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Thank you for your replies, they have helped.

DH did get a call from ss today.  The mother wasnt nearby as she has been in the past month (listening to every word).  SS told dh that she had already told him that he wasnt coming this weekend because she wasnt bringing him as it was calling for bad weather -and that he wasnt coming next weekend, because she has plans - but wont tell him what they are.  This is probably true because she worked last night - so there was no way she could have brought ss even though it was her weekend.

SS knew dh was willing to pick him up - which is why he waited to call late.  The mother manages a toy store.  She also got a second job as a waitress which we are not supposed to know about.  Tonight and tomorrow night SS is supposed to stay at the toy store while she works as a waitress.  Her 'shift leader' has promised SS a CD for each night if he helps him at the store.   So, SS has been promised gifts.  And its very suspicious that the people who babysit for her become shift leaders.........this guy is about 20 and has only worked at the store a little over a month.  Thing is - she has a lesbian couple that keeps him.  Now, I have two daughters who are now his sisters.....so, she told ss that the couple is like his sisters and has him call them that.  They buy him name brand gifts all the time.  Then the guy - he just started taking care of ss after oss got a home here.  She has now substituted oss in ss' life as well.  

I am worried about what she is up to - and oss is too.  She was calling OSS constantly trying to bribe him to move there - but once she found out he wouldnt, she dropped all contact.  She has been calling his ex-gf trying to dig up dirt.

Believe me, she would destroy her sons if it serves her purpose.  SS is her key to punishing dh and trying to make him miserable.  She has no dirt on us, so again she will make up and try to twist ss.............

Frankly, I think if we had a good lawyer we could bury her......but, this lawyer has waited for the last minute to do anything and now its too late.  Bad weather kept teachers out of school......she cant get verification about the emails we have received.......She wants a continuance but we dont feel we can afford one with BM twisting ss.....

DH does not want to pursue custody if ss says he wants to live with bm.
 That was his reason for trying to get custody - ss wanted to live here.    I am afraid if he doesnt, then it wont be long before ss stops coming at all.  I looked up some articles on PA(s) and it appears our marriage was a trigger as she has no one in her life for long.  She already controlled everything, but dh remarrying made her go into overdrive to hurt him.  I almost feel guilty for marrying him - its as if he lost his son in order to have me....................

My dh had 50% time with his youngest son until we got married.  Well, it began when we became engaged.  First time his ex had ever mentioned moving - in three years since they had divorced.  Then she did so shortly before we married.  Two hours away.  DH's time has been limited to six days.  SS has been adamant that he wanted to live here.  Judge gave her temp custody with the final hearing Tuesday, Jan. 25th..

DH was painfully naive of his rights and this was used against him last year.  So, I have helped dh research and assert his rights.  SS needed counseling - which dh insisted on, even making the arrangements.  BM took over, while telling ss he doesnt need counseling.  That went nowhere, so  dh arranged for a psychologist who is more suited to ss' needs.  BM has completely been uninvolved.  So, to ss - dad thinks something is wrong - mom doesnt.  DH has communicated with teachers and they ask for his assistance in ss' behavior.  DH gets after ss - and bm doesnt.  In fact, the last time dh called ss about it, she got on the phone asking "What is the problem NOW?"  And two days later ss was getting nice gifts from her friends for being so good in school.  Again, dh looked like the bad guy....while mom was so proud of him.

This weekend, ss refused to visit dh.  First time ever this has happened.  Not only does he refuse this weekend, but stated that next weekend they have plans as well.  Remember, we go to court Tuesday all because ss has said for seven months that he wants to live here.  Now, he doesnt even want to visit.

We are devastated.  Our entire marriage has been stressful with all of this, we have spent money on a lawyer, and devoted so many hours to researching and trying to do everything legally right - just to have the rug pulled away from under us....

We really do believe ss is in trouble if he remains with bm.....his school grades mean nothing - she just shows up for IEP meetings or when otherwise requested for a meeting, he doesnt do homework, he spends school nights at her store at the mall, if not, he is out with her 20'ish year old employees having fun driving around - but rarely ever at home before 9:30 at night.....He gets gifts for nothing - because it certainly is NOT for behaving or making good grades.....and he has behaved in ways that could put him in jail - and bm feels that it is normal to steal, that he has hormones so its not his fault if he fondles a girl, and that its someone else's fault when he stabs a neighbor's tires..........

My dh was divorced three years ago.  His oldest son chose to live with him, the youngest stayed with mom.  WE are in VA.  Before splitting, his ex was cheating.  DH was doing marijuana.  She called the police and had them search their home - they didnt find anything.  When they actually split - she filed an abuse complaint, complete with bruise.  Oldest son saw incident and dh never laid a finger on her.  DH quickly got off the drugs.  He lived a quiet life, trying to avoid her rants as she would show up at his employment to fuss at him.

DH had one son majority of time as well as other at least 50% of time.  He still had to pay her support and carried insurance.  She did not get a full-time job until oldest child turned 18.  She moved two hours away shortly before we married.  SS has been adamant for months that he wants to live here.  DH did take her to court around the time she moved - it would have been before but her lawyer had scheduling conflicts which gave her time to get ss out of town.  Dh did not have a lawyer.  In court, she told numerous untruths and made false accusations.  They accused dh of saying that he wanted ss so that he would not have to pay support anymore - which never crossed his lips.  He has said many times that if he got ss, he would not even want support from her.  They showed a pic of a old, ratty shoe saying dh sent ss to school in it - child was 12 at the time.  Now, did he wear it to school?  Who knows - there is only a picture to tell - no school statement.  They have joint legal and she never once told dh of any school meetings, results - nothing.  Dh went to other things - PTO, luncheons, DARE graduation, she attended nothing that wasnt requested in writing by a teacher.  Dh has to pay 75% of doc bills and she never sent a bill - just a demand for payment on notebook paper.  Her lawyer asked dh in court what med ss was on for ADHD.  DH didnt know the name - quite the travesty.  Only, months later we discover bm had made the sole decision to take ss off of meds before court ever took place.  The lawyer asked about a drug that wasnt even being given - and dh had not been told this!

