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Messages - tulip

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11
Minnesota State Forum / just venting
« on: Nov 22, 2005, 07:46:27 AM »
BM called here the other night, the skids were not available, so I didn't pick it up. She left a message, sounded sweet as pie, about how much she loves them and misses them and will not stop trying to see them ever. She said she prays for them every day and that she wishes they would call her. She said the Bible that they are studying has talks about forgiveness all the way through. I gave ss the message, and he said he would try calling her back, but never did. For one day I actually started feeling really sad and worried about the whole thing. I lost sleep over it. I don't know if the kids will ever be able to understand what happened, and even if she is starting to change, it doesn't look like they will be able to forgive her.

Then last night when I mentioned to dh that she didn't call at all for the kids (never stop trying huh?) he said that she called him yesterday. She asked him "What do I have to do to get the kids to talk to me?" He told her "maybe you should try acting like a normal person and go to treatment like they've asked you to so many times." She got really mad and said she didn't need treatment. (Yes she does.) She asked him if he got the message about court being cancelled. He said yeah, he doesn't care. Then he said "I don't understand what you're doing. You go into one court and tell them that you're mentally ill and insane so you can't work, and then you say you're going to go into the other court and get the kids back." She got really mad and said "what are you talking about? I never said I was mentally ill or insane?" DH said then his phone cut out and she never called back. I think she just figured out that she can't have it both ways. I wonder what she will decide is more important. Keeping up her lie to get out of working and paying support or being able to see her kids like a normal parent?

12
Minnesota State Forum / RE: update
« on: Nov 19, 2005, 08:22:44 PM »
No, I guess the dr's can't tell she is a drug addict. She keeps going to different ones.

She called 2night & left a message saying that she will not come tomorrow & embarass her kids. She was wasted.

SD will be finishing her 3rd & last year of middle school this spring & BM has not set foot inside that school but once to drop off a v-day gift for her in the office. Wouldn't even go to the intro night when sd was still in 5th grade. Never met any of the teachers. She hasn't even tried to speak to ss's teacher this year. Last year she called his teacher once on the phone during the 1st quarter.

13
Minnesota State Forum / update
« on: Nov 18, 2005, 09:18:20 PM »
I am really getting frustrated w/this forum. I have tried to post like 5 times in the last week or two, and keep getting thrown out. I finally got a new pw, and ok.. let's see if it works this time.

Last week we got an affidavit from csw showing that bm sent the county a doctor's opinion that she "cannot perform any work any time in the foreseeable future" due to her mental illness. She did that in August to get welfare. However, her SS app that she sent in last summer was claiming that she could not work due to her seizures and said that she is not mentally ill. Both statements say that she is not chemically dependent, a lie that has been documented in family court already, but of course, cs court and family court are separate.

Today we were notified she was granted a continuance until January because oh let's see... her letter said she broke her foot and had to have surgery, broke it again, may need more surgery, went to AK, has been assaulted 4 times, is appealing the SS denial, and cannot sit up for more than 15 minutes. IMHO she broke her foot on purpose to get out of paying CS. She will say and do anything to avoid supporting her kids. My mom tells me that this is a huge victory for dh because he may not get any cs from her, but she just handed him the proof that she should not be allowed unsupervised visitation with the kids.

The last time she called she left a message that she is going to show up at our church on Sunday "on my crutches and my pills" and stand up in front of the whole congregation and tell them exactly what kind of person dh is and that he is training his children not to obey the ten commandments that state honor your father and mother. She needs to keep reading her Bible, because there's a lot more to it than that...

Like that's really going to make the kids respect her more and want to talk to her.

14
Minnesota State Forum / RE: Hearing # 2 DONE!!
« on: Nov 06, 2005, 09:20:57 PM »
Wow! Craziness. Do you think that what the judge said to her sank in and she will back off?
What do the kids think about their Dad just blowing them off like that?
DH had to appear once on a BS OFP and BM intentionally failed to mention in her complaint that they have a family court file. She wanted the judge changed, because their judge has no time for her, but the one they got just told them that they need to be in front of Judge XXXX.

By the way, I posted an update on what's been going on w/us.

15
Minnesota State Forum / Hey Sunshine!
« on: Nov 06, 2005, 09:13:19 PM »
Long time no...eh...post?
I haven't been here in a long time. The website has a whole new look! Well, here's what's going on with us:

BM went to live w/her parents in AK for a while. We had about a month of peace. She had left some really ruthless messages on our vm, then stopped calling for a month. A couple weeks ago, she calls and is back in town. SS talked to her on the phone. She refused to tell him where she is living. She is still not taking the random UAs. She said she's going to some counseling groups at a church, but refused to tell him where. SD was not home. The next time he talked to her, SD did not want to talk to her. She started threatening DH and said if he did not make SD come to the phone, she was going to do something drastic, and it would not be in the children's best interest or their best interest, but it would be very bad, and he would know what it is in the next few min. He called the cops, an officer came over and walked in the door right when she had called back and was on speakerphone saying something very tragic was going to happen to DH. The cop interuppted the conversation and mediated for a while between them. Told her that if she doesn't what she says he will arrest her for making terroristic threats. Then he told her that he has spoken to her many times and is very aware of their case. He said that SD is old enough to decide if she wants to talk to her or not.

