Messages

What a great Idea !! Popularize deciet , Played to the lowest level of human worthiness , thats the bottom of the barrel , Iv'e always thought that when this type of thing is used we  as men should retaliate , we are expected to be the breadwinners , We too should go to the bottom and forget about bringin home the Bacon , Let the wenches get a job if they want control, If not then the unsaid treaties of marriage are destroyed and We should stop doing our end of the unsaid  treaty , a real standoff should occur and reverse the game and TAKE CONTROL WITH THE FOOD FOR SEX PROGAM,HA HA !!!

Start interviewing atty's , He needs to get a parenting plan in order , States vary a little but , Generally you get a temp parenting plan also , this is typical of vendictive psycho's . He maay have to cut down on the payments , If the atty did not set a trial date . Right after the temp order I would consider talking to other atty's , Interview them and ask . look on this site for atty selection ,And read it , this is nit rocket science , I FIRED TWO ATTY'S   don't be afraid to fire an atty , Just ask what the deal is , After this long the problem is obvious , UNLESSthere is a trial date and they are just waiting . I had an atty do that to me , You at least need anm atty , thatvtalks to you like a human being , and explains the legal procedure , Forget all the other crap its a legal issue , My case strung out for  3 years , But there was a good reason , I won't explain it all , But there can be reasons , But when you are waiting there really shouldnt be any charges , there really is so little to family law , Read the family law chapter for that state , It will say basically how the marital estate is split etc , He needs a parenting plan in order , Its not too hard you just have to file with the court , have her served etc ,You can go to a parrelegal and get the papers or search this site for state specific papers , if he can go watch family law at the court , That would help , No atty has ever said anything I could not have said , the best this I ever made my atty say is ,
     Mr XXXX Just wants to see his kids . her atty" bla bla  
     the commissioner said OK its not hard , At first they make up false domestic violence alleagtions and here they have to appoint a Guardian ad Litem , And the commissioner had to see the report , then i got visits . it took a few months but just go file a parenting plan and then see what she does and look for a new atty

Is the great atty you hired the one that got you stuck with her atty fees?  I,m not sorry for my brutal honesty , I went through three of them , I had a decent atty  starting out , I TOLD HIM!!!  to ask for my atty fees based on the fact that she's making the allegations , He had to he works for me , And he said to the commissioner , "they are both responcible for there actions "And the commissioner agreed , Again they asked for 20K in atty fees at trial , I TOLD  My new and good atty . we need the judge to get the picture of how we got to this point , They are asking for atty fees , He did what I said to do ,He showed the judge a little of how we got to this point of it being at trial , I saw what was going down at trial , they were trying to blame me , When you go to trial I garuntee she will have a number of stories , I would study your case file a little so you can think on your feet , But you don't have what I had I have 4 years of Guardian ad litem bull , Poly graph testing ,psych evals , Counselors , Domestic violence evaluations ,,One of the smartest things My atty does at trial is to point out what they are doing in a non threatening way , Like the psycho started the domestic violence allegations over me breaking up a dog fight at her house ,And chokeing a pitbull to get it to let go of the other dog , He made that clear to the judge ,


