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Each visitation we send a suitcase with everything baby will need: clothes, toothbrush, toopaste, first aid kit, thermometer, tylenol, a few toys, a few books, and snacks, diapers.  We have sent cartons of soy milk, but dad says he doesn't need it.  We've sent juice, but again he says he doesn't need it.  Do we keep sending it anyway?
We are too aware that the courts like to look at mommas who try their hardest to insure a healthy well-balanced child as 'overly protective'.  We have not asked the lawyer to make any statements about our concerns over the baby not being fed correctly or given enough sleep.  These are just our concerns.
But, dad says we don't have any right to call and check up on baby even if she has been sick and we are worried.  Baby has had a history of ear infections that we have just recently overcome (knock on wood).
We try to be civil and accomodating towards dad, since my son is in a similar situation we know full well that when the parents cooperate the child is much better off.  My son and his ex have a great working relationship and cooperate on everything.  I know this can work, but both parties need to work at it.
Also, dad pulls a lot of overtime and we have no idea who keeps baby when he is at work.  Hopefully it's someone caring like his mom, but don't we have a right to know who is tending her?
Dad has changed lawyers for the third time now.  Each time he doesn't get what he wants he switches lawyers. 
I'm just very frustrated.  I guess since I know that this can work for the best interest of the child I don't understand why he seems to go out of his way to do the opposite of what we request.

It's not just the Oklahoma justice system that knows it's best for an infant to be with the mother, it's the Pediatric society too!  Any one who understand children and especially infants knows that until a baby begins walking or around 9 months, the baby does not realize that they are not 'connected' to their mother....they think they are one and the same.  AND when that bond is disrupted too much you have what is known as an unattached child...........and that's a whole other issue.
Sounds like to me you need to begin talking to BM and not just bashing her.

This has been a long and grueling 2 years.  My daughter was never married, he broke up when she became pregnant.  For 9 months he went back and forth declaring the child was his to the child wasn't his.  When the baby was 1 month old dad filed for full custody and full name change.  During the first year that was changed to visitation and wanting our family name off the birth certificate.  The court ruled to keep the baby's name unchanged. 
Although my daughter is honoring standard visitation, the courts have not signed off on it because dad keeps throwing in demands or changing lawyers.  He is not paying child support and is fighting against what DHS says he will owe.
My concern is how my grand-daughter is faring during her overnight weekends with dad.  We've told him several times that she is lactose intolerant yet he continues to give her milk and milk products.  We know this because at 2 she has begun asking for ice cream and has blistering diarreah every Monday after a visitation.
My daughter only allows my grand-d sweets on rare occasions and in modaration.  However, now grand-d is coming home asking for candy and soda.  Dad refuses to stick to any bed time and does not give her naps so that by the time we pick her up on Sunday nights she is exhausted and cranky.  We have to spend the next day or two detoxing her and dealing with a worn out cranky child who has had an obvious sugar overload.
The lawyer says we can't do anything about it, it's his parenting style.  When does it become what's in the best interest of the child?  Why do we have to suffer and watch the baby suffer because dad is still in the 'I'm gonna get you' frame of mind?
We have tried to talk to dad about this several times, but he walks away saying he's raised 2 kids.
Can anyone tell us what to do?  we are at our wits end.