him and would not let him see his daughter.  Usually there child rides the bus to his business atleast a couple of times and she would not allow it.  Even went to the school and picked up child to make sure he didnt get her.  

Should my brother send her a certified letter detailing this action and inform her that the normal schedule will resume this week?

I told him that he should even take the time if he can to go to the school after his daughter and talk to the principal if STBX has already picked her up......have it known by others that he is being refused his child...
#224
Father's Issues / Success in Court...
Aug 11, 2006, 05:56:17 PM
Hi all,

After a two year battle and losing three times pursuing custody, my dh finally won custody a few months ago. Custody reversed almost two months ago.  Within seconds, bm had cursed dh in front of ss - a violation of the order, and was demanding more time than dh ever had.  Now, remember, she has refused dh time constantly over the past two years.  Seconds after dh took custody, she was saying she woudl file a contempt against him for denying her time.....I am not exaggerating - it was that quick!

Well, dh filed against her for cursing him in front of ss, a clarification of court order, and for CS.

This week, she filed against dh for show cause - failing to provide all of her summer visitation - which was not due until August 31 and which dh had already told her she could have weekends..

Today was court - both pro se, and the judge said dh had not violated the court order - he had followed it exactly...and he clarified the wording in the original order.  

He did find bm guilty of violating the order, but as it was the first time he actually ruled on it, he said next time she would receive punishment.
 
DH of course got cs and it was a fair amount....

And...all of this in front of an older, old-fashioned judge who has clearly favored bm in the past, and paid much more attention to her today, just let her talk and talk......dh said very little,but he got everything he wanted....

So, keep the faith....we have about pulled our hair out and went crazy along the way, but the results are amazing.....we are just finally hoping for some peace....
#225
Father's Issues / Going back to court....
Jun 26, 2006, 01:48:15 PM
After talking with dh's lawyer a few days ago, he suggested to file a show cause on BM for her cursing dh in front of ss.  Well, that is the last thing we wanted to do....court, again  after two years of being there.
But, dh's lawyer was right, she was going to be doing it so we best go ahead...

Dh turned in motions Friday for show cause, child support (dismiss and re-order) and to clarify and add specific wording to visitaiton order.

She has threatened to take dh to court for two different things in the past week, so I am sure they will be added on......

#226
Today was custody reversal.  DH had sent bm letter two weeks ago saying we would pick son up at 8 p.m.

She calls oldest son's cell today and leaves a message (while we were working) saying that they had 'prior engagement' and would not be there...that I could come at 8 if I wanted to, but they wont be there.  

Fine, dh, my daughter, andwe get there at 9:05 and they come from home of married neighbor (whose wife has been in jail for about five months now).  He has a young son whom bm is spending lots of time with...this was the engagement, going to the child's ball game, arriving home at 8:15 and then having son explain to child why he would not be around for a few weeks.

BM follows son from neighbor's house into her parent's home (they live there), then out to my van.  son gets in on my side and bm goes around and begins yelling at dh.

She states she will be picking son up at camp and keep him the weekend.  DH simply, calmly stated, "no you're not."  

This escalates with her screaming, "Excuse me! Excuse me!  He is MY son...."     You will find yourself in court because I am filing contempt...

DH told her, once again, calmly - You cant file for something i havent done.

When she began screaming again, DH told her he did not have to listen to this.    He put the van in reverse and she is screaming, 'You *ucking idiot!"...as 14 year old son and 13 year old daughter are witnessing all of this.

She could have approached dh while son was in house - but always does this in front of him.  DH is tired of listening to the cursing and screaming every time....

Also, from what we understand, she is planning on taking son on vacation during time I said he needs to be home to prepare for his new school.  What can we do if this is true?  

We completely believe she is going to file contempt.  She violated the order tonight by standing there cursing me in front of son....

The court order is worded exactly as it has been for two years, only the roles have changed.  Now, she is demanding the court order gives her visitation it never gave dh  

This is so hypocritical considering she has taken dh's time from him, completely dictated every minute of visitation, and refused to ever go along with any schedule of visitaiton saying that , "I am not going to agree to YOUR schedule as circumstances may alter this..."