        SO ,,,,,, It really sounds like you guys don't have a history of bull shit , She hasn't made a bunch of allegations etc , And there is not a history of allegations and investigations etc , soooo don't think she s not going to try to lampoon you at trial , I would be prepared , But for the most part try to get her to settle , I respect My good atty and he said ," make an effort to settle before trial , that way at least you know you tried , Don't expect your atty to know every thing about you if you are self employed an he isn't bringing  your bookeeper to trial , FIRE him before you get ruined , I learned the hard way I had to bring my book keeper to trial ,I fired my first atty because he did not use my bookeeper and I got screwed , Its all common sense man, you can't just walk up toi the judge and say here's my self made financial statement , her atty will eaT THAT up period ,
]           As far as the resolution hearing , I don't know what that is ? Is that like mediation , or a real trial ? If you don't know schedule an appointement with your atty , Go talk to him , Yes they charge . But again and again , If he can't talk to you about the LEGAL ISSUES  and treat you like a human , then look for another atty ,  ,  Schedule an appoint ment , stand up to your atty and say I want you to talk to me about the legal issues pertaing to My case ,On the other hand there really isn't a lot of info about family law if your state is a community property state then basicall   what will she get  Is half of what you accomplished together , ther really isn't much to it , some atty's stir this up and make a lot of money the law is pretty clear you could tell your atty to make a settlement offer that is reasonable to the letter of the law , If she has a decent atty then you will settle , All the judge does is listen to your atty and her atty and decide based on the laws , . what could the parenting plan be ? Look up parenting plans on this site . Highlite and Double click     parenting plan     this site will take you to a place where there is parenting plans

It seems to me that You have been undecided about what to do , You have went through attempts to reconcile etc , what she is saying is similar to many of our stories , My short version is , You need to make a decision , period , It sounds like you had at one time been able to talk about the divorce or separation , then you went back on the decision , divorce is a hard decision , BUT on the other hand reconciliation sounds very difficult . Due the fact that it did not work , My two cents You need to make a decision , Atty's certainly don't even want to hear this type of crap, And this could be a reason why Your atty won't call you back , They are there for LEGAL  reasons , they are not marriage counselors , Again My two cents , Make a decision.,, there are many options to atty action ,In wash state, there is a place called pierce county center for dispute resolution , This is more likely the type of place that will put into place a parenting plan that will be filed by the court IF she agrees , next you may apply for mediation, call the local court and ask about it , Also ask the court about a time at the court when atty's help pro se litigants , there is very little to this process , I have been through the conplete process , There really hasn't been much that My atty"s [fired two] ever did that I could not have done better , the value of pro se litigation is , you know your case , Go to the court and watch a couple trials . Or here at first you go to a commissioner , You need to take a look at the process in your area ,, Or you can go to a parrelegal and just get the proper papers filed, look at atty selection on this site spend more time reading atty selection than you do telling your story, this is crude and you may not like it , BUT the legal system doesnt care about the details , If you choose to divorce you need to SELECT an atty , I advise don't go get the biggest asswipe atty in town , Get an atty that will answer some legal questions about divorce , Like the splitting of marital assets , And a parenting plan , Ignore the rest If the atty won't just explain the basic process . go to the next atty , even if you gave that one 100$ interview fee , Pay attention to atty selection  on this site , you can highlite and or double click the words and this site has a cool feature that will take you there ,     attorney selection     click it now
   Again get it through you head at the beginning , As a man you start form zero ,she already has 1 point because she is a woman , the worst thing you could do is interfere or contact her or any one she is around , it doesn't matter now , if you choose to file for divorce . If this goes all the way to trial your best asset is the clean hands theory , Don't react to anything she does or say's period don't give up your rights to the children ,If you are now separated get a temporary Parenting plan filed ,  and while she is agreeable get a good one , it paid off for me I get a little more time with my son because I originally went before the commissioner and just said ,:" I want to see My son "  Her atty said " Blah Bla , , who do you think the commissioner smiled at , I got the extra time , Its not much but i Have every thursday and every other weekend ,I went though three attys untill is got one that had the same theory as me , no mud slinging , Guess what , she got the Big ass atty , At trial they asked for her atty fees 20K for one year , My case strung out for four years , She did not get atty fees , I would guess he got about 20 K per year , I fired the big ass atty and have spent 8K on the deal and guess what ? I probably got the same out come as if I would have spent 60k on the big ass atty , So narrow this down to the facts , Not all the agaonising details , the judge doesn't care , period the judge will settle the legal issue by the law , You neeed an atty that just will tell you what your legal standing is , Save the story for elswhere , Sorry to break the fact to you but unlees she beats or neglectsd the kids or leaves them with you , You will get a divorce decree a visitation schedule , And a bill , period , Believe me and My psycho's butt must be still puckered over the atty fees charged by that freak atty she had , there were dirty hate mail letters every week , I bet she ran up 10k in hate mail alone , and gues what , ? None of it made a  differnce to the judge , they really didn't even bring it up to the judge, God I hope My psycho is at least smart enough to realize what happened , HA f%en HAh , get a real atty and move on with life . If your atty isn't doing any thing and is just mostly sending a bill then get another atty , If he has filed for trial or court and you are just waiting then he probably isn't really telling you much Because trial isn't much , they just settle the legal issues , you should have discussed a parenting plan and a divorce decree by now , If not fire the bastard , this is a legal issue and who she's dating now and what she is doing isn't your buiseness.But if you atty hasn't filed for divorce or there isn't even a court date then fire the bastard !! And interview more than just three , Get an atty that talks to you like a human , And you get the feeling they won't inflame things , If they do a lot of nasty letter writing it won't make any difference at trial , You just get a bigger bill,and remmember women like this will take virtually any thing you do and turn it against you , So don't do any thing to her except take legal action to see your kids untill the trial date and show your self as a good parent , You are now mr perfect and don't forget that !!!!