Ok.....so, judge granted her basically what she already had - primary and joint legal, while allowing dh more visitation than she was willing and she had to most travelling - which she demanded that dh could see son only if he did all transportation.  DH and I researched his rights and have asserted them.  We even made arrangements for counseling for ss when we had presented her with issues and gave her a month to do so....then she took over.  Every visitation weekend dh requested - she altered in some way....

Now, court is in two weeks.  Her family has nothing to do with ss excepts on holidays.  She hounded oss but he would not move there....so, she has one of her male 20'ish employees staying evenings with ss now while she works.  While dh was the one keeping up with school problems and trying to straighten ss out - she never got after him for problems he was getting into or made him do homework. So, dh seemed like the meanie.  Now, ss is improving - one week - and she goes and buys him a $50 game and her friends are buying him gifts too celebrating.  And of course, this month she didnt say anything about requested visitation.  

I am just worried.  We have invested money in a lawyer.  SS is 13 and has no male role model in his life there - other than the new employee.  But, now she is giving him gifts - she has buying him things for a month - something she never did in the previous three years.  And it seems dh keeping on top of things where she could not shut him out of ss' life actually has bit him in the butt - he seems like the bad guy getting after ss for bad behavior and not doing homework.  He and I are the ones that wanted counseling  - and ss does need it - ADHD with some tendencies to conduct disorder.  Yet, she eats the counselor up while telling ss that he doesnt need it......................

Is there any hope?  For those of you that have been through it - how do you survive the stress it brings?

Soc is a genius.  He knows his stuff.  Yes, he is outright in what he says - but he is giving you great advice.  You have to put aside frailty, but you receive free expert advice......great deal I think.......

Hi, I hadnt met you yet....(on here).....But, I wanted to say - my maiden name was barker......not a common name around here (VA)

Hope the docs find what is wrong and have you back on your feet soon!

My dh became very ill just weeks after we married back in July.  At first we thought he had a stroke.  He went from healthy to bedridden in four days.  It was scary and devastating.  They diagnosed him with Guillaine-Barre six days after it began, and started treatments.  He walked out of hospital a week later!

Best wishes.

Thank you for your response.  The trial date was set for the 1st of June.  My fiance just got his notice today in the mail that it has been changed to the 29th.  The notice stated that her lawyer had scheduling conflicts.  And gets a month extension.

I will be checking to see if she can move before that.  They are joint custody, but she does have legal custody or physical...or both.  I am not sure.  

We were wondering about having the child returned for the trial because....he doesnt want to go.  But, if he is forced and is down there for over two weeks, all we will have is her word on how he feels about it.......

My fiance was to go to court this coming Tuesday, June 1st to try to get sole custody of his son.  His son's mother is moving over two hours away to a very high population, high crime town.   The child is over 12 and does not want to go.  His dad, brother, and all of his dad's family is here..and he is very close with his cousins.  The child has AD/HD.

Anyway...then my fiance got a notice today that the date has been rescheduled to June 29 - her lawyer had a conflict.  Excuse me.....they have joint custody and he has had to pay child support even though he has full custody of the oldest child!  Yet, she is able to pay for a lawyer.  yeah....she was in an accident a couple of years back and stashed a few thousand away.  Never does anything with the child.

Oh..and the new trial date....same week we are getting married...which I think is the reason there is a move to begin with!!

And - my fiance cannot afford an attorney.  Is there any way we can file an emergency injunction for temporary emergency custody of the child?  Or...is there anyway we can summons the child so that she has to bring him back for the trial?

Any advice will be welcome!!!!

I think he has alot in his favor.  The only thing not in his favor is that she is the mother..and sometimes that's all it takes.  

About the guidance counselor - even if he requests for her to speak with his son, how does he get this admitted into the court?  I have heard that most schools do not like to get involved in any court battles between parents?

Thanks!

Diann

Thanks for the advice.  He hasnt did those things because these two people hate each other.  He doesnt ask much of anything from her and sometimes asking the child is no use  (he has ad/hd and some facts just escape him)  Also, I think he has trusted her to take the child to the doc and let him know if something is wrong...with  her that would mean if she needed more money for something.  She has legal custody.  I have to say, my ex even when he was at his best couldnt tell you the girls doctors names...and forget teachers.  The dad is great at the loving and being there with his children, but not as good on technicals....

He has been more involved as far as school the past year - report cards, PTO occasionally, talking to the teacher.  

Yes, I think in the past he has gotten the shaft because of her having some papers - even if she did write it herself.  He would go in empty handed, trusting the system to do right and not having anything to help the system determine what is right.  He is not computer literate, so I am searching sites and have gotten info on the crime rates, schools, and even AD/HD.  I am also thinking about looking into the importance of a male in an adolescence life.

Thank you, thank you!!!  And I wish the best for you!

I love the Law & Order shows.  While there are steps being made into the importance of both parents....so many people get away with their games.  

I am glad L&O exposed one of the seedy aspects of life after divorce.  I wish the courts were tougher - carrying a child does not make one more fit.....

I am just at the beginning of this with my fiance.  I thought my divorce and the subsequent events with the children were awful - but he never gets peace with his ex.  She wanted out, cheated, tried to have him arrested - that didnt work, so then she had him charged with abuse even though he never laid a finger on her...and for three years she has trashed him.......and there's no stopping her.....