SD is fed up w/her lies and abuse. SS still keeps hoping she's going to get it together, but he doesn't want to hear any more bs. They both have gotten to the point that they need to see some proof that she is clean or they will not believe it. She is court ordered to do random UAs and hasn't done one since last May.
The next door neighbors are still harassing us, but they are fed up w/her too.
I really wish she would get it together. The kids are doing great. Getting good grades, very active in the community. They are happy. But it makes me sad that their mom is so screwed up. They have some tough years ahead, and I can't imagine growing up without having my mom, or having her treat me so horibbly.

My daughter has been seeing more and more of her BF. That's good for her, it makes her happy, but I keep waiting for the day he disappears on her again and she will be so hurt. He's done it so many times.

As for the CS, BM of SD and SS hasn't paid a dime. They have another hearing scheduled this month. She is supposed to have proof of exactly what work she can do according to her medical condition, or proof of her job search efforts if she isn't working full time. I don't know what kind of stunt she is planning on pulling for that. Haven't heard anything about any seizures for a long time. She didn't say anything to SS about having a job. She hasn't gotten her license back after the seizure episode, and they made it clear to her last time that not being able to drive is not a reason not to work. Her car got repo'ed right before she went to AK. Maybe they will finally slap her with all the back pay from the games she's been playing all this time to get out of it. She still owes DH from when he overpaid his CS right when the custody changed.

16
Minnesota State Forum / He has to start making payments.
« on: Jul 29, 2005, 08:05:51 PM »
My ex had the state order his license suspended once due to non payment. His license was already revoked for a DUI at the time, so he found out when he tried to get it back that it was suspended for cs. When he started making payments again, they lifted the suspension request.

Is your county involved in collection on your case? If so, they would be reporting to the state whether or not payments are being made, and automatic income withholding should be in place from his employer. If he is self-employed or something, he would probably have to establish a history or payment plan, but not pay it off totally. At least that has not been the case with other people I know.

Also, if the county is involved, and he is that far in arrears and not paying anything, they will start pursuing contempt charges and he may be facing jail time.

17
I don't think a court in Anoka County is going to take an 11 yo girl out of her mother's home and move her to another county against the mother's wishes unless she is being physically abused. I live in Anoka County and it's been my experience that a judge would not even want to get child that age involved in a custody battle. So I'm sorry to say, that filing a motion for change of custody with no grounds other than the girl said she wants to live with dad would be a waste of money. (Even if you had a very good reason, you would need a very good atty.)

How much time does your husband get to spend with his daughter? I think if he truly wants to be with her, he needs to try working on it slowly. Not just for her benefit, but because that's the only way he way is going to convince to the mother or a judge that he is a good father and she would be better off with him. She is at a very confusing time in her life and I don't think it's a good idea to encourage her to pull away from her mother. I'm don't want to make assumptions, but your post didn't say anything about why she wants to move. It's very possible she is just trying to see which one of her parents will fight the hardest for her because she's feeling kind of torn. Did you and her dad get married recently, or move? Maybe she's feeling like her relationship with dad is being threatened.

The best thing for her, of course is for both parents to encourage her to have the best relationship possible with each other. I know there are a lot of mothers that many people in this forum can tell you about who poison their childrens' lives viciously out of contempt for an ex-partner, and I can't assume from your post that that's not the case for your sd. If my daughter told me tomorrow that she wanted to live with her dad, I would tell her no way. She's 7. If she told me that at 11, I would say the same thing. It's not because I don't care about her feelings, it's because I have been raising her without him since she was a baby and I understand her needs a lot better than he ever will. An 11 year old doesn't understand her needs that well either.

18
I was told by an atty when we were in a court dispute w/my dh's ex that all our financial information had to be presented. I don't know if it had to offered up at the point we were at, I think he was just being thorough, but that's beside the point. Since we file a joint tax return, my income was shown as well as his, and I had a problem with that. Atty told me that the court can require any information about my income they want to, but it will not be factored into dh's cs payment. He said the only way my income would be considered was if we were trying to claim he couldn't pay because of a financial hardship. Then if they found he was not working and I was supporting the family, he would probably still be required to pay cs.

19
Minnesota State Forum / RE: Child placement...
« on: Jul 08, 2005, 08:12:26 PM »
My parents had my nephew in there custody since he was a baby. The custody was not removed from the parents, they put him there. Last year they adopted him because its obvious his parents are never going to even try and get him back. They had to have a home study done for that.

I suggest you just make sure your home is clean and safe. Make sure chemicals are out of reach and electrical cords are tucked away. The child hopefully has a place set up to keep his/her things and sleep that looks inviting and comfortable?

Good luck!

20
Call your county courthouse. They should be able to give you a phone number to call. When DH had a problem with his ex complying w/order, he went to the courthouse. They told him he could file a motion with the judge if he wanted to request a change to the current order, but for contempt charges, she gave hime a phone number to a state office. If I still had the phone number I would give it to you, but someone at your courthouse should have it. We've found that sometimes he doesn't get an answer from one person, so he has to call back and talk to someone else, so keep that in mind too, if somebody tells you no.

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