repost   with the tittle parenting plan [Your state ]In wash state there is case law that not so many atty's even know about, that say's If the parties agreed but custody has been agrred to by the parties , AND NOT  heard by the court then it  can be brought before the judge , so in a way it can be benificial to just agree ( wash state) but the deal is a parenting plan is a court order when you agree and just go to the court for presentation in [agreement ] the judge or commissioner will sign off on it , you will have to search this site or  double click this word
    parenting plan     and this site has a cool feature that will take you to an area that shows some info about parenting plans ,, also you can just call the court in your area and ask them ,  with pen and paper in hand these questions . they are available here in pierce county
  1  Is there a time at the court when attys help people to file paper work like a parenting plan
   2 call the bar association [your state ] and ask if there are atty's that help people pro se ,
   3 type in superior court , Or look through this site there is a place where there is state specific paperwork , or repost something like
    any one know where there is paper work for parenting plans on this site , its all here ,
   4 go talk to a court house facilitor and they can help fill it out ,
  5 call a parelegal and ask how much they charge , I think this site will down load you one for your state for free or there isa link to the court your state
   Yes all the decision making things you ask for are on a wash state parenting plan , you just check off the box , before you post again click or highlight and click or something like that ,    parenting plan  and look at it ,   for the most part try to keep this away from attys , Even if she gets an atty .   Let me put it this way , there has been nothing I could have not told the judge that my paid atty did ,
   And I have stood there and told them what to say , But then again just read on ,
   If this gets sideways , Just file a parenting plan , Have her served , and have a copy for yourself , there is probably a declaration that will be filed also to the court thats justa paer stating your end of the deal ,  NO MATTER WHAT she does or say's Stay with the simple facts , Don't say crap about her , the best results I ever got in court was to just say , I want to see my son , I got a good reaction from the court and got a visitation schedule , If she makes up a story don't even react to it , Just say not true I want to see my child , If the court reacts to it , then you [wash state ] will be getting what they call a Guardian ad Litem ,. again the less crap you do the better . Juststay with the facts you want to see your kid , period this sounds like it could go sideways , But really I can say I have expierienced this from the beginning all the way through false allegations to domestic violence allegations , I have been accused of every thing , none of this worked and the system is totally biassed toward women having custody , they still gave mom custody , BUT Here is the big joke in My case and let it be a lesson to all the shit heads that make up stories ,
    The horses ass mother in My case got a big ass bulldog atty , He really was impressive saying all the crap , I think he was really impressive and was giveing her the big impressive atty BILL$$$$
   we got to trial mom asked for her 20,000$ atty fees , I had like 8,000$ in fees , could have been less except I tried the big ass high dollar atty and fired him wasted 5K so the point is they tried to blame me , I saw it coming in court they were trying to blame me , So I got my atty to give me the chance to talk to the judge, I told the judge " Let the reports speak for themselves , She has acuused me of sexual  BS and that is the source of the conflict , I said a lot more, thats the basics , SOOOO  Heres the big joke , I am certain her Big ass attywas telling her he would get her atty fees out of me , And he tried every trick in the book on me at court ,(not really] cause there really ain't much to this . And I stuck to My guns Making allegations is her fault and she stired this up , wanna know what the judge said , no ATTY FEES . SOOO hah f&cken hah She blew More than 20K telling stories to the GAL the judge her atty and the psych evaluater and guess what , we end up with a parenting plan and a child support order , ANY ONE that heads this into the court system intentionally is a fooooooolll   fool!!! period , You can for now be a silver tounged devil and get a parenting plan in place . You will be likely to get any way , Just be really nice do what i told you to do , I would not get any paper work with any atty stamp on it , this will make her leary of your intentions , Also Here, there is a place called   Pierce county center for dispute resolution, they will help you two to sign off on a plan , , My good atty told me to try mediation and if it works out then I don't need an atty,Also if this starts getting wierd or you break up try for Arbitration , thats just where you go talk to an arbitrater , ask the court and all the sources I gave you about this also . Good luck keep posting . And keep asking , And do your very best to be a gentleman No matter what , think of it like this , If the end wasn't bad there would be no end , But if you get attys involved there is no doubt that this will get way worse before it gets better ,I believe that atty's make this worse , I fired two and got one that really just did his job and presented My case , now its all over My post is on the Fathers board , read it !

