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Topics - dipper

#31
I filed a show cause against my granddaughter's mother and maternal grandmother in November for various issues.  Our order was just finalized on November 3rd.   Since then things had went pretty smoothly up until this weekend. 


On Friday, I was given a 45 minute notice that the mother was getting out of the hospital and the grandmother would be picking up child.  I was not home as the child was sick and I was en route home from the doctor's/picking up meds.  I was not happy and expressed this, but never refused to return child.  I rushed home to give child meds, write out the instructions - including that the child needed a urine sample collected the next morning, packed her up and went to the exchange location.  The grandmother never showed!  We took pictures and video when we arrived and got two receipts from the exchange location (a grocery store).   I did not call or text as I felt it was her responsibility to be there or let me know since she had told me she would be there in text. 


I never heard from either of them - no call to check on child or explanation that evening.   Tonight, the mother was inquiring more about the child's health.   An hour later she texted me to call her and I did.  She told me that she had called the child's pediatrician tonight (Sunday) and the pediatrician wants to see her this week for a well-child check-up.  She said when I make that appointment, to let her know as she will be at it.  This is our time with the child and the mother has not seen the child in 10 days.   I told her this was interfering and beyond her bounds as this was our time with child.  Child has received proper medical care and has not had fever/pain in two days.   I tried to call pediatrician as well but she did not return my call.  I have turned in custody order to the pediatrician's office.   


Okay..here is what I am after on here:


I want to change my show cause to include this interference in our custody time - arranging appointments when we have already handled the medical situation.  Also, amend to show that they made me bring out a sick child in cold weather and did not even show up or call!   


** Do I amend the order I have already filed or file a separate show cause to be included?


**  I feel the doctor's office does not fully accept my role as a custodian of the child with full legal rights, is there anything specifically I can do?


Thank you all!
#32
HI,  We have had a year long battle that began with a home-drawn agreement.   We had went to court in April, parties made tweaks and judge said write it up and send it to him.  But, then the other side wanted to make another change not agreed upon.  What ensued was 7 months of legal bills - attempted agreement negotiations that the other side always cancelled -mostly due to health issues, but then stopped replying to attempts to do so.  Could not even make the court appearance on July 28th.


So, we went on November 3rd and at the last moment they sent in the agreement from April, saying they would not pursue in front of judge if we agreed to those terms.   We were told by our attorney that he feared social services would become involved and then all of us may lose - which, honestly I had no fear of at all.  I know our side and we have nothing that would cause social services to remove her from our care.  However, I felt very intimidated by our attorney's badgering to sign the agreement - I could not see winning with his attitude.   I also know they had nothing.....even grandparents that came in April did not return in November.   It appeared our attorney was in a hurry to get out of there and I could not risk going in with him.  We made two changes though - I crossed out what the day they added and put it back to what it should be and added a highly public, security-camera exchange point.


They refused it and I said we are going before the judge.  Within 2 minutes they relented.   All was signed off that day and we had a final order!!   Our order does include the parents and 3 grandparents as custodial parents.  Immediately, the mother became very friendly and went back into the hospital the next day.   She was only being nice because she was again after my son to reconcile...once he told her no, that he did not believe she has changed, her attitude changed.


We signed the order on November 3rd.   The order included she could not drive the child without DMV Clearance due to seizures.  She began driving with child the next week and said she had sent clearance to the judge, but the court has not received anything.   We still do not have proof.   That is one violation.


By November 17th, she said their vehicle was broke down and she had nothing else to drive.  Arrived 35 minutes late to pick up child (with a friend).   Then said we had to come and get child at her house on the 20th.....violation # 2.    Then asked for us to bring child to her, which we refused and she got a ride to exchange point.  Then...texted that we had to come to her house to pick up child on Thanksgiving - violation #3.    She did not allow my son his call with child yesterday - violation #4.


She also keeps discussion business during exchanges - on November 20th, she wanted us to change the holiday schedule on the court order.  I told her she had 7 months to review that and ask for changes.   She then began a texting campaign to my son about how we never work with her.   On Thanksgiving she came out to tell us that when we come to her house, we are to pick up child at exact time and not be early.  We are driving 25 minutes beyond the exchange point because she will not bring child to us.  They find rides to get child, to get groceries, for the grandmother who is on the order to work, but will not bring her to us!


We are also very concerned because of someone who is driving child.    She snapchatted pictures last week with child in car, titled, "pics while driving!"  She screenshot it before it disappeared and then posted it on fb.   I looked in court records online - she was found guilty last November of texting while driving 1st offense and crossing into the other lane while doing so!


We do plan on filing a show cause, but have never did this before.  We will be doing this on our own and not through the lawyer.  Just wanted to know if anyone had any advice as to how to present in court - I do have proof through texts and such of everything I have stated.
#33
Custody Issues / Seek in Court
Sep 09, 2015, 04:10:22 PM
We go to court in two weeks.  Agreement from April was never followed through-on.  Several agreement conferences were postponed due to mother's illness.  Now, it appears they are not interested in a meeting as their attorney said she would talk with them and let us know- that was two weeks ago.


Currently we are operating under a 50/50 arrangement that was made last October.  We are wanting to seek primary custody. 


