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this is just how twisted people manipulate the system ,
  This is temporary , And what she did was a trick period ,
  the courts hand out DV protection orders like candy to kids , As far as the DV your wife does not have to prove any thing , The court will give a protection order and all she has to do is say you did some thing to her , Thats what all the big stir is with VAWA . They are a bunch of man hateing women that have  manipulated the laws' .
 But there is hope ;
   You need to figure out what the sytem is in your state ;
  I am In Wash state , and they do what is Fairly common ,
   In My case and as usuall the court does not no wha to believe , and the court realized that with atty's representing the interest of the paying parent , that the child is being shortchanged
   SOOo the court appoints the Guardian ad Litem . and the Guardian ad Litem Will report to the court concerning the children , And In wash state thats who would be the person that you send your witnesses to ;

 And Basically the DV Protection order with the mother will stick becuase this is how people abuse the sytem , But the order concerning the children is what you need to deal with , And the GAL"s and the court have seen this before , and if you send your witnesses to the GAl and they are good as you say the GAl will report like she did inMy case . Wich said '
  Mr's XXXX Has reported to Me that Mr XXXX Has done all these things , And there is no police report or witness to any of these events And The child should have regular visitation with the Dad ;
  And If you have witnesses to the contrary you shoulkd generate a similar report to the court ,
   So what the dynamics are is this , You go to court and appoint a Guardian ad Litem On Behalf of Minor child , Act like a real adult ; And do what they ask wich will be one or two interviews , and your witnesses will go to the GAL and then a few months later the GAL will write a report . And It will be submitted to the court , ]
  You are in Luck if you read through Socrateasers Board < And posting reguirements , And post your questions accordingly ,
  Then You can also call the BAR Association , Go to child support , Look on the Web for the childrens rights council . And go to the court house and ask if there is a time when atty's help pro se litigants ,
  WITH A PEN IN HAND to write down what to do about getting low cost legal help ,
 Don't think you have lost ;
  To be honest what she has done is a typical sick move to make it all difficult for you and it doesn't work if you basicall go by what the system already has in place for these allegations , And thats a GAL In wash state ,
 As far as the protection order that wiil and did in My case stay in place , She even went to renew it in One year , But in the renwal she has to have evidence and Mypsycho did not , And the Commissioner told her he did not believe her , But as I said handed candy and renewed it ,
 But said this will be heard at trial .
    SOOOO Basically You now need  to file for divorce and Get a GAL appointed , And figure out what to do about how to file because she left the area . I personally would like to see you post that question On Socrateasers board and what His answers are because this happens many times where one parent leaves the aREA

I don't believe you get out of child support,

no matter the situation you have my sympathy , Never listen to any Vendictive advice ever , My post was long but the bottom line is as I wrote , Being mean just costs money , And trying to change the way things were with the kids and him will be very likely to cause a court battle ,
   However you have to move on to the direction that is best for you ,
     And why be in a compromised situation when you may learn to pick a better Man and be happy , Thats what I had to do , Except It's woman for me . I divorced her because she could not deal with life in a calm way and I am not an argumentative type , Of course untill  They push enough, then the battle is on , And we are all that way ;
   And is what My previous post is about ,
Yes, I am a man And of course None of us are in support of some one interfering with our relationship to the children .
  Then there is that word BUT ! I see men I know not, pay child support :
   And Here is a proposition that I would want you to consider ,
   First if he does take care of the children , And he wants them regularly , And that seems to be genuine , like it could last , then use that to allow your self to better your own life and carreer ,
  One thing that perplexes me about these battle's is :
   There is no retirement future in child support , And I don't know how alimony laws read in your state , But its likely that again if you get an atty and tell "it" to put up a divorce decree that is within reason of the law , And tell they atty you don't want to shoot for the moon or really screw him , And start from the standpoint of "if" he goes to an atty , the atty will say it seems reasonable , then you have a better chance of not spending all the money on atty's
   SOOOO In wash state you get a temp order , My atty explains this is the case because trial will be out one year , And in the interim kids still have to get to school and eat and have a shelter , So Hence your atty should be able to get a temp order of support and maintenance or alimony , Fairly quickly , this temp motion won't really be a trial with a real judge , So Back to this" If "you get an atty that really does agressive crappola , ' My psycho did " Then he  will be back to court a number of times trying to fight you " I did it " Hence the agressive vendictive behavior from atty's gives a predictable out come .
    The atty makes a ton of money
  Then in the end the real judge will hear the case and you will get about what the law states you should as far as child support and alimony and the division of community property ,
    so I say again maybe try to get an atty to draw up a very fair divorce decree , And temp orders , If he is not paying child support ,Get a temp support order ,  then submit it to the court and follow the atty's directions and get Him served and move on ,
   Or pick a big vendictive fight and fight it out miserably for the next year or so and go through the lenghty, expensive  court process,
   But for now keep the vendictive angry feelings out of it ,  I filed immediatly as advised by my atty , And that was to get a trial date set and the clock ticking toward the divorce , And she fought it all the way , And it costed a lot of money , between the two of us I bet the atty's got 30 to 40 thousand ,