she can ,Especially if it has not been signed by a judge , I'm certain that any thing can be changed by agreement , If she is willing , just because she went that far ask if she will just agree to joint custody , if not she can probably just not even show up , If your relationship is getting sideways I would try to  get her to agree to joint custody , be nice try not to wind up in a legal battle , you probably don't want to go through the courts ,don't do ANY THING TO HER OF THIS IS GETTING sidways , it sounds like she all prepared to take the legal approach she will be likely to fight you if you try to hard , ifshe hasn't talked to an atty yet it would be a big plus to get some sort of agreement out of her ,if she gets an atty it will be an uphill battle , I would be cautious when she has already made an effort to make a legal issue of it , You probably don't know what this is all about yet , But i would kiss her asss to get to the point of forgiveness , and get her to sign off on an agreement , Like I would try to be really nice and say , just for peace of mind lets sign off on an agreement , go get a parenting plan and let her be the custodial parent, if it goes through the court , you will just spend an enomous amount of effort to wind up with a parenting plan that say's you can see your kid every other weekend , And fight for a day in the week , every other holiday , half the summer , and split school breaks , I would approach it like this , just so we don't have to fret about the issue lets just agree that you have primary care , I get visits etc , then if this doesn't work out we both know where we stand ,You get primary custody , I get visits , This is what will happen any way , Unless you can prove she is a detriment to the child , and doesn't care for the child , I would explain that if this goes to the court it is an expensive process and harmful to a child so lets just agree , other then that she can drag your ass through the court , it will be a bullshit process and you will get a parenting plan like the one above

Thanks for your positive replies.
I did want to comment on the stepparents staying out of things. I wanted to stay out of it all, but my husband's attorney said it would be a bad thing for me to stand by and not be a witness for my own husband. It was also hard to stay away from the transfers when I'd see the mom acting in inappropriate (sexual) ways around my husband. On the other hand, what kind of woman would I be if I said I couldn't love and care about the future for the boy and also have input about him? It affects me too. It seems that the courts put too little emphasis on the input of other members of the household. Nor do they acknowledge the affects that the moms have on dad's household members. In many ways, we stepparents are on the outside looking in. While we may be emotionally attached to the man involved, we still see both sides with a differing eye than either parent.

