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HI all,

My hubby lost his petition for primary physical custody in January.  Many things were a problem - first of all, our lawyer was awful.  She did not know the case.  She was 1 1/2 hours late.  His ex lied just about every time her mouth opened - and yet, the lawyer did no follow-up even when she had the proof in the ex's own letters.  Another thing - the lawyer and ex's lawyer met beforehand - and he immediately came straight to ex and told her what the main points against her were so that she could come up with lies - dh's lawyer never told us anything.

Another thing - his son, the only reason he was going to court, told judge that he didnt care where he lived.  The son has been 'purchased in the past two months.  He has received so many new items and was promised a real sword and a cd the day after trial.  He is allowed to stay out with 20 and 30 year olds at night instead of being home on school nights.  DH was taking him to counseling, his mother said he didnt need it - making dh look like the 'bad guy'.  

The 20 and 30 year olds he hangs out with - all work at the store she manages - or did.  the two women, his ex said she trusted completely.  Come to find out - she had already fired one of the women.  And...that woman had been arrested twice for grand larceny- and has since been arrested again for grand larceny.  This woman lost custody of her own child to her mother months ago.  The other woman, this woman's lover, has been fired as well - she had lied and had a felony conviction she didnt reveal on her application.

The young man that was the real strong hold for ss - he is 26 years old, plays video games, works in a toy store, spends a lot of time with 13 year old ss, has wrecked three cars, and according to ss - smokes pot.  SS of course, thinks he is cool hanging with this man.  The one time ss refused to come for a visit was the weekend before court - and we found out later that the 26 year old had spent the night with him that weekend as well as promised him a cd for helping him at the store.......

Now, the ex lied saying her mom keeps ss alot - and she has kept him two days in eight months!  BM is now taking ss to work every evening - and even took him to work at her part -time where she is a waitress and she was working until after 10.    He hangs out (at both jobs) and does some work - but of course he is not employed so that prevents the child labor law violation.....................

Last week, he was suspended for hitting other students - third time this school year.  During the meeting dh and bm had to attend,  she took 3 phone calls from the store - acting like she was in demand and stating over and over how she manages a store and is never home........

SS has really changed.  DH tried to do right by getting after him for bad behavior - she and her friends gave him gifts telling him he was doing good in school.  DH got after him for not doing homework - she never says a word to him about it...........DH wanted him to have counseling - she tells him that he doesnt need it.  DH and ss were so close, but now its like he worships his mother and thinks we are just rednecks.  He now lives in a big city..........people who go to church and such are just rednecks.....

He is learning disabled and has two f's on his recent report card.  If he is suspended again, he gets kicked out.  

BM has him completely snowballed - she is not a parent, but his best buddy.  He is treated like he is 20 years old.  Does what he wants - gets goodies.  For being suspended - his punishment was to lose TV in his room ,but he can watch it with her.....he cant have the shoes he wanted, but they went shopping during the suspension and bought them, he just has to wait - and she bought him several items that he liked and he got them instantly.  He also got to hang out at the toy store for three days.

I had been worried that her constantly underminding dh would take effect - dh was never allowed any decision, if he made plans with ss, she would just change them without telling dh...........now it seems ss thinks dh is nothing..........

SS plays with peers outside, but is not allowed to have them over.  The only buddies they have over are these older people with shady lives....

But, is there anything that can be done really?  CPS is more neglect and abuse based..................and child labor laws - well, he isnt employed, he is just there 8-9 hours and he does work some of this..........

That sounds like some great changes.  This is basically what my dh had to fight for.  Recently, when he went to court, he had these specifics put in as each month was a struggle to find out when he could see his son.  

I really think all parents should have specifics spelled out in the beginning as it seems very few can get along well enough to be fair....

First, update - dh's ex moved 80 miles away last summer.  Until then, he had has youngest son 50% of the time.  SS wanted to stay.  DH filed - but she got a lawyer, and dh could not afford one - so judge signed temp for child to remain with her.  We got married after this.

DH and I researched his rights as she had never kept him informed and he contacted school, doctors, etc.....  SS was adamant that he wanted to move back here.

Then, in January bm's employees/buddies stepped up their bribery.  More gifts, more outings to malls, arcades, etc.  SS life is a constant party.  BM even added another employee into the mix - a 20 year old who loves video games, has wrecked 3 cars, and according to SS, smokes pot.  This 20 year old guy has spent time with ss playing games alone at home - ss' game system is in his room.  (BM lied about this in court)  SS for the first time ever, refused a visit in January.  Come to find out, BM had already told him she wasnt bringing him - she had made plans to eat with her parents and work that night.  Not only that, he had been promised a cd that weekend if he helped the 20 year old in the store - and......the 20 year old spent that Fri. night with ss.....

Went to court - with ss telling us how he was getting big sword the next day and a new cd....and he tells the judge he doesnt care where he lives.  

Judge did order bm that she has to provide babysitters (buddies) phone number as she had refused before.  HE also says that dh has input as to who babysits ss.  