divorce  is chaotic , You seem to be very level headed about this , The unforunate thing is this will effect the children , I have found that during this  court process you will Be effected , And the worst you can do is fight about the divorce , It's been my expierience that Any thing you think you will be gained by useing atty's will be spent by the atty;s after they get paid to get you divorced , And the more contested issue's the more they make , SOOO If you have to as a last resort hire atty's I think one of the best things you can tell the atty  At the interview is ," You don't want them to make it worse "
    They will tell you about getting you your fair shake of the stick , But I will garuntee ,they will get the most of the excess money you would save by just giving in ,
   The state  Will have child support guidlines and you can pay an atty to enforce that , But the atty will make money  by the time it is done ,
 As In My case the mother decided to be difficult , And the atty got well over Half of the amount she got for four years of child support !
   So consider court as a last resort ,
  The first thing the atty's don't tell you in Wash state is , The court requires that you go to pre trial settlement , And or mediation over the issues at hand < And the atty's facilitate this for a big fee ,
    SOOO Try the mediation your self ,
 Here it is called pierce county center for dispute resolution ,
 And you could call the court and ask if they know of a mediation service ,
  Even in the face of a terrible person to be married to. Divorce is a big decision ,
  But if he has run off ' what can you do ?
   My opinion , Is this try to settle up with out atty's and get it over with " If" You choose to ,
   But if you get atty's don't say I didn't warn you , Then there will be a trial date In About one year , And once you get an atty Mt expierience is the battle is on , And the atty's make money ,
  Again the example is If you propose a 5o% split of property , And then proceed And get a parenting plan that can be for now, loosely worded then get  A child support set , You can modify the parenting plan because  Plans can be modified , Especially when it has not been heard By a judge at trial , So If for now you say OK we'll go with a parenting plan you agree to , . Get the property split out of the way , The later if you modify the parenting plan that will be ONE issue to contend , And the children and you won't be under the stress of the whole divorce at once
  Of course I have to say , This is just my opinion , And you will get a few on here ,
  But Again I warn' Vendictive and war causing reply's are usually not productive ,
  All this crap about how to win the divorce war is feeding the war machine $$$$$$$$$
  So maybe just try to word the parenting plan that you are the custodial parent , But he can have a good parenting plan and plenty of time with the children , Then you have already slanted it your way and the Judge won't be likely to change custody  if some one  later contest's it ,
  And try not to talk to the children about this even if he does , And if you have to give adult answers about what he say;s to them about the mistress try to keep it civil and adult , Fighting through  the children   hurts the children , I do advise when you file for divorce to use the advice of an atty Don't have the atty's name on it , Just have one help you fill out all the papers and the proposed decree , Parenting plan and child support order , Make  the atty fill it out to what is reasonable , And I would not use an atty that tries to tell you how to really stick it too him , Call a few and tell them your objective is to make a reasonable and fair dissolution as to not attract Him to hire an atty , And hopeful;ly he will take it to an atty that say's it looks pretty fair , And the battlle will not be on . Remmember the money you will pay to be mean and vendictive will be regrettable ,
   As an example I went through this for an out of wedlock birth , And I told her their will be an end result of a parenting plan and a child support order , And why does she want to fight , This will be the result and thats it ,
   She drug it out ! Once she even refered to her atty as the bulldog atty ,
    I knew it was a joke because I had researched about her atty and his tough tactics really didn't make a noticeable difference , Except for the stress he caused , And maybe a vendictive sentiment was expressed on her behalf ,
   At trial they asked for $20,000 For one year of the fee's she incurred
 Well not to mention Because of her unrelenting fight, this drug on for four years , So what were the rest of the charges ?,
   And guess what , ?  At trial her atty said they wanted fee's because I was the one that caused trouble "
  The Judge 'Whom I feared because she was a woman' Said " I see Mr XXXXs actions were a reaction " And "if this comes back to me we'll see who get's fee's "