You would think that the boy's mom would be grateful that her son has such a good stepmom. Not to mention that it's difficult to "stay out of things" when you see such poor parenting as ignoring infections, not keeping the child updated on immunizations, the anxiety attacks he has when it's time to go to mom's, refusing to let him come to his stepsister's birthday parties, and of course, the mental poisoning I see going on. Let me tell you--it's a fine line to between being an involved stepparent and overstepping a boundary.

Could I have been less involved? Probably. Do I want to be less involved? No, and yes, and none of the above. Just as my stepson needs his dad from whom he will gain his male identity, he also needs me from who he will gain a real and truthful insight into women. His mother will probably never be able to have a meaningful and loving relationship with a man. Her past and current situations indicate so.

I also agree that sick people get some sick thing out of all the drama. It feeds them somehow, and is extremely unnatural, unhealthy, and unwholesome.

All that said, I'm on my fourth glass of milk trying to calm my stomach. If biblical stoning was allowed, I'd be the first person to pick up a rock.

Howdy folks! This is my first post. I am Gipsy's wife of three years--most of which has been a living hell because of his son's mother. I'm sure you've heard from him about what a psycho b---- she is, and I couldn't agree more.

I testified at the trial on my husband's behalf. For you stepparents out there, be forewarned that any involvement you have in your stepchildren will likely be turned against you in court! Over the years I have been accused of being physically abusive toward my stepson. I've been accused of being the one to draft the parenting plan. I've been dismissed as a possible sitter for the child--even though it's okay that mom has sent the kid to eleven different sitters, including two different boyfriends. When I was asked in court to say why the boy would be better with dad, the opposing attorney said in his closing arguements that all I talked about was the mom, which was completely bogus! Everything I said had to do with the care of the child--HER care of the child! And of course, the things the mom said about me, like I made the child cry at the transfers and "it was horrible!", and like "thing are better because SHE'S not around" wasn't even taken into account. (Do I detect a little jealousy from the mom??) Nor did I get the opportunity to rebut her accusations (and that was my husband's attorney's fault).
 
Our first parenting investigator spent an entire 30 minutes interviewing me. Our second parenting investigator spent an entire 60 minutes with me. Now bear in mind that my husband has been accused of being a stalker, breaking into mom's house, beating her dogs until they were bloody, being violent, an abuser of women, of teaching his son to masturbate, of masturbating in front of his son, and of having anger management problems. He's been sent for anger tests, personality tests, and a polygraph test--which mom failed. You would think that after all that SOMEBODY would do their job and make a contact with the woman who lives with the bad guy! Yeah, right.

And you would also think that SOMEBODY would take into account that my daughter who lives in the same household and has progressed from age 11 to 14 during this time would be interviewed! Hah!

THEN mom shows up in court with a bunch of pictures showing all the fun things she and the boy go to. Duh! If we had more than 3 1/2 days PER MONTH to go do things all over the state like she does, we'd have some fabulous pictures too! And it was mom who refused to let the boy go with us to Disneyland last year because she thought nine days would be too long to be away! Gosh, THAT got left out of the court proceedings.

Man, I feel for you guys out there that are dealing with crazy ex's. And if you are re-married, just know that's it is utterly painful for us wives to have to go through this with you. I've done nothing but try to help this crazy woman parent this child because she's not doing so well by herself. Any one who tells their child that "Daddy's going to hurt you" and "Daddy doesn't love you" needs to be locked away. But stepparents, you have to step back from all the BS and let the moms do the crazy thing and deal with it as best as you can. And guys, don't forget to tell your wives how much you love THEM too and how much you appreciate that they are sticking by your side. Lesser women (like the crazy mom) would run and hide.

Needless to say, we didn't win custody, and I have no peace about this at all! The mom is NOT going to quit trying to turn the boy against his dad. I told my husband to be prepared to pay for psychotherapy in the future. And I feel so bad for the little boy who is going to have to deal with his mother until he gets old enough to figure out that dad is not what mom says he is, and that maybe dad's house would be a better place to live.