Question - if we seek primary and the judge does not agree to that, would he possibly drop it back to the 50/50?  Or...once we seek more will it be an all or nothing?
#34
Visitation Issues / Recording during exchange
Aug 26, 2015, 07:13:03 PM
Hi,  we are set to go back to court on Sept 22nd.   Several agreement conferences and a court date have been postponed due to the mother being in the hospital.  She just got out of a 16 day stay on Sunday.   When we met to exchange child to her care, her mother got out and walked behind her all the way to our van door...she was recording with her phone and always has the flash on.   We have no problem with her recording as she only began after seeing we do it.   However, we find it very frustrating and confrontational that since the mother of child got ill in July, the grandmother always gets out of car and walks right beside her with the camera up in the air.  Sunday, she was literally within 4 feet of my husband's face with it.


Only one of us gets out of the vehicle during exchanges....the person recording stays in the vehicle.   We want the grandmother to stay in her vehicle or stand beside it as we feel her presence is meant to be intimidating....or possibly the mother of child is so unsteady on her feet they are worried she will topple over...not sure. 


The child always cries when she goes back to them and we really want the exchanges to be as tension-free as possible.  Thoughts?
#35
General Issues / Grounds for show cause?
Jul 30, 2015, 11:12:28 AM
In our current order, it states that:
If an illness prevents care of child, and proper child care approved by both parties cannot be obtained, Mother will notify Father so that he and Grandparents may take custody during this time.
The mother just got out of hospital yesterday after being in for 8 days for pancreatitis.  She felt 'better' within hours of our scheduled court appearance.   Father notified her on Sunday that as this illness has her in extreme pain and on pain meds, he wanted a note from the doctor stating she was able to take care of child upon her release.   She did not reply.   Yesterday, around 5 she started texting that she was getting out and wanted us to meet her mother in a short period of time which was not doable for us.   I relayed that message to her and asked for doctor's note.  She later texted that she will be meeting us to pick up child today at 6 p.m.  Again, asked for doctor's note.  She not only will not reply at all to the request, she has not stated who will be taking care of child.  We know she is unable to do so on her own.  She lives with her mother, but she started a new job this week and no one has said the mother will be helping her.
If we take child this evening to the mother, can we file a show cause against her for refusing us the right to take care of her as in order?
Also, she refuses to give us name of her mother's live-in boyfriend.  Can a judge compel her to give us that little bit of information?
#36
Custody Issues / Court without other party
Jul 28, 2015, 06:47:42 AM
We thought since the mother of child is in the hospital, we did not have to appear in court today.  However, the attorney said this morning that we do need to be there as the judge is the one who called everyone back in.  It is uncertain if the judge will give a continuance, hear the case, or made an order today.   
#37
Custody Issues / Any thoughts?
Jul 26, 2015, 03:20:48 PM
We are preparing for court (again) on Tuesday.  The mother is currently in the hospital with pancreatitis and I was just told she will be in until Monday atleast.  Between June and July, this will make 21 days hospitalized.    Little backdrop:  the mother and my stepson broke up last October and were never married.  Child is now 21 months old.  We have an order based on an agreement that was self-made and includes my husband and I as joint custodians as well as parents.   Went to court in April and at last minute, the other side agreed to keeping the 50/50 with some small adjustments.  Judge ordered for this to be drafted, signed and sent in.   Once the other side finally signed and sent it back to us, we did not sign because they had changed a word that was contradictory to our stated time and gave them more time with child than agreed upon.  They were asked to change the one word back and we would sign.
The court is bringing us all back in.  Lawyers have attempted twice to hold conference agreements and both times they have been cancelled due to issues on their side.  We met with our attorney and he said that he and their attorney wanted to get us all together to discuss the need for an agreement as the judge may involve social services due to the accusations against each parent.  They feel DSS or a GAL would not be good.  We do not know what in all they have accused my stepson of as our attorney could not recall.....but, some of the negatives for him are that he does not have a driver's license, does not have a car, works under the table and really long hours, and they are accusing of smoking marijuana which he denies and says he can pass a drug test.   
For her part, she has a chronic illness that causes a lot of sickness, pain, and hospitalizations – cystic fibrosis.  She also has bipolar disorder, severe anxiety, depression, ADD, and pain disorder due to psychological and medical issues. She also has seizures that render her kind of out of it for hours afterwards.  She stays on a lot of pain meds to the point it is fairly obvious that she abuses them.  We found out a couple of months ago that last year she was buying oxy off of others as someone admitted to helping her get rid of them when she was scared DSS was coming to their home.  The first year of the child's life we took care of her.  She would call us as soon as son went to work saying she was tired or sick.  Her family relationships are volatile – they go from pure hatred to pure blessing.  I mean months and even years of not talking to her sister or stepmom.    She lives with her mother, who is a manipulator and has led the fight to try to take child away from us – honestly, every change the mother has asked for came out of the grandmother's mouth first.  She does not work and receives SSI.  They moved into a 3 bedroom house a couple of months ago, but it is within one mile walking of a correctional facility.  They claim to live alone, but we have drove by early morning and the grandmother's boyfriend's truck is always there. 
She posts about beer and mixed drinks a lot on FB.   Nothing of her actually drinking, but lots of beer shirts and tagging her boyfriend asking if they can make these mixed drinks.   As for the boyfriend – he is a drunk.  Beer  - daily and lots of it.  His buddy even posted a pic of him drunk and passed out on a Wednesday afternoon – beer in hand.  He does not have a driver's license, no vehicle, lives with several family members, and has a child 15 months old and is not legally divorced.  He is not allowed to see his own child alone....the soon-to-be-ex  is present during his visitations due to his drinking and his tendency to throw tantrums.   Now, I do not have any 'proof' of him not having a driver's license or his custody papers.  I doubt seriously he will come to the hearing so we will not be able to nab him and put him on the stand. 
Now, I fully understand she cannot help her medical illness or her mental health issues.   However,  this is about the child.  Between being in the hospital, sick when at home, treatments, and her fluctuation in mental stability she is not able to take care of child for lengths of time.  We have pages of her ranting and cursing on FB......posting about having no one.    Then days later she is blessed to have so many people in her life.  Not to mention she stays on pain meds often and that renders her unable to make legal decisions for the child.  Stack on top of that the instability of family support and her poor judgment in dating a man who cannot be alone around his own child and conforming to his drinking lifestyle – I feel we have a pretty good case.
We did resend an agreement on Friday with our signatures (we thought she was getting out that day) to her attorney.  I really do not see her signing them as she has a feeling of superiority over others.   My son asked her today the status – when she thinks she will get out or go to court Tuesday.  She snippily replied that her attorney is handling it and at least she has an attorney, he doesn't. 
Our current order allows my son and us to keep the child if she is ill where she cannot keep the child (but is not hospitalized).  Since she will still be on pain meds and very sore when she gets released, we are asking for a doctor's note that she is able to take care of child. 
After seeing our lawyer last week, I felt very down about the situation.  However, I ran into someone who has the almost identical case – son with same issues and the ex with bipolar and health issues and they have 50/50 in the same county we will be heard in. 
Any thoughts?
#38
Custody Issues / Back on Docket
Jun 19, 2015, 08:33:11 AM
We had went to court on April 7th and an agreement was reached without a trial.   It took our attorney 2 weeks to send typed agreeement to other side and it took them 3 weeks to return it signed, but they had made a change giving them more time  and we did not sign.  It was sent back to them. 


