Messages

Look  . Most women get vendictive , You are not to far down the line to do some planning here , Just Keep it as cool as you can and Get some Ideas from a few atty's . Go talk to ten atty's . Get a cool one that treats you like a real human , And doesn't sell you a big puff story , Like when the atty tells you Some thing like ,,, He can tell you the  legal issues here , And whats likely , There is a post on here that tells you to get her ass for neglect of the children , Thats a really good Idea . Secondly remmember You have to prove that You are doing the parenting functions , Doctors, school stuff .  What ever they do, you parent them . My atty told me a million times , Its way better to prove your self to be a good parent than spend all your time making her out to be a bad parent ,Next if she is sooo agreeable . then get her to sign a parenting plan that say's you get the kids 50/50 etc , If she has alrerady balked at that, I will garuntee she has talked to an atty , And sorry [women ] But  Its been My experience That Women are vendictive when this type of situation happens and the nice guy thing is Well Let Me break it to you . Take the nice guy thing and stick it up your @$$ before she gets ahold of it , Because at least when you do it won't be as painfull , MY Atty say's < The judge doesn't care if your a nice guy any way ,  WAke Up And smell the coffee,, Your getting a divorce , get an atty that You will say loook , We don't have to be mean about this but it all needs to be nice and legal , Then get it in writeing and tell her lets go file this at the court , Like when you separate you Will Need temporary orders , and You better believe she will do all she can to keep the kids and get child support , Heres the real kicker , There has been no custody decision , And I would talk to a few  atty's about taking the kids with You . Man . Throw the nice guy thing Into a conversation with an atty ,You can Be nice and have a nice atty make all the nice aggreement s NICE AND LEGAL , Or fight it , And She is the one having the affair blaming you for porn , pal , Don't take the guilt , You are here now get your rights in writeing , And move on with life , this will be likel;y to be a long process , She screwing the nieghbor pal , Think of it like this , this is the end of a buiseness deal and it has to be legally terminated ,

good I didn't get that from the original post .Hang In there . I will keep this as short as possible , Its hard, I have been through the ringer , Your story is close , But let me give the best advice I can . Don't participate  In the BS , Don't respond to her . What happened to me was she More or less baited me In and said I was the one doing it , Get a grip, when a judge hears this case , You want all the dirty on her side , When a Judge hears cases of she did this and He did that , It will mostly  boil down to what will show as fact , Don't do any part of the BS Or the judge can't tell who came first the chicken or the egg , I hope you have a cool atty and a good one , Don't slack on any violations she makes , The judge will get it , She will try to lie her way out. be prepared,, Go watch a trial at the court house ,Go watch your atty at a trial , If your not impressed then fire him , If he won't let you in on one of his trial fire him , I had to fire two attys . What We need is atty's that tell you what the law is And what applies , Trust me I thought that  things matter that don't . It mostly boils down to the judges finding of parental competance . If She really interfers, that is a reason for change of custody here in wash , Its not the best argument but , It is one ,

