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I honestly did not mean to reply to ypu directly nor was what I said directed at you.. It was the last post at the time. I was just making a tatement on my thoughts on the subject and if you remember I have brought it to attention when one attacked this sight for no reason.. I am not choosing sides, I am not saying any one is wrong I am stateing that all people feel different and some have good cause, on BOTH sides sorry if you took it personal

Almost everyone here knows my story as a stepparent. The abuse of my stepchildren the harrassment from the PBFH I have been at this sight well over 4 years now... I have learned a great deal from this sight and consider a lot of you dear friends... but keep in mind there are 2 sides to every story ... I was a single mom before I was a stepparent ... here is my story..

I married very young 17 actually. At the time I really don't know what I was thinking. oh well ...he was great the first year, then he started finding fault with all my friends, when they were gone, he started on my family, then I got pregnant.. how dare me.

That was the worst year of my life, he beat me every day throughout my pregnancy, I am not talking little hits or slaps I am talking to the point I prayed to god to let me die. just be done with it....

EVERYONE said why are you staying.. yet I had nowhere to go or so I thought... than it was to the point that I believed in my heart I could never or would never find better... then one day six months pregnant and with toxemia I had the nerve to fall asleep on the couch with a dirty spoon in the sink... when he came in he was livid and drunk so he boiled a pot of water and threw it on me to wake me up. he chased me up the stairs beat me wrapped a guitar cord around my neck and threw me out of a 3 story window... and the cord broke.


My daughter was born that night, she weighed in at 1 and a half pounds. she had a collapsed lung from the fall, she was medivac'd to a bigger hospital and I was placed in intensive care for 3 weeks, I saw my daughter for the first time when she was 4 weeks old... I was scared I would not recognize her as I had never seen her so I broke down....

the day they released her I waited till he went to work and I jumped on a bus for texas ( I actually just picked a spot on the map) I remember praying that night ... GOD you have kept me here for a reason, my daughter is here for a reason, I am putting this in your hands please god just let us be ok... and yes we are now...

It took about 3 years to like who I am , to not try to figure out what I did wrong,
I lost all my teeth in the last beatiing from the fall... to be 20 and have no teeth is really difficult, and even now I have dentures but they dont fit right because I did not have them when It first happened... I feel angry alot...

Angry that it took that much for me to get the nerve to walk away...
angry that he got very little punishment...
angry that he has all his teeth, that he has no scars from me...
angry because he has served his time and has the visitation most good people have to fight for...

I have been to sinlgeMomz both as a single mom and a stepperson and I was always welcomed they may not have liked what I said sometimes BUT they never lashed out at me for my beliefs... there are a lot of women there who I can relate to almost understand their anger because I have been there too... and there are those who hate all men simply because they are ... there are men here who feel the same about women.. but they/we all have a right to what we feel

My oldest daughter met her father when she was 12 she went through this phase too... keep in mind it is a phase...

Now she spends the summers there and loves her step brothers and sisters dearly.. it takes time and patience ...

You have not been there and although the reasons may be valid to a child they are not in her mind she is saying he was never around so he is not going to stick around so I have to push him and push him to see if he will.. see if I am worth it to him... see if he loves me enough to keep trying.. DO NOT GIVE UP.. make it clear you are not going anywhere...

Ok I have to say .. I have been where you are .. I too was in that type of relationship ....... I also was not married to him and I also wanted to move.. BUT .. I believe a child has a right to both parents, the logic is simply this she is not YOUR child she is BOTH his and YOURS .. You could not have her in your life without him playing a part right?

You have no right to say well she is MINE and I do not want you to see her.

My son is now 8 (almost 9) he spends every spring break every summer and EO christmas with dad... and OUR son is better for that...

My son can speak 2 languages fluently
My son has uncles and grammas and Aunts and cousins there as well as here, He is secure in both settings. He is loved by all of us and he KNOWS it....

ALSO keep in mind that how he is as a father is in no way affected by how he is as a partner.. he may have treated you badly, but that does not automatically mean he will treat her that way.

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 I have been here for years and I am not going to slam you...however when you want help why don't you just be honest and say the facts .. IF there is a book it won't help you but there are guidelines to CS and I know the people here would have been happy to help you look into it regardless of your gender..

should you get out of CS absolutely not I dont care if you are male or female you have an obligation to your kids.. should you pay your entire pay towards it NO ...

 try being honest state the facts and ask for insight as to lowering CS to an amount that is fair..we are a family here most of us anyways ..we are very protective over what we believe...

we are not ANY of us people who gave up on anything quite frankly some of us have won and hang around to help others, some of us are fighting a lifelong battle, but regardless we do not endorse any form of cheating the system to keep from paying child support...

AGAIN if you had been honest and stated who you are and what the problem is and asked if anyone might have any insight to help you out in YOUR situation then you might have gotten some help here.

I just wanted to share this.. it is a good friend of mine who lives in same county and has same judge as dh in JD&R .. now he was at first worried about doing this .. the judge yelled at him a few times but noone could touch him and now that he has custody.. he still posts about what is happening, the story will sound like many others here but I honestly believe it took something like this site for the judge to see the whole story.


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I would do everything possible to keep that from happening as a matter of fact with 50?50 you can tell the school you refuse to accept that and she would have to get court approval to do it then....

My story I moved from another state ...totally different levels, when we moved here my daughters were 1st and 2nd grade.. my oldest daughter did well in all but reading she was way below this schools reading level.. I was young and did not know much about it at the time but the principle called me one day and asked to meet with me... he felt that I should "place" her back in 1st due to her reading level.. it was explained to me that it would be better for her and that way she could improve instead of spending the remainder of the year and possible every other year struggling... so I agreed... it was the STUPIDIST mistake I ever made... doont get me wrong my daughter is a straight A student, she excels in all areas now and has been accepted to the gifted classes next year... but ALL her friends made fun of her or were not her friends anymore.. and her sister was then in the same grade with her... and let me tell you.. that is probably the hardest part for her .. when she says shes in 6th grade and her sister says I am too and her sister is a year and a half younger ... she feels like she always has to explain .. I did not fail or anything .. my mom placed me back...

a judge will not approve unless the child does considerably well in school. and even with both agreeing you have to prove that it will not affect grades... go to the schools websites .. find the "school report card " ... are they on the same educational level?

What is the parenting time now?

I was wondering if you could tell me what made you change the boards format? Don't get me wrong it's not a bad thing, just gotta learn how this one works. Only thing I was unhappy about is having to request a new password and now showing as a newbie when I have been a member of this board for 3+ years now.
Skye