Today, we got a summons where the court itself has placed it back on the docket since an agreement has not been received.   I really am not happy with my attorney, but I do not have the upfront money for a retainer for another attorney.   I am considering asking for a guardian ad litem - which I was against at first as it seemed unnecessary, but I think a GAL would look over all the videos, FB posts, and such we have where a judge may not. 
#39
Visitation Issues / Difficult exchange
Jun 04, 2015, 08:30:32 PM
I have posted about a couple of difficult exchanges.  The most recent, Tuesday, we did not engage when mother was making calm demands that we give her 24 hour notice when we take the child anywhere out of town.  Today, she called and was already at the hospital (in the same town she said she was not given proper notice about the other day).  She had not notified us that she would be taking child out of town.  Per court order, we take custody of the child when the mother is hospitalized.  She called my husband and said we could pick up child this evening or tomorrow.  He told her this evening.


In the background, the grandmother said, "Tell 'em I will get there when I get there."  Mother stated what the grandmother said and stated they were not sure when she would be leaving hospital and travelling home.  My husband told her to just let us know when she was near the exchange point. 


We waited 4 hours for the call.  Finally, at 7:44, mother called me and asked why we did not meet her mother at 7:00?  I told her because they were to call when she was near and the mother stated no, that she had told us 7:00.   I said that was not true, but we could leave right now.  Then she told me No, that her mother had waited long enough and was not coming back out.  I told her they lived 9 minutes from the exchange spot and she would come back or I would have to police at her door.   I hung up and we went to the police station.  Now, I know the police will not actually help, but I had to try.


The town police called for the county deputy to meet us.  When I went to the exchange location - low and behold there was the grandmother and her brother with the child.   After we had child I called and told them the deputy could disregard.


Since then...mother has been posting all night on FB how wonderful and blessed her life is.  I feel like we are in a nightmare - being jerked around. 
#40
Custody Issues / React or not?
Jun 02, 2015, 04:11:26 PM
On Mother's Day our exchange over child went badly when the mother started discussing an issue which should not have been discussed during exchange.  Then they tried to blame us.  Tonight, we arrived for exchange of child and she was already standing outside car with her arms crossed with that mean look....and grandmother was leaning on trunk with cell phone up pointing at us.  The mother started with, "I am not trying to start something but...."


She went on to say if we take child out of town at any point we are to give her 24 hour notice.  Mind you, this is not out of state.   Where we live, anywhere you go is "out of town".  She admitted that I did tell her yesterday that son was taking child to visit his ailing grandmother 82 miles away today.   But, said it was not 24 hour notice.  None of this is in any sort of agreement.  The mother's doctor's are 82 miles away and she never tells us when she is taking child to appointments with her.  She also takes child to appointments for her cousin that are far away from home.


I feel we do not need to tell her where we are going as long as it not out of state.  She tries to micromanage our time with child. 


While we do have an attorney, he is basically worthless on issues like this.  I want to write her a letter stating to her that we have the right to take child places without her permission/knowledge.  We will not be giving her 24 hour notice just as she has never provided this to us.   Also, she is NOT to discuss this stuff at exchanges in front of child and any/all future exchanges may be video recorded or voice recorded.  (we did catch a snippet of this one tonight, again showing she bringing up stuff during exchanges).  I can honestly say we have never initiated a discussion regarding changes or anything during exchanges.  She did a lot in the beginning, then calmed down until May.....


So, is letter an okay idea or just let it go and forget her tactics?
#41
Custody Issues / Did not sign agreement
May 26, 2015, 02:23:11 PM
We went to see our attorney today and did not sign the agreement that has been signed by the other side.  After complaining that the agreement was not right for weeks, the other side finally signed after making two tweaks.  One was very minor and unnecessary so that was not an issue.  However, the second change they made was not caught at first glance by any of us.  But, I took the agreement and compared it line by line with what was sent to them.   For us, our full week of visitation states from 3rd Saturday at 10 a.m. to following Saturday at 10 a.m.  (they left that).


