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Unfortunately we were not able to go to court this past Tuesday and it was on our part.  As you know, my husband has serious health issues.  Well....last week he started becoming very dizzy and falling around - he had mini strokes.  They feel he had a clot to break free but cannot determine where the clot came from.  He had taken a nasty fall out of our attic after Christmas and I wonder if the clot came from that fall and it just finally moved.  The hospital would not release him until after one last MRI to make sure he had no clots behind his heart - so he got out Tuesday!  He is doing well and walking, talking fine.   


The mother has been laying low for the most part and had not been causing drama until this.  She seems to have all the confidence in the world.  She has not been hospitalized in six months!  This from someone who went in at least every 3 months before.  18 ER visits in one year that we know of, etc...but we don't have any information since she moved out from my son's home.   


They are being very nasty with phone calls this week.   The mother is often at her family's house and says she has NO reception there...the other day after I had tried to contact child, the mother called and was fussing saying her grandfather is ill and she would appreciate it if we respect their time with him ...all I did was call and leave a message.  Then last night she answers and is burping in the phone as we talk with our granddaughter...The maternal grandmother is a big instigator but always in the background. 


They seem to think we do not have a chance.  Our attorney really relies on the months neither of them cared for the child.  In fact, I went back and did the math - and for 5 1/2 months (even before she moved in with son included) the mother only spent 18% of the 167 days with child.....the maternal grandmother only 26%.  Essentially, they  both took a break and it would have continued but my son said something in front of the mother about us looking into primary custody...that is when she bolted and yes, I do regret it as we would still have child completely now.

Thank you.  I did google - was just hoping someone had actual experience.  From what I read, the places subpoenad are supposed to actually send the documents sealed to the court.  The motion will go before the judge at trial and if the judge rules they can be used, they are opened...if not, they are shredded.  A reason they can request the files not to be used is saying the parent's medical or mental health is not relevant to the case.   So, it's up to our attorney to prove that her medical and mental health are definitely at issue as far as the care of the child.

We go to court on February 14th.  We have subpoenada lot of medical information about the mother.  Her therapist sent a letter saying she is not a patient.  Now we are receiving letters that her attorney is filing motions to quash all of it.  This information is important to show that she is physically and mentally incapable of taking care of child.  One pharmacy will not even send it to the court, as is the law, and wants an order from the court first.  She is wanting to hide all the pain medication she has been on.  Does anyone have experience with this?

Okay, I am very careful as to what I post even with pictures as people can take stuff the wrong way.  Being a teacher, I am even more mindful of how the world observes me. 


I think her dad might be paying for the attorney.  At least, around Christmas she all of a sudden was so close with him again and she is now spending a lot of time with his mother and that side of the family.  I think both grandparents have a little money as well. 


We summonsed a lot of medical records but only one hospital sent records - and that cost us $175.  Her therapist sent a letter saying she was  not a patient, but I know that is her therapist.  Our attorney did not push it....

Thanks Ocean, I have my fb set to private.  I have to ask - why not post pictures of child?  The profile picture and cover photos anyone can see - I have a huge list of people blocked that are friends, family of hers, and her of course.  I do know she has not been using profile/cover photos including child for a while now...only one briefly for like three days and then removed it.


We go to court in two weeks.  They have summonsed my husband's medical records and a couple of her friends to come to court.  The friends - I am happy she did that.  I was hoping they would be there.  Maybe the one who sent me the nasty messages and phone call will show up as a bonus.

Brief background:  parents never married; custody is shared by father/his parents and mother/her mother.  Biological parents reunited in July - asked us to take care of child.  As we feared, the mother left son again in November and now child is gone from our home excepts for visitation.  Many factors in play here - uncontrolled physical illness as well as mental illness; drug use, hostility.


The mother stated that the court order we have is fine and she doesn't want to take our time.   But, once she got our filing, she now wants full custody.  She had gave her dad my phone number before to call and fuss at me - I have never met him and had not said anything about him.   Yesterday, she gave a friend me and my husband's names to contact on facebook over a profile picture.  The mother had texted me two different times yesterday being what I considered mean..the second time to say the three year old should not be sticking her tongue out and we need to stop allowing it.  When I said we don't allow it, it just went downhill.  I finally did a screenshot of her and her friend together with their tongues hanging out and said - what you do in your house is your choice, but if you don't want child doing it, maybe you should not.   


At 1:46/1:47 last night this friend of her's sent my husband and I fb messages fussing at us and just being ugly.  Said she would bring her Sheriff uncle down here because I was committing stalking (by taking her profile picture).   I did reply to her and I did speak my mind up to a point.   Then I blocked her.