The mom tried this crap on Me also . She took the new court order to the doctoer and the school and tried to preclude me from this , heres what My atty told me to do . I went to My son's orientation And stood up and told who I am etc , I acted intelliganly and asked questions concerning my son , My atty said I would get further With the school than I ever will with the mother and I do , Heres the deal , Ask the Principal and whoever else if they have a court order that precludes you from being a parent of the child , And when they say No . Pick up the child and tell them to you have a court order for your visitation and you are sorry that the mother told them these stories but you have a court order for your visits and that they will cooperate , You have joint custody . I don't even have joint custody , I would even gently tell the principal that she needs to contact an atty reguarding this issue , And provide her with the court order , The mother in My case  went around flashing this court order that said she had sole decision making etc at the school and doctors and that the school and doctor were not to cooperate with me at all or give me any information , fortunately I have a cool atty that kept it simple and told me to be really nice and just say the court order does not  take away any of my rights as a parent , it just gives her the ability to decide what school he goes to and what doctor , . So I told the school and the doctor , theres nothing in the order that  say's I can't have all this information etc , And they said well she said this and that . And I said well I can have My atty write you a letter they said no your right the order doesn't stop you from any thing .Just Be nice and get them to ask an atty , what the deal is you have all the rights as a parent . You just  let the mother push you around , Sorry to be blunt , But I have a really cool atty And he tells it like it is , He say's plainly if you would have stood up for your rights from the beginning than you wouldn't be where you aRE , Your reason for change of custody Probably won't work cause the judge will wonder why you just let her push you around and not file contempt , My atty explians it , " Parenting plans are not self enforcing "   " If she doesn't cooperate then you have to go ask the judge or commissioner to make her ,'' Ok The first few times the commissioner will do nothing ,  But if you keep filing contempt  3 -4-5 6- times if neccessary then the court is going to get it ,, My atty filed for My cousin ,for free , And he went to the court , Here's how it played out ,Mom talks crap and sends the child over top sisters , We go to sisters to get His daughter , Of course all these sick people have the child all freaked out , and she is crying and doesn't want to go . I had already told My cousin . About My expirience and he may have to DRAG the child away screaming, as I had My son because the mom would terrorise him before I got there , And if you pick up and drag the child away then the Sick moms will see there sick game doesn't work , And they will quit , , SO the transfer went poorly and the sick sister flipped us off as we drove away , And I had the viseo camera waiting and she saw me film her and put the nasty finger down and there is no further problems . Now about video taping , it will rarely be used for evidence except if there is an assault , But it is a great Behavior modifier , They will tell the truth to the court and there atty more often for fear of the tape being shown , trust Me grow BALLS file contempt , and video tape the pick up , there is nothing that has put the stop the BS In my Case and my cousins faster than Video taping .Heck Half the time The tape is screwed up and really shows nothing significant , But I gauruntee , It really makes every one stop the bullshit , Never has the mother been poisening My sons mind when I have the Magical camera , As a matter of fact she is Mary poppins at the transfer EVERY TIME  with the camera rolling , Its a miracle cure for this cancer ,Grow balls show up at the court order place and time with a witness and file contempt if the child isn't ready to go , If she say's child doesn't want to go thats like the usual crap and the judges here this all the time , And In wash state its the parent that is to have the child ready to go , File contempt . Call 20 attys tomarrow and get one that will file the papers for  a fee of like 90 $ My atty does it all the time , And then You do the footwork  Just bring a pen and paper and make sure every one gets the right copies and go pay a process server that serves her , fills the served papers and files them with the court ,This is not rocket science and there like  . Half the attys out there that will tell a big story about a contempt , and I have seen My atty at a contempt  hearing and heard him say this 20 times , Just go tell the commissioner that You need a little help getting the mom to cooperate wiht the parenting plan , then Mom has to say Blah blah , And then You say theres a parenting plan and she's not doing it , and then she will say Hes a psycho and the commissioner may not believe it , then If the commisioner does , then You say  , Depending on what court you are going to , that You want a Guardian ad litem , And get the paper at the law library and file it  Ask the commissioner if you can come back for them to sign it , trust me I have been through the ringer and the court just has this Process  postwhat state  and area you are from , So people from that area can give you feed back , and call the court and ask if they have Guardian ad Litems , or court investigators on Behalf of Minor children .I think Your main deal is to file contempt and stand up to the mother , Like whats the deal with the school did they attack you , What You do is go get your child if they attack you call the police , they have no athority that precludes the court order . If the police get called show them the order .

You need to write what the legal status is , Is there a parenting plan signed off at the court ? If so file contempt , And don;t deviate , Heres the basic's . You have to have a parenting plan in order to get a contempt , If you don;t then they are in contempt of what court order ? If you let this go on it will get worse , Here's a  encouraging story ,  
My co-worker was having the same problem as You , I have been through this also , So I ecouraged Him forever to file contempt , He had a parenting plan And The Mom , was saying the child didn't want to come over to co-worker [dads] , And doing some bending and twisting on the child about it , so  As Is typical When the mom wins this and You do nothing then Mom has time to Alienate , Its all spelled out on this site , So I had a cool atty and My co-worker went to see Atty , Atty wrote up the contempt papers and told Co worker what to expect , Wich was that the commissioner won't do much on a contempt for a few times , But Mom has to show Or hire an atty or you get to file a default , So co-worker finally files contempt , I wanted to help, Mom sets the pick up at her sisters house,  I know the game , And I went with a Video camera , With out a huge story , TRUST ME the video camera Has never been shown In my case at court or at any hearing that I know Of, its just a huge behavior modifier , So the transfer was tyhe typical mess the child was crying etc , And sister and her hubby were trying to act like tough guy's , So I told My co-worker You may have to drag the child away screaming and crying , And he did , So When sister Was watching us drive away ,   I gave a big smile and waved to them ,She did the class act of flipping us off , which was the perfect, so I put the video camera on her ,  I could read the husbands lips , Saying video camera , And the sister put the nasty finger down right away , My co-workers problem is over , Why ? I think because they screwed up , then, of course I bet they asked an atty what the results could be of flipping us of,f and the atty told them to grow up , Ya see the Camera keeps the lies down to a minimum , And seems to keep them all calm and a bit suspicious of what may come of it , In My case I  used the video camera And the BS stopped , Of course there were nasty atty letters about privacy and legal action ,But the laws in Washington state are You can film out in the open , But not in some tricky way to observe into there house where the normal cloak of privacy is expected , So that the short and sweet of it , I believe filing contempt and video camera use , Makes them realise they are busted , Although I hear that the camera film will rarely make it to court and  hasn't ever to My knowledge . But a threatening statement like I'll show this to the judge seems to be effective , Besides the camera seems to limit the  chance of a physical confrontation , TAKE ACTION OR TAKE THE BACK SEAT !!  At this point I almost laugh when I hear some one say , " Mom Won't let me see the kids " My atty explians ' Parenting plans are not self enforcing ' If they don't do it then you have to ask the judge or commissioner to enforce the plan , And the papers really just ask the commissioner to make mom give you the kid , And then Mom will have a flimsy excuse and the commisoner won't really do much untill  the third or fourth time , then they will , I would call 20 atty's tomarrow with a note pad in hand and get a cool one that will fill out the papers and tell you how to file and have mom served and then you go tell the commissioner , That you want to se your kid and mom isn;t cooperating , And thats all you really have to do in wash state , post again more info

