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Topics - dipper

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Father's Issues / School situation a mute point
« on: Mar 19, 2005, 08:46:36 PM »
My dh was very disappointed this week.  He went to a meeting concerning yss school problems.  It boiled down to yss could either be on homebound the rest of the school year, or go to a special school.  He could not go to any middle school in the state.  BM chose the special school.  Originally, dh had been told that if he could get yss down here, that the other school would have no jurisdiction over him.  But, they have put a strict confinement on him.  The only reason he is given this chance is because he is learning disabled.  

The school he is going to only has 60 children.  From what we saw on the site, counseling is a normal feature of the school.   A few weeks ago when there was a meeting with a school official, bm had told her that she would not reconsider counseling - and that she had an appt. for yss to reconsider meds.  She in fact did not and never took him anywhere.  So, it is possible that this is why they are being so strict - she refuses counseling, but at this school, he will have it.  Not only that, but there is something about in-home counseling and one parent having to sign to be committed to this.......

Anyway, dh now has a court order and the lawyer sent a letter urging him to appeal the original decision.  The school situation makes it all void though.  They are even saying he may have to go to summer school, which will cut into dh's time as he has him six weeks during the summer.....

Father's Issues / Tired of the Bull.....
« on: Mar 08, 2005, 06:43:39 PM »
DH had hired a lawyer who was very ineffective in court, as she didnt know the case.  Now, we owe her quite alot of money for us - and she hasnt done anything.  The hearing was Jan 25.  She had the court order as of early Feb - She knows my dh works and cannot be reached during the day - so of course, she wouldnt mail it to him to review - wouldnt leave the info with me so that he could look over it.............its been phone tag.  then she calls today and leaves a message that bm's lawyer has sent  a 'revised' order - and that she wanted ME to call her back by 4:30 - if not then HOPEFULLY the court would give her more time and she would call dh back after 6  - but the court really wanted the order!!!

Guess what?  I didnt get home until after 6 - and she never called dh back.........

DH knows what the judge determined in court - but bm has been trying to cut into that time and meanwhile, his lawyer hasnt gave a rip>

Is there anything we can do?  I have heard stories on her since we went to court and it is clear that she is really lousy with all her cases......

Father's Issues / Does it just seem petty?
« on: Feb 27, 2005, 10:04:50 PM »
Hi all, we have had a very vexing weekend.  Since court in january, dh's ex had actually seemed like she was trying to behave better.  But, of course, we had just been waiting to see what she is up to.   Their new court order still hasnt been filed.  Still in the lawyer's hands.

The judge had stated yss should be here around 6 on Fridays, and picked up at 7 on Sundays by bm or returned at 7 on Sundays by dh.....which didnt make sense.  She picks up at 7 - has two hour drive, dh has to have him there at 7.  But anyway, that is what was stated.  Now, she wants a later time on Friday and wants to pick him up no later than 5:30 on Sundays.  According to her, the 7 is only for dh - not her.  And as for Fridays - claims her schedule doesnt permit her to be here at that time.  How ironic that two weekends out of the month, she cannot get off on a Friday to be here at 6, but can get off on the Sunday to be here by 5:30.  

The thing about Fridays - she has to be off at 4 to meet yss' bus.  So, she can be here at 6.  Also, this past Friday, she was in town by 6 - met friends and went out to eat.  She sat with yss, about 8 miles from our home, and didnt bring him until 8:30!!  And no, she did not tell dh she planned this.  

DH does not want to allow the extra hour she is requesting on Fridays because she pushes the times back consistently -and she can come earlier!  Also, he wants to stick to 7 on Sundays because there is no reason yss cant stay here a little later.  She works many nights during the week and has yss out past 9:30.  She is trying to push back on Friday night and close in on Sunday night - thus, reducing dh's time.  She has already reduced him from 15 days a month to six by her move........

So, if this thing keeps rolling as is and heads back into court - will dh seem petty for demanding this 2 1/2 hours he is holding onto?   He is simply asking for a full 48 hours.........