#227
Father's Issues / DH won custody
May 16, 2006, 08:08:39 PM
AFter almost two years of court disappointments, dh was successful in winning custody of his 14 year old son yesterday.   He has been divorced for five years, had custody of oldest (who is now 20) and 50% of youngest.  Until we married - his ex moved two hours away right before our wedding.

She began taking time away from dh and ignored the fact that ss did not want to move.  She badmouthed dh in court - and we were so naive back then.  The past two years have grown steadily worse with the control and games.....

SS has to finish up school where he currently resides, but then he comes here to live.  We are very excited.  SS has issues and we honestly believe he just needs positive attention, firmness, *love*, and his ADHD medication/counseling.......


There is some concern about an appeal, continued games, etc, but overall we are just very happy and relieved.  
#228
I posted on Soc's forum, but just incase he doesnt get back on this evening.....I have a question I need answered fast!!

My ss wanted to live with us....hearing in January 2006.  GAL was fine with this as he had checked out our home.  He didnt recommend one house over the other...he only talked to the mom once for about 30 minutes....but, he was fine with this move.

SS told the judge he wanted to live here.   SS had also taken out a domestic abuse charge against his mother for slapping him across the face -she did this in our yard, and it was completely unwarranted.....

At any rate, the older judge (first time he had seen this case) decided that ss was manipulating where he wanted to live.  He said the slap was probably necessary and that all children deserved to be slapped sometimes.  He ordered for ss to remain with BM.

Judge also ordered ss into counseling. This was to be picked by GAL, but the BM has already started this without input from GAL.  She has been using these sessions to lie about dh- we got the notes and sent a correction to the 'social worker' (actually) yesterday.

Okay..court was in January.  IN February, ss came home one evening and they had been kicked out.  They had to leave then..and that weekend his mother had to have an escort to go back in and move their stuff.

She has violated the court order numerous times,  interfering with visitation, timing phone calls, etc...since January. WE have letters that express her intent to continue in this behavior.....

AFter being evicted in February, they moved in with her parents and adult gay brother, who moved in because he and his friend had broke up.....and ss has to sleep on a sofa in the living room.  They live in a different county now.

BM notified school of move and they warned that if ss continued to cause problems, he would have to go to the other county.  

He got kicked out of school today.  Note:  He was kicked out of school and sent to an alternative school last year in March!  HE now has to go to a school that is totally new to him.

DH wants to know if he can request an exparte hearing on the grounds that in three months, ss and BM have been evicted and now he has to go to a different school?

If so, can I type up some sort of motion with grounds for the request to be attached to the motion?



Note:  SS was in school in our county until bm moved two years ago.  Never had significant trouble in school until the move.  he has friends, a cousin, and a stepsister in his grade here......much easier transition....


#229
Father's Issues / Phone call interference
Mar 30, 2006, 08:13:00 PM
The custody order states that each parent has phone priviledges with child until 9 pm.

In December, BM had her home phone disconnected.  She began using her work cell phone # only.  She kept internet connected by cable.

She then complained in court that her employer was complaining about the calls between dh and ss  - that they needed to be limited to 10 minutes.

Nothing was put in court order to that effect.

Now, she claims that instead of the employer, she is paying the bill and times ss and dh - 10  minutes....usually 8 is more like it.

And....she is listening to every word ss is saying.  He is 14 and she will not let him go out of the room...she stays beside him.

tonight when dh and ss were talking, dh caught ss in a lie....when he tried to question ss about this...she kept saying...."Tell him its none of his da**ed business."

Any suggestions?

#230
BM has a lawyer for custody disputes against dh.  SS got into trouble last year and she hired her lawyer to represent ss.  Mind you, this was in the middle of a custody dispute.  We felt that the lawyer could not adequately defend ss because he may go against the wants of his other client.  For example, if judge deems he is out of control in his mother's care, the lawyer cannot recommend that the court allow him to live with his father instead of juvie.