But, then when it came to their full week of visitation..they changed Saturday to Friday - stating 4th Friday at 10:00 a.m. to following Sunday at 10 a.m.   We agreed to the Sunday in court...no one ever mentioned taking a Friday away from us. 


This had to be a purposeful change as our attorney had sent the agreement to them in a Word Document through email.   


Also, after all the complaints that the order was wrong and did not include Mother's day...they did not add that into the order.   
#42
Custody Issues / Back to Court
May 13, 2015, 12:38:29 PM
Hi,  though we went to court on April 7th and we agreed to small adjustments in the current order, nothing has been signed yet.   Our attorney took 2 weeks to forward it, and now they have had it for 3 weeks and will not respond at all.  The mother of the child says things are wrong with the order, but does not state what is wrong and her attorney simply does not repsond to our attorney's prompting. 
Sunday was Mother's Day and our time, but we did let the mother have the child from 10 - 6.  The maternal grandmother picked the child up at exchange in a small extended cab truck.   My husband questioned where the mother was as she has not been at last 3 exchanges.  Only time she has missed before is when in hospital and we are to have child during those times.   The grandmother got very defensive, pointing out that the mother could not fit in the back of the truck and neither could the car seat.   
That evening, the mother did come to the exchange.  As we drove up, she looked ready to fight. The car seat was sitting on the back of the truck. She came over to our vehicle asking what is our issue with her mother picking up child.  Now, yes, we should have shut it down right there and said we would not discuss this during exchanges in front of child.  But, we didn't.  I told her we had no issue and do not care if the mother ever comes back for another exchange. She and her mom insisted we did have a problem.  I got out and went around to tell my husband to put the baby in the car seat in our van.  Her mother asked that I look at their truck and she showed me that the airbag had been disengaged. I told her that I still did not like child being in the front, but I did see that the airbag was not an issue.
The fussing really escalated as my 22 year old daughter was with us and the 21 year old mother of child really went after her - my daughter was in the van and  the mother stood outside clapping her hands at her and telling her to shut up....etc....my daughter finally stepped out of the van, but stayed in the door.  The grandmother then ran between them telling my daughter she was not getting in her daughter's face which of course prompted me to get in HER face.   No one ever touched anyone else....though the mother was taunting me asking me what I was going to do about it.
I chose to wait and see if we heard anything from attorneys.  Today, I called to see if any contact had been made about court order.  The assistant told me no, but the attorney received a text message from opposing counsel stating something about having to involve the police.   When he replied to her to find out what was going on , she again would never respond to him.   I told the assistant everything and she said we are looking at going back to court.   She said the other attorney is being very unprofessional in refusing to answer at all.   
My daughter did catch the exchange on her phone video though it is not the best quality.  It does show the mother clearly comes over to us...and it shows that no one was innocent in this matter. 
Also, the mother is in violation of either court order as the old one and the one we agreed to (but is not signed) both state she has to provide new contact information.  They have moved and have not provided us with any information.
I am worried we are going to receive a summons or some attempt at a restraining order just to use against us.
#43
Custody Issues / Another situation....
May 05, 2015, 05:26:22 PM
Okay, I know I am posting a lot lately, but I am very worried.   We still do not have a signed order and I am really worried that it is a stalling tactic.  The mom was living in a 2 bedroom single-wide with her mom when we went to court.  They just moved into a 3 bedroom farm house.  Better living arrangements. 


The mother of child harrassed my son for 2 weeks with text and phone calls begging him to work things out, saying she has changed.  Saying she wants what is best for child and blaming him for turning away from her when she was ill.  She also accuses him of kicking her out on their daughter's birthday.  None of that is true...it is true that she had just been diagnosed with bipolar disorder along with numerous other mental health disorders. However, she told me 2 days before telling him that she was leaving him...and she told me that he said she could stay as long as needed, but she told him she was moving out after child's birthday party.  In texts she also stated twice that child will know that he was the one that destroyed their family  - she loved daddy, but he didn't love her.


Okay, my son does not want to be back with her because obviously she has not changed that much.  Finally, Saturday she stopped texting.  I checked her fb and up to April 28th she had been putting up lots of lovey dovey posts....and even tagged another guy.  We had suspected her relationship with this guy since February.  Yesterday, she started tagging him in her posts again..and even said she was talking to her sweet thing.


Okay, so here are my questions:


1.  If they refuse to sign order, do we go back to court?
2.  If the judge has not signed the order, even though it was stated in court as the new order - is it still in effect or are we living on prior order?
3.  Once the order is signed, does that start the clock for time to appeal, or was that from our April 7th court date?
4.  Could we get her for harrassment for the numerous texts she sent son accusing him of stuff and threatening to twist child against him.....all while being with another man?  (she obviously was not after my son, just out to worry him)


Thanks!!
#44
Custody Issues / Average time
Apr 30, 2015, 06:16:52 PM
We went to court on April 7th.  As we came to an agreement, it was explained to the judge by our attorney and the judge told him to type it all up, email it to the other attorney and then forward to him. 


Two weeks went by before we heard from our attorney's office - and that was his assistant through email asking me for information as the attorney's handwriting was chicken scratch and she did not know what changes were to be made to existing order.  A few days later she sent me a draft of the order and I inserted several revisions, highlighting them in yellow.  These were important details to the order.