Father's Issues / Is this enough for 'change in circumstances'?
« on: Feb 25, 2005, 08:24:50 AM »
HI, my dh just went to court in January to try for primary physical - the reason was that his 13 year old wanted to live here.  For various reasons, 13 year old changed tune when he talked to the judge.

We are in debt to ineffective lawyer.  Cannot afford another right now.

Since they went to court, several things have come to light...

1 - the babysitters - bm stated in court she trusted them completely..they worked for her and were a 'couple'.  Since that time, we have found out that both have been fired.  One was arrested in February for grand larceny - something she has a record of.  The other had lied on her application and also has a felony conviction.  Now, we knew that one had lost custody of her own child to a family member months ago, and that she had a past - but this was not represented by dh's lawyer in court.

2 - BM is on her fourth time in court for not paying rent.  She pays it after being ordered to pay extra $300 in fees...but, this time is due to go in March and still hasnt paid January's rent.  

3 - BM worked a part time job here only and still paid her rent - only taken to court three times in three years.  Since she moved two hours away, she has a full time and part time job and has been taken to court four times for rent in eight months.

4 - Since court in January, stepson has been to school 10 days.  One day was an unexcused absence so that his mom could go out of town to visit friends.  Then there are seven suspension days for two different episodes.  He is currently back in school with in-school-suspension.  The school is now deciding between three options:
  a - at home tutoring
  b - he remain in school, but have to sit on front seat on bus, and be isolated from other students when not in class - for example, switching classes he would have to wait until other students had cleared hall ways.
  c - alternative school for troublemakers.
5 - Stepson spends suspsension at toy store with mother in the mall.  Also, when she is working late, he is wherever she is (now).  No more babysitters.  

Is any of this enough to file for a change in custody pro se and have any chance of winning?

Father's Issues / Is there anything that can be done?
« on: Feb 15, 2005, 02:07:36 PM »
HI all,

My hubby lost his petition for primary physical custody in January.  Many things were a problem - first of all, our lawyer was awful.  She did not know the case.  She was 1 1/2 hours late.  His ex lied just about every time her mouth opened - and yet, the lawyer did no follow-up even when she had the proof in the ex's own letters.  Another thing - the lawyer and ex's lawyer met beforehand - and he immediately came straight to ex and told her what the main points against her were so that she could come up with lies - dh's lawyer never told us anything.

Another thing - his son, the only reason he was going to court, told judge that he didnt care where he lived.  The son has been 'purchased in the past two months.  He has received so many new items and was promised a real sword and a cd the day after trial.  He is allowed to stay out with 20 and 30 year olds at night instead of being home on school nights.  DH was taking him to counseling, his mother said he didnt need it - making dh look like the 'bad guy'.  

The 20 and 30 year olds he hangs out with - all work at the store she manages - or did.  the two women, his ex said she trusted completely.  Come to find out - she had already fired one of the women.  And...that woman had been arrested twice for grand larceny- and has since been arrested again for grand larceny.  This woman lost custody of her own child to her mother months ago.  The other woman, this woman's lover, has been fired as well - she had lied and had a felony conviction she didnt reveal on her application.

The young man that was the real strong hold for ss - he is 26 years old, plays video games, works in a toy store, spends a lot of time with 13 year old ss, has wrecked three cars, and according to ss - smokes pot.  SS of course, thinks he is cool hanging with this man.  The one time ss refused to come for a visit was the weekend before court - and we found out later that the 26 year old had spent the night with him that weekend as well as promised him a cd for helping him at the store.......

Now, the ex lied saying her mom keeps ss alot - and she has kept him two days in eight months!  BM is now taking ss to work every evening - and even took him to work at her part -time where she is a waitress and she was working until after 10.    He hangs out (at both jobs) and does some work - but of course he is not employed so that prevents the child labor law violation.....................

Last week, he was suspended for hitting other students - third time this school year.  During the meeting dh and bm had to attend,  she took 3 phone calls from the store - acting like she was in demand and stating over and over how she manages a store and is never home........