And by the way, there is no earthly justice. The court system stinks, and so do attorneys.

Sign me--The wicked stepmother.

lesson one !
     bullshit presented to the GAL is [basically ] given credit by the judge
     Bullshit presented to the psych evaluater is basically given credit by the judge
  the judge seems to not pay too much attention to all the bull you say about each other ,
   the thing I think that tossed some of the credibility of the crappy psych eval out the window was I had some witnesses that said i was liked in the nieghborhood by every one etc. Then My parents came in and said good things about Me and My son . and My wife said good things , and said psycho buffaloed the GAL !  
    Heres the problem and I think I didn't get '  Make your self out to be the martyr and don't do anything wrong to the psycho! psycho's are good liars and game players and it seems the judge gave credit to her saying nice things about me,  Although she made all sorts of allegations  of domestic violence ,the good thing the judge said was She wasn't giving psycho 20,000$ in atty fees , because both sides have done things to each other , so the good thing is  Psycho spent a lot of money to wind up  with what could have been agreed  to 3 years ago,
   the info on the sparc site about evals is correct .'show your self to be a healthy person' But doesn't remind you that you will have to top the psycho, so evals are to be done with the martyr theory in mind, that is the most important part ,
      the judge did say this is a hard case , But due the fact that the evals said she was more healthy , and the GAl said she was doing a good job the judge said psycho retains custody I pick up at school and limit contact etc , Again no atty fee's because both parties do crap to each other ,
   what the judge believed that was lies , the GALs interpretation of interviewing my son after mom coached him , the mistake I made was he heard me say something derogutory about mom ,
    again I don't see it stressed enough on this site to play the martyr ,
   Make sure the kids don't think you have bad feelings about MOM, fake them out , You want them to report that you like the psycho !! trust me the way this case came down , If stated simply .  You are MR Manners to the kids you like mom and generate a feeling of good will to the kids , but still you have to deal with the mind bending of the mothers ,
     Her ploy at trial , After years of false allegations , just before trial there was a time when she pushed all the bullshit aside and behaved , and said all the crap is now behind , She wasn't making the trouble . And tried to say I was  making trouble by taking her to trial , so My atty brought up some ofher allegations , I think in the least showing her BS put a stop to atty fees ,
   so I guess to repeat . I feel that the most important thing a man can do in this wierd system is be spotless, project good will toward mom to the kids ,
    Another perspective is , if I NEVER reacted to her crap I would not have been considered as part of this conflict , So DON'T REACT !!!   they and there atty's know this psychos can do any thing and the minute you react you are part of the problem and are subject to exagerrated stories . Then they stand there at trial and say what to did do to create conflict,and its a big he said she said contest , the way to be out of that is realisethat all the stupid shit put aside , they look at the care of the child and not your bullshit ,
  I think  custody could have rolled the other way if I would have never reacted , then there would [just] be her allegations that of course went off the radar screen with zero [ZERO] witnesses at trial. then it would have been clear who was doing what , She was making false allegations , IF I did nothing to react then that would be the case , Again your reactions are magnified , and her bullshit will be minimised so give them nothing to magnify !!! its just the way we have to play as men , but Get every visit that is ordered or file contempt ,I'Ve had enough for the day Hope this helps ,I guess to add If it were just her lies we were looking at it would be different , But then they don't care much any way
   

Ok I was screwed , Now at trial the judge asked for case laW OR A LAW THAT permits retro active child support adjustment , trial resumes monday , If any one has any case law to permit that .or knowledge please post , Please for now only post pertinant infoe this is for trial monday ,As A note for those of you that have read my posts about the psycho ,And her MANY ALLEGATIONS, she has shown at trial with no witnesss, Wow what a wierd deal , !! What a relief , I visioned her tryting to bring up a bunch of trumped up witnesses , My atty and I think this is a bit odd , will post later So far trial is good , Really nothing to argue since she hasn't brought a single witness ,Well please try to keep posts that pertain to wash state law for temp child support orders