Messages

The order is confusing as to if it is temporary full custody or regular full custody- both IL and FL attorney don't know say judge could read it either way.  But she has lived with me for almost a year and a half.

Orignal order (from when she had custody and I paid support) still in place regarding tax deductions.  We alternate.  This is my year, Her's will be next.  Her mother pays NO support and barely sends her gifts for holidays.  She lives with me 10 out of the 12 months (the other two months she visits her mom in FL, but doesn't stay with her-stays with her grandparents).

Does the court order trump the "whoever has the child the most" card?  Will I have to take it to court to get the deduction and child tax credits?  I do NOT want child support from her as it would make my life much more difficult in the long run...

That was my thoughts exactly.

Things have been fine since August (not saying the she was "tricked"/"blackmailed" into signing) BUT who knows how long that will last.

I really am over getting child support from her.  Not that big of a deal.  I don't need it.  To me it was a matter of principle.  

I think I will talk to my lawyer about a non aggressive motion to remove the alternating deduction.

Also,  What happens if ex does decide to not return her one day? (although, not concerned yet as she "can't" even come up with $$ for a spring break plane ticket-her husband's a pilot making 55000-- AND I even said I'd half it with her as daughter really wanted to see her!!)  Do you think Ive had her long enough for IL to be home state?

I have had custody now for a year and a month. The custody agreement signed by judge states "temporary custody shall be awarded to the father with the mothers right to visit the child at any reasonable time and place"--the original document stated CUSTODY-not temp-but she crossed it out and wrote temporary next to it.--

She also did NOT agree to IL being the homestate, but did not contest (ie cross out and change) that IL had the jurisdiction to change the original custody agreement.

She did however agree thatt she did NOT have to pay child support (obviously) BUT she disagreed that I should get the tax deduction every year-- SO the orignal order that states they alternate it stands.

 ALso, not sure if this matters or not but she forgot to cross out and write NOT AGREE/Temporary above the portion of the order under "it is herby ordered" that custody is awarded to the father. So really it is not 100% clear whether we have regualar custody or temp. We've consulted our attorney in IL and a FL one and they are both unsure.

So we get to claim daughter for 2007. BUT in 2008 her mom does. IT IS NOT FAIR! She pays NO support for her and only sees her for about 2 months out of the year. When I was non custodial I paid support and still paid support during the 3 months out of the year we had her.

So do you think we should go back to court and at least have it chaged that we get the tax duduction every year--- unless she starts paying support OR should we let it go as it may open a can of worms due to the wording of the order????I think I need to get the order clarified stating i have custody now, not temp, as I have had her over a year...but again everything is going smoothly I'd hate to have her screamin mad again...
We had no problems sending her down for xmas break and getting her back...

No, itbowen is correct about the child support.  When my ex had custody she fought tooth and nail to get  IL to transfer jurisdiction to FL (as teh calculators are different and seh would get more) but I won because even though she didn't reside in IL.  I never left.  So as long as one party resides in the state the state holds continuing exclusive jurisdiction.  Now. for her to pay child support I am unsure if IL will calculate or if FL will.  I still live in IL she lives in FL (for the time being)

Not really a question, but more of a rant!  So I get a call from my daughter's grandfather (ex's dad).  My daughter is in FL visiting them now.  Well when he bought the ticket roundtrip (notice how he does everything not his daughter) i told him i'd pay 1/2.  He said no, I nicely rejected his offer and paid on 1/2.  For some reason he either told me or i'd thought he said that he paid 230 something roundtrip NOT including the 80 for the unaccompanied minor fee.  he hadn't yet purchased the unaccompanied minor portion of the ticket yet.  So that brought the total to  my 1/2 would be about 155, right?  Well I had a credit on when I cancelled her ticket in Dec.  So I went ahaead and paid the 80 on the unaccompanied minor fee and then I sent them a check for 75.00. Bringing my total to 155.

 When I call to talk to my daughter he told me "im very embarrassed by this but you will be getting a letter from my wife"  I was like.  Um okay. He then stated. She thinks you didn't pay your share on the ticket.  he said, as far as im concerned where're even.  I was like no, where does she think I came up short.  He than said, me and her were "discussing" things and i think she misunderstood me.  

What im thinking is because I paid the unacompanied minor fee and she didn't SEE the money that I just paid it, she didnt' realize I did pay it.  He also told me that the ticket was for 162.00  So it looks as if I did short them 15.00 and I WILL send them acheck for it with a calculation for dear old grandma.  It makes me MAD because here I am NOT GETTING A DIME TO SUPPORT MY DAUGHTER from her mother.  ANd if you ask me it should be my ex calling me/writing me a letter not them.  I didn't have to let them have my daughter the entire summer ykwim.  She hasn't even seen her mom but ONE TIME since she's been there.  BUT i wouldn't withhold her from them-   Im supposed to get hte letter today.  I wll let you know what it says!

eta:  I believe that she is also gonna ask for the 50.00 dental bill.  The gma set up the appt. for me as my daughter wasnt' gonna be back to IL until 2 days before school starts and she needs one for the sixth grade.  The divorce decree states that my ex is to pay for 1/2.  Should I only send 25 of that or just buck up and send it all because it was me that asked her to schedule the appt.  BUT it was them that wanted her to stay so long and in turn leave NO Time for anything cuz when she gets back it's back to school for her!

I do remember you!  It's crazy how long the court cases drag on.  It's like I even wonder if we all will still have issues after our children and step children are emancipated.  Does the drama really stop when they are legal or when the child support stops thus ending ALL court drama in the family courts.  Something tells me it probably doesn't.  I am sure the drama between my family at least will still rage on knowing my psycho ex!