Here's what I have found with atty's . I fired two !! And finally figured it out ! Call A bunch [lot's] of atty's tell them the Very basics , NO bitching , There is atty's out there that will just ask you a couple pertinent questions . And give you pertinent answers , Like what the law say's about length of time the child resides with you to get a change of custody , And if the notarised agreement will hold water in court , I have had my share of troubles in life and it is my opinion that when there was an agreement . And two people don't live up to it . then thats when you ask a few atty's,, I have used two atty's  That were good, no BS types , I feel the best way is to ask them first if you have a legal chance based on what ?, And secondly if they will help prop se , If they are willing to help you pro se thats a good sign , the good atty's I have used tell me exactly what I need an atty For. I Have went prop se and won cases And know people [men] that have accomplished things pro se , What A good atty has told me is what My argument is . To the court , And I am telling you that It has always been pretty simple ,And thats what a good atty should tell you , the reason, I changed from pro se and used the atty's was simple , Although my arguments were simple the stakes are high , And I need to present the right fact's , Thats why you should then choose to hire an atty , But if a decent atty tells you , " Your argument is simple , The boy has been with You for X Time and you prove it to the court and Thats Your best shot "If its simple Like that, Then Maybe the atty  will help file it pro se . with the idea that if it gets complicated then He will take the case ,The point I am trying to get across is this , A real human will tell you the facts  Fairly quickly. And as My good atty say's Family law is not some complex , Hard to understand legal jumbo . And the judge really has a lot of room to make the decision He /she wants , And [ two Atty's] Told me In separate cases Its more important to look like the good parent and try look good to the judge When you are asking the judge to do what you want ,There is a lot of latitude in family law , the judge can decide to do what they . want, The main thing to understand is You want an atty that treats you like Some one installing some  gadget would , they are willing to give some explanation of the facts knowing that You probably won't get it any way , But you are a customer and they treat you like one .But You have to think about it , Because I fell for the big blowhard story crappola atty . Thats no good iether , You want an atty that Just tells you if you have an argument or not , And don't forget Your parenting plan May read that You have to  Go to dispute resolution or some process before bringing any of this before the judge again , And you will get there and the judge will say , Did you go to dispute resolution ? You say DUH ? no! The judge will say OK read the parenting plan , Where it say's where to go to before bringing it to the court again . Trust me I had a dipshit atty Not even do that , And a good atty say The above about the judge, And sure enough my plan said I had to apply to dispute resolution , And the dip atty would have charged me for the judge to tell me what the parenting plan say's , So first read the parenting plan about changes , Then maybe she will go to the disput process and put all this into the effect of a court order that say's what you both agreed to , then take the order to child support that say's what you agreeed to And stop the support payment . Here dispute resolution costs 75 $ Its some how connected to the court . so call the court anyway and ask them if there is some sort of mediation or dispute process you could use before returning to court . then apply they send papers to both parties , then send a report ,the order could simply read ,         no change of custody but , while child resides at dads child support to mom ceases.And the child will reside with dad for the following school year  , try it