I did text the mother as I knew she was still up and told her to not be giving out my information to anyone.  She of course fussed and said it was my fault for talking about people....


This morning at 6:09 we were woke up to the friend calling from a private number.  We figured it was one of her friends since it was blocked....the person left a super hateful message calling me a fat *itch over and over....talked about my daughter....told me to back off of the mother..and said I would never get my hands on her f*ing niece.


Then she messaged my husband two more times on facebook over a 20 minute period.  He never replied....


The police say there is nothing we can do because she did not threaten physical or sexual harm...and even the mother can not get in trouble for giving out our contact information.  The attorney acts like these actions do not matter as the child was not involved.  I think it goes to character. 


We go to court on July 10th and he thinks our main thing is that child was with us for four months and did well....I think the friendships and giving our contact information out for others to call/message us is harassment and goes to her mental illness being unmanaged.


Any thoughts on it? 

Thank you Ocean.  Our thinking on trying for primary custody is this - stability for the child.  Parents each have issues that hinder them from parenting anyway and together, it's toxic.   As is apparent from their lack of parenting since being back together.  I don't know if you remember me posting before about son being out of his head for days on her xanax and pain pills.  Still has access to those and they both keep running to ER's and doctors with complaints of pain. 


Specific times are laid out - but in the context of us/son have child from this to that..and then she/her mother have child during specific times.   So, they could push and take child all of the time being they each are on the different dates if they ever choose to do so.  That is where the problem really comes in - child could be with us for a year and then they decide to move or split up and there is that court order that says we have to follow that schedule and allow it. 


One reason we have delayed seeking any change is that we do have child and worry that the mother will bolt if asked about custody.  We have kept asking ourselves, do we wait until something happens or try to head it off?



We do have family that will step in and help out with child.  I am sure her other grandmother will help as much as she can, but that is limited. 

It's been awhile since I posted. Quick background - father and mother of grandchild never married.  They split up when child turned one.  My husband and I are on the joint custody order with son - her mother is on order with her.  After a year and half of fighting/court and finalized order, the parents got back together.  Son's house is a pig sty and mother chose to move in with him and asked my husband and I to care for child until they could clean it up.  That was on July 23rd.   We still have child.


We consulted an attorney one month in who recommended asking them to sign off on us having primary custody since this is the role we play.  She would never do that.....son would.   My husband talked to him and he would...however, I have been reluctant to pursue anything as my  mother is very ill with cancer and my husband recently found out that in addition to cirrhosis, he has liver cancer.  He needs a transplant.  He still gets around, takes care of grandchild, etc...But, there is a lot on my plate.  My husband feels we should pursue custody for the very reason that he is ill.  We would have to stay out of state when a transplant is performed.  We need everything legally squared away for child.



The other grandmother, who is on the order, has seen child around 15 days since July.   Mother of child has spent 9 days/nights with her - all at the grandmother's house (8 in August, one in October).  My son has spent NO nights with his child since being back with the mother.  They see her on outings with us but that is it.  We do not get any financial support from any of them.


We have had child around 107 days out of like 122.   Their house is still disgusting - I am talking literal trash just thrown around, numerous trash bags in every room, plates setting around in throughout the house with food on them, and dog feces everywhere..dried on the floor, smeared on the walls.   CPS will not investigate unless child is in the home...which we never want to happen.   They suggested calling a building inspector.


Here is the issue I am battling with - should we sit down with both parents and request they relinquish full custody to us (which I believe the mother will bolt and we will be back to old order at that time) or do we go straight to the attorney and have him file for us?   


Either way I feel it will be messy.....I just don't want to have to give up child as we have been her only stability basically all of her life and in the past several months for sure.

Our grandchild has been with us for a month straight now.   The parents never did get the house livable where she could move in.   The dad, our son, is on drugs - the hard stuff.   The mother has chosen to live with him knowing he is back on drugs; she may or may not know the extent of what he is taking.   She has been sick since moving in and finally was hospitalized this week. 


We will be seeing an attorney next week to discuss options.   We have joint custody, but it worries me that it is teamed with our son and he is not fit to have child.   Even with joint, we worry that if they should decide to take child on their time,  we could do nothing even though the place is filthy and all they do is lay around in bed, sleeping and watching TV.   Very toxic couple....

Thanks Ocean and you are correct.   I think it is obvious what her real intent is when she is trying to change things so quickly.