Last Thursday, the attorney had called and when I returned call, I was told that he had answered his own question and sent the order to the mother's attorney for review. 


Nothing since until this evening when the mother called me to say that they had disagreed with a few things in the order and sent it back.   For example, the order did not have the extra day that we had agreed to give her.  I had specifically put that in the order in yellow highlight.   


Then the mother stated a different exchange time than we had agreed to in court.   I am worried since it has been over three weeks since court and we still do not have an order before the judge and now things seem to be in question.  I am also worried because I don't know if attorney's usually are this slack in writing up the orders and forwarding them and I don't want the judge to look down on us because of attorney's lack of urgency.


Does this seem like a normal time line?
#45
Custody Issues / Doctor appointments
Apr 28, 2015, 11:19:56 AM
Our situation:  Father and paternal grandparents share legal and physical custody with mother and maternal grandmother.   There is nothing in the order concerning doctor visits.   
Child had check-up yesterday.  Father (our son) called the mother last week to make sure she could take her as he would reschedule if she could not.  She stated that she would be taking child to the appointment.  Sunday, our son told her that he will meet her at the doctor's office as it is less than a mile from his  home and he would like to be part of her doctor visit. 
The mother called and postponed the appointment without telling him.  He went to the doctor's office and was told it was rescheduled until 10:30 this morning.  He spoke with the mother who said she was unable to make yesterday's appt.  So, he goes this morning at 10:30 and is told she called and cancelled again!  Again..she did not tell him even though she knew he was attending.
I am sure she is waiting to take child on day our son is working as he goes back to work tomorrow and works out of town.   Is there anything that can be done short of going back to court or do you just have to suck up the trifling stuff?
Also, our new order - which has not be processed through courts even though we went to court on April 7th - states a 30 day advance notice must be given if a party is moving.  Notice must be given in writing and contain the new address, mailing address, and phone number.
She called us last Thursday to tell us she, the maternal grandmother, and child will be moving prior to May1st.  They do not pay rent as they live in a single-wide a relative allows them to live in, so they are not being evicted.  She said a 3 bedroom farm house opened up but they had to be in by May 1st or lose it.   She has not provided an address for this house and nothing has been put in writing.
Any thoughts?
#46
Custody Issues / Court was Today
Apr 07, 2015, 05:28:11 PM
Hi!  Things went well today in court!!  I am so happy to say that we still have shared custody of our granddaughter.  It was a long day.  Our attorney started calling me this morning with some doctor reports - psych said she was medicated and doing alright.  Medical report from last Friday showed she was having 'small fainting spells'.  This after the chaos of last Thursday and she denying anything of the sort.  I told him I did not want her driving our grandchild until she was cleared medically.  Her attorney agreed that she would receive a DMV medical clearance before driving with granddaughter in the car again.


Her attorney was very agreeable today, but they did not want to keep that shared custody.   We came down literally to the wire - went in court to be sworn in when her attorney motioned to our attorney and said we may have an agreement.   The end result - they wanted maternal grandmother on the order as well, just like us.  I didn't like it, but felt that would be difficult to fight in court.   And they wanted one more day a month, saying it would even out when the mother is in the hospital. 


We feel good overall.  We know that while we had a lot of evidence, you just never know what is going to happen in court.  Shared custody, no child support, we still get our sweet girl half the time - and we never wanted to cut anyone out to begin with. 


Thank you all for your advice from your own experiences!!
#47
Custody Issues / Worried about child
Mar 30, 2015, 04:30:12 PM
We go to court next week.   Small recap - we are in a custody agreement with our son and his ex-girlfriend.  Currently, custody is shared but the mother started fighting that before the ink had dried well.   Some disturbing information has come to us by a relative of the mother's within the past few days.  The relative is not willing to testify, because of the problems it would cause for her.  However, she is adamant that we need custody.  She says granddaughter is not being taken care of - basics like bathed and diaper changed.  The mother slaps the 17 month old in the mouth when she corrects her for things such as getting into stuff.  The person says the house is filthy and baby cannot even sleep in her crib because it is filled with clothes and now held together with twisty ties. 


The mother is having seizures on a daily basis, but no one has reported it to her doctors.  They let her drive.  In one incident, she had a 13 year old in the vehicle with her who had to grab the wheel to avoid running into a tree when she seized.  When she has seizures, she needs hours to sleep it off and she is alone at some point daily with the baby!


Problem is, this relative has reported it all to CPS, and we haven't heard of anything being done.  She reported it around 9 days ago.  We have no proof of anything and cannot really report it ourselves as I feel they will chalk it off to a custody battle.  We did not contact this relative and are not close at all with her.  We were quit surprised when she called, but everything she says we know is very possible with the mother. 


Any thoughts on what to do?
#48
Visitation Issues / Funerals
Feb 21, 2015, 04:11:50 PM
Quick reminder - our custody order allows basically for 50/50 time and includes my husband and myself (grandparents).  We are all going to court on April 7th as mother and father are both seeking custody.  My husband and I have an attorney and are also seeking custody, but in reality supporting our son's attempt and be a party of his custody.


Since the mother moved out on October 25th, granddaughter has been subjected to 2 visits to ER for herself, three visits to the hospital to see the mother who has a chronic illness, and 2 funerals.  Granddaughter is only 15 months old.  Now, the mother has had a death in her family - great, great grandmother to our granddaughter.