Today, dh picked ss up to go to a deposition for a lawsuit concerning ss' burns. BM had full knowledge and would not take part in case, but did not protest.  DH has joint lega.  Well, she followed them to lawyer's office and raised hell.  She demanded to be in meeting.  lawyer was meeting with them before the other side arrived.  She would not allow it.   It got really ugly.  She called dh a greedy *itch and the lawyer for the suit threatened to call the police.

AT any rate, she had said HER lawyer would be there at 10 am.  (The same lawyer that is representing ss as his trial isnt until June now)   HER lawyer did come....to represent another teen that was summonsed to appear today in the deposition.  The teen was summonsed by the defendant's side.

The teen did not speak as I guess she pled the 5th.....since she was the one who started the fire.

But, the thing is Lawyer A is representing her on custody matters......representing ss who wants to live with us, not her on criminal matters...............and is representing her buddies daughter on the lawsuit matter.  Isnt that a conflict of interest?

BM is very against ss getting any money for his burns....in fact, when she found out dh was pursuing it, she became chummy with the other families and encouraged them not to reply to dh's requests for insurance info.  DH is the one responsible for 75% of bills and she is very vindictive.....

Unethical lawyer....?
#231
Hi all, dh went to court in January 2006 for custody of his 14 year old son.  BM has been primary for four years.  SS wanted to live with us and has been in serious trouble and suffered severe burns while in BM's care. This school year, he has been suspended in or out of school several days each month.  He also has a criminal matter pending for actions at the school.

The judge in January was old, retired actually, and didnt like ss.  He said ss was manipulating everyone and trying to dictate where he wants to live..and he was not giving him what he wants.  The judge said he thinks ss will wind up in serious trouble in the future and ordered counseling.  

Since the hearing, BM has been on her high horse.  DH and BM share joint legal, but there are no specifications.  BM absolutely refuses to tell dh of school meetings, counseling appts., etc.  She has made plans on DH's time and taken visitation away from him.  We tried to correct this by sending her a letter, with copies to lawyers.  Didnt phase her at all.  She sent a letter to dh saying that we need to stop fighting her as we are hurting their sons....and told him to stop complaining or she will stop allowing him any extra time.  She claims she let ss stay an extra day in January at dh's request - actually, she had no headlights and wanted to pick ss up early, so dh told her he would bring him home the next day.

DH wants to appeal the custody decision of the court in January....but in Virginia, you start out in J & D, then file an appeal that goes to circuit court.   You have to wait for the actual order to be filed.. and her lawyer has not signed the order.

The latest....ss is serving 5 days in school suspension, and then will be serving 5 days out of school suspension.  She didnt tell dh about this.  SS slipped up and mentioned something and then he told dh........we had to email an administrator at the school to find out what happened and how much punishment ss was given.  BM does not punish at all.  

BM's letters basically tell dh to buzz off...and then tells him to send her some money....for her lawyer...for supplies she donated.......

Her lawyer is representing ss in his criminal matters.  

DH wants to file an appeal on custody when the order is filed.  However, it seems there needs to be joint legal specifications and she is in contempt for interfering with visitation.  

If dh files for modification of joint legal and contempt for visitation......will he still be able to file for appeal on the custody trial?

#232
DH and BM went to court on January 19, 2006.  Old Judge felt that ss was being manipulative and that he was not 'going to give ss what he wants' and ordered that ss stay with BM.  The order is not filed yet as her lawyer still hasnt signed it.  This is 33 days now!

BM seems to feel that as nothing was done for her actions in Jan. she has nothing to fear.  She has violated the order by refusing dh visitaiton time.  She refuses to make it up, refuses to make any kind of agreement on the scheduling of visitaiton.  

In writing, she has accused dh of grilling ss and accuses him (and me) of fighting her on everything.  She basically accuses dh of being selfish for wanting to spend six days a month with their son.

She has (in writing) threatened to grill ss about every minute he is in our home...and stated that dh needs to stop complaining or she will not let ss stay here any extra time (as if....)

Basically, it was a stop your whining or i will give you something to cry about letter.