I Ask the same question as the above post, what does the child have to come back for trial for , Are you thinking the child will talk to the judge ? That MAY be true . But usually there is a guardian ad litem appointed , And the child talks to the Gaurdian ad Litem and  this will be shown to the judge . I would ask Your atty and get to the point with the atty . There is a lot of BS in all of this and I have posted numerous times , My atty showed Me the legal criteria for change  of custody , When You go talk to Your atty Insist that He show you this in the law ,  And write down the legal chapter and code etc , And go Home and ask your self what You think , If the child shows a good reason to live with you , Like he will be going to the same school ,same friends , be on the team with old friends , that [according to My atty is good reasons ] If He say's He wants to live with Dad and Dad lets him stay up late and eat ice cream . Then ; ( According] To My atty thats not really a good reaSON  for a change . My atty explains it fairly simply and again , He told be where it was in the law . Or where it is written  that the judge makes decisons . or considerations , Based on what

I don';t have expierience with this type of thing yet , But My atty , And I have a good one , Told me that he will subpeona that type of stuff , Except , My issue is bank accounts , And then you will have something to show the judge , I have been to trial , and or court for a few issues , And If you can't prove Things to the judge , It seems that they just go with the BS allegations that women make , SOOOO , Here's my question , Why has't the father done as I have done with Medical and school issue"s , I just go to the doctor and Sign a release . and they give me medical and school records , If you go act like a nice adult they usually go along with you , And With joint custody especially , Mom can't stop him , I had the doctor and th   school both, tell Me unless She , Provides them with a court order that say's I CAN'T have the rcords then signing a release works just fine , If the dad doesn't even know who the doctor is then he needs to find out !! then he can go  to court with the records and  tell if there really hasn't been any visits , I do not have joint custody , I basicallyt had a very bad Guardian ad Litem say She should have sole decision Making on these issues , But that still does not preclude me from the records , Tell him to get off his duff and get the records , Besides that It makes him look like a good parent , And will piss her off !!

First Post what state you are in !!
   Second is there a court ordered parenting plan in place .
  If so . Tell Him to start bringing a witness and when she does this file contempt , It is contempt of a court order to not give up the kids IF " there is a parenting plan in place , I have found many ways to get low cost legal help , I did not have to do it ,But I was in a Mens group and many of them did . and many filed contempt on there own and won!
   Here is what I have found . With pen and paper and patience ,
    1  Go to child support and ask for there list of legal aid , Its for the mothers , But really its for any one with low income
   2 call the court and ask if they have a night that atty's come to help pro se litigants fill out papers .
   3 Call the baR  association in your state and ask for atty's that help low income people
   4 Don't give up
     I have dragged my son away screaming and crying , > I learned a trick . Bring candy and give it to them right away , they will shut up , Bring toys and puppets or what ever to distract them . BUT do not leave with out the kids ,
  5 Don't get into a fight with her in front of the kids ,She can cause a bunch of trouble at the court for you , You be the adult
   6 Go to the court and ask where you get the papers for a contempt hearing . Get the papers ,And sak aroung for a court house facilitater , File contempt every time . Then go to the court and get the recording of the hearing , And listen to it and learn and file again and again , They aren't so likely to give you an order of contempt , But Here is how My atty explians it , She has to show up to the court and say why not ,or hire an atty , Or if she doesn't show you can file a default order , In wash state, I know a man from the mens group that filed like ten times and she started not showing up , So He got like three contempts, And won custody ,If there is a parenting plan in place file contempt , If you screw it up figure out why and do it the next time . If You let her do it she will do it again!!!
7  Bring a video camera . Hold it in plain site , This site has a section on video taping , find it and read it for your state , Or just call an atty and ask , 'If 'video taping is illegal , Don;t turn the camera on Just point it at her , The psycho in My case quit her bs in front of the camera , Trust me this works well, Its hard but grab your self by the bootstraps and hold the camera pointed at her and have your boy friend say clearly . this is My pick up time , Are You refusing ? . This worked well for me ,!!! , , I called the police and they told me video taping of the outside of some ones house is legal , You just can't pass the line of privacy by filming what you could not ordinarily see from the street, The mom will continue to terrorise the kids untill She see's that You mean buiseness , , If you leave the kids because they are crying she will continue to do it ,And this should put a stop to it , The mom quit doing this In my case because I always showed , There were atty's involved and , My atty sent a letter requesting make up time for her not giving me the Kid ,Or I have requested a contempt hearing ,And I got the make up time  SOOOO , Her atty sent a letter stateing that the video taping must subside , So My atty said , I will continue to tape untill the ridicolous accusations stop and I will continue to tape the transfers ,