This is our week to have child.  Mother wants to get her for family viewing and funeral, but does not want to compensate us for the time.   She was in the hospital recently and the order states that we have the child during this time.  We took custody of child and we were not asked to allow child to visit with mother during that time.   So, yes, we have had 'additional' time with child - as stipulated in court order.


We suggested that when mother gets child for funeral, she keep the child for her week of visitation but she says no.   She also does not want us to keep child additional time when she returns her. 


At this point, we are telling mother then we will see her Saturday morning to return child as per court order since she has refused to work out any arrangements.


Any thoughts?   I don't want to seem cold and heartless.  The mother was not close to this great-grandparent and the child in question is only 15 months.   She is not going to sit for that funeral.  We do not want to keep her from attending or being there for her family, but we are not obligated and feel she could at least try to work with us.


Our grandchild has cried the last five times we have had to return her.  As soon as the mother or maternal grandmother touch her, she starts crying and looking at us.   
#49
General Issues / Doctor Visits
Feb 07, 2015, 05:43:03 PM
Hi,  My situation is the one where we have an agreement that has been signed off on as a court order.  The agreement has my son, his ex girlfriend, and my husband and I all having shared custody of our 15 month granddaughter.   Things quickly ran off track once the ex-girlfriend moved in with her mother and now we have lawyers and a court date pushed back to April.


Our agreement states that if the child becomes ill, the party who has her has to notify the other party on the day of the illness.   Today, when we picked up the child, the mother comes over saying how "that horrible rash" the child had turned out to be a yeast infection from antibiotics.  We knew nothing of a horrible rash as she had no rash when we returned her Tuesday.  The date on the cream was yesterday.  Our son texted her and asked when the child went to the doctor and why wasn't he told.   She stated that she does not have to tell him anything.


My husband had texted yesterday asking how child was and mother responded, "Good".  This happened last week as well - mother texted "good" and then 1 1/2 hours later called son saying daughter was very ill and running a fever of 102 - took to the ER.  An ear infection.


I know none of this is enough to file a show cause, but am I right in thinking this behavior is not going to look good on her in court?
#50
Custody Issues / Copy letter to court
Dec 09, 2014, 05:52:30 PM
I have posted about this situation with a disagreement over the 'third week' of December.   Our agreement states third week of the month the child will be with us and the exchange will take place during our usual Saturday exchanges.  It goes on to state that the child will be returned to the mother on the 4th Saturday of the month.  She will have custody of the child from the fourth weekend of the month until the next Saturday.   For the month of December, the third exchange takes place on December 20th and the 4th Saturday/weekend is that of December 27th.  Therefore, we will have the child during Christmas week and she would have her December 27th- January 2nd.  There is an exception for the child to go to the mother on Christmas and come back to us the next day.


The mother, after having the visual calendar in hand for a month, decided to argue this on Thanksgiving and stated that she is to have December 20th-27th.  She and her mom both stated they would take it to court.


I typed a letter for my son outlining, in bullet form, the statements in paragraph one that come directly from the court order/agreement.   


Tonight, during exchange, she told my son that she will not follow what the letter says.  That we will have the child from the 13th to the 20th and she will have her weekend with her.    We did not send the letter delivery confirmation or certified..and did not copy to the court.  She is no longer threatening court, so I feel she knows we are correctly interpreting the agreement as it is written. 


I am adjusting the letter to incorporate tonight's conversation and be explicit to the dates we intend to exercise visitation rights.  Also, asking that she provide us with her intentions in writing.   And just to get it in there somewhere, I was going to add that she is not to call more than one time per day when child is in our care so that our time is uninterrupted and we will show her the same courtesy.


I am copying this to the court and to my husband and I as we are parties in the court order.    This time, I will tell my son to send it certified so we have proof that she received it.


Does this sound like the right thing to do?  Thank you for any input you may have on this matter!!



#51
Custody Issues / Today's drama - no exchange
Dec 02, 2014, 01:39:03 PM
In our agreement/custody order, it states that if the mother goes into the hospital she is to let us know within 48 hours and we can exercise the right to take custody of the child.  She will remain in our care during the time of the mother's hospitilization.   


The mother called us Sunday to say she was going in the hospital today and wanted her mother to still get the child at today's usual exchange and keep her the mother's usual time.   In fact, she said our son had agreed to this and he had not.  In return, after talking with son, we told her that her mother could not have the entire visitation.  The child was going to be left with someone she does not know well during the day.  We were not comfortable with that and frankly, do not trust her mother either.  His ex-gf never wanted her mother to keep the child alone before moving in with her.


We did offer, in text, that she could pick up child on Thursday evening and bring her back to our usual exchange on Saturday morning.  Mother questioned when she would see child and we told her on Friday.  She just said "yeah" back.


She started the threats yesterday and today told our son that she is i the hospital but her mother would be picking child up at 6:00 p.m. this evening, as usual.   


We are not going to the exchange.   We know we are in our legal rights.  She says her mother is going to bring child to the hospital on Wednesday and Thursday - this is a long trip....80 miles one way!!   Her mother only visited her in the hospital three times during her 57 days of hospitilization in the past year, so this is a maneuver on their part to say we are denying her the right to see her child.