SS has really changed.  DH tried to do right by getting after him for bad behavior - she and her friends gave him gifts telling him he was doing good in school.  DH got after him for not doing homework - she never says a word to him about it...........DH wanted him to have counseling - she tells him that he doesnt need it.  DH and ss were so close, but now its like he worships his mother and thinks we are just rednecks.  He now lives in a big city..........people who go to church and such are just rednecks.....

He is learning disabled and has two f's on his recent report card.  If he is suspended again, he gets kicked out.  

BM has him completely snowballed - she is not a parent, but his best buddy.  He is treated like he is 20 years old.  Does what he wants - gets goodies.  For being suspended - his punishment was to lose TV in his room ,but he can watch it with her.....he cant have the shoes he wanted, but they went shopping during the suspension and bought them, he just has to wait - and she bought him several items that he liked and he got them instantly.  He also got to hang out at the toy store for three days.

I had been worried that her constantly underminding dh would take effect - dh was never allowed any decision, if he made plans with ss, she would just change them without telling dh...........now it seems ss thinks dh is nothing..........

SS plays with peers outside, but is not allowed to have them over.  The only buddies they have over are these older people with shady lives....

But, is there anything that can be done really?  CPS is more neglect and abuse based..................and child labor laws - well, he isnt employed, he is just there 8-9 hours and he does work some of this..........

Father's Issues / Several questions...
« on: Feb 03, 2005, 05:30:12 AM »
First, update - dh's ex moved 80 miles away last summer.  Until then, he had has youngest son 50% of the time.  SS wanted to stay.  DH filed - but she got a lawyer, and dh could not afford one - so judge signed temp for child to remain with her.  We got married after this.

DH and I researched his rights as she had never kept him informed and he contacted school, doctors, etc.....  SS was adamant that he wanted to move back here.

Then, in January bm's employees/buddies stepped up their bribery.  More gifts, more outings to malls, arcades, etc.  SS life is a constant party.  BM even added another employee into the mix - a 20 year old who loves video games, has wrecked 3 cars, and according to SS, smokes pot.  This 20 year old guy has spent time with ss playing games alone at home - ss' game system is in his room.  (BM lied about this in court)  SS for the first time ever, refused a visit in January.  Come to find out, BM had already told him she wasnt bringing him - she had made plans to eat with her parents and work that night.  Not only that, he had been promised a cd that weekend if he helped the 20 year old in the store - and......the 20 year old spent that Fri. night with ss.....

Went to court - with ss telling us how he was getting big sword the next day and a new cd....and he tells the judge he doesnt care where he lives.  

Judge did order bm that she has to provide babysitters (buddies) phone number as she had refused before.  HE also says that dh has input as to who babysits ss.  

But, is there anyway to forbid these people from being with ss - as she will say they arent babysitting, but just spending time?  The women are 'partners' who have had a baby taken away from them recently.  One is a convicted felon - and admitted ex drug addict.  The 20 year old guy just gives me a bad feeling - not only because of the driving and pot...but, what 20 year old WANTS to spend all of his time with a 13 year old?  I mean, he calls ss wanting to know what he is up to - spending the night with him....too weird.  My oldest step son is 19 - dh had custody of him....and though his mom begged, he refused to move with her.......he wouldnt hang out with kids constantly....


*  is there anyway to get the employee names of her store so that we can check the 'buddies' out?

*  Judge made comments to oss that were not covered during hearing - so where did he get the info from?  DH said maybe hearing last year, but event had not taken place at that time - so, is there any way we can get transcripts to see if it was ever mentioned before the judge asked?  And if it isnt - how do we proceed - the judge should not have information outside of the hearing?

*  BM lied about everything in court - and dh's lawyer didnt know the case well enough to do follow-ups, just let the lies stand.  Would there be any need to try to prove perjury now?  If so, how?

Father's Issues / Disappointment- PAS?
« on: Jan 21, 2005, 07:58:04 PM »
My dh had 50% time with his youngest son until we got married.  Well, it began when we became engaged.  First time his ex had ever mentioned moving - in three years since they had divorced.  Then she did so shortly before we married.  Two hours away.  DH's time has been limited to six days.  SS has been adamant that he wanted to live here.  Judge gave her temp custody with the final hearing Tuesday, Jan. 25th..