First let me tell you the court Is alway's hearing these kind of complaints , And the atty's .
   What I can tell you Is You need to get an atty that Will just talk to you like a real human , And Not let you run On and on . About all these details . Hate to tell you this, but they are all sick of hearing all this crap , Been there done that !!!, There are specific rules and laws that the court has to go by to make custody changes and , They do , I really did not Know this My self untill I went to trial !But previous to trial My atty did tell me some of these rules , And unfortunatley with Your boy friend Being on and off like he is he won't be so likely to get the kids ,
  But here, in was state On the standard court printout parenting plans , You can get them at the court house or go online and type in superior court , Or what ever court has jurisdiction for your case and look at one, This site should have all that In it. You just have to look for the list of documents on this site for your state. , Then look at the parenting plan and there are specific laws , Like neglect , Abuse , Etc , That prohibit contact with the children , That May give you some direction if you then look at the law numbers and go to [Your state ) Here its called RCW   Revised code Of washington , Secondly the best damn thing you can do is Go interview A number of atty's , There is a section on this site about atty selection , Read it, this site has a ton of info on it , But right now you just need to find the Laws for your state ,Oddly they use to  call it family law , Now they call it domestic relations , And a parenting plan , And Interview attys . To me the most important thing About atty selection is this , The atty talks to you like a regular person . And As important , Is the atty will ask You certain Questions having to do with the case and whats going on with the kids ,Most atty's won't explain the law to you , Its not to complicated , But remmember "we" are emotional . But You need to interview a few atty's . If I was to say . I was starting all over again , I would recomend five interviews at least , And bring a pen and paper , And You need to get to the points , Forget all the emotional stuff , A good atty doesn;t want to here that , Ask them to direct you to what may pertain to a change of custody , And lowering the alimoney , And what laws pertain and where it is ,so you can have a clear picture of what your goals are . Also ask if they have court appointed, parenting investigaters , or Guardian Ad Litems , And ask if they know wich ones to steer clear of ,, Please don't  bore the atty with a bunch of she did this and that , The best advice my first atty gave me was to put into writing why I think there should be a change of custody , He read it and told me flatley , " the judge won't give a change of custody for this . So I feel You should put a document in order . With some pics of the kids all filthy at the pick up etc ,And any reports Or abuse charges .  And Go give it to a few attys at the interview , This cuts the bullshit in about one third , And you have time to ask other questions , I have been through Two attys , And have to use two good ones . I'm Telling you right now , You don't want a bad atty . You want one that will tell you directly what You do , In this state they have implemented the Guardian ad Litem / parenting investigater program , You go to the court and set a court date to appoint ,  Its called  MOTION TO APPOINT GAL PARENTING INVESTIGATER ON BEHALF OF MINOR CHILD, I have been there and done that !!! There is a few tricky turns to this that need to be explained , That You will only figure out from going through it and , No atty will tell you this , One of them Is Many forms of information can be given to the GAL . Like Affidavits , or sworn declarations , These are not admissable at trial , BUT !!! the GAL report can be swayed greatly by these documents and then the GAL reports to the judge , And hence some flakey information goes to the judge in a round about way ,, If your state appoints investigaters on behalf of children , And you get that far with an atty , Then My Email Is    [email protected]    Save this and email me , Most states do this , And let me tell you In wash state the judge isn't going to do diddly for you with out that report ,, And there is a good reason , The reason is , The atty's work for the paying parent , And the GAL is paid for By you and the other parent to represent the child , And the judge does not have time to go over all thius crap or come and visit you and the mom and the kids , Here the GAL Can talk to the kids and report what they say to the judge , If the kids say . Mom talks bad about Dad , And we want to live with dad , You have a chance , So Get this straight , You DON'T  want the kids to say the opposite , And if they say there living conditions are betterat dads and they say it, then you have a chance , BUT , As My atty explains , You don;t have a chance if the kids say we want to live with dad because he lets us stay up all night and and eat ice cream .  You do have a chance if the kids say dad does things with us . Like fly a kite and go camping , And teaches us to ride a bike , And mom doesn't have a pot to piss in .this is just what I learned going through this crap , It is by no means complete information and may or may not really pertain , But I hope it helps , Just remember atty selection is EVERY THING You don't need a great atty . Or an atty that talks flashy grandios bull, 'been there done that' spent a lot of money ,
   The atty I ended with put it all so simply I couldn't believe it was so simple , But it really is if a decent atty point you to the right information and just asks the questions that pertain ,

I get the difference,