Since we are in our legal rights to deny - how bad do you think this would look in court when we go for the full custody hearing?
#52
Custody Issues / Can she file?
Nov 29, 2014, 04:19:55 AM
Sorry to be posting so much but things seem to get more frustrating in our case by the day.  As I have stated before, I am not an attorney and have no law experience but was asked to draw up and agreement between my son, his ex-gf, and my husband and I about custody of our granddaughter.   I only spoke with the mother concerning dates/exchanges to make sure it was drawn as she agreed to.   She told me that we would have every Saturday - Tuesday.  Knowing that she may want a weekend, I did suggest that we take every third week - and she get the entire 4th week of the month.  This was based upon our Saturday exchanges - 3rd Saturday of the month means that begins our week. 


I presented her and my son vsiual calendars clearly marked as to what that would look like for the months of November and December on October 25th.  On Thanksgiving, when we picked up my granddaughter, she started arguing with my son.   She says that since December has 5 weeks, we get her the week of the 13th, not the 20th as outlined on the calendar.  My son stated firmly that it is the third exchange that counts.  We will be picking up my granddaughter in a few hours and I do not consider this the first exchange of December - but the last of November.


Problem is - it is a little mirky in the agreeement.  The agreement says 'third week' of the month.  "The child will be picked up on the regular Saturday exchange and returned on the next Saturday exchange (4th Saturday of the month)."   I feel since it specifically states the baby will be returned on the 4th Saturday of the month, we have a good chance of keeping this. 


However, the ex-gf's mother made it clear that they will be going to the judge!! Can she actually file for clarification when this is already set for it's first court date and the judge only signed off on what we presented - we were not even in court? It is a court order, but not one the court drew up.


We want to keep our week for several reasons - everyone has known that it was the set-up for over a month.    It is clearly outlined in the agreement when child goes back to her, and therefore, infers that pick-up is the third Saturday of the month.   Also, my son and I will have time off that week.  His ex-gf does not work, so she does not 'need' these specific days to spend with child.   And...my husband and daughter's birthdays are during that week and we want the child as part of our celebrations.

#53
Custody Issues / Harrassment?
Nov 26, 2014, 06:44:19 PM
I was wondering if anyone could weigh in on what constitutes harrassment?   My son's ex will call him 10 to 15 times in one day.  Today, she had the child but called him at least 7 days while my husband was with him.  The second time she called, she was near his house saying she wanted to come in to get some items.   However, he was not home and she had said the last time she came that she got everything.  Once he told her he was not there, she was threatening to call the landlord or the police to let her in.   


Now, this made her third time coming without any notice.  She will call him as she pulls into the yard - and she lives an hour away.


Also, when he is working she will call him.  When he tells her he needs to work, she will threaten to call his boss.  If we do not immediately answer when she calls - she then calls him.  If he does not answer her when she calls - she calls us.  She demands instant gratification.  She will literally call 10 times in 10 minutes.
#54
Custody Issues / Order in place
Nov 25, 2014, 01:53:08 PM
My son and his ex-girlfriend split on October 25th.  On that day, we all (them, my husband, and myself) had a custody agreement signed and notarized.  My husband and I were listed in the agreement as having shared legal and physical custody.  She has multiple health issues - physical and mental.   The diagnosed mental issues are new - was diagnosed in October with bipolar, ADD, OCD, Severe anxiety, and depression.   She moved out about 10 days after having gallbladder surgery.


Shortly after moving in with her mother, she began wanting changes in the agreement.  They are changes her mother has said she wants, but the ex-gf claims it is all her idea.   A peaceful agreement has turned into a constant feud.


Luckily, I had petitioned the court for a hearing on 10/30.  The agreement was taken and presented to a judge on 11/4 and he signed it "so ordered as to custody and visitation."  So, we do have a current order. 


The ex-gf has postponed the hearing as she is preparing for a fight.   One problem I am having is she has asked me about things several times and is now fussing that I have no right to make any decisions.  I do have the right as the court order says I have legal and physical rights....but, should I push that issue?  I have told her that if she doesn't want me to answer, do not ask me.  Then she says my son will not answer...still, don't ask me.  And it is not that he does not answer, it's that she does not like his answer.


This is her week with the child.  We get the child during Thanksgiving at 11.  No one told me a return time, so nothing was put in the order.  On November 15th, she told me that she wanted the child back at 8 because we have her Christmas week and when she sees her Christmas day she plans on bringing her back at 8.  Those were her exact words... that she planned on bringing her back at 8.  Now, she doesn't remember that and demands she will keep the child all of Christmas, but wants the baby back by 6 on Thanksgiving.


This is what we are dealing with...everything she says - agreement, verbally, she wants to change.   She will not put anything into writing.  Since she left she is strictly phone calls and starting stuff.   I feel like we are living in a nightmare and it is really hurting us because this will be so destructive to the baby....


We do have an appointment with a lawyer on Dec 9th and I hope and pray we can afford the retainer over the next couple of months.
Any suggestions?
#55
Hi,


My son and his girlfriend split on October 25.  She moved out during their child's birthday party.  Earlier that day, we had all went to a notary and had an agreement notarized.  The agreement was based on days she told me that my son and her agreed upon.  She was the only one that told me days to put into agreement.


I went on October 30th and filed a petition to have it entered into the court.  We were given a trial date of 12/02/14.   The maternal grandparent has requested two changes to the order and so now the mother is no longer in agreement.  She says it is between her and our son, but the only person who wants these changes is HER mother.