I am a little surprised as we had copied all lawyers and GAL on dh's last letter...she doesnt note if she did this.  DH is planning on replying...copying to all lawyers again as well as enclosing her most recent correspondence.

Now, the GAL may not seem to matter at this time as court is over.  However, dh is planning on appealing the most recent case.  IN Virginia, once a court order is signed, you have 10 days to appeal from Juvenile and Domestic court to circuit court.

As her lawyer has not signed, things seem to be getting out of hand.  DH just wants his court ordered rights...yet, she claims this is him fighting with her.

Any suggestions?  Do you think its wise to respond, when we already know it will do no good?  If we do respond in a business manner, will it be helpful to show that we are being rational as compared to her bickering?



Mind you, she had two weeks to compose her letter..and she still sent one filled with anger.

#233
Father's Issues / Not signing order
Feb 24, 2006, 09:29:53 PM
Went to court in January.  Ss wanted to live here, but judge said ss was manipulative and he was not going to give ss what he wanted.  We are in Virginia - court is first J & D, then you can appeal to district court before going to state level.  DH wants to appeal, but opposing lawyer has not signed order.

GAL and dh's lawyer signed and sent order on Feb. 6th.  There has been no response from the other side.  We cannot appeal until order is signed by all parties and entered into court record.

Things are going badly.  BM immediately began controlling again - took a weekend of visitation from dh this month.  She is making appointments and letting dh know after she has taken ss.  This after he specifically requested advanced notice.  

She had wanted dh's calls limited to 10 minutes while in court saying that her cell is a company cell and they dont want all these personal calls.  Well, the judge did not order as she requested.  Now, when ss is on the phone, she times him and says SHE is paying the bills.  DH has court ordered rights to talk to ss each evening.  She is placing limits on it herself.

The latest is that they have moved in with her parents.  her brother just moved in there January.    She begged ss not to tell dh.  She has only been current on her rent three times in the past 16 months.   SS says they were evicted.  His grandparents are in another school district but as right now, he is riding bus to his old apt.  and being picked up.

I am waiting to see what is going on as I feel she could have caught up on her rent with her tax money.  She doesnt really have a phone bill - she said herself in court that the company pays for it.  She works for cousins...she doesnt have a car payment.  Her only real bills were rent and utilities.  Her job title is administrative assistant.  Looking in her area, she could find a good paying job.  It seems that she is getting paid very little through the cousins but then she takes off whenever she wants.  

She is wanting to raise child support.  She blames dh for the fact that she cannot pay her bills.  She doubled her rent when she moved to that area, yet she will not get out and find a job to cover it.

Also, she has hired her lawyer to represent ss in criminal matters.  DH told her he was against this as a conflict of interest could arise since he represents her for custody.  She sent dh a letter telling him he has to make the payment this month!

WE feel the order is being stalled for a reason.  I contacted dh's lawyer who has the J&D court on speed dial...LOL...trying to find out when the order is submitted.  But, he has not heard anything from opposing counsel.
#234
Father's Issues / What do you think?
Feb 21, 2006, 11:30:53 AM
DH is planning on appealing last court hearing.  Judge used his judgement that ss (14) was manipulating everyone as his entire basis for BM retaining custody.  Problem is...case was heard on January 19th..GAL and dh's lawyer have signed order, but the hold up appears to be BM's lawyer.   the judge ordered for ss to have counseling - the GAL would choose counselor based on parents recommendations....and the cost would be split equally (though normally dh has to pay 75%).  Meanwhile, since the order has not been signed, bm has already began ss' counseling and tells dh she will let him know what was said and how much it costs.  She notified dh in writing AFTER counseling began.

They have joint legal, but she will NOT let him know about appointments and school meetings.  DH specifically requested this notice and she has been on a roll ever since attending appts and meetings and then sending him the information.  

She also took a weekend of visitation this month.  Wont even discuss make-up time.

She is telling dh that he has to pay HER lawyer money for representing ss on legal matters.  Now, dh told her last year he was NOT agreeable to her lawyer representing ss due to conflict of interest.....he represents her in custody and ss in delinquency matters.....what if he could keep ss out of juvy by suggesting he live with his dad...He cannot do it..she is his client as well....