But, is there anyway to forbid these people from being with ss - as she will say they arent babysitting, but just spending time?  The women are 'partners' who have had a baby taken away from them recently.  One is a convicted felon - and admitted ex drug addict.  The 20 year old guy just gives me a bad feeling - not only because of the driving and pot...but, what 20 year old WANTS to spend all of his time with a 13 year old?  I mean, he calls ss wanting to know what he is up to - spending the night with him....too weird.  My oldest step son is 19 - dh had custody of him....and though his mom begged, he refused to move with her.......he wouldnt hang out with kids constantly....

Okay...

*  is there anyway to get the employee names of her store so that we can check the 'buddies' out?

*  Judge made comments to oss that were not covered during hearing - so where did he get the info from?  DH said maybe hearing last year, but event had not taken place at that time - so, is there any way we can get transcripts to see if it was ever mentioned before the judge asked?  And if it isnt - how do we proceed - the judge should not have information outside of the hearing?

*  BM lied about everything in court - and dh's lawyer didnt know the case well enough to do follow-ups, just let the lies stand.  Would there be any need to try to prove perjury now?  If so, how?

Hi, Thank you for posting your findings on this matter.  The court system is very tricky.  I had posted about PAS the other day.  Well, dh's ex has a second job that she just began a couple of weeks ago.

SS has told Dh that he still wants to live here.  He has not talked to any lawyer on his mother's side and does not know if she still has one.  She was always telling dh to contact her lawyer - and dh did write him, but the lawyer never responded, just her.  

Dh's brother did some online investigating and found some traffic records on her - where she was driving without a license.  Same thing she accused dh of last year.  Come to find out, her license was revoked for 12 years.  In the past three years, her landlord filed against her each year for not paying.  Now, she has moved to a more expensive ($200+) apt.  Has lived there for seven months - and has been filed against three times.  The latest - she had a hearing Friday and was ordered to pay over $900...same day she had told ss she was not bringing him down here..............That was for Dec. rent...  They have already filed against her for January rent -and she is to face that in February.  So, it looks like unless someone bails her out, she is losing her apt.  Her troubles began before dh took her to court for a debt she owed him.  She was in court with him one day, and scheduled the next in another county for not paying her rent...

If she does not have a lawyer - I am worried that the judge will go slack on her.  You know - the poor single mother trying so hard.  Hey, I was a single mom for eight years and I still had to pay my bills.  And I only took on what I could afford.  She claimed to be making big bucks last year in court - and yet, she is not paying her bills.  It makes us wonder - she usually dates people that are druggies.  One of the babysitters told ss that she is a recovering drug addict....

And by the way - how far back is relevant.  The babysitter that used to be on drugs, and lost her baby to her mother a month ago, has three pages of dealings with the law - from larceny, trespassing, to no dog license........but, they are all 4+ years old.  

Also, the guy dh's ex was having an affair with - also has a record for breaking and entering and assault - but that is almost 10 years old....

I wish you the best.  I can tell how much time you have invested into learning the ins and outs - its obvious you love your child...
 

I understand exactly what you are saying.  That is one reason we didnt complain to CPS.

But, this child has ADHD, learning disabilities, and gets into trouble.

Last year, he was 12 when dh and I were still dating - and left him at home by himself, beside his grandmother for ONE hour.  He got into diet pills and other pills.  He is old enough to know better, but that did not stop him.  Only four people knew - dh, myself, oss, and bm.  CPS was called and investigated dh - going to the schools and pulling the kids out of class.  Now, they of course found no fault with dh.

But, bm brought dh leaving ss alone for one hour as a huge deal in court.  She cited this as being irresponsible.  She said her mother would be keeping ss - and the judge asked how she could be sure - she said her mother lived close by and was willing to do it.

Also, had ss had support living nearby it may not seem bad.  But, he didnt - this town was totally new and heavily populated.  There was no grandmother next door or best friends mom - no one like that for him.

there are always two standards for her......dh has to be held to a higher marker while she can just do as she pleases...

I appreciate your input.  

In fact, she told the judge last June that her mother would be taking care of ss.  Her mother lives 12 miles away and has kept him twice.  SS was 12 when they moved and she left him alone for up to 9 hours at a time in an apt. in a big new town while she worked.  If something had happened, she would have had to leave her job, get out of the mall, get to her car, exit parking lot, drive the 2 miles home in heavy traffic and multiple lights.....

Sometimes she took him to work, others just left him in the apt.  This went on until October 1 - which is when dh had arranged counseling to start....

"ABSOLUTELY...I do believe because I've experienced it over a long period of years and it is still amazing to me how a parent can/will take such actions against their children. Encourage DH to get the 20 yr old and the lesbos ( ? bisexuals) totally out of his son's presence and circle of influence .. no threats .. no lawyers ... no judges ... (police on stand-by) just do it .... these are adults.