DH was painfully naive of his rights and this was used against him last year.  So, I have helped dh research and assert his rights.  SS needed counseling - which dh insisted on, even making the arrangements.  BM took over, while telling ss he doesnt need counseling.  That went nowhere, so  dh arranged for a psychologist who is more suited to ss' needs.  BM has completely been uninvolved.  So, to ss - dad thinks something is wrong - mom doesnt.  DH has communicated with teachers and they ask for his assistance in ss' behavior.  DH gets after ss - and bm doesnt.  In fact, the last time dh called ss about it, she got on the phone asking "What is the problem NOW?"  And two days later ss was getting nice gifts from her friends for being so good in school.  Again, dh looked like the bad guy....while mom was so proud of him.

This weekend, ss refused to visit dh.  First time ever this has happened.  Not only does he refuse this weekend, but stated that next weekend they have plans as well.  Remember, we go to court Tuesday all because ss has said for seven months that he wants to live here.  Now, he doesnt even want to visit.

We are devastated.  Our entire marriage has been stressful with all of this, we have spent money on a lawyer, and devoted so many hours to researching and trying to do everything legally right - just to have the rug pulled away from under us....

We really do believe ss is in trouble if he remains with bm.....his school grades mean nothing - she just shows up for IEP meetings or when otherwise requested for a meeting, he doesnt do homework, he spends school nights at her store at the mall, if not, he is out with her 20'ish year old employees having fun driving around - but rarely ever at home before 9:30 at night.....He gets gifts for nothing - because it certainly is NOT for behaving or making good grades.....and he has behaved in ways that could put him in jail - and bm feels that it is normal to steal, that he has hormones so its not his fault if he fondles a girl, and that its someone else's fault when he stabs a neighbor's tires..........

Father's Issues / Court in two weeks...any advice...
« on: Jan 12, 2005, 01:56:23 PM »
My dh was divorced three years ago.  His oldest son chose to live with him, the youngest stayed with mom.  WE are in VA.  Before splitting, his ex was cheating.  DH was doing marijuana.  She called the police and had them search their home - they didnt find anything.  When they actually split - she filed an abuse complaint, complete with bruise.  Oldest son saw incident and dh never laid a finger on her.  DH quickly got off the drugs.  He lived a quiet life, trying to avoid her rants as she would show up at his employment to fuss at him.

DH had one son majority of time as well as other at least 50% of time.  He still had to pay her support and carried insurance.  She did not get a full-time job until oldest child turned 18.  She moved two hours away shortly before we married.  SS has been adamant for months that he wants to live here.  DH did take her to court around the time she moved - it would have been before but her lawyer had scheduling conflicts which gave her time to get ss out of town.  Dh did not have a lawyer.  In court, she told numerous untruths and made false accusations.  They accused dh of saying that he wanted ss so that he would not have to pay support anymore - which never crossed his lips.  He has said many times that if he got ss, he would not even want support from her.  They showed a pic of a old, ratty shoe saying dh sent ss to school in it - child was 12 at the time.  Now, did he wear it to school?  Who knows - there is only a picture to tell - no school statement.  They have joint legal and she never once told dh of any school meetings, results - nothing.  Dh went to other things - PTO, luncheons, DARE graduation, she attended nothing that wasnt requested in writing by a teacher.  Dh has to pay 75% of doc bills and she never sent a bill - just a demand for payment on notebook paper.  Her lawyer asked dh in court what med ss was on for ADHD.  DH didnt know the name - quite the travesty.  Only, months later we discover bm had made the sole decision to take ss off of meds before court ever took place.  The lawyer asked about a drug that wasnt even being given - and dh had not been told this!

Ok.....so, judge granted her basically what she already had - primary and joint legal, while allowing dh more visitation than she was willing and she had to most travelling - which she demanded that dh could see son only if he did all transportation.  DH and I researched his rights and have asserted them.  We even made arrangements for counseling for ss when we had presented her with issues and gave her a month to do so....then she took over.  Every visitation weekend dh requested - she altered in some way....