Today, we received a Notice of hearing (change) in the mail, delaying the hearing until February.   The note states:


The petition for custody filed and docketed for hearing on 12/02/14 by the grandparents.  Subsequently on 11/4/2014 the court was provided with a copy of an agreed upon court order addressing a number of issues.  This agreement was marked SO ORDERED as to child custody and visitation only.  The parents have subsequently contacted the court and indicated dissatisfaction with the custody agreement.  A full hearing is necessary on this matter.  The mother has requested a continuance and the continuance has been granted.




Question:  The line that says the agreement was marked SO ORDERED - does that mean the agreement we signed is in force right now???? 


Can we ask for a continuance mid January to bid some time to raise money for an attorney?    We simply do not have money right now...and she doesn't either, but she has a grandfather she can get it from. 



#56
Custody Issues / Clarification
Nov 20, 2014, 06:16:23 PM
If parents are willing to share 50/50 physical and legal custody of child, will one still be named as the primary custodian?
#57
Father's Issues / Study
Nov 18, 2014, 01:28:08 PM
On the homepage, the following is stated, "Statistics show that custodial fathers are the most likely to encourage a positive relationship between their children and the other parent and to raise happy, healthy children."

Where can these statistics be found?
#58
Dear Socrateaser / Pending case
Nov 17, 2014, 06:38:14 PM
I am so glad that I found this forum again.  This forum helped my husband and I so much years ago as we fought for custody of his son.  We did eventually win, but it was an uphill battle.


Currently, the son that we won custody of is facing his own battle.  Our grandbaby is one year old.  He was never married to her mother, they lived together.   The mother has cystic fibrosis, bipolar disorder, ADD, OCD, and severe anxiety.   She has spent 55 days in the hospital in the past year.  She has had two surgeries and numerous ER visits.   My husband and I have been the primary caretakers of our grandbaby - though not legally represented.


Our son works long hours.  We kept the child at least 4 days a week as the mother would say she was tired or in pain.  Now, she has moved out and moved in with her mother.   She and our son made a custody agreement prior to her moving out - which included my husband and I in the shared parenting agreement.  We all had it notarized.  It has been filed with the court for a December 2nd hearing.


The problem is, the mother no longer wants to honor the agreement.  Her mother wants it changed, has verbally stated that to me.  The baby's mom is saying she was under the influence of oxycodone when she signed the agreement so it is not valid. 


It appears everything we could use against them, they have figured out or someone has told them.  The grandmother says her boyfriend no longer stays overnight and she has stopped smoking in the home.  The mother instantly went on her FB and deleted all negative rants she has made - and that was a lot.  She went to her doctor's today, including the psychiatrist who she had not been seeing.   


This mother used to lay under a comforter all day - she did not like to hold the baby.  She did not clean.  In a year and a half, she cleaned the house maybe 3 times and claimed she had OCD and could not stand it being dirty. 


I do have a copy of a paper from a psychologist that states her mental health issues, that she is not intimidated by confrontation, and that she can be hostile and vindictive.  However, this was not summonsed.  I made a copy the week before she left our son of papers she had received in the hospital.  She has never been put in the hospital for the mental issues, it has been for the CF and she was treated for the mental health issues during that time. 


We do not have money for an attorney.  As far as we know, she does not have an attorney though she has told my son that she was getting one and seeking sole custody. 


She expects my son to answer every time she calls.  Tonight he was here for dinner and texted her when she called - told her that the baby was fine and that he would call her when he got home.  She told him "no, you answer me now."  in text.  She called my phone and my husband - my husband answered.  She told my son that when she calls, he is to answer no matter what he is doing. 


Any suggestions????   We are very devastated as I said -my husband and I have raised this child for the most part....and we have no legal rights.

#59
Child Support Issues / Flipped out on DCSE
May 16, 2007, 06:03:18 PM
I have gotten beyond frustrated.  The other day I went to J &D court and asked the clerk about hiring someone to serve a summons myself.  Her reply - "you cant do that.  You are not a bounty hunter."  My brother is a police officer, he has been hired to serve summons for matters before...same concept as I told her.  

So, yesterday I called north carolina and was told that they could not speak to me.  That I have to get information from Virginia.

I had called Virginia two weeks ago and was told they had requested info from NC.  Nothing since.

Today I called VA.  I was told that -
 1) NCP had to be three months with no payment before they will even consider action...
2) though it has been 43 days since he sent in a (partial) payment, he is not even 30 days behind because his months run from Apr 3rd - May 3rd.....May 3rd - June 3rd.  Which  means, he has until August 3rd to pay any amount to be safe in his three month time span.
3)  I cannot speak to or leave a message on my caseworker's answering system.    Not allowed.
4)  They had requested info on April 24th..none had been forwarded..and they wait at least 30 days to request again.
5)  Oh!  and as he paid something early april, he is NOT delinquent....only owes over $11,000...but, current CS is their priority....

I completely flipped out today.  What are my options?  NC is not doing anything.  VA doesnt know anything.  I cannot have him served even if I am willing to find someone to do it.....


#60
My ex lives in NC, we live in VA.  He jumps jobs often and always says he has told DCSE, but somehow the payments dont show up and I always have to call/write/call/write DCSE to get them to move on him....

Same situation now.  I am willing to file a court summons against him and have someone serve it out of state....But, I do not know where to file.

VA DCSE still retains the case so to say....but, NC has enforcement jurisdiction.  NC had to go to court to have this responsibility.  NC is to find him, serve the wage garnishment, collect the money and forward to VA...who then forwards the money to me...

Does anyone know if I would file here and have someone deliver it, or would I go to NC and then it go under normal process of police officer delivering?

Thanks!