Consider a 'Don't ask ... tell " policy ...no one will blame DH. You do not need proof of anything ...legally a parent has the right to protect a child irregardless of titles. "


How can dh get them out of ss' life without the courts?  Now, I am not trying to judge here.... The lesbians - that is a hard one.  SS told us he saw their 'marriage' certificate.  One has a baby - I dont know how, if she had been married before, artificial  whatever, I do not know. However, I do know that ss told us a week ago that the baby was taken away from her by her mother.  There is a further problem here - SS has a gay uncle on both sides.  Now, on dh's side, the uncle does not expose family to his lifestyle.  On bm's side, uncle does bring different boyfriends around.  

As for the 20 year old, he has only worked at the store a little over a month.  So, what does bm really know about him?  The first we heard about him was two weeks ago when he was with ss alone at their apt. and had given ss a video game for behaving in school.

After working in a toy store these people have no home lives to take care of and instead spend their evenings babysitting their boss' 13 year old son.........In the past six days, ss has been home one evening.  Conveniently, bm has told dh that he cannot call ss after 9:30 because ss needs to get ready for bed.....yet, she does not have him home until that time.

I had thought of that - getting pics of ss with this guy at the store.  First of all, we object to this because she doesnt even know this guy other than he has worked for her for a little over a month.  

Our problem - ss lives 2 hours away.  And, we are iced in.  I am going to suggest this to dh though as maybe the roads will be clear enough tomorrow - if we can make it to the major highway, I know we will be fine.   Maybe he can call ss beforehand to make sure she is still planning on leaving him there.  We didnt know ahead of time when this happened last week as she had lied.  Demanded he be returned on Sunday even though he had off of school Monday...saying she had a free day and wanted time with him.....then worked.  Of course she was working at the job she thinks we dont know about so she didnt want us bringing ss home.

One more thing -ss has stolen from her at this store.  We have the loot.  Dh didnt bring it up to her because she had demanded that all children steal - there is nothing wrong with it. He had stolen a knife back in October and 11 packs of yugi-oh cards in November.   And she always blames dh for all of this child's behavior...always.  

Last year, he went with oss to dh's house while dh was working (this was during her time with him).  SS took a knife - he knew he wasnt allowed to have it.  Then when he got home, he stabbed a neighbor's tires.  She said dh was to blame because he had bought the knife!  Actually accused him of this in court......

"ABSOLUTELY...I do believe because I've experienced it over a long period of years and it is still amazing to me how a parent can/will take such actions against their children. Encourage DH to get the 20 yr old and the lesbos ( ? bisexuals) totally out of his son's presence and circle of influence .. no threats .. no lawyers ... no judges ... (police on stand-by) just do it .... these are adults.

Consider a 'Don't ask ... tell " policy ...no one will blame DH. You do not need proof of anything ...legally a parent has the right to protect a child irregardless of titles. "


How can dh get them out of ss' life without the courts?  Now, I am not trying to judge here.... The lesbians - that is a hard one.  SS told us he saw their 'marriage' certificate.  One has a baby - I dont know how, if she had been married before, artificial  whatever, I do not know. However, I do know that ss told us a week ago that the baby was taken away from her by her mother.  There is a further problem here - SS has a gay uncle on both sides.  Now, on dh's side, the uncle does not expose family to his lifestyle.  On bm's side, uncle does bring different boyfriends around.  

As for the 20 year old, he has only worked at the store a little over a month.  So, what does bm really know about him?  The first we heard about him was two weeks ago when he was with ss alone at their apt. and had given ss a video game for behaving in school.

After working in a toy store these people have no home lives to take care of and instead spend their evenings babysitting their boss' 13 year old son.........In the past six days, ss has been home one evening.  Conveniently, bm has told dh that he cannot call ss after 9:30 because ss needs to get ready for bed.....yet, she does not have him home until that time.

I had thought of that - getting pics of ss with this guy at the store.  First of all, we object to this because she doesnt even know this guy other than he has worked for her for a little over a month.  

Our problem - ss lives 2 hours away.  And, we are iced in.  I am going to suggest this to dh though as maybe the roads will be clear enough tomorrow - if we can make it to the major highway, I know we will be fine.   Maybe he can call ss beforehand to make sure she is still planning on leaving him there.  We didnt know ahead of time when this happened last week as she had lied.  Demanded he be returned on Sunday even though he had off of school Monday...saying she had a free day and wanted time with him.....then worked.  Of course she was working at the job she thinks we dont know about so she didnt want us bringing ss home.

One more thing -ss has stolen from her at this store.  We have the loot.  Dh didnt bring it up to her because she had demanded that all children steal - there is nothing wrong with it. He had stolen a knife back in October and 11 packs of yugi-oh cards in November.   And she always blames dh for all of this child's behavior...always.  

Last year, he went with oss to dh's house while dh was working (this was during her time with him).  SS took a knife - he knew he wasnt allowed to have it.  Then when he got home, he stabbed a neighbor's tires.  She said dh was to blame because he had bought the knife!  Actually accused him of this in court......