Now, court is in two weeks.  Her family has nothing to do with ss excepts on holidays.  She hounded oss but he would not move there....so, she has one of her male 20'ish employees staying evenings with ss now while she works.  While dh was the one keeping up with school problems and trying to straighten ss out - she never got after him for problems he was getting into or made him do homework. So, dh seemed like the meanie.  Now, ss is improving - one week - and she goes and buys him a $50 game and her friends are buying him gifts too celebrating.  And of course, this month she didnt say anything about requested visitation.  

I am just worried.  We have invested money in a lawyer.  SS is 13 and has no male role model in his life there - other than the new employee.  But, now she is giving him gifts - she has buying him things for a month - something she never did in the previous three years.  And it seems dh keeping on top of things where she could not shut him out of ss' life actually has bit him in the butt - he seems like the bad guy getting after ss for bad behavior and not doing homework.  He and I are the ones that wanted counseling  - and ss does need it - ADHD with some tendencies to conduct disorder.  Yet, she eats the counselor up while telling ss that he doesnt need it......................

Is there any hope?  For those of you that have been through it - how do you survive the stress it brings?

Father's Issues / Help Please!!
« on: May 28, 2004, 05:15:52 PM »
My fiance was to go to court this coming Tuesday, June 1st to try to get sole custody of his son.  His son's mother is moving over two hours away to a very high population, high crime town.   The child is over 12 and does not want to go.  His dad, brother, and all of his dad's family is here..and he is very close with his cousins.  The child has AD/HD.

Anyway...then my fiance got a notice today that the date has been rescheduled to June 29 - her lawyer had a conflict.  Excuse me.....they have joint custody and he has had to pay child support even though he has full custody of the oldest child!  Yet, she is able to pay for a lawyer.  yeah....she was in an accident a couple of years back and stashed a few thousand away.  Never does anything with the child.

Oh..and the new trial date....same week we are getting married...which I think is the reason there is a move to begin with!!

And - my fiance cannot afford an attorney.  Is there any way we can file an emergency injunction for temporary emergency custody of the child?  Or...is there anyway we can summons the child so that she has to bring him back for the trial?

Any advice will be welcome!!!!

Father's Issues / Need Serious Guidance
« on: May 20, 2004, 08:47:09 PM »
Hi, I am a single mom.  But, the problem I need help with is my fiance's.  He has had custody of one son and joint custody of his youngest for three years.  The oldest is 18 now.  The youngest 12 1/2.  We are to get married in July.  Now, his ex is moving over 2 hours away, taking away the joint status.  The child does not want to go.  The town they are moving to is high crime and has population in the thousands where we live in a town of 500.  The child is ADHD as well.

The ex sent my f a letter basically saying 'this is my piece of furniture and this is what you have to do to see MY furniture again.'  Really, she acts like she owns the child.  Well, f sent her a note back saying he would be seeking custody and why.  He also suggested that if the judge does rule in her favor, that her terms are unacceptable.  She flipped out.....wants to settle out of court - but still under her terms.

In three years, she hasnt did anything with the child.  F and his sons all brought this up to her the other day and of course now, one week before trial, she is being all sweet and renting games/movies for the child and wanting to take him to the movies.  Now, mind you, she has had her fun for three years.....this is the first she has tried to let the child have fun.

Even though they are joint custody, f has had to pay support, plus insurance, plus 75% copays because she would not work but a few hours a week. In three years, he has never received a receipt or copy of a bill for medical payments, she simply writes it on a paper and he is supposed to anty up.  The judge has allowed this.  (I have been divorced for 8 years and ALWAYS provide my ex with copies of the bills.)

F says the judge always ignores him and listens to her.....I believe in equality for all....I dont believe every woman is the poor little victim.  What can f do to put his feelings before the judge without being shut down?  And can he refuse to pay medical until she gives him proof of the expenses?  Is there any kind of form he can fill out detailing why he is the more stable environment for the child?

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