I just did a search of my username in the post search.  I am literally in tears now rereading all the different emotions I have gone through the past 5 years that I have been on this board.  I found posts from when I hadn't seen my daughter in 2 years due to visitation interference.  Everything looked so bleak like there was no light at hte end of the tunnel.  I found posts were my ex was trying to nail my butt to the wall milking me for every dime of child support she could get.  I found posts were I had "won" my day in court because I got good visitation and child support jurisdiction was held in IL.  

I would NEVER have believed that I would get my daughter again.  I would never have believed that in 5 years I would have CUSTODY.  I saw so many posts that really helped me.  Posts mostly from the same people.  I was just curious as to if there people still frequent these boards and what is going on with their cases.  

Obviously there is mixed- youve been with me since I began here.
what about wendl, mysonsdad, stpauliesgirl, ref, MKx2- sorry if I missed any of the oldies.  Just curious as to who is still around and if you all remember me!

I would like to clarify (especially to you Mixed).

I reread by post and realize that I sound that a total jackass.  

I also forgot to update taht I am not worried (as much anyway) about getting my daughter returned.  Her mother called her last week saying that she couldn't visit her in tampa (daughter is with gparents in pcola) because "im at a bad place in my life now".  Although, I am unsure why her mom won't vist her in pcola.  She has seen her daughter 1 time in seven months.  Her father (my ex's) later went into detail.  Basically he said that his daughter is an idiot and so's her husband bUT her husband is mean and abusive.  He said that they are out of money and living in a car (even though she makes 25000 and he makes 60000.  She started working a month ago (not two like I thought) and has only received one paycheck and he gets paid monthly.  Her father said that they cannot/won't budget towards bills so they got kicked out.  He further stated that she wanted him to fly her to tampa for like 4 days but he refused.  So obviously if they have no money for a roof over their head I highly doubt they have one for a court battle.  But my guard is not down.
 
I don't need her money at all.  I now make close to 80,000 anually as a conductor and my wife works as a teacher making about 26000.  So we're fine off.  BUT my daughter still has the right to be supported by her mother.  I just hate it that my daughter thinks (even when I made NOTHING at wal-mart) that I "should" pay, but her mom not.  They are in a bad place in their life at their own accord.  I wouldn't go after support now, but am mad that if and WHEN i was in the same position of having no money they glued by butt to the wall.  Although, for them being greedy in the end did NOT get them what they wanted.

Even if her mom would send her clothes and gifts I would feel better about her not paying child support.  I guess what really irks me is that she still gets to claim her every other year, with 0 support and not even living with her.  Again, I sound selfish as I am well off.  I guess I just want to be t the one in  power finally. I haven't forgotten the way she treated me and all the court expenses she put me through.  not to mention the 2 years she wouldn't let my daughter see me. and how I made sure that when the child support battle was over that I paid the arrearage the MINUTE the court document was handed to me.  700 dollars.

Im in IL ex is in FL-  

child support for ME when ex had custody was set at 301 bimonthly at me making approx. 25,000 gross per year.

NOw that I have custody ex makes 24000 a year and pays 0.  

So right now I've had custody for almost 7 months.  Right now my daughter is visiting her grandparents and MAYBE mom for the summer 2.5 months.  When I didn't have custody the visitation was reversed and I had my daughter the entire summer.  Child support FINALLY stopped being taken out of my check on JUNE 1.  So my ex got child support when custody was mine from jan 1- june 1 totalling approx. 1500 dollars.  not a lot, but still.  She was supposed to send back any checks received from the state depos.  YEah right that never happened.

When I first filed for divorce 6 years ago.  I also filed for child support (for my ex).  It was set.  Ex was mad that it was only 140 a month.  But I worked at walmart and only mad 9 per hour and worked 25-32 hours a week.  When I lost the first custody fight shortly after I went into walmart management and made approx. 32000 a year.  Ex went immed. for a child support mod and it was based on a year starting fromt he date filed so child support was set at 301 per month for 25000 a year.  

During this time I lived in a 300 square feet eff. apartment with my new wife paying only 250 per month in rent.  When my daughter came to stay with me and my wife got pregnant I upgraded into a modest home 860 sqare feet with mortage payment of 500.  It was diff. to pay all bills with child support but I budgeted around it.

NOw that I have custody.  Ex has not sent ANY money and child support was set at 0 because she had no job.  Well she got a job about 3 months ago and makes 25,000 a year, but my lawyer doesn't want to go after child support because :

1.  ex got evicted for not paying rent (her name is not on lease only her husband) and she's living from hotel to hotel and at her sisters.

2.  it will make me look bad taking money from her

3.  She's on medicaid

4.  she has an infant son.

5.  She's broke

6.  Has no cell phone or any phone because her bill got too high and she couldn't pay it.

S0 here's my question.  

1.  Why the double standard?  HELLO I made 25000 lived in a 300 sqare foot home, had an infant, paid for ALL unpaid medical benefits resulting in hospital debts in the 1000s BUT was GOOD with my money and budgeted well.

Here she was living in a 1200 dollar a month apartment, spends hundreds monthly on manicures and clothes, tans daily, had a nose job, basically blows her money having no sense of adult responsibility.  Her husband is a pilot making 60000 she makes 25000 she shouldn't even be getting medicaid, but is.  But because she is horrible with money all her own fault she's not held responsible for her daughter and shouldn't pay child support.  Why?  if it were me they'd nail me to the wall milking every dime they could!