Hey post this On socrateaser's board : And read Through a bunch of the posts . There is some in paricular that describe the reguirements for change of custody after the court has heard the case and decided custody , , In the same post he tell's the difference when the court has not heard the case and decided whom the child will live with , I would like to see His answer to this ,
   

Ask Socrateaser ! this guy is a great man, He will answere to the point of law much like the Atty I used ,  Interrogatories In My case seemed to be  sort of pattern form , AND MANY questions , Many of them don't even seem to relate ,
   I wrote some things in  mine that were answers like "Because the devil reincarnate is lying to cause problems" , Of course My atty reinterpreted those types of answere's And I don't think any one thinks they are so funny ,
   Soc will give you a answere that gets you thinking in the right direction on achieveing your goal through the legal system ,

let him pick , Besides this may be the put up or shut up he needs , And he can;t say you steered any thing , And Maybe he doesn't like the one you picked already . Tell hi m you are willing to do this but he will do ALLL the footwork and pay the bill , And you get to talk to the alternative psychologist ,
  Most likely You won't be giveing him a fight that way and he can't fight with the results of his own choices , And he will have to do the work of finding a psych on his own , My opinion ,The sqeak will stop when he has to put up or shut up and has no one to blame or fight with due the fact that you let him pick the psychologyst ,or just ask your son what he wants tp do ,

I agree with Hagatha's post except where she say's like ask about the problems, And how to improve your relationship with Your son
    '"IF" There are no problems with you and Your son DON'T Go there and let some IMPLIED problem infest the meeting , My situation with the counselor was good because I had a good relationship with my son , I did say XXX Mother exagerrates things because she is not present during my visits and can't know of any problems , And my son seem's to do just fine at my house . It is a big problem to bad mouth the mother , They  May report Acrimony between you two , SOOO Don't play the game or fire back except for very intelligently , MOST of your meeting should be about what is right with your son , DO NOT let Talking about problems manifest themselves in this meeting ,
  There were also Psyche evals in my situation and by enguaging the negativity of the mother during this, There was some bad reporting ,
 Your ex is probably trying to manifest trouble by talking it into exsistance . DON'T PLAY the game .  From my expierience and the advice of my atty ,

  ATTY SAID : " why don;t you tell every one how good it is at your house and maybe they will wonder if the problem is with mom" I for the most part did this , But it is hard to 'NOT' Get sucked into this crap .
  As an example : At trial Niether atty asked questions about what was wrong , I felt they did not venture to that area for the reason of appearing to be vendictive m

However both atty;s tried to point out Thier clients good parenting ;
  Keep this in mind It is very important to spend more time showing you are a good parent than it is to spend your time showing what a bad parent the other one is ,
 ::: My atty told me that also

People like that suck ! No child should have to suffer that ! .

when I showed up at the dog and pony show at the court for the Restaining order , I knew the courts just hand these out , And I asked for the restraining order to be Mutual ,  I don't know if the mutual Made it like this but for her to come get her stuff , She had to get a court order Because I told her she's not getting in the house with out it , However when she came to get her stuff , She broke into a room I had locked , The police were called and , The police said  " It's a community property state , And this would have to be a issue I take to My atty ",
    Read your order ! And I changed the lockes and the Alarm code . Its my understanding that she is not to break the order iether , Maybe you need to file an order restraining Her from getting in ,
  I then packed her stuff up for the day she had to come get it ! And her atty complained because it was outside under a tarp , So I set some of it back in the house , But her stuff was packed , And she got some friends to come help her move , If this happens make sure you have more than one person there that will not let her take things  That are not on a list of things she is to have in a temporary order , And they should have a cmera or video recorder , But if she gets an order to get her stuff ,you can't be present , You have to have some one else there , And don't let it be any of her friends , Because as the garbage people did to me they will try to take stuff , I guess some people see opportunity in divorce , If you ask an atty have the restraining order with you so you can show it , as there are some differences in the orders