She is also accusing dh of grilling ss because he caught her in a lie due to something ss told him.....Actually she has been telling her family that dh does this for awhile to explain why ss doesnt want to live with her ......

She threatened in writing to, 'grill ss about every minute he is in your home if you dont stop.'

She is blaming dh for an unpaid bill that he requested 8 months ago and she would never forward (all of ss bills actually from hospitalization)

So, we typed up a memo-style letter concerning the denial of visitation, the demands for payments to her lawyer, and the issue of her not telling dh anything ahead of time so that he can attend.  We also are sending two papers....one with a visitation schedule spelled out.....and another with specifics for joint legal.....

We are planning on sending this to her....cc her laywer, dh's lawyer, and the GAL.  

Now, I doubt she will give this any thought, but if she should agree...it may save an appeal motion.........

Do you think this sounds okay?
#235
After being married to a man that gets beat up in the court system...I honestly believe that any time a couple separates, the father should fight for custody.  If not, he will be fighting the rest of his child's life to be a part of it.  

My dh has twice attempted to get custody of his son since the mother moved two hours away.  After the last court hearing, son was kicked out of school, burned, and in the fall he did two things at school that resulted in criminal charges.  He is 14.

After six months of postponements the hearing took place today.  The judge didnt care what ss said.  BM lied constantly, making herself look like such a wonderful mother.  They brought up issues from well before the last court order....which I thought was off limits....

The judge actually said that he could see my ss getting in serious trouble as he gets older.........and then told my dh he doesnt know why he would want son to live with him anyway.

We had everything we needed...and the judge said we had change in circumstances, but he felt that ss would get into trouble here as well (nothing to base this on).  He said he wasnt going to give ss what he wanted..........

DH tried to get a copay adjustment on medical bills, but they didnt even look at it.......because BM said she had requested an increase in CS two years ago................so, though they could find no paperwork, the judge just took her word and left everything in the air.  Now, we were going to seek filing ss on taxes, but of course BM's tactics allow her to do this again...........

I dont have any faith in this court system
#236
Father's Issues / Visitation question....
Dec 23, 2005, 09:05:15 AM
Court order states dh gets three weekends per month - not specified weekends.  It goes on to state half of Christmas vacation from school (no specification as to what week).

Numerous times we would try to arrange visitation in advance, bm wouldnt respond - or would change it in some way.  now that custody case is looming, she has began to send schedules ahead of time - but, she always states that nothing can be changed as they have out of town plans for every weekend she has.  This has not proven true before.

Okay...for the month of December she sent a letter stating the weekends dh could have and said that she will have ss the last weekend and they were going out of town - couldnt be changed.

The three weekends she gave include Christmas weekend.  This is to be dh's court ordered third weekend - yet she wants ss on Christmas day overnight to Monday.

We responded that a make-up day is necessary, that dh would pick ss up last night or would keep ss until next Saturday (the weekend she is going out of town).

She never responded at all.......

Any suggestions?  

If we refuse to return ss on her dictated day and time could dh be in contempt?


I may ask Soc about this, but wanted any advice from those of you that may have experienced this.  
#237
Father's Issues / What specialty?
Nov 05, 2005, 09:50:30 PM
Hi all, My ss has been in trouble at school - he was kicked out in the spring and sent to an alternative school.

Well, this fall he was back in regular public school.  About two weeks ago, he was in a class where the teacher's keys turned up missing.  They searched all the students - dont know what every happened about the keys - but ss had a knife in his shoe - blade over three inches long.

Not only was he suspended for five days, the police got him.  He now has a pretrial hearing in a couple of weeks.  

He went back to school on Wednesday of this week.  He was suspended for vandalism on Friday.  

SS had showed us his laptop - it looked fine until you cut it on and then it looked shattered.  He had told us that someone tripped him on the steps and he dropped it.  He had been scared to turn it in...but somehow it came about yesterday.  The school said he vandalized the laptop.

The principal and another school official also got ss out of class and searched him Friday.

Okay - are the searches legal?  We dont know why they searched him Friday - if its going to be routine or what....

Who can we talk to - we want ss to behave, but I was already afraid that he was labeled after last year.........

#238
Father's Issues / Motion is false
Sep 16, 2005, 08:32:25 PM
Hi, I have posted this on soc's site, and am hoping I didnt fully explain myself the first time.  I just hate to think this is going to go through because I didnt know what was going on....

On Labor Day, my dh's ex came to the house to pick up ss.  SS didnt want to go.  He had pulled this the weekend before, but dh got him to go that time.  This time ss was just adamant.  Well, dh told him that he had to.  SS was stalling and went outside...dh called him to get his backpack that we had bought for him.....and walked him outside.  SS put the backpack in his mother's car.  SS still didnt want to go, and dh told bm that she could enroll him in school here......She went off - MF this and SOB that.......I could hear her inside and I had the TV and AC on....

Both ss' were outside and they each told her to stop cursing their dad...they didnt have to ask dh this as he didnt curse her.  Well, ss got so upset that he got his backpack out of her car and put it in his brother's car.  She cursed and raged.  Finally, ss told her that if she respected him, she would let him go to school where he wants.  He was sitting on the tailgate of dh's truck and she slapped him - hard on the face.  Left a print.  I heard the whap in here.....my daughter was looking out and saw it.

Of course ss wouldnt leave then and dh no longer tried to get him to leave.  She goes to the police station, they call and talk to dh - talk to ss, he asks about filing assault charges.  No one comes out to get him.

The next day, dh takes ss so that ss can file the charges.  A police officer comes in and tells dh he has the order to remove ss and take him back to bm at J&D court.  So, dh goes there because he had wanted to file an ex parte.

The clerk just kept telling him to sit down and wait to be called into the court room - never giving him the forms to fill out himself.

When called into court, the judge chewed dh out....saying that he should have physically forced ss into bm's car...and that he didnt believe dh tried to encourage ss to go with his mother............then he chewed ss out.....

Not once did the judge ask dh what happened or any direct questions about it - he didnt ask if dh had refused to allow ss to leave or refused to return him, nothing.....just fussed.

The judge did say he was aware that ss had filed a charge against bm, which he seemed to take lightly, and he asked bm if there was a charge against dh and she responded no.

Well, today, dh got a summons for a show cause.  This was filed Sept. 6.  When bm went to get ss back, she had filed a show cause stating that dh "would not return child to me on 9/5/05."

On the next page, which had been signed by a judge before he saw dh or ss  - this was the order to have ss picked up by the police....

Findings of the court:
XXXXX, Father of the child, did not return child from regularly scheduled visitation on Sunday, September 5, 2005 at 7:00 pm.

This is a lie!  DH was not to return ss on Sunday - and Sunday was Sept 4.  It was not a weekend visitation, it was his labor day holiday.    And, she had come to pick up ss at 5:00.  

DH did remember the magistrate mentioning to the police officer to look at the dates when he came after ss..........

Dh was never handed any papers - he never saw any of this until today.  The judge never asked him what happened or asked questions of the incident.  He simply ripped on dh about not forcing ss into the car.....and acted as if he is disgusted because he is hearing another custody case so soon.  

We feel that she filed a false show cause statement, the judge looked at it and listened to her side and that was it.......

Given that dh had not seen these documents, doesnt he have the chance to fight this as lies?

#239
Father's Issues / SS with abuser.....Virginia
Sep 12, 2005, 08:22:38 PM
WE are in Virginia.  SS has spent a lot of time with us this summer.  A few weeks ago, he didnt want to go back with bm, but dh talked him into it.  On labor day, she came after ss and he was headstrong not to go back.  They are in a custody battle and ss is 13.  Well, ss told us that she had not bought him any school supplies and as we had hoping he would go to school here, we told him he could take his backpack.  DH even called him inside to get it and put it in the car as bm talked to oss.  DH went out and ss put the backpack in bm's car.  Then dh told her that she could enroll ss in school here.

She exploded - calling dh MF and SOB - and combinations there of....OSS got upset and told her to stop cursing dh.  SS told her to stop talking to his dad like that.  DH didnt name call or curse or scream like she was doing.  I was in the house and could hear her voice over the TV and AC.  I heard a loud slap and thought she had hit dh.  My daughter was looking out and said bm had hit ss on the face.  He had been sitting down on the tailgate when she did this.

She left, cursing and the last I heard ss say to her was, "mom I told you to stop talking to dad like that."

She went to the police and they didnt come - they called.  Dh told them what happened.  SS talked to them and asked about an assault charge and restraining order.  The officer said he could file it but would have to come the next day to do it.  

Now, bm was to pick ss up, but of course he wouldnt go back...

The next day, dh and ss go to the court as ss still wanted to file charges.  And he did, but a police officer comes and gets him and takes him - the judge had signed orders to have ss returned to bm.  They have to go in front of the judge and he blamed dh............he said that he did not believe dh had tried to get ss to go with bm.

He also just kinda laughed off the fact that she had slapped ss across the face.  This was for no reason - he stated that if she respected him, she would let him go to school here and that is when she slapped him. NOw, he is a huge child, but he was sitting and this was his mother...but the judge didnt take it seriously.

So, the judge puts ss back in his mother's care - the woman he had just filed assault charges against.

We are pissed.  The judge didnt base anything on the facts.  He acted as if dh was in contempt of the order.  He even stated that dh should have physically forced ss into the car.

Now, it was up to her to get ss in the car as she was the one picking him up.  Dh did tell him to go and had him ready and walked him out.  It was only after she started cursing and screaming that ss got really stubborn...and after the slap, dh didnt want to send him back either.....

At no time did dh say for ss not to go.....

but, that is what she is telling everyone of course. That dh would not allow ss to come home.

And the kicker - after court Tuesday, dh had asked about seeing ss.  She asked, "Well, do you want to pick him up or bring him home?"  Dh chose to pick him up, figuring she must be planning on staying with her bf and that is why she was offering to get him afterward.  Sunday rolls around and she is a no show....saying that it was his weekend to travel, not hers.....

This put dh 2 hours late getting ss home.  She sat him up, now he looks as if he twice in a row violated the order.

She is totally playing games here.......and the judge has given her open right to do this.......


Should we file a complaint against the judge for putting ss in harm's way given that dh will be in front of him Nov. 1?  
#240
Father's Issues / Guardian Ad Litem
Aug 27, 2005, 10:31:19 AM
DH went to court on Aug 23rd for custody and show cause against bm and other issues....her lawyer was 1 hour 40 minutes late...so the judge postponed the hearing until Nov 1.  The judge asked dh why he didnt have a lawyer - ??  - no money of course...

DH had subpoenad school records which her lawyer said could have been altered...etc.....  We havent even seen the records as they were sent directly from the school to court and we had not viewed them.  DH did say that the one envelope from when ss lived here had about 1-2 pages....discipline and absentee information......the newest school sent a folder about 2 inches thick - The judge skimmed it and said he was pretty sure dh had a case for change in circumstances.  He also warned bm that ss better not get into any more trouble before court.

The fact that ss was burned badly was not brought up at this brief time.

Now, soc has told me a way dh can probably get the school records in.  But, we are thinking that maybe dh will subpoena the principal to bring records - as we can get more info out of him on bm's child witnesses.

Okay...the judge appointed a guardian ad litem and dh already got a letter from him wanting to set up an appointment.  

Questions;
Does dh just present why he would be a good environment for ss?

Does dh present why he thinks bm is not a good home life for ss?

Can this go beyond the last court hearing in January - such as ss has never done homework - true - because he has been with her on school  nights since the divorce and she has never helped him (and he needs the help).  ((My girls are honor roll students and I still have to sit down with them to help and make sure they do it.))

Will the guardian ad litem view the school records even though her lawyer objected to them being valid?

Will both sides be able to present documents to the GAL that have not been approved by the other side?

Basically, how relaxed is this and is it better to go in with both barrels blazing for the other parent or simply give yourself